


Apparently, you

by BabysDean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Cas, Bottom Dean, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Family Don't End in Blood, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Immigrant Cas, Loveless Marriage, M/M, Online Friendship, Road Trip, Slow Burn, Straight Dean Winchester, Top Castiel, shower masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-06-10 18:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 89,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15297717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabysDean/pseuds/BabysDean
Summary: Dean's not the type to fall in love.But a playful song reference in an otherwise formal email correspondence made him want to know this chick he was talking to.Turned out he was right, this Cas was the most awesome girl he'd ever talked to, and slowly but surely, he found out that he just hadn't met the right girl yet.Maybe he hadn't met her still...





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 _Dear Mr. Winchester,  
__  
After checking further into your request, kindly note that the tax refund amount to be forwarded to your account should be USD 7,483.30  
__As agreed, the fee for our services would be 3%, therefore you can expect a payment of USD 7,258.80 within the next ten to fifteen business days.  
__If there is anything else I can assist you with, please don’t hesitate to contact me.  
__Many thanks.  
_    
_Best regards,  
__Cas Novak  
__Senior advisor  
__Frank & Youth Financial Advisors_

 

Dean looked at the email and smiled. It was nothing life-altering, but it was a nice amount to be surprised by. He wasn’t expecting to get anything, if he was honest, but Sammy told him he should try, and whaddya know?...

He’d have to get him something nice. Maybe that new computer he said he needed for his studies.

And Baby needed some spare parts.

Dean typed a quick thank you.

 

 _Dear Cas,  
_ _Thank you very much for your help and efforts. Awesome job at getting stuff BACK from the tax authorities, for a change  :)  
_ _If there’s ever anything that I can do for you, just say so.  
_ _You’re a diamond...  
_ _Thanks.  
_ _Dean Winchester_

 

Dean sent the email and put his phone back in his pocket. He wiped his hands over his jeans and went back out into the workshop area of the garage, where the sounds of metal clanking, motors and drills greeted him cheerfully back.

 

Bobby looked up at him from his workstation and frowned. “What are you so smug about, boy?”

“Seven large!” Dean called at him triumphantly. “I took Sam’s advise, checking if I qualify for any tax returns, and apparently now they’re paying me back some pocket money” he smiled.

“Huh…” Bobby huffed, “seven grand is a little more than pocket money, I’d say…” he scrunched his face in thought. “What did you say the name of these tax guys was? Might give’em a call myself…”

“Frank & Youth” Dean replied. “The rep I was in contact with is called Cas. I’ll forward you the email”.

“Thanks, Dean. That’d be great.”

 

Dean sank himself back into his work, fixing the V8 engine of a beautiful old Ford Mustang Mach 1, occasionally revving it, the purr of the massive engine topped only by the radio blasting in the background. It was the soundtrack of his life, and he loved it.

 

As evening came, he was heading home, looking forward to spending a quiet evening with his Netflix account.

He took a long, hot shower to clean off all the grease from his arms, popped open a beer and sat back at his computer.

At first, he thought something might be wrong when he saw the Frank & Youth email address in his mailbox. Maybe there was some mistake with the amount? He knew it was too good to be true… But then he clicked to read the email.

 

 _Dear Dean,  
  
__My pleasure.  
__And thank you very much, I will now be humming “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” for the rest of the day.  
_    
_Best regards,  
__Cas Novak  
__Senior advisor  
__Frank & Youth Financial Advisors_

 

Dean gave a small laugh as he read through the short email.

 

Their transaction was seemingly over, but his advisor seemed nice. He wasn’t sure why his advisor was still emailing him, but it was in good nature. They only corresponded to retrieve tax documentations so far, and it felt refreshing to see there was an actual person on the other end.

And he was now humming Shine On, too. Awesome.

Dean allowed himself a more playful tone when he replied this time.

He only typed a few words before he hit ‘Send’.

 

_Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!_

 

Dean closed his email tab and opened Netflix. He clicked to continue where he left off on Star Trek, rewatching the entire series, and got into bed.

His laptop was connected to his TV, so he could binge watch until he fell asleep.

 

When Dean woke up in the morning, a reply was already in his mailbox. He noticed the icon when he turned off his alarm clock, but only got to check it out when he was freshly dressed and sipping his first coffee.

 

 _Hello Dean,  
__  
Always happy to oblige a fellow Pink Floyd enthusiast.  
__If there is ever any issue that I may assist you with in the future, please make sure to include a quote from your favorite artist.  
_    
_P.S.- But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be..  
__  
Best regards,  
__Cas Novak  
__Senior advisor  
__Frank & Youth Financial Advisors_

 

Dean smiled at the reference of Behind Blue Eyes.

It was sweet, slightly flirtatious but still formal and polite. And this person obviously has good taste in music.

He didn’t reply straight away, but on his drive to work he found himself raking his mind for a fitting song quote to reply for his next email.

He thought it was a fun game, and he was pleased that his advisor was playing along.

 

By the time he arrived at the Auto Shop his mind was already set on the quote, and he typed the short message as he was standing in the small kitchenette waiting for the water to boil for a second coffee.

 

 _Hey Cas,  
_ _Actually there is something: I told my uncle, Bobby, about the tax refund you got me, and he wants to have a go, too.  
_ _Can I forward him your email? Would that be ok?  
_ _So, wait, The Who or Limp Bizkit?  
_ _And here I thought all accountants were a boring bunch, but now I see some have an awesome taste in music and an actual sense of humour. Who knew?... :)  
_ _Thanks.  
_ _Dean  
_ _P.s.- “Money, it's a crime  
_ _Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie”  :)_

 

Bobby came in just as he was pocketing his phone back, face smug that he managed to find a quote that not only fit but had pie in it. Wonder if there’s any left from Kevin’s birthday a few days ago...

“What got you smiling like an idjit this time o’morning?”

“Pie.” Dean replied ducking into the mini fridge in the corner. He dug out the cold and soggy remains of what used to be a deliciously smelling Pecan pie. “Aww… poor thing, how are you even still around?...”

Bobby looked at him disapprovingly. “Prob’ly because you were off on Monday, and yesterday you were spoiling rotten that V8 engine.” Bobby spat. “If you only treated your ladies like you treat them engines you’d be married by now, instead of that sorry ass string o’drunk one-night-stands you call a love life..”

Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

“I happen to like it that way” Dean retorted, “no strings attached, free as a bird”.

Bobby’s eyes softened. “I just want ya ta be happy, kid. You should have someone by your side to take care o’you.”

“I know, Bobby.” Dean said gratefully. “Maybe some day I’ll find the one to tame me down…” Then he added, with a wink, gesturing at his own face, “But for now, let’s not take this gorgeous thing out of the market just yet.”

“You ain’t all that, _Princess_!” Bobby snickered, “I wanna see you settled. And I don’t wanna see you running around chasing tail in your forties!”

“Yes, dad…” Dean answered mockingly meek.

“Boy, I am more a father to you than your daddy ever was!”

Dean nodded with a gentle smile “I know, Bobby, and I appreciate it.” There was nothing but truth in his words.

 

He slapped Bobby’s shoulder fondly, and felt his phone buzz in his pocket as a new email arrived.

Dean quickly took his coffee and left the kitchenette, taking his phone out eagerly to check the new message.

 

 _Hello Dean,  
__  
Of course, I would be glad to help your uncle check his tax submissions for him. That would be no problem at all.  
_    
_I am afraid I am among the few with the unpopular preference to Limp Bizkit’s version. I hope this does not dampen your high value of my musical taste...  
_    
_As for the second part of your email, I would very much appreciate if you could reserve this information to yourself. Us accountants are in many ways similar to you humans, but we would rather not disclose this to the general public, to prevent mass panic. So your confidentiality is crucial.  
_    
_P.S.- You reached for the secret too soon  
__You cried for the moon…  
_    
_Best regards,  
__Cas Novak  
__Senior advisor  
__Frank & Youth Financial Advisors_

 

Dean’s fingers were hovering over the ‘reply’ button as soon as he was done reading.

Cas’ style was captivating, articulated and quirky, awkward and endearing all at the same time. Dean felt like he wanted to read more, start a conversation and see where they get from there. He had a feeling there was a truly awesome person on the other end, that they might actually become friends.

 

He was about to start typing, but then Kevin came behind him and nudged his arm.

 

“Hey Dean!” He got up on his toes to try and peer into Dean’s phone, still in his hands. “New girl?”

“No,” Dean turned off his phone’s display and put it back in his back pocket. “Why do you think that?”

“Dunno.” Kevin seemed to study his face, “you’re so absorbed with your phone, and you have such a dumb grin on your face, I just assumed it’s a girl.”

“Nope. Just texting with a friend.” Really? Was that what he was doing? He hoped it was…

“Well,” Kevin smiled, “invite her to my birthday barbeque on Sunday. If she’s so funny, we should all meet her.”

“Yea, I don’t think so..” Dean said, grimacing.

“I knew it!” Kevin waved before him, “It IS a new girl! Afraid to bring her over, so we don’t scare her?” he teased.

“No, nothing like that…” he stalled, “It’s a new acquaintance. I don’t wanna…” He paused, but added hurriedly before Kevin could add anything “but thanks.”

 

He stalked off to his workstation to check his schedule for the day, see which parts were received for the cars he’d been working on, so he can get those into the shop and start working.

The parts he sent to be custom-painted beginning of the week were already back, and he went to admire the quality and design. They would make a beautiful machine, he thought, as the image of the complete put together car came into his mind, and his hands were aching to start working so he can have the finished design ready as soon as possible.

He’d have to take a photo, to show Sammy, as soon as it’s done. Sammy would love it.

 

It was half past noon by the time he took a break and went out to get lunch.

He walked into the sandwich place across the street, Alfie already had his usual wrapped for him in a brown paper bag and waiting.

“Kid, you’re a saint.” He smiled at the teen behind the counter, who gave him a warm nod. “But I think I might eat here today, if that’s ok.”

“Sure, Dean.” Alfie took a tray, unwrapping Dean’s order and adding some pickles and fries to it. “So what’s up? You never sit here for lunch. Slow day?”

“Nosy coworkers…” Dean snorted and Alfie barked a laugh, knowingly. “Besides, it’s a nice day. Thought I’d sit out.”

“Aww, why?” Alfie pushed the tray towards him. “I can join you, for a little.”

Dean raised a brow. “Naa, that’s fine,” he said in feigned politeness, “don’t wanna disturb you from your other clients..”

Alfie scanned the nearly empty shop and rolled his eyes. “Seriously?...” He leaned in on the counter. “‘Sides, peak doesn’t start for the next half hour, and I’m bored, and if Bobby and the guys are nosy then there’s prob’ly something to be nosy about.” He looked at Dean intently. “So what is it? A new girl?” his smile was as wide as his ears.

“No!” Dean groaned, “What is up with everyone? Why does everyone assume it’s about a new girl??”

“It’s always about a new girl.” Alfie replied simply. “Every time you get this face,” he pointed at Dean’s expression, “it’s because of some girl you met the night before, slept with, and prob’ly won’t remember by this time next week.”

“It’s always so heart-warming to know your friends think so highly of you…” Dean sulked under his nose. “And you wonder why I wanna sit out…” he muttered as he was walking out.

“Come on, man!” Alfie called after him, half-laughing. “Share, don’t spare!!”

Dean shot him a glare and was out the door, zooming on a free table in the corner.

 

Dean sat down and took out his phone.

He re-read the last email from Cas, and started eating while composing the reply in his head, thinking of a good song quote to go with it.

 

 _Hey Cas,  
_ _Big fan of the greater good, so your secret’s safe with me.  
_ _Send me the non-disclosure agreement, I’ll have my (other non-human) lawyer go over it before I sign  ;)  
_ _I guess I also belong to the minority of people who prefer the Limp Bizkit version, so I was hoping you’d say that.  
_ _I kinda dig your taste, I think we might have a lot more in common.  
_ _Like, The Man Who Sold The World: David Bowie or Nirvana?  
_ _What about other than the classics?  
_ _Dean.  
_ _P.s.- “We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year..”_

 

There. That’d keep the conversation going.

His phone vibrated again not five minutes later. Cas was pretty quick to reply to his emails, but that was seriously fast…

 

He checked his phone, but it was just Sam texting to ask what time they were meeting at the bar tonight. It was Jo’s birthday, and they were invited for dinner at the Roadhouse with the girls, Ellen making her famous burgers and Jo pouring shot after shot till they’re all happy and sated.

 

He quickly typed a short message to Sam that he’d be there at eight, and asked if Sam needed a ride.

 

He finished his lunch and got up as his phone vibrated with another text from Sam to let him know he’d be arriving on his own.

Then a minute later another one flicked on his screen from Sam changing his mind and asking Dean to pick him up because it’s more efficient to arrive together.

As he was walking back into the garage a minute later another text arrived asking Dean if he got Jo a present, followed immediately with another asking what he got.

Dean huffed in annoyance and typed back something vague (hey, if he got Jo the most awesome gift it was his idea, and he ain’t gonna share it!) and dived back to work.

Several other texts from Sam rattled his phone at short intervals, but Dean didn’t bother reading them all.

 

Then about ten minutes later his phone vibrated again.

“Dammit, Sammy!” he muttered to himself, “Some of us have to work, you know!”

He looked at his phone with zero intention of replying, when he noticed the email icon and his features softened into a grin.

Dean wanted to wipe his hands and check his email immediately, but the cylinders he was balancing were delicate and he couldn’t risk any harm. So he had to finish lowering them into place before he could tend to his phone.

Bobby called him as he was tightening all together, because a client came to pick up their truck and had some questions about the job and Dean had to count every single part he’d replaced on the man’s car.

 

He forgot about his phone for a while when he was deep into work, but when Kevin sauntered by with two mugs of steamy black coffee his memory jerked back to life just as much as his nose did.

 

Kevin handed him one mug and sat on the edge of his work station with the other. “Unsweetened, strong and steamy. Just like you like your men.”

Dean gave him a hard glare that wiped the smirk right out of Kevin’s face.

“Gee, man, lighten up!” Kevin raised a hand defensively, and continued to change the subject. “Did you see the Camaro that rolled in this morning? Almost as pretty as your Chevy..” he smiled, but that only earned him another glare from Dean. “I did say ‘almost’...”

Kevin took a sip of his coffee and waited a moment. When Dean was not responding he rolled his eyes and slumped.

“Alright, Grumpy, I’m going, I’m going…” he jumped off the table holding his mug not to spill anything and scurried away.

 

Dean sighed and sipped his coffee.

He read all of Sam’s texts and disregarded them completely. He’ll call his brother when he gets off of work.

And then the small icon of the email notification teased him , urging him to tap it and read Cas' message.  


 

 _Hello Dean,  
__  
I will not send the non-disclosure, so as not to leave a paper trail. Also, I ran out of those…  
__FYI, company procedures on such cases demand a quick and neat clean-up, you see, but I am willing to make an exception in your case.  
_    
_Bowie takes Nirvana easily, any day.  
__How about Personal Jesus: Depeche Mode, Marilyn Manson or Johnny Cash?  
__I like the classics. They are, well, classic.  
__There is something comforting about old and familiar, and I assume the wisdom of the crowd is a concept that works well in these areas, too. Though all, of course, is subject to personal taste.  
__  
Dean, I’m an accountant - I have no soul.  
_    
_P.S.- In time or so I’m told  
__I’m just another soul for sale… oh, well  
_    
_Best regards,  
__Cas Novak  
__Senior advisor  
__Frank & Youth Financial Advisors _

 

 

When Dean was done laughing, he had to Google the quote. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it to something specific.

“Huh..” he leaned back as the results appeared on his screen. “Foo Fighters. Awesome.”

He read the email again, amused by Cas’ phenomenal self-humour. He liked that. But…

Dean typed back.

 

 _Cas, are you even allowed to write those things on company servers?  
_ _Wouldn’t wanna be your IT monitoring these…_

 

He expected to have a new email from Cas within minutes, as usual, but nothing arrived.

Dean refreshed his email a few times, but it was already 17:00 and he had to go pick up Jo’s present and get home to shower and change, and his mind was soon occupied with other things.

 

“Hey, brother!” Benny’s Cajun accent greeted him, and a huge warm grin hung on his face as Dean walked into the shop.

“Hey Benny, what’s up?” he leaned on the counter expectantly.

He didn’t have to say anything, Benny ducked under to retrieve an elongated object covered in soft leather. “It came out beautiful,” he said, “much better than I expected.”

Dean brought his hands to the object. “Let’s see.”

Benny unfolded the leather carefully to expose a small dagger in an ornate sheath. He handed it to Dean to inspect more closely, and Dean couldn't help the breath of excitement he let out. He pulled the dagger half out of the sheath and his breath caught. “It’s gorgeous!!” he looked at Jo’s name engraved into the metal in stylish letters. “You’re a true artist, Benny, she’s gonna love it!”

Benny laughed at the compliment. “Man, I would love to see her face when she opens this…” he wrapped the dagger back in the leather and tied it with a leather cord. “Hell, I’d love to meet any woman who likes weapons that much.” He winked at Dean.

Dean considered for a moment and asked, “Why don’t you come tonight, then? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind…”

Benny straightened and leaned away, scrubbing his hand over his beard. “Naa, brother, no one likes people they don’t know crashing into their party…”

“Oh, come on!” Dean persisted. “Don’t you think she’d wanna meet the artist who made that stunning thing for her?”

Benny frowned for a few seconds, then nodded slightly. “Ok.”

“Great!” Dean straightened and smiled. “Eight o'clock, the Roadhouse. Need directions?”

“No,” Benny replied, “I know the place.”

Dean grabbed Benny’s forearm with his own in a friendly shake and clapped him on his shoulder to seal things up.

He took the dagger and gave Benny a two-finger salute. “See ya later, brother!”

“Yea..” Benny said after him.

 

He took his phone out and texted Jo on his way to the car.

‘ _Bringing a friend tonight, hope you don’t mind.’_

He didn’t wait for a reply.

He started the engine and drove home.

 

Dean arrived at Sam’s house at quarter to eight, calculating a fifteen minute drive and a few minutes for delays, so they’d be arriving at about ten past eight.

Benny met them outside the Roadhouse and they walked in together, to find Ellen setting the table with Ash, and Jo behind the bar getting the good stuff. She was reaching a high shelf with some effort, and Benny gave Dean an appreciative look.

Dean punched his arm fondly. “Hey, Jo’s like a sister to me, so no funny business!”

 

Bobby, Jody and Rufus arrived just a few minutes later, each of the men carrying a bottle of Blue Label and giving sideways looks at each other.

Jo came to plant a kiss on each of their cheeks and just laughed something about great minds and all.

 

She then came over to greet Sam, hugging him tight, and moving on to jump Dean in a full-body hug.

“Happy birthday, Jo.” He held out the box that contained her present and she looked up suspiciously.

Benny smiled shyly and looked down.

Jo caught the gesture and turned to him. “Is this your friend?” she asked Dean with her eyes still on Benny.

Benny took her hand and kissed the back of it gently, with a small bow. “Benny Lafitte, pleasure to meet you.”

Jo giggled slightly. She freaking giggled! Jo was the meanest little badass of a girl Dean had ever met! He looked at them in amusement and was about to give a snarky comment when the door banged open.

 

“What’s up, bitches!!”

Charlie strode in lightly, the usual bounce in her steps and the air of happiness she brought unmistakeable.

Kevin came in right after her, carrying two huge paper bags, possibly his and Charlie’s presents to Jo.

Charlie came straight to Jo, hugging her, congratulating her and then pulling at Dean’s shirt until he leaned down to be kissed hello. She did the same to Sam, who protested, and went on with her rounds of hellos.

Kevin waved at everyone present and came to stand near Dean, mouthing silently ‘She hasn’t stopped talking from the moment she got in the car!’ He emphasized with the yapping gesture, opening and closing his fingers and his thumb repeatedly.

Dean laughed and said “And yet you love her anyway.”

“What can I say,” Kevin pulled his shoulders, “she’s my best friend…”

 

They all sat at the table and Ellen brought out the food.

They talked about the garage, and Jo’s plans for next year, and toasted more than once to family and friends.

Before it was time for desert, Dean was already anxious to see her reaction to the dagger, so he suggested she open the presents.

Bobby and Rufus glared at each other again for bringing the same thing, Jody placing a kiss on Bobby’s cheek and a reassuring hand on Rufus’ arm to calm both down.

Jo swore vibrantly and smacked Sam’s arm hot and red when he showed her the small stool with the dedication on the side that he bought her, so she can reach the high shelves of the bar.

Kevin and Charlie got her a fully armored corset, because god knows how they got her to join them LARPing…

When it was Dean’s turn to hand her his present, she was already eyeing him strangely.

She opened the box and removed the leather covers and her jaw dropped. “Dean!” she called excitedly, “This is perfect!”

“Look at the blade.” He encouraged with a nod.

She unsheathed the dagger and gasped. “This is amazing! Where did you get this?”

Dean gestured towards Benny, who smiled proudly. “Benny made it. Custom. One of a kind. Careful!” he cried as she hissed in pain, “It’s very sharp…”

She looked at the dagger admiringly, then at Benny. “You make these?..”

“Yea,” Benny shrugged, “I like pretty, pointy things…”

Jo gave him a look that was too dark for the table, and Ellen got up immediately. “Who wants some pie?”

 

Dean got home around midnight, after dropping Sam at home and making sure everyone else got home safely.

He took off his clothes and got into bed, but he wasn’t too tired.

He thought he might as well watch an episode before he went to sleep, but the new email icon caught his eye.

He expected another email from Cas, but that wasn’t the Frank & Youth address he was used to.

This one read _AngelofThursday@gmail.com_

He opened the mail and read it quickly.

 

 _Hello Dean,  
__  
You are correct, this was not appropriate on company email.  
__I hope you don’t mind that I took the liberty of emailing you from my personal account. I know it is very unprofessional of me, however… I enjoy our correspondence. I had hoped we could continue this exchange.  
_    
_Feel free to disregard this email if I was too bold to assume, or if my action is causing you any inconvenience.  
_    
_Regards,  
__Cas Novak_

 

Cas’ private email?

Dean stared at the screen for several minutes before replying.

 

 _Hey Cas,  
_ _Cash. Definitely Cash.  
_ _And here’s a tough one for you: Under Pressure. Queen and David Bowie, or Vanilla Ice (Ice Ice Baby)?  
_ _Hey, accountant or human, from what I’ve seen - you’re a rare one.  
_ _Can’t see how you could have done so much for both my brother Sam and me without a soul, so you’ll have a hard time convincing me…  
_ _Dean_

 

He thought it best to ignore the insecurity in Cas’ tone and continue as usual.

Maybe if Cas saw that he was casual about it, it would dissipate any concerns.

He was yawning by the time he pressed ‘send’, so he just sent his devices to sleep mode, and went into one himself.

 

Next day went as normal as any other day.

Dean got up, drank his coffee, drove to the garage, teased Kevin about still living with his mom (though Mrs. Tran truly was a remarkable woman. She was almost as awesome as Ellen. Almost.) And got a mouthful from Bobby who was still in a bad mood over last night’s glaring contest with Rufus.

Dean almost expected to find a new email from Cas first thing in the morning, but he did send his reply very late last night, so he should give Cas some time to respond.

 

Jo called him around lunch to thank him again for the wonderful present, and Benny called him not ten minutes later to thank him for inviting him to join last night. Dean thought it odd, but they seemed to hit it off great, so maybe he had done a good thing there.

 

He left for the day and went home, his phone sounding the delicate ping of an incoming email just as he came in.

He was eager to check his mailbox right then, but he had to shower first. And eat. He was starving.

by the time he was out of the shower it was well into the evening, and he heated a large portion of leftover Chilli he cooked a few days ago, and sat to eat at his desk.

He clicked the new message from Cas with a flutter in his gut.

 

 _Hello Dean,  
__  
I actually prefer Manson’s version.  
__I suppose we do not always see eye to eye on these matters, but I assume this makes things more interesting. Don’t you agree?  
__For Under Pressure there is really no question for me: Queen and Bowie. Though by your question I understand we have different views on this as well.  
__I must admit I am not a fan of Rap music, I would much rather stick to more traditional genres.  
_    
_I may not have a soul, Dean, but what I do have is heart.  
__Too much heart, that had always been my problem, or so my ex used to say. He always said I had the biggest heart he’d ever seen.  
__But let’s keep to happier things, shall we?  :)  
_    
_Regards,  
__Cas Novak_

 

Ex-boyfriend?

Wait, Cas was a girl??..

He mentally berated himself for assuming Cas was a guy. There really was no reason a woman should not be in a senior position - especially such an interesting, funny, and obviously brilliant girl such as Cas.

He thought it was extremely cool that such an awesome chick was chatting with him, and he couldn’t help the stir he felt low in his stomach.

 

Dean got curious.

 

He opened Facebook and searched for a Cas Novak.

There was no Cas there, but there were plenty of Cassie. Maybe she goes by Cassie with her friends, maybe she thinks Cas is too formal.

Well, There was one Cassie working for F&Y there.

Pretty girl, African-American, dark curls falling on her shoulders, full, luscious lips and big dark eyes that lit up his screen when she smiled.

She was wearing a Dark Side of the Moon tee shirt in her profile pics, and she had many music concert selfies so she obviously liked music. Dean thought he had a pretty good guess.

 

God, Dean wished that was her…

 

He didn’t friend her. First, he didn’t know for sure if it was really her, and second, he thought it might be too much at that point.

Instead, he replied.

 

 _Hey Cas,  
_ _I admit I’m a sucker for Vanilla Ice, though you’d never guess that about me… ;)  
_ _But, as you said, we don’t have to agree on everything, that would make things a little boring.  
_ _And you’ve been anything but, so far.  
_ _I mean, Pink Floyd, Foo Fighters, Bowie, Manson… That’s diverse.  
_ _What’s your current most listened to track?  
_ _Sorry to hear about the ex thing. Sounds pretty recent. Breakups are always a bitch.  
_ _I’m here if you wanna pour out some steam, I’m a good listener.  
_ _And, you know, bigger better things and all.  
_ _Dean._

 

He clicked to continue watching Star Trek, but his mind was a long way away from the screen.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Friday found Dean in a good mood.

He did not glare at Kevin for his usual banter, and the pressure to finish as many jobs before the weekend was just a way to pass the day quicker, but it still crawled at an agonizingly slow pace.

 

Charlie called at lunchtime to ask about their plans for the evening.

They had made plans to go to the bar, Sam and Charlie and Jo and him, but Sam just bailed for some big exam he had to study for, so it was just him and the girls.

 

He refreshed his mailbox without thought as soon as he got home, and went to take a shower when there were no new emails.

He got dressed lazily, still occasionally refreshing his mailbox and trying very hard not to be disappointed when no email from Cas arrived yet.

 

He met the girls at the bar and was surprised to find Benny there, too.

“Hey, brother,” Benny stood up from the booth for four he was occupying. “Jo invited me, hope you don’t mind..”

“No! No..” Dean took his hand in a firm shake, “Just surprised.”

Jo squeezed in the booth next to Benny quickly, sitting too close for casual, and so Dean and Charlie took the opposite seat.

Benny already had their first round of beers ready for them, four bottles on their table.

“So,” Dean started, “You two?” he pointed between Benny and Jo.

Jo looked up at Benny fondly, and he smiled shyly.

“We exchanged numbers after my dinner party,” she said, “And then we met for lunch yesterday, and here we are.”

Dean gave Benny a wicked smirk. “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Jo kicked him under the table. “I’d tell you if you hurt her I’ll kill you, but I’m pretty sure she can take care of herself.” he took a swig of his beer.

“Yea,” Benny rubbed a cheek over the side of her head, “She’s a feisty one, I got that alright…”

Jo dug her face up his neck and when Benny looked down at her she caught his lips in a kiss, and Dean slightly choked on his beer. He hadn’t realized they were at THAT point already…

 

He turned his head away, and saw Charlie sweeping the whole bar with her eyes, finally settling on a spot and relaxing visibly.

She looked up at him, satisfaction smeared all over her face. “What?..”

Dean gestured towards Jo and Benny. “Have you not been here in the last few minutes?” he asked incredulously.

“Sure!” she said absentmindedly. “Yea. Jo and Benny. Right. Yea, that’s awesome.” Her mind was not with them at all. “So I’m gonna go get round two, ok? Right? My turn?” she grabbed her phone and got up. “Yea. Be right back.”

Dean looked at Jo and Benny questioningly, brows raised. They weren’t even halfway through first round.

Benny nodded towards the bar, and Dean turned his head at the direction he was pointing.

“I think your girl has the hots for the bartender”.

It was Dorothy’s shift. He sighed. Charlie won’t be back any time soon, this was going to take a while…

 

Dean looked around the bar for a minute, and when he looked back at their table Benny had his arm around Jo and they were whispering between themselves.

He checked his phone, for a while, but when he saw they were too busy with themselves he got up and went over to the pool tables.

There were a couple guys there he didn’t know, but he’d been playing since his dad taught him how at age of five, so he was pretty damn good.

He offered a game, and the guys took his bet. Of course, he emptied them clean of everything they had. 

Lucky Sammy wasn’t there, he wouldn’t approve of that. He hated it when Dean hassled pool these days.

 

When Dean went back to the booth, Jo and Benny were so busy he felt like he was intruding on their date.

He threw a glance over to the bar, where Charlie and Dorothy were still flirting vigorously. he sighed and turned back to the table.

“Listen, I’m gonna go…”

Jo waved him goodbye without even breaking their lips away from each other, and Dean grimaced and took his jacket.

It was still early when he left the bar.

This was going to be one of those shitty Friday nights…

 

He threw off his keys and his shirt as soon as he closed the door behind him, and slumped into his chair.

He woke his computer up, and his features relaxed instantaneously.

He hadn’t heard the notification on his phone, so he was pleasantly surprised.

  
  


_ Hello Dean,  
_ _ I wouldn’t wish to bother you with the details of my breakup. You are correct that it is pretty recent, a little over two months now, but I believe I am coping rather well.  
_ _ Unfortunately, this does somewhat affect my current most listened to tracks.  
_ _ Whereas normally I would enjoy Frederic Chopin while I’m reading, Kasabian when I’m driving or Beck’s Sea Change on a slow day at work, my current playlist is somewhat… gloomier…   
_ _ I do tend to make up for it, though, by being better, not bitter  :)  
_ _ Helping others, having fun and allowing myself to get to know myself again is a big part of it.  
_ _ And now that I bared myself to you much more than I had intended, share with me something about yourself.  
_ __ Cas.

  
  


Dean was conflicted between being happy that Cas opened up to him the way she did, and feeling bad for her breakup. He couldn’t help feeling cheered by the optimism filling her email, though.

  
  


_ Hey Cas,   
_ _ ‘Better not bitter’! I like it!  
_ _ I think you have a very healthy approach to this. May I ask how long were you together?  
_ _ I promise that’s the last I’ll ask about it, unless, of course, you wanna tell me.  
_ _ I’m an old fashioned kinda guy, so my playlist usually includes a lot of Led Zepp (personal fav), Kansas, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Van Morrison, Grateful Dead, Beatles and other stuff.  
_ _ And I can’t imagine working or driving without any music playing.  
_ _ So here are two things I can tell you about myself:   
_ _ First, I’m a car fanatic. I love anything on wheels and with an engine. I’m the best damn mechanic around, and I can fix pretty much anything.  
_ _ Second, Music is a big part of my life, always has been. When I was little, my mom used to sing to me. But she refused to sing lullabies, she insisted on the music she liked, and so as a baby I heard Hey Jude when I was sick and Dust In The Wind before bed.   
_ _ And here’s a bonus fact: I admire your optimism, and I think you’re great.   
_ __ Dean

  
  


He pressed ‘send’ and opened another email from his auto magazine subscription. It was great that he could subscribe now to an electronic version of the magazine. Not that he was so into saving the environment and green eco friendly shit (anyone who drove a gas-burning, no-modern-filters old muscle cars like he did would be a hypocrite if he said he was..) but the articles included links to other cool stuff he could read.

 

He barely read two headlines when he noticed a new email from Cas.

She must have read his email as soon as he sent it. A burn of excitement disturbed his insides as he opened the new email.

 

Cas was online.

  
  


_ Hello Dean,  
_ _ Your mother sounds like a very special person. She must be so proud of you.  
_ _ Thank you for your empathy. I do believe in optimism.   
_ _ Don’t you know? The two greatest things in life are Coffee and Optimism.  
_ _ Can’t go through the day without either  :)  
_ __ Cas.

  
  


Dean didn’t know what to do now.

Cas usually sent longer emails. She obviously knew he was online, too.

His head buzzed and his hand was slow when he brought the marker to Cas’ name and opened a Hangouts chat. 

  
  


_ D: Can I quote you on that? _

 

He waited nervously for Cas to type

 

_  C: :) _

_  C: Hello Dean _

 

Dean relaxed and got up to get himself a beer.

This was going to be a long night, after all. He hoped.

 

_  C: Quote me? _

_ D: On the Coffee and Optimism thing. The two most important things in life. _

_  C: Oh. . _

_  C: Of course, Dean.  :) _

_  C: And, 4 years. _

_ D: ? _ __

_  C: You asked how long we were together. _

_ D: Wow, that's a long time… _

__   
Dean felt bad for going back to that topic. He wanted to make Cas feel better.   
The constant hum in his brain since they started their chat was making his head swim, it felt like being drunk.   
It made his mood light and flirty, and he was set on making Cas smile

_   
_ _ D: Hey Cas, shall we play a game?  ;) _ __   


__   
Dean smirked as he stretched and smoothed a hand over his chest, waiting for Cas to reply.   
He saw Cas typing, then not. Then typing, then not.   
Cas made a few more attempts before a message appeared.   


_   
_ _  C: A game? _ __   


_ D: Sure _ _   
_

__   
There were a few more seconds of hesitation before Cas typed again.   


_   
_ _  C: What kind of a game? _ __   


_ D: Let's call it a Get To Know Each Other game  :) _ _   
_

_ D: We should each ask a question, in turns, and then we both have to answer it. _ _   
_

_ D: Nothing too weird, I promise _ _   
_

_ D: Here, let me start _ _   
_

_ D: Ok, are you a cat person or a dog person? _ _   
_

__   
There was a pause while Cas was typing again.   


_   
_ _  C: I supposed I am a cat person, though they are sneaky little bastards. _ __   


_  C: I actually prefer other species of the animal kingdom. I find insects fascinating, bees in particular. _ _   
_

_  C: Have you ever watched a bee hive, Dean? The way they work in such an orderly manner, so organized and purposeful, it's hypnotizing. _ _   
_

__   
Dean stared at the screen wide eyed.   
He thought Cas' distinct and elaborate style was reserved only for emails, or messages that she could take the time to compose. But instant messages were different, more conversational. The fact that she kept the same style, that that was her usual way of speech, struck him with awe.   
Normally, he would think this is odd. But with Cas he just felt… intrigued… Dean liked her expressive way of speaking.   


_   
_ _ D: Can't say that I have… _ __   


_ D: I was just gonna say I'm a dog person, but man… you're awesome… _ _   
_

_ D: Your turn  :) _ _   
_

_  C: Ok _ _   
_

_  C: Are you a morning person or a night owl? _ _   
_

_ D: Def a night owl!  _ _   
_

_ D: Can't talk to me before I've had at least two coffees in me. _ _   
_

_ D: You? _ _   
_

_ D: Please don't say morning person…  :-/ _ _   
_

_  C: I won't say it, then  :) _ _   
_

__   
Dean chuckled at Cas' reaction.   


_   
_ _ D: Seriously? _ __   


_  C: I like to wake up early and go for a run before work. It is delightfully refreshing. _ _   
_

_ D: Cas, I don't think we can be friends anymore… _ _   
_

_ D: This is just… disturbing _ _   
_

_ D: If I had to choose between 5 more minutes of sleep and… well… ANYTHING else – I would def choose my 5 minutes of sleep _ _   
_

_  C: In that case… _ _   
_

_  C: Your turn. _ _   
_

__   
Dean thought of something good to ask next.   
There was so much he wanted to know about Cas, but he had to tread carefully.   


_   
_ _ D: What is the worst nickname anyone's ever given you? _ __   
  


Again, Cas was typing and deleting several times before a reply appeared.

 

_  C: Must I reply that question?  
_

_  C: May I choose ‘dare’, instead?..  
_

_ D: Nope.  
_

_ D: These are the rules of the game.  
_

_  C: You made up the game  
_

_ D: I know  :)  
_

_ D: I have to answer that too, mind you..  
_

_  C: I loath that nickname  
_

_  C: I can’t even fathom why he thought it would fit me..  
_

_ D: Who?  
_

_  C: ...And I hate talking about my ex again  
_

_ D: Oh…  
_

_ D: Come on, after such a speech, you gotta tell me!  
_

_  C: I don’t want to  
_

_ D: Cas…  
_

_  C: It sounds like a bimbo’s name  
_

_ D: Heh.. I know you ain’t THAT  :)  
_

_ D: No judging  
_

 

The screen was silent for a few minutes, but Dean thought he should probably give Cas a few moments to find her confidence.

But when Cas’ reply did pop on the screen, Dean couldn’t help but burst into laughter and be glad she couldn’t see him.

 

_  C: Sassy Cassie _

 

Dean thought about the girl in the picture he saw and his insides curled.

 

_  C: DON’T LAUGH!  
_

_  C: I can feel you laughing over the internet  :(  
_

_  C: I told you it was silly...  
_

_ D: Squirrel  
_

_  C: I beg your pardon?  
_

_ D: When I was in highschool, we had this awful, sadistic asshole of a teacher from hell, Mr. Crowley.   
_

_ D: He used to treat everyone like shit, but he drew a special joy out of torturing the crap out of my brother and me.   
_

_ D: He would always call me ‘squirrel’ and Sammy ‘moose’.   
_

_ D: I hated that name…  
_

_ D: In retrospect it was probably a good thing, because everyone else was just ‘moron’.   
_

_ D: I actually got off rather easy, but Sammy’s nickname stuck for years… We still call him that sometimes  XD  
_

_  C: :)  
_

_  C: How affectionate of you.  
_

_ D: We tease each other, but he knows I love him more than anything, and that I’ll always be there for him when he needs me  
_

_  C: Do you have any siblings other than Sammy?  
_

_ D: No.\  
_

_ D: I mean, there’s Jo…  
_

_ D: She’s not really blood related, but as my uncle Bobby says, family don’t end with blood.  
_

_ D: He’s not blood related either  :)  
_

__ D: My family is.. Complicated…   
  
  


Dean thought pleasantly about the group of amazing people he called his family.

 

_  C: Tell me about it..  
_

_ D: My mom passed when I was just a kid, and my dad.. he didn't handle it too well. So Bobby kinda took Sammy and me under his care. Jo is the daughter of another friend of my parents', Ellen, and we practically grew up together like a family. _

 

Dean realized his mistake as soon as he pressed Enter.

 

_ D: Oh, you didn't mean that literally...  
_

_ D: Sorry…  
_

_  C: No, that's fine. I appreciate you telling me.  
_

_  C: Please, continue.  
_

_ D: How about you? Sounds like there's a story there, too  
_

_  C: I'm afraid it is nothing as interesting as your story. I have several brothers and sisters, but we are hardly in touch.|  
_

_ D: Is it ok if I ask why?  
_

_ D: you don't have to answer that _

 

Cas was typing for a long time, and Dean found himself getting impatient. 

It wasn’t exactly the bad kind of impatient, he was just very excited to learn anything Cas would share about herself. Anything that allowed him to get to know her a little better.

He woke as the chat box blinked the new message.

 

_  C: I come from a family of military men, so we were never very affectionate. Most of my siblings are in military service, as was expected from us. However, several years ago my eldest brother was involved in a very large scandal. He was deployed abroad, but it turned out he was running his own operation for private benefit.  
_

_ D: Hey, I remember that, it was on the news  
_

_ D: Wait, that was your brother??  
_

_ D: He's some piece of work…  
_

_  C: Yes.  
_

_  C: He was trialed and incarcerated, he is now in prison.  
_

_  C: My father has always been very strict, but after that he completely disowned him. Father saw it as a stain on the entire family, and the rest of us had just.. fallen from  
grace. _

_  C: He’s retired now, and refuses to see anyone, and so the rest of us had drifted apart as well. _

_ D: I'm sorry _

_ D: I didn’t mean to pry.. _

_  C: It is fine. I told you because I wanted to. You were kind enough to share your family story with me. _

 

Dean didn't know what to do next.

He wanted their conversation to be light and flowing, but this was heavy shit.

 

_ D: Ok then. _

_ D: Sibling questions don’t count, so I'll give you another turn _

_ D: So use it wisely and ask for something good _

_  C: :) _

_  C: You are very considerate _

 

Dean waited while Cas thought about her next question.

 

_  C: I’ve got a good one _

_  C: What is your guilty pleasure? _

 

Dean thought about it.

For some reason, telling Cas about it did not feel so awkward.

 

_ D: Well, since we talked about music and stuff… _

_ D: Taylor Swift _

_  C: Taylor Swift?.. _

_ D: Yea, can’t listen to Shake It Off without moving my hips. _

_ D: I know, I’m a 14 year old girl… _

_  C: That’s not so bad  :) _

_ D: Oh, and there’s Doctor Sexy M.D. _

_  C: The medical chick-flick?? _

_ D: Yea, yea… go ahead, make fun… _

_  C: No judgement. Not on my side. _

_  C: Anything you may say will never be used against you, not by me. _

_ D: What about you, Cas? _

_ D: What’s your dirty little secret? _

_  C: I’m afraid I may have made a mistake in my choice of question… _

 

Dean smirked. Really? After he’d just confessed of having a liking to Chick-flicks?

 

_ D: Oh, come on, Cas, it can’t be that bad! _

 

Cas was taking a long time to type again, but Dean suspected it would not result in a long reply.

 

_  C: I dabble with writing _

_ D: You have a great style, an amazing way with words. I think it’s great that you’re writing. _

_ D: How is that a guilty pleasure? _

_ D: Anything I may have heard of? _

_  C: Probably not _

 

There was another pause of Cas obviously considering her words.

 

_  C: I write fanfiction… _

_ D: You know, Gaiman started out writing fanfiction, and he’s awesome. _

_ D: Lovecraft and Sherlock Holmes _

_  C: I wrote some Robert Heinlein and Arthur C. Clarke _

_ D: Oh, so you’re into sci-fi  :) _

_  C: ...But mainly Carver Edlund.. _

 

Dean blinked. 

 

_ D: Edlund? Like, the Supernatural series?... _

_  C: I know, I’m a 14 year old girl… _

_ D: Hey, no judgement. Same rules apply on both sides. _

 

Dean couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face, though, and the urge to tease.

 

_ D: Hey, your fanfiction... _

_ D: Is it sassy, Cassie?  :-P _

_  C: I quite hate you at the moment…  _

_ D: Sorry _

_ D: Do you write for yourself, or post it anywhere? _

_  C: At first I wrote mainly for myself, but a friend convinced me to post some of it, and I found a website where many people share their fanfiction, so I have posted some of it there. _

_  C: It appears the Supernatural series has quite a lot of followers. _

_ D: Do you think maybe… _

_ D: I can read some of the things you wrote? _

 

The chat box was quiet for a while, Cas wasn’t typing anything.

No pressure.

 

_ D: Maybe in the future, then, when you’re more comfortable sharing  :) _

 

Dean looked at the time. It was already half past three in the morning, and he did have to get up in a few hours. 

 

_ D: Cas? _

_ D: Sorry, it’s getting really late, and I have an early start tomorrow _

_  C: Of course, Dean _

_  C: Good night _

_ D: Night, Cas _

_  C: Dean… _

_ D: Still here _

_  C: I hope you don’t think I’m weird _

_  C: It’s very odd, I feel so comfortable talking to you, like I can tell you anything, and I don’t really know you _

_ D: Same _

_ D: I don’t think you’re weird, I’ve told you things I haven’t told anyone, not even my brother. And somehow, it’s fine. _

_  C: Thank you. _

_  C: Good night, Dean _

_ D: Night _

_  C: Until tomorrow… _

 

Dean closed the laptop and sank into his pillows.

Until tomorrow.

Cas liked talking to him too.

A warm feeling filled his chest as his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

  
  
  


Dean allowed himself to laze out the morning in bed before he inevitably had to wake up and go out.

He had to go pick up the meat for Kevin’s barbeque, and he knew Mrs. Tran did not tolerate unpunctual behaviour. She would have his hide for this…

 

Dean stepped into the kitchen, the huge box of meet in his hands. He got steaks and sausages, some chicken wings and ground beef.   


The steaks and sausages quickly found their way to the fridge, but he needed to marinade the wings and work his magic to turn innocent ground beef into delicious burgers.   


He had also agreed to man the grill tomorrow, which means slightly losing the ability to socialize, but gaining first serving of the meat – eating it while it's still hot and cooked to perfection.   
  


As he was chopping the onions and herbs for the burgers, Kevin held out a beer to him.   


"Still insist you're just friends?" He smirked as Dean woke from his trance to take the bottle.   


"Who?" Dean looked confused, "Kev, what are you talking about?"   


"You have that stupid grin again," Kevin looked at the mixture of soon-to-be burgers absentmindedly, "the one you had last time you texted with your.. friend.. So who got you hooked like that?"   


"Nobody." Dean huffed in annoyance, the smile leaving his face immediately. "Wasn't even thinking about her, I was concentrating on your damn burgers."   


"So there IS a Her!" Kevin nearly jumped triumphantly, "I knew it!"   


Dean just gave him a disgruntled look.   


"Deeeean has a giiiiirlfrieeeeend!" Kevin sang into his face teasingly, and Dean had to hold himself not to punch the smirk off of him, birthday or not.

 

"Kevin!"   


Kevin tensed visibly and froze in place, looking like a deer in the headlights. Mrs. Tran stood at the door to the kitchen and frowned.    


"Don’t you have anything else to do? Like cleaning the garden chairs for YOUR barbeque tomorrow?"   


"Mom!" Kevin deflated and slumped past her on his way out.   
  
Mrs. Tran lost her stern glare as soon as her son was out and her eyes softened into something almost fond. 

It gave Dean the chills every time she so easily switched from commanding to amiable.   
"I'm sorry he was bothering you." She said as she walked closer to stand next to him, "He likes you, he just wants to see you happy, as do all of us."

 

What the fuck is this?? Was it 'Nag Dean To Settle' week or something?? First Bobby, now Linda Tran... What the hell??

 

"Dean, you're an attractive, intelligent young man," Dean gritted his teeth silently as she continued, "I hope this new girl is worthy of you, and can make you happy for longer than your usual three weeks…" she lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You don't have to tell me anything about her, I'm not here to pry. Just.. you seem to like her very much, so treat her well and give her a chance. And yourself."   


And before Dean could say anything else, Mrs. Tran left the kitchen to follow her son.   


Dean mixed the meat and spices a little more aggressively than necessary.   


Yea, he liked Cas, but they were just friends. They both made sure to keep it that way, since they were still supposed to be in a somewhat professional relationship, at least until his refund is received and Bobby's financial review is concluded as well.    


He didn't push anything, did not expect to get anything or start anything with her. They were not even in the same area code, for Christ's sake!   


They were just friends! And even if he did want anything, he wouldn’t know what to do with that, she was so different from anyone he had ever met before.   


 

Dean finished shaping the meat, arranging the burgers conveniently for the barbeque and placed everything neatly in the fridge.   


He cleaned up, still wrapped in his thoughts, and joined Kevin and Mrs. Tran for afternoon coffee.   


"You wanna stay for dinner?" Kevin asked, inspecting his mother's face for signs of disapproval.   


"Naa…" Dean grabbed his empty mug to place it in the sink, "I gotta go to Bobby and Jody's. Sam's finally lifted his head from his books for the first time in weeks, so we're having dinner there. But I'll see you tomorrow. Eleven a.m., right? To start the grill?”   


They both smiled at him and nodded, Mrs. Tran waving at him to leave the mug and she'd take care of it, and they both thanked him for helping out so much.

 

When Dean got home he had exactly an hour and a half before he had to go pick Sammy and drive up to Bobby's.   


He wanted to rest after going to sleep so late last night, but had to clean and tidy up a bit before anything else, and he would absolutely need to shower before he could even think about getting near his bed.   


He went to his computer to play some music while he worked, and saw the message from Cas.   


 

_  C: I thought of your first question for next time  :) _

_  C: When people see you for the first time, what stereotype do they think you fall into, and how are they wrong? _ _   
_

 

His stomach fluttered as he read it. 

First, because Cas thought about him when they were not talking. She even thought of a new question to ask him.

And second, because.. it was a damn good question.. He could only be sorry he didn’t come up with that.

 

_ D: I’ll be online around 22:00   :) _

 

 

Dinner with Jody and Bobby went nice. It was just them, Jody’s girls were off somewhere with their friends. Too bad, Dean hadn’t seen Claire in a while now and he kinda missed the little brat.

 

He arrived back home at 22:00 sharp, and made a beeline straight to his computer. It didn’t matter, no one was there to judge him, Cas would never find out that he actually hurried home for this. She won’t be able to see how eager he was.

 

He woke his monitor and looked to see if Cas was online.

She was.

His heart gave a small clench as he typed the first message.

 

_ D: Decided to stay in tonight? _

 

The chat box remained mute for a couple of minutes.

 

_  C: Hello, Dean  :) _

_  C: My dinner plans went awry… _ _   
_

_  C: Have you given any thought about my question? _ _   
_

_ D: Wow, Cas, diving straight in!  ;) _ _   
_

_  C: I suppose I am interested in your reply _ _   
_

_ D: Yea, but I'm not sure how I should answer _ _   
_

 

Dean paused to compose his thoughts and give Cas a deserving, honest one.   


 

_ D: I guess people might see a tough guy, with the rock music and muscle cars, all loud and rugged and selling the bad boy vibe… _ _   
_

_ D: Not exactly wrong _ _   
_

_ D: But I'm actually a geek at heart. I like Anime, and Star Wars, and LARPing… _ _   
_

_  C: What is Larping? _ _   
_

_ D: Live Action Role Playing _ _   
_

_ D: Like, Tolkien and stuff.. _ _   
_

_  C: Oh.. _ _   
_

_  C: Sounds like fun  :) _ _   
_

_  C: Not for me, though. _ _   
_

_  C: So are you really as bad as you're selling yourself? _ _   
_

_ D: Worse  ;) _ _   
_

_ D: But I have my soft spots _ _   
_

_ D: And they're very mushy… _ _   
_

_ D: What about you? _ _   
_

_  C: I think for most people I fall under what you may call a Square. _ _   
_

_  C: Steady job, steady life, boring clothes, a little standoffish, very serious… _ _   
_

_  C: Only I'm not serious. I'm just very, very sarcastic. To the point where most people can't tell I'm joking. _ _   
_

_ D: And the rest? _ _   
_

_  C: The steady and boring?  _ _   
_

_  C: In my line of work I have to be _ _   
_

_  C: However, it always elicits the same response the first time anyone sees me in a leather jacket, riding my baby… _ _   
_

_ D: Your baby? _ _   
_

_  C: I own a Honda Rebel 500  _

 

Dean took a sharp breath as his mind brought the picture of a large motor purring under luscious curves wrapped in leather, dark curls trailing from under a shiny  helmet, and he had to quickly shake the image out of his head.   


  
_ D: You're a BIKER?? _ _   
_

_  C: Same response. Every. Single. Time. _ _   
_

_ D: No, that's awesome! And you call your ride Baby?... _ _   
_

_  C: I am aware I am emotionally attached to a vehicle.  _ _   
_

_ D: No, no.. MY Baby is a 67' Chevy Impala _ _   
_

_ D: She's a real beauty. My pride and joy! _ _   
_

_  C: And a classic. I'm impressed. _ _   
_

 

Dean couldn't contain the smile that split his face.   


He liked Cas so much right now.   


  
_  C: Your turn. _ _   
_

_ D: Was it not my turn to begin with? _ _   
_

_  C: Possibly, but I had to ask  _ _   
_

_  C: You may ask two questions now. _ _   
_

_ D: Let me think… _

 

Dean leaned back in his seat to think about a good question.   


He was too absorbed in the conversation to notice so far, but all the beers he had at Bobby's had finally arrived at their destination and he thought he could use the bathroom break to think.

 

_ D: Ok, let me use this pause for something important. _

_ D: Brb _

_ D: One sex _

 

He got up and hurried to relieve himself, mind busy with a thousand things he wanted to know about Cas, phrasing and re-phrasing possible questions to be both amusing and respectful, and as intelligent as he could.

He knew what he wanted to ask when he got back at his computer, but then his eyes widened as he stared at the screen, his face draining of colour and his mouth feeling dry.

He had just now seen his typo, and Cas’ reaction was… it was…

 

_  C: ... _

_  C: Uh… coming right up?... :) _

 

He stared at the chat box for several long seconds, changing more than a few shades or crimson before he could think straight.

 

_ D: Oh! Shit! _

_ D: SEC! _

_  C: How very Freudian of you _

_ D: I’m so sorry!! _

_ D: X is next to C! _

_  C: It’s fine, really  :) _

_ D: Cas, “Coming right up?...” ?? seriously?...  _

_  C: I apologize… I overstepped, not even funny... _

_ D: No! _

_ D: Best comeback EVER!! _

 

To prevent any further discomfort, though he wasn’t sure if it was Cas or himself he was thinking about, he went ahead and quickly asked his question.

 

_ D: Ok _

_ D: What is your biggest fear and how have you managed to face and overcome it? _

_  C: I think… _

_  C: I’m afraid of pretending too well. _

_ D: What do you mean? _

_  C: I have always acted as a conformist. To what my family wanted me to be, to what was expected of me _

_  C: Pretending to follow my older siblings’ example, to be rational and calculated _

_  C: And I have always been afraid I am pretending so well that I might lose who I am truly. _

_  C: Maybe I am too afraid of not belonging, so I fake. _

_  C: Even at my job, I feel like a fraud. Like I am not really skilled for my job and any day they will find out and dismiss me _

_ D: This is actually not that uncommon.. _

_ D: It’s called, surprisingly, the Imposter Syndrome, and about 60-70% of all people feel it, to some degree _

_ D: It is most common with high-achievers and, particularly with women _

_ D: So basically, you’re good  :) _

 

Cas was silent for a few minutes.

 

_ D: Cas? _

_ D: You there? _

_  C: I just googled this syndrome, Dean _

_  C: I never knew this was even a thing! _

_ D: Glad to be of service  :) _

_  C: What about your fears? _

_ D: Spiders.  _

_ D: Man, do I hate the fuckers! _

_ D: And flying _

_ D: I’ll always prefer driving if that’s an option _

_  C: Dean, be serious… _

_ D: I am! _

_ D: I start humming a very shaky version of Metallica… _

_  C: I see _

 

She didn’t say anything, but Dean could feel the hurt in her words.

 

_ D: Cas… _

_ D: I’m sorry, it’s just.. _

_ D: It’s a stupid defence mechanism, whenever I don’t wanna talk about anything I make a joke. I’m sorry, you answered honestly, I should do the same. _

_  C: You know the No Judgement Rule still applied, right? _

_ D: :-/ _

_ D: Alright, here goes... _

_ D: I’m afraid of losing everyone. I’m afraid of ending up alone. _

_ D: I have no reason to _

_ D: It’s stupid _

_  C: Don’t ever call anything you feel ‘stupid’.  _

_  C: Nothing about emotions is rational. That’s why they’re emotions… _

_  C: Is that why you have gathered around you such a family? _

_ D: What do you mean? _

_  C: From what I recall, with the exception of your brother, none of your immediate family is blood related. Do I remember correctly? _

 

Dean smiled with satisfaction on his face. It was one thing to be so open and converse so easily with Cas, but she really had noticed, and made the effort of remembering, everything he told her.

 

_ D: Yes, that’s right… _

_  C: Don’t you think it has something to do with the way you feel? _

_ D: I never thought about it, but I guess you’re right. _

_ D: I mean, it’s a rag-tag of awesome people I got around me, no doubt _

_ D: I just thought I was lucky…  :) _

_  C: I doubt luck has anything to do with it. _

 

Dean considered a long explanation about how he felt abandoned by both his parents, and how throughout his life so many people had left and disappointed him, but as if Cas could sense his discomfort, she quickly continued with the conversation.

 

_  C: Would you like to ask me another question now? _

_ D: Sure. _

_ D: Ok, who is the closest person to you in the world? _

_  C: Well, Taz used to be, until we broke up… _

_ D: Taz? _

_  C: My ex _

_ D: Yea, I figured… _

_ D: Just, it’s an odd name… _

_ D: Like the Tazmanian devil cartoon?...  :) _

_  C: His name is Balthazar.  _

_  C: He called me Sassy Cassie, I think I have earned my right to bestow him a silly pet name after having to endure his nickname.. _

_ D: Oh, def.. _

_  C: And he was somewhat like the cartoon character. Charming and funny and trampling anything standing in his way. Even the people he loved. _

_ D: Did it end bad? _

_  C: No. _

_  C: Painful, not bad. _

_ D: What’s the difference? _

_  C: Monumental _

_  C: It hurt, but I am not regretful. Not for the time we were together, and not for breaking up. _

_ D: And now that he’s gone? _

_  C: Frankly, I am relieved, mostly. I do not need to try so hard anymore. I do not need to pretend any longer, and I promised myself I would not pretend with anyone ever again. _

_  C: But you asked about the closest person to me. _

_  C: My best friend, Meg, I suppose is closest to me currently.  _

_  C: She is going out of her way to make sure I am alright, she really cares for me. _

_  C: And I am very close to one of my older brothers, Gabriel. He’s a confectioner. _

_ D: Your brother makes candy?... _

_  C: Yes, he has his own confectionery / boulangerie, he makes the most magnificent candy, and his cakes are absolute bliss _

_ D: Pie? _

_  C: Of course, those too _

 

Dean closed his eyes, he could practically smell the wonderfully enticing smell of a freshly baked apple pie, his mouth watering at the mere thought.

 

_ D: Cas _

_ D: That’s the magic word _

_ D: Pie _

_ D: You know what they say about the way to a man’s heart? Mine is pie. _

_ D: Is he single?.. ;) _

 

He saw Cas typing and deleting several times, but could not figure out why. He was obviously joking, she could not possibly think he’d be interested in her brother… In a guy!

 

_ D: Hey, everything ok? _

_  C: Sure _

_  C: I imagine the closest person to you would be your brother? _

 

Dean sighed, but he would not pressure her on if she did not want to tell him.

 

_ D: Yea, Sammy _

_ D: Though he prefers Sam _

_ D: He’s studying to become a lawyer _

_ D: He’s the smart one, out of the two of us _

_  C: He would have to be a genius, then _

_  C: You are a very intelligent person, Dean, I suspect you are underestimating yourself _

 

Dean would never admit the faint blush covering his face at that.

 

_ D: There’s also Charlie. She’s my best friend, and a world-class geek _

_ D: She’s the queen of awesomeness _

_ D: Literally _

_  C: Oh? Did she claim the title lawfully?  :) _

_ D: No, actually she won it in a duel _

_  C: I’m sorry, what?.. _

_  C: I must have missed some nuance.. _

_ D:  :) _

_ D: Told you I was into LARPing. She got me into it. She’s the red queen of Moondoor, our lady of the forest, and I am a loyal knight in her honor guard _

_ D: She’s been my voice of reason for years now, she’s kinda like the little sister I never wanted  :) _

_  C: Why her? _

_ D: I dunno… _

_ D: Cause she doesn’t give a flying fuck about what anyone else thinks, and I love that about her. _

_ D: I wish I could be more like that. _

_ D: Dunno _

_ D: Why Meg? _

_  C: Meg and I are so very different from each other, we’re quite opposites. But there is a little bit of faith in her nihilism, and a little bit of rebellion in my solidity, so maybe we complement each other well. Maybe we mirror each other’s incompletion. _

_ D: I really like the way you express yourself _

_ D: You have such a way of finding the exact words to say what you wanna say, it’s admirable _

_  C: Thank you  :) _

 

Dean checked the clock at the bottom of the screen. It was past two in the morning, and he hadn’t had much sleep the night before as well. He was beginning to feel the fatigue of the entire week weighing on him, and his eyelids were getting heavy.

 

_ D: But now, as much as I am enjoying your eloquent style, I’m afraid I have to hit the sack.. _

_ D: Long day tomorrow, and I need my beauty sleep  :) _

_  C: Of course _

_  C: It is becoming very late _

_  C: Sleep well _

_ D: Good night, Cas _

_ D: TTYL _

_  C: Good night, Dean _

  
  
  


At 11:20 am, Dean knocked on the Trans’ heavy front door with a displeased scowl on his face. He hated being late.

He didn’t set his alarm for this morning, because he thought he had enough time, and because, well, Sunday. But he ended up waking up a lot later than usually, even for a Sunday, and he had to hurry through his morning routine and out of the house.

Luckily, he had already prepared everything the day before, so he didn’t have to bring anything or do anything that required thinking, he could just start the grill straight away.

 

Kevin’s friends started arriving around half past noon.

The grill was hot by then, and everything ready for a great afternoon of warm weather and good food.

 

By Half past one everyone was there. 

Bobby and Ellen were helping set out the table and arguing as to the right order the different kinds of meat should go on the grill. 

Sam and Charlie were off somewhere with Kevin, no doubt drooling over Kevin’s newly purchased limited edition of the entire Harry Potter book series complete with the figurines of each character, Charlie was probably attempting to negotiate custody over Hermione’s.

Jo and Benny were sitting huddled closely at one of the corners of the large outdoor dining table, fingers laced together and laughing at something Jo played on her phone.

 

There were some other friends of Kevin’s he didn’t know, too, but it wasn’t awkward at all, surprisingly, and they managed to mingle pretty well with his family. Dean smiled to himself as he thought about Cas’ observation from the night before. He really did have quite an awesome family. The one he chose for himself. And suddenly it felt like a privilege. 

 

“So tell me about this friend of yours,” Ellen came to stand next to Dean by the grill. “Cause I got a good eye for people, and I can’t, for the love of god, read that man.”

Dean flipped another sausage and turned to her, smiling.

“Benny is as good as they come.” He told her proudly. “They don’t make them like that anymore. He’s old school, Ellen, you should talk to him, you’ll like him.”

“I would, sweetie,” she nodded towards where Jo and Benny were now playing shoves with each other, “but my daughter won’t let me anywhere near him. She says I’m embarrassing her..”

Dean snickered silently as he went back to flipping the meat.

“You should trust her.” He said. “She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself. And Benny would be good for her. He’s a decent guy, has the biggest heart you’ve ever seen, and he clearly worships her… I haven’t seen him this happy since…” he trailed off and sighed, “for a very long time.”

Ellen sneaked another peek before she came a bit closer to Dean. “Do you trust him?”

“With my life.” Dean replied honestly, and fished a chicken wing for Ellen to try.

 

He was gradually releasing portions of meat to the table so everyone got to eat a little of everything while it was still hot, saving the best for last.

When he finally came to the table to sit with the rest of them, holding a tray of mouth-watering steaks, his friends were already holding a lively conversation.

He placed the tray in the middle of the table, and the conversation died down while everyone was busy loading their plates with juicy pieces of meat and humming in delight as they wolfed them down.

He got a few compliments about his grilling skills, when out of nowhere Kevin threw into the conversation “So did Dean tell you about the new girl?”

 

Both Sam and Charlie’s eyes shot up in his direction immediately, no doubt thinking that if anyone, they should be the first to know about any new girl Dean was seeing, and he could feel his face heating with both embarrassment and irritation at Kevin’s public announcement of his private affairs.

 

“Shut up, Kev, it’s nothing like that.” He glared at Kevin, “We’re just friends..” he muttered quietly.

“I don’t think so.” Kevin pushed further, ignoring Mrs. Tran’s death-threatening eyes. “You get all heart-eyes every time you mention her. If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you’re in love.”

That earned him an elbow in his ribs from Sam, god bless him, but the damage was done. Everyone was looking at him expectantly. 

“Shut your pie hole!” He shot angrily. “And it’s none of your goddamn business!”

He blatantly shoved a piece of steak into his mouth, looking straight at Kevin, making sure his message was clear. There will be no more talking about this subject.

After several moments of strained silence, everyone seemed to accept the idea that that was the end of this discussion, and they relaxed back into light conversation.

 

Dean was just cleaning up the grill when Charlie came behind him to stand next to him.

“Not you too, kiddo..” He breathed out as he saw the look on her face. 

“What??” She raised her brows innocently, “Can’t a girl come gossip with her bestie?”

“Dude, you make it sound so gay…” He rolled his eyes at her.

“But I am!” she laughed and took a step closer, carefully wrapping a hand around his waist without disturbing him from cleaning.

“But I’m not.” He said flatly, and she giggled mischievously. 

“So you keep saying…” she laughed, and he pushed her away fondly.

If there was ever anyone who could get away with anything with Dean, it was Charlie. She could laugh at him and tell him the most horrible things, and he could never be mad at her. She had a way of always saying exactly what she wanted, delivering playful banter or harsh truths, and making it sound like the most endearing thing in the world.

 

Dean closed the grill and they went to get a beer and occupy two garden chairs a little distant from everyone else.

“Well?” She started as soon as they were seated.

“Charlie, there isn’t really much to tell.” He studiously peeled at the label of his beer bottle. “I haven’t even met her. She helped me with my tax returns, and we got to chatting a little, and she’s really nice.” He realized he was smiling again, and tried very hard to wipe it off. “Really smart, too.”

“So not your usual type, eh?” Charlie shoved his shoulder jokingly and he smiled again, despite of himself.

“But we’ve never met.” Dean continued. “I don’t know what she looks like, I know almost nothing about her, other than I enjoy talking to her, and she’s sweet, and understanding, and funny, and smart…”

“You already said smart.” Charlie bickered, and he couldn’t help groaning at her pleased smirk.

“Look, I don’t really expect anything to come out of this, she lives two states over, we’re just chatting, I don’t even know if I’ll like her” he persisted.

“Sounds like you already do.” Charlie tilted her head towards him in a knowing manner. “How long has this been going on?”

Dean stared at the grass before his feet for a few moments before he replied. “We’ve been emailing each other for about a week now, but for the past two nights we’ve been chatting for a few hours each time.” He considered for a bit before delivering his next sentence. “Charlie, I told her things I haven’t told anyone.” He paused. “Not even you…”

She eyed him in disbelief. “Winchester, there’s nothing you can keep from me, even if you think you can. I read you like an open blog.” He lowered his head and her gaze softened.

She turned to face him fully, and her face took a serious expression. “Dean, you deserve something good. Someone who understands you, someone who accepts and loves you for who you are, who you can share everything with. Don’t shut yourself to the option just because she might not be exactly what you expect her to be.”

She took his hand and he looked up to find a sincere smile waiting on her face. 

“You know what I believe?” She squeezed his hand as her warm smile went back to her usual smartass smirk, “I believe you’re gonna chat for a little while, then you’re gonna meet her, and you’ll fall madly in love and live happily ever after.” 

“Nothing is ever that simple..” He sighed. “You’re such an optimist, how can you even live with yourself??” he feigned a disgusted look, and she laughed. 

He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her close to place a soft kiss on her forehead. “I love you, kiddo..”

“I know.” 

 

She hugged him tight just as Kevin’s voice came over them. “OH MY GOD, Charlie! You have to come see this!!!”

She pushed away and rolled her eyes before letting her arms drop, then she gave him one last reassuring smile and turned to walk over to Kevin, with the usual happy bounce in her step.

 

Dean remained seated for a while longer.

Everyone was gathering around the table again for coffee and cake, but he felt reluctant to join just yet.

He took in the setting sun, painting everything with a pinkish orangey tint, stretching the shadows in a race to cover as much ground as they could, Charlie’s words lazily lingering in his mind and gradually seeping to settle into his subconscious.

 

Shit, he thought, I am. I am in love with Cas. God, I’m so fucked…

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

 

It’s been two weeks since Dean started chatting with Cas, and he already knew so much about her.

She was witty, very caring, sweet as an angel and smart as the devil. 

She was born in Russia but moved to the US when she was only four, she thought there was a god but she wasn’t religious, she believed mostly in humanity, she spoke very openly about accepting people who were different and allowing everyone to live their lives as they saw fit, without criticism, she loved every living creature in the most gentle way and she was beautiful.

He’d never seen her, but he just knew she was. 

 

Kevin stopped teasing him, thankfully. He should probably say something to Charlie, there was no doubt in his mind that she had something to do with it.

 

He told Sam, too. 

First, because there’s no way he could keep something like that from his brother. And he felt that if he didn’t tell Sammy he was going to burst! His chest felt tight every time he thought about Cas. Like his heart was too big for it, and pushing to expand even further. Like he wouldn’t be able to contain his own emotions. He’d never felt this way before, it was painful and blissful all at the same time, he felt heavy as a mountain and lighter than air all together, it was so confusing! But Sam only laughed at him when Dean told him that.

And second, Sam started asking questions when over three weeks had passed without Dean hooking up with some random chick at the bar. It was his thing, and Sam was worried that something was wrong. But it was exactly the opposite. He didn’t need the thrill, Cas was more interesting and exciting than any fling he would pick up for the night. They seem to never run out of things to talk about, and he’d much rather spend the night online with her than brainlessly go through the routine of trying to impress someone he couldn’t care less about other than for casual sex.

 

He was also careful to keep it friendly.

No flirty talk, no innuendos other than an occasional harmless joke, no insinuations of anything improper. He already got his refund, but Bobby was still in review, and he didn’t want to cause Cas any problems if word gets out. Besides, he wasn’t sure how she felt. He didn’t want to come off as the pushy prick who only talked to women if he wanted to get in their panties. He would never forgive himself if he scared her off, wanting more than she cared to give.

It was odd, feeling that he would rather be frustrated but have her as a friend than not have her at all.

 

Friday came again, and Dean made sure not to make any plans with his friends.

Charlie called him to make plans to go to the bar, but he apologized and said he had a rough week and he wanted to stay in and retire early. She was going to spend the evening ogling Dorothy anyway...

Sam was joining them, for a change, and Dean was sorry to miss out on a chance to hang out with his brother. But it was his only chance to catch a full evening of chatting with Cas, when he wasn’t too tired, didn’t have any family dinners or prior engagements, and he didn’t have to wake up early the next day. 

Cas and him only exchanged very few words the night before, so they could both go to sleep early and be fresh for their chat tonight. They also planned it so that neither had anywhere else to be so they could have the whole night to themselves.

 

Dean felt the tension leave his shoulders as the chat box popped, and he leaned into his seat comfortably, pulling his keyboard to his knees.

 

_  C: Hello, Dean  :) _

_ D: Heya, Cas _

_ D: How’s it goin’? _

_  C: I have been better _

_  C: But that is for later _

_  C: How are you tonight? _

_ D: Can’t complain _

_ D: Want a beer? _

_  C: Don’t mind if I do _

_  C: I have never went for a drink online with anyone _

_  C: But I find the concept extremely amusing _

_ D: Yea, I know _

_ D: Let’s go grab ourselves a cold one _

 

Dean got up and went to his fridge for a bottle, and returned with two instead, because knowing himself he would be too lazy and too reluctant to pause their conversation later to get another one.

He came back and made himself comfy in his chair.

 

_ D: Here’s to friendships _

_  C: And the Wonderful Whimsical Ways of the World Wide Web _

_ D: Damn, that’s a mouthful… _

_ D: Now try saying that in one go  :) _

_ D: Cheers, Cas! _

_  C: Cheers, Dean  :) _

 

Dean took a large swig of his beer and toyed with the bottleneck between his fingers.

 

_ D: So hey, there’s something I wanted to ask you _

_  C: Of course, Dean _

_ D: My uncle Bobby’s tax return is being reviewed by this Michael dude _

_ D: Who, btw, is nowhere near as awesome as you are, and has zipp sense of humor… _

_  C:  :) _

_ D: But the other day Bobby said that he told him something weird _

_  C: What would that be? _

_ D: That the F&Y branch in Pontiac is closing? _

_  C: Yes, that is correct _

_ D: What?? _

_ D: This is kind of a big deal, don’t you think? _

_ D: Why didn’t you say anything? _

_ D: Anything I can do to help? _

_  C: Not much to tell, for now. _

_  C: Currently I am discussing the option of relocating to another branch. _

_  C: I am still considering my options _

_  C: I did not wish to burden you with my troubles…  _

_ D: Cas, that’s what I’m here for _

_ D: You can tell me anything _

_ D: I think you already have, actually  :-P _

_  C: Are you calling me a blabbermouth?... _

_  C:  ;) _

_ D: JK… _

_ D: So what are your options now? _

_ D: Relocate where? _

_  C: This is yet to be determined.  _

_  C: And my options are currently either to relocate within F&Y, or search for a new employer. _

_  C: I must admit I am not looking forward to either… It is quite discouraging… _

_ D: I'm sorry to hear. _ _   
_

_ D: Let me know if there's anything I can do to help? _ _   
_

_  C: Do you happen to know a Big Four company who is currently hiring? _ _   
_

_ D: Umm… No, not really.. _ _   
_

_  C: I appreciate your intentions, but there is not much you can do at this point. _ _   
_

_  C: But thank you, Dean _ _   
_

_  C: You are too kind _ _   
_

 

Dean's stomach clenched at the helpless feeling that clouded his mind.    


He looked desperately at the screen, running everyone he knew in his head to see if there was anyone in any position who might be able to assist. He wasn't sure as to why, because it was just a job. Jobs come and go, she's only leaving Illinois, not him. It's not like they're next door neighbors anyway… Well, maybe if he could help out it will score him some points. Not that he's keeping score. He's not. And he's not trying to gain anything, he just wants to be useful, help a friend, right?    


Then why was his stomach not relaxing??   


Damn.   


 

_ D: Is there a due date on the closing thing? _ _   
_

_ D: How long do you have? _ _   
_

_  C: I believe it won't take longer than a couple of months, maybe less. _ _   
_

_  C: It's a sinking ship, we've known that for a while. _ _   
_

_ D: That must be a bitch… _ _   
_

_  C: I must say I rather enjoy that feeling, of staying until the very last moment _ _   
_

_  C: Like I will not abandon ship _ _   
_

_  C: I will go down with this ship _ _   
_

_  C:  :) _ _   
_

_ D: Ahoy, Captain!  :) _ _   
_

_  C: You see my point… _ _   
_

_ D: Sorta _ _   
_

_ D: But this could be a good thing, though, right? _ _   
_

_  C: Of course.  _ _   
_

_ D: You could take this opportunity and really start over. Do something you like _ _   
_

_  C: I could _ _   
_

_  C: But losing my place in the world – my relationship, my workplace, quite possibly my home if I relocate – it all feels too overwhelming. _ _   
_

_  C: It feels much like every tie I have had, every bit of stability in my life is being methodically severed. _ _   
_

 

Dean's stomach was one huge knot as he read on. He hated that Cas felt that way.   


 

_ D: But new ties are being formed, too _ _   
_

_ D: You met me  :) _ _   
_

_  C: That is true. _ _   
_

_  C: And I am grateful that I can talk to you about this, talking to you helps. _ _   
_

_ D: Anytime, Cas  :) _ _   
_

_  C: I am sorry to dampen your mood, I was looking forward to our chat tonight _ _   
_

_ D: It's ok, Cas, you had to unload some stuff from your chest _ _   
_

_ D: That's what friends are for, not just fun and jokes _ _   
_

_  C: Thank you _ _   
_

_  C: But I have known about my job situation for a some time, and I am fine with it. _ _   
_

_  C: It is not the reason for my current gloom _ _   
_

_  C: I received some… disturbing news… _ _   
_

__   
He grimaced at the cold feeling nestling in his guts.    


 

_ D: What is it? _ _   
_

_ D: Everything ok? _ _   
_

_  C: My cousins are coming to visit from England. _ _   
_

_  C: And it seems that the dubious pleasure of entertaining them had fallen onto me _ _   
_

_ D: But that's awesome, isn't it? _ _   
_

_  C: While I do not mind their company, normally _ _   
_

_  C: They insist on taking a road trip _ _   
_

_ D: Is that such a bad thing? _ _   
_

_ D: This actually sounds like fun! _ _   
_

_  C: Considering that our offices are closing _ _   
_

_  C: And considering I HATE doing tourist attractions _ _   
_

_ D: Oh.. _ _   
_

_  C: And that I will not be able to chat with you for about two weeks, for lack of time and sufficient wifi… _ _   
_

_ D: Dammit, that IS bad news!!!! _ _   
_

_  C: :) _ _   
_

_ D: Don't worry, Cas, we'll make it _ _   
_

_ D: Even if we'll have to settle with emails for a couple weeks… _ _   
_

_  C: I don't know how I shall bear it _ _   
_

_ D: I have faith in you _ _   
_

_ D: But you gotta write to me every chance you get, is that clear?  :) _ _   
_

_  C: Wouldn't dream of having it any other way _ _   
_

 

Dean let out the breath he'd been holding, he wasn't sure how long. He turned to take another swig of his beer, but found his bottle empty, and was glad he thought about bringing another. It wasn't as cold anymore, but it did the trick.   


No more of that serious crap tonight, he decided. He was going to put a smile on Cas' face tonight even if it killed him.   


She deserved so much better than this…   


 

_ D: So where are you going for your road trip? _ _   
_

_ D: Got a direction already? _ _   
_

_  C: We were thinking about going south. They want to see Texas and New Orleans. _ _   
_

_  C: Other than that it's not a set route yet.  _ _   
_

_ D: Sounds great. Some really cool places to see on the way _ _   
_

_  C: You… haven't met my cousins…  _ _   
_

_ D: When are they coming? When is all this due? _ _   
_

_  C: Next week. _ _   
_

_  C: They were only supposed to visit us shortly on their way up north  _ _   
_

_  C: They were able to locate some long lost relatives, trying to reconnect and reestablish a relationship _ _   
_

_  C: But when that fell through they decided to extend their visit here and now I am to play host for two weeks… _

_ D: I love road trips _

_ D: If you need help planning, I’m your guy  :) _

_  C: I’ll keep that in mind. _

_  C: How is your work? _

_ D: Same old _

 

Dean took a breath, trying to think of something fun to tell Cas.

He loved his job, but only grease monkeys like him found the garage exciting. He’d probably bore her to death, but he couldn’t think of anything else.

 

_ D: We had this client the other day, came in with a black 2006 SRT8 Dodge Charger. _

_ D: Nice car, you know?  _

_ D: But I’m more of a classic cars kinda guy _

_ D: Now we do sometimes do car mods for clients _

_  C: Mods?.. _

_ D: Modifications. _

_ D: Want a stronger engine? You got it! More horsepower? Custom paint job? Awesome sound system?  _

_ D: Hell, I even installed a gun rack on someone’s truck once.. _

_  C: Welcome to the south… _

_ D: Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, right? _

_ D: Dude didn’t look like your average Southern Joe... _

_ D: He may as well have been dealing drugs  ;) _

_  C:  :D _

_ D: Anyway, guy says he wants a custom paint job, and I’m thinking ‘Sweet!’ and start bouncing ideas at him _

_ D: And I had some pretty damn great ones, too, you know? _

_  C: Who does the painting? _

_ D: We send it out to an off-site contractor if it’s only a paint job, but if someone is asking for something unique or a detailed painting then we add the actual painting ourselves _

_  C: How many employees are in your garage? _

_ D: It’s a family business. Just my uncle Bobby who owns the place and myself doing the repairs, and Kevin, who manages our books for us as part time job till he graduates from Uni. _

_  C: Do you paint, Dean? _

_ D: Only when it can’t be done by the contractor… _

_  C: I’d like to see some of your custom paint jobs sometime, if that is alright with you. _

_ D: Sure, just go on  _ _ www.singersautocustom.com _

_  C: So what did the client with the Charger decide on? _

 

Dean laughed aloud and had to attempt a breath several times before he could type his reply.

 

_ D: The guy wanted to fucken ‘Frozen’ the car!!! _

_  C: I’m sorry, I don’t follow… _

_ D: Frozen? Disney?? _

_ D: Turns out it was a gift for his girlfriend, and she wanted a Frozen paint job _

_ D: Told him he should probably change his girlfriend before changing the car’s colour and sent him packing… _

_ D: Ain’t putting my name on any Disney car pimping… _

_  C: Maybe he wanted to treat the car like the princess she is  :) _

_ D: Nope. Nope. Not even funny. _

_ D: That’s like dressing Han Solo in a tutu dress… _

_  C: You know Star Wars is Disney’s now, right? _

_  C: Basically, princess Leia is a Disney princess… _

_ D: Star Wars is different. I’d do a Star Wars paint job any day _

_  C:  :) _

_   
_ The chat box went quiet for several moments after that, and Dean used the break to take another sip of beer and think. He’d also wanted to give Cas a chance to ask something too, since they’ve talked about cars so far, Dean’s area of interest, and he wanted to give Cas a chance to change the subject politely if she was bored.

But when the chat box was still quiet a few more minutes, Dean started to get anxious.

 

_ D: Cas? _

_ D: Still there? _

_  C: Of course, Dean. _

_  C: Simply looking at the gallery on your website. There are some wonderful works of art there. _

_ D: Thanks…  :) _

_  C: You are very talented _

 

Dean blushed despite no one there to see it, but a small smile of satisfaction also crept into his face. He felt the heat of the complement rising to colour his cheeks pink. 

He knew he was talented, the garage did well and had a good reputation all through the area, but coming from Cas it somehow felt… more. It was not only her praise that he valued, but also her attention. She wasn’t just polite towards him, she was truly interested to learn about his passions.

 

_  C: Dean _

_ D: Yea? _

_  C: I ran out of beer _

_ D:  :) _

_ D: Go get another? _

_  C: It’s almost 4:00am… _

_  C: My head is only barely missing the keyboard every time it drops _

_ D: Tired? _

_  C: Very _

_  C: I apologize, I know we were both looking forward to have this time all to ourselves, but I think the stress is finally getting to me.  _

_  C: Would you excuse me if I retire?... _

 

Dean couldn’t help the deep disappointment he felt at ending their Chat. He knew Cas was not tired of him, just tired, he was too, but his mouth still went sour with the thought.

 

_ D: Sure. _

_  C: Talk again tomorrow? _

_  C: 22:00, when you’re back from dinner at your Uncle Bobby’s? _

_ D: Yea! Definitely   :) _

 

And just like that, Cas made everything better again. 

For a moment he could imagine the proud smile on her face at learning his schedule so they could coordinate their meetings so well, and he was bursting as well. His chest felt warm again, before his eyes and his brain finally caught up with the time and he felt the weight of the hour heavy on his limbs.

Reluctantly, he moved to his bed, and he would never admit it to anyone, but if he fell asleep smiling that night it was his own goddamn business.

  
  


Something soft and light hit Dean’s face into a rude awakening, then bounced away.

“Dude, it’s almost noon! What are you doing still sleeping??” Sam’s voice carried in the bedroom, and he grunted quietly. “You didn’t even go out with us last night, why are you still in bed?”

Dean pulled his blanket over his head, which muffled his mumbles. “I talked to Cas till four in the morning…”

“Seriously?..” Sam gave him a glaring bitchface, after pulling the blanket back off his head. “This is why you preferred to stay in? I finally finish my exams and join you, and you ditch us for a girl?..”

Dean lifted his head to look at Sam, eyebrow raised and eyes squinting. “Cas is not just A girl, Sammy, you know that.” He was not yet completely awake, he was fooling himself that he’d still be able to go back to sleep. “Cas is... She’s so not like anyone else…” He added as his head dropped back to his pillow.

“Enough to pass on a night out with your brother and your best friend?” Sam was now pulling the blanket entirely off, trying to pry it out of Dean’s death grip.

“YES.” Dean growled hoarsely as he lost the pulling contest with Sam, shrugging at the loss of its warmth and comfort.

Sam was tugging at his shirt now, the persistent asshole. “Come on, Dean, you’re wasting daylight, we haven’t hung out together for ages, I’m finally done with exams and I want my brother back.”

That brought Dean back into the land of the living, and he opened one eye lazily to look at Sam, who was now sitting at the edge of his bed. “God, you’re so pretty when you beg…”

That earned Dean a slap right across the back of his thigh.

“Jerk..” Sam was failing to hold off a smile.

“Bitch..” Dean was grinning up at him.

 

“So things are getting pretty tight with Cas, huh?” Sam asked as Dean placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of each of them.

“I guess..” He pulled his shoulder as he replied absently. “As much as they can, when I’ve never met the girl.”

“Have you talked about it? Meeting, I mean” Sam asked and leaned to breath in his coffee.

“No.” Dean replied as he sat.

“Really?” Sam tried to sip, but it was still too hot. “The way you talk about her, I assumed you were already planning your first date…” He blew gently to cool the searing liquid “Or what to call your kids, or whatever..”

Dean’s head jerked up quickly in shock. “Shut up, Sam!” He looked back down into his mug, but if the heat in his face was any indication, he guessed he was blushing furiously. He had never thought about kids, but Cas made him… well… not hate the idea… 

“Cas and I are taking things our own pace.” Dean murmured, “Besides, I don’t wanna be creepy or anything…”

“But dude, you gotta at least let her know that you’re interested, soon.” Sam pushed. “Before you get friendzoned…”

“I know.” Dean agreed softly.

“There’s a delicate balance between ‘Wow, I really thought you were different from all the other douchebags’,” Sam’s voice took a higher pitch as he mimicked an annoying female voice, “and ‘no, I love you too much, you’re like a brother to me!’. You gotta time it just right.”

Dean started tapping his fingers on the table nervously. He loved Sammy, but Sam knew nothing about the special, profound bond he had with Cas. It was all building towards something good, he was sure of that, there was no timestamp to their friendship and no expiration date on what it could become when they decide to take it to the next level. They were just happy as they were, taking it slow.

So he did what he normally does when he’s tired of listening to Sam’s ranting. He changed the subject.

 

“What about your girl? How’s Jess?”

“Oh, uh…” Sam slumped a little in his chair. “We... kinda broke up...”

“What??” Dean jerked in surprise. “When? Why? Dude, she was FIRE!” Dean leaned in to listen better. 

“About three weeks ago,” Sam replied, “Right after finals started.”

“Talk about crappy timing!” Dean exclaimed, annoyed. “Shit, I’m sorry, man… What happened?”

“Yea, no.. I know.. Thanks..” Sam struggled for a moment.

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” Dean’s eyes were full of understanding.

“No, It’s just… well, it kinda went up in flames. I guess her family finally got to her.” Sam’s eyes narrowed and he flinched in irritation. “Her dad always said she was too good for me, that I was a nobody, no class, not from a good enough family… I guess bloodlines and legacies were more important to him.”

“So what?? That’s a load o’crap and you know it!” Dean’s anger bubbled through his voice, “Jess loves you! Since when does she listen to that kinda shit? Besides, it only shows you can do it on your own, without daddy’s help with money or connections!”

Sam took slow sips of his coffee, stalling, and then studied his mug for a few moments. “We’ve been talking about it a lot, recently.” He finally said. “She never said she agreed with her parents, but she is an only child, and her parents mean a lot to her, even if she didn’t say so.” He paused again to take another sip. “A while now, she’s been saying that if I ever wanted to impress her dad I needed to be better, be all I can be. That I was smart, and I needed to do great things. And now that we were almost out of school, these arguments became even more frequent, because I needed to fulfill my potential - ”

“Which you are doing.” Dean cut him off. “You’re brilliant, Sammy, and you’ll be a great lawyer, I know that.”

“Yea, only her idea of ‘fulfilling my potential’ was me going into corporate law and making shitloads of money, while my idea was to go into criminal law and maybe lock up some bad guys, you know, fight the good fight.” Sam shook his head in disappointment. “And then three weeks ago when I got the internship at the public prosecutor’s office - “

“You WHAT??”

Sam smiled faintly. “Oh, yea, forgot to tell you…” 

“Sammy, how the hell could you forget to tell me something like that??” Dean lifted his half empty mug and tossed it towards Sam, frowning, but with no real heat in the gesture. “This is awesome! I’m so proud of you, baby brother!” He grinned at the other man.

“Because three weeks ago when I got the internship at the public prosecutor’s office,” Sam raised an eyebrow and repeated, “We had a big fight over it. Jess said she didn’t want me hanging near all those lowlife scums, pissing off criminals, and since I’m so smart I am bound to make some enemies on the way. She said she was scared for me, and the fact that this is what I want, that this is what would make me happy, that this is what I’m GOOD at, is irrelevant.”

“Point, Sam.” Dean nodded half-heartedly, “She’s just worried for you. She’ll come around.”

“You think?” Sam’s smile turned bitter, “Cause get this, couple days ago I found out she started dating Brady.”

“Wait, Brady?.. The guy who introduced you to each other Brady?” Dean gaped out in astonishment.

“Yeah. Apparently HE’s going into corporate, and HIS family has all the right credentials.” Sam grimaced. “And apparently, his dad and Jess’ dad are golf buddies at the country club…”

“Shit, man, I’m so sorry…” Dean intently studied the pattern of his tabletop, afraid to catch Sam’s eyes. “I really thought you were gonna marry that one..”

“Yeah,” Sam retorted, “So did I. The thing is,” Sam changed from furious to upset between breaths, “I really thought she was the one. She woke me up from mundane. She made me laugh, she made me hope.” He pauses. “She made me happy.”

Sam sighed and sunk further into himself on the kitchen chair.

“Plenty of fish in the sea?..” Dean offered apologetically, and Sam huffed in response.

“I know, I just..”

Dean looked up at his brother, idly rolling the empty coffee mug in his hands, seemingly wrapped in thoughts, and got up.

The motion woke Sam to look up at him. “Grab your stuff, and get the beers from the fridge.”

Sam looked alert as he stood as well. “Where are we going?”

“Clinton Lake. Remember that spot you used to like when we were kids, off E900?”

Sam’s face immediately brightened up a little.

  
  


They spent a couple of hours sprawled on the hood of the Impala like when they were teens, drinking beer and talking about school and stuff. Sam’s graduation was soon, and he invited Dean to the ceremony. He gave Dean a knowing smile when he extended the invitation to ‘plus one’.

 

They went straight to Bobby and Jody’s from there, and the surprised look on Jody’s face when they were early only dissipated when Dean extended her the pie they got on their way there, along with the promise to help out with dinner.

Soon he was busy stirring and chopping, Jody working alongside him, Bobby and Sam sitting at the high stools near the kitchen island. Normally, Bobby would help, but he said he was feeling tired today, and Jody said Dean and herself were more than enough, and that too many chefs spoil the broth anyway. 

They were engaged in lively conversation, but in the back of Dean’s mind a small voice was both happy that an early start with his family probably would mean leaving early to go home to Cas, and ashamed to even be thinking that.

  
  


Dean did eventually come home a bit early, and woke his computer immediately to see if Cas was online.

As it turned out, she was.

 

_ D: Hey Cas _

_ D: There? _

_  C: Hello, Dean _

_  C: You’re early  :) _

_ D: Yea _

_  C: Couldn’t wait to see me again?  ;) _

 

Dean’s mind screeched to a halt as it registered the flirtatious message. He wasn’t sure how he wanted to react to that. 

On one hand, he was nervous about moving things forward. On the other hand, it was Cas who started it, and he really wanted to, and it was about damn time.

 

_ D: I would need to see you first in order to see you again…  :) _

 

Dean waited, breath drawn, for Cas to respond. 

The chat box was quiet. Too quiet. For too long.

Was he too bold? 

Did he overstep?

Shit, he did, didn’t he?... He should have known better… He was quickly slipping into the ‘creep’ slot, and he could not take it back… SHIT.

After several minutes he had to type again, before he drove himself into a full blown panic attack.

 

_ D: Cas? _

_ D: There? _

 

It took a moment longer before Cas responded.

 

_  C: I apologize, Dean, I was caught up with something _

_  C: I thought I had more time _

_ D: Am I interrupting? _

_  C: Yes _

_  C: But I enjoy the interruption  :) _

_  C: I am just sending out some CVs to a few contacts I have, regarding open positions. _

_ D: Oh _

_ D: Looking for a new job? _

_  C: Yes _

_  C: Sorry, you deserve my full attention, there is nothing I would like more, but I have to do this _

_ D: It’s fine, Cas, I get it _

_ D: Do your thing _

_ D: Let me know when you’re done? _

_  C: Of course, Dean. _

 

Dean opened a new tab to read some of his favorite online magazines until Cas was done working. He completely understood Cas’ need to find a new job, fast, considering the nearing deadline of her branch closing, and that she was about to lose two whole weeks on entertaining her cousins, but he was unable to overlook the fact that Cas completely ignored his message about seeing each other for the first time.

Something in his stomach dropped, but he figured it was only fair, and if Cas chose to ignore it then maybe she wasn’t ready yet, and in that case he shouldn’t push the idea.

Now she knew that he wanted to see her, and she should bring that up again when she was comfortable.

He decided not to attempt anything further.

 

He was just checking out a new fuel injection cleaning kit, when the chat box started blinking with a new message.

 

_  C: Dean? _

_  C: All done. _

_ D: Here _

_  C: Fine! I’ll call you tomorrow. _

 

Dean froze. He could hear his pulse pounding in his ears for a few endless seconds, before another message from Cas appeared.

 

_  C: Sorry, wrong chat… _

_  C: I am just trying to end a conversation with my cousins, about next week. _

_  C: They are driving me crazy… They can’t seem to wrap their daft little stuck up British heads around the fact that I only have two weeks off _

_  C: Or that I have a life other than driving them around the country  _

_ D: Wow, you really don’t like your cousins… _

_  C: Mick and Toni can be selfish, bitchy tossers when they want to. _

_  C: Which is to say - most of the time… _

 

That was the first time Dean ever saw Cas swearing so enthusiastically. Or at all. If anything, he liked her even more for it. It made her feel more… human. Real. Reachable. 

 

_ D: Anything else you wanna get off your chest while you’re at it?  :) _

_  C: No, thank you. _

_  C: I think I’m done. _

_  C: All yours now. _

 

‘I wish..’ Dean thought to himself.

 

_ D: So you got your itinerary ready for the trip? _

_  C: Almost. _

_  C: I was thinking about starting in Nashville, Tennessee, going south through Alabama, to Pensacola, Florida, then turn west to New Orleans, go along the Louisiana coast, to Houston, Texas, then north to Dallas, then Oklahoma and then back to Illinois. _

_  C: My cousins want to go to Memphis, see Graceland, but I thought Nashville would be much more interesting if they want to absorb a Country vibe.  _

_  C: Don’t you agree? _

_ D: I guess… _

_ D: Though I do see the appeal in visiting Graceland  :) _

_  C: I believe I have already told you of my dislike of tourist-traps? _

_  C: It is bad enough that I would need to chaperone those bloody infantiles through all the rest of it, and Gabe isn’t helping! _

_ D: Gabe?.. _

_  C: My brother, Gabriel _

_ D: Oh, right! _

_  C: He’s somehow got himself excused from accompanying us on account of not being able to leave work, and now he spends all his energy on joking on my behalf _

_ D: I get that he dislikes your cousins as much as you do? _

_  C: Oh, no. _

_  C: Gabe dislikes EVERYONE _

_  C: And he thinks everything is a joke _

_  C: I love him dearly, but sometimes it’s like schooling a three-year-old… _

_ D:  :) _

_ D: Anything I can do to help calm you down? _

_  C: You are already doing it  :) _

_  C: Let’s play our game _

_  C: Ask me another question _

_ D: Ok _

_ D: What are you listening to right now? _

_  C: Nick Drake, Pink Moon _

_  C: It gives a nocturnal vibe, I find it very fitting with my mood.  _

_  C: You? _

_ D: Nothing yet. Just thinking what I wanna play now _

_ D: Maybe Elvis?  _

_ D: Talking about seeing Graceland kinda got me in the mood.  _

_  C: Lord, I HATE Elvis… _

_ D: Srsly? Why?? _

_  C: I am not sure. _

_  C: But I tend to tear up whenever I happen to listen to him. _

_ D: Ok then. No Elvis. Ever.  :) _

_ D: Maybe Van Morrison? _

_ D: What do you think? _

_  C: :) _

_  C: Which album? _

_ D: Astral Weeks? _

_  C: Perfect.  _

 

Dean could think about a lot of things he could ask Cas, but if this was one of their last conversations before they were off for two weeks, he decided he was not in for a heart-to-heart talk. He wanted something goofy and entertaining, a stimulating conversation to take their minds off of things.

 

_ D: So, if you could destroy the world and restart it _

_  C: I see this is going to be an interesting question... _

_ D: I’m talking Noah and the flood kinda thing, total apocalypse… _

_ D: How would you do it? _

_ D: Go full biblical, Cas, don’t be shy! _

_  C: Oh, wow… _

_  C: Do I have to kill everyone? _

_ D: Only if you want to _

 

The chat box went quiet. They were both contemplating their possible replies.

 

_  C: How would you do it? _

_ D: I think I’m gonna start a Zombie apocalypse. _

_ D: I’d create a virus that imitates a zombie behaviour, and infect the entire population. _

_  C: What about the people you care about? _

_ D: Then I’ll isolate the genes of everyone I love so the virus won’t be able to affect them. _

_ D: And then grab a big-ass shotgun and go hunting  ;) _

_  C: And me? _

_ D: Don’t worry, babe, I’ll keep you safe  :) _

 

Dean cringed as soon as he pressed Enter and regretted that last bit. 

He hoped Cas would not see too much into it, or be offended.

Dean watched as Cas’ icon was blinking, typing and stopping repeatedly. He thought Cas would end up lecturing him on his chauvinist approach, or asking him to change the question, but then the typing on Cas’ side resumed and hadn’t stopped for a few moments, and he decided to wait.

 

_  C: I’d build a hovercraft, completely overlayed with loudspeakers, and blast Black Sabbath over the entire planet. Bring the wrath of heavy metal upon the earth. Blessed are the metalheads: for they shall inherit the earth  :) _

 

Dean’s jaw dropped as he read Cas’ reply.

 

_ D: Holy shit, this is so many levels of awesome! _

_  C: Will you join me?  _

_ D: Damn right I will!  _

_ D: What part will I take?  :) _

_  C: Right by my side, Dean. Blaring the music as loud as you like  :) _

_ D: Sounds like my rightful place. _

_  C: I will grip you tight and raise you from the fires of hell on earth, to stand beside me on the verge of a new nihilistic world. No more obeying, no more self doubt. _

_ D: Go team free-will?  :) _

_  C: Exactly  :) _

_ D: I like it. _

_ D: Damn _

_ D: Way better than mine   _

 

Dean happened to glance at the clock on the wall next to him desk. It was nearing three in the morning, and he was getting tired.

 

_ D: Can I send you something, before we go to sleep? _

_  C: Of course. _

_ D:  _ [ _ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UUYjd2rjsE _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UUYjd2rjsE)

_ D: I think I found mine  :) _

_ D: Night, Cas. _

 

Dean logged off without waiting for Cas’ reply. He didn’t think he’d be able to read her response to the song he just sent. He usually hated chick-flick moments, but Send Me an Angel just seemed to fit his current mood so well, he had to share it with her. It felt awkwardly good to know they were listening to the same thing at the same time. For Cas to know that she made him think of this song.

He sat at his desk for a few more minutes, tempted to wait for her to log off as well before logging in again, just to check if she replied, but he wanted the warmth in his chest to last, he wanted this to be the last thing he felt before he went to sleep. 

He scraped himself off his chair to move to the bed unwillingly, but sank in immediately, a blurry image of himself and a beautiful winged angel standing on a hovering platform of loudspeakers amidst a red smokey sky filling his mind.

  
  


Dean’s phone woke him up in the morning and he mentally kicked himself for forgetting to put it on silent mode.

He accepted the call without looking at the screen and heard Charlie’s perky voice on the other end. “Dude, where are you? We’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes!”

Dean checked his watch and started when he realized it was quarter past eleven. He made plans to meet the guys for breakfast at eleven, and he was already late.

“Sorry!” he blurted, “Sorry! My bad! On my way!” He hung up before anyone could say anything further and jumped out of bed. 

He took a quick shower and was out the door no more than ten minutes later.

 

He arrived at the coffee place at twenty to twelve. Sam was eyeing him oddly, but Charlie jumped to her feet to give him a huge hug, seemingly not bothered by his late arrival at all. The rest of the guys waved at him, but they were too deep in conversation about something to properly acknowledge him.

He leaned towards Sam and nudged him slightly. “Hey, man, how are you holding?”

Sam gave him a small nod. “I’m ok, really. Don’t worry about me.”

Dean turned to him and lowered his voice. “Sammy, you were ready to propose to that girl, how am I supposed not to worry about you?”

“I’m fine.” Sam repeated. “Honest to god.” He gave a small, comforting smile, and Dean thought it was weird that Sam is taking this better than he did. “Dean, for me it was over three weeks ago, I’ve had time to… mourn…”

Dean shook his head in dismay. “I’m your brother, I should have been there for you. You should have told me right away.”

“I know.” Sam agreed. “But you looked so happy about Cas, and I was in the middle of exams, and we didn’t have that many chances to catch up.” he said. “Promise, no more keeping stuff from you.” 

“Who’s keeping stuff from Who?” Charlie leaned in from Dean’s other side to listen too.

Fortunately, food arrived and they didn’t have to share with the entire class.

 

A moment later Kevin and Benny were deep in discussion about the next Moondoor LARPing event and what kind of weapons Kevin wanted to make. Benny was helping him with ideas about style and materials, Charlie contributing occasionally about safety issues and detail accuracy for the era, and Jo clinging almost religiously to Benny’s arm and repeatedly rolling her eyes at what she referred to as ‘the geeky shit I have to put up with’.

 

“Hey, Charlie, did you decide what you’re gonna do about the Dick Roman situation?”

Dean’s head swiveled towards Jo, then towards Charlie.

He remembered Charlie telling him about her boss offering her a promotion, but he thought it was a done deal. She was bummed for days about this.

“I think I’m gonna decline.” She said. “Again…”

“Wait, I thought you said he offered you a better deal?” Kevin joined in.

“Yea, they want to give me R&D.” Charlie shied away into her chair. “But I’m a hacker, I don’t wanna read boring stuff all day!”

Dean sniggered. “Isn’t that the same thing?” And that earned him a slap on his arm from Charlie. “Watch it, handmaiden!”

“I need to code, I need to do actual work, not board meetings and office politics!” She moved uneasily in her chair, “Plus this means relocating to the headquarters of Roman Industries, and I don’t wanna move. I like the way my life is right now.”

“Signing bonus wasn’t big enough?” Kevin laughed.

Charlie ignored him. “You know I don’t have much family. You guys are it. Money isn’t everything…” she sneaked a look at Kevin.

Dean hugged her and pulled her in. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna, kiddo, you know that, right?” He kissed her temple softly.

“Yeah…” She sighed into his chest.

“Coming over to marathon Game of Thrones later?”

She shot up, eyes twinkling. “Popcorn’s on me.” 

  
  


Charlie ended up staying longer than anticipated, and Dean only logged in very late in the evening.

 

_ D: Hey Cas _

_  C: Dean! _

_ D: Sorry I’m late… _

_  C: That’s all right. _

_  C: I apologize, I only have four hours before I have to leave to pick my cousins up from the airport _

_  C: I only stayed to ask you something _

_  C: Before we leave on our road trip _

_ D: Sure, go ahead _

 

The chat box went quiet for a few moments. 

 

_  C: Last night you said something _

_  C: When we chatted _

_  C: Our itinerary is almost complete, except for the route back to Illinois _

_  C: We could either drive back through Missouri, or through Kansas... _

 

Dean’s mouth went dry in an instant, heart pounding at what Cas might say next.

 

_  C: What you said, about seeing each other the first time... _

 

Dean felt as if his heart did a triple take with a twist and landed very badly on his lungs.

He couldn’t breath.

Cas HAD noticed. This was happening…

Cas was struggling with her next sentence, so Dean typed before she could continue.

 

_ D: Yea! Absolutely _

_ D: If you think your cousins wouldn’t mind, and the drive is not too much for you.. _

_  C: No more than I am willing to drive for this  :) _

 

Dean could imagine a shy smile on a pretty girl, and he could not contain the huge grin that plastered over his face.

 

_ D: So… _

_ D: How do we do this? _

_  C: Would it be ok if I called you before we start heading back? _

_ D: Sure _

_ D: Yeah _

 

Dean quickly sent Cas an email with his phone number.

 

_  C: Thank you, Dean. _

 

Dean could not see Cas, but he got the feeling she was just as nervous and excited as he was at the moment.

This felt… monumental. A sudden heaviness settled in his guts, a zealous edge to his behaviour that would only dissipate after he’d meet Cas. It was a nagging feeling that something important was set into motion. It could either be everything he’d hoped for, or devastatingly disappointing. 

 

_ D: Thank you. _

_  C: I hope you won’t be disappointed _

_ D: Disappointed? _

_  C: With me _

_ D: I don’t think there is any chance of that happening _

_ D: There is NO WAY IN HELL I can be disappointed with you, Cas _

_ D: Not at this point... _

_ D: So… I’ll see you soon, then  :) _

_  C: Yes, you will  :) _

_  C: Good night, Dean _

_ D: Night, Cas _

_ D: Don’t forget to drop me an email whenever you can  :) _

  
  
  


The next coule days went by quietly.

Dean really missed talking to Cas, he found himself composing whole stories in his head to tell her at night about stuff that happened to him during the day, only to remember that she wouldn’t be online for what had become their routine over the last few weeks.

He laughed at himself when he thought that they’d only been chatting for a few weeks. He felt like he knew her for years. There was a certain familiarity and ease to their conversations, that would not come normally with strangers, sometimes not even with friends. She was… 

Perfect.

  
  


Cas’ first email arrived on Thursday. 

Dean only came in late from the bar, so opening the email showed him two messages.

  
  


_ Hello Dean, _

_ So far so good. I have not yet smitten anyone. Neither my cousins nor Gabe, who had done a marvelous job at testing my patience.  _

_ We have arrived in Nashville on Tuesday night, checked in to a motel, but did not do much that evening, thankfully. I had tried sharing the 8-hour drive with my cousins, but neither seemed to be able to keep to the right side of the road… I suspect they did it out of petulance, rather than incapability. _

_ During the last two days we managed to visit quite a lot of the city. I specifically enjoyed The Hermitage and Cheekwood Botanical Gardens, and the Country Music Hall of Fame. We made a stop at the Jack Daniels Distillery on our way, to have a taste, and it made me think of you  :) _

_ We also went by the Batman building. It does resemble the character, I thought you would appreciate the structure  :) _

_ We didn’t plan on it, but we came across the WhatLiftsYou wings mural, and they insisted we all take our pictures with the wings. I do not normally like being photographed, but I would admit my photo came out very nice. _

_ Tomorrow we expect to visit Belmont Mansion, and I have been saving the best for last: Ryman Auditorium and Music Row Studio, and I wish I was able to share this with someone who actually appreciates it...  _

_ We are just about to go out to dinner now. _

_ See you soon, Dean. _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean scrolled down to the second message.

He frowned as he read. 

  
  


_ they made me do karaoke, dean!! _

_ jolene, dean! out of all the great song picks, they made me sing jolene!!! _

_ forgive me, i might not make our meeting, dean, if i am in jail for killing those twats!!! _

  
  


Why is she doing it to herself? Why did she not just say ‘No’ to the whole thing?...

Dean typed a quick reply, telling Cas she was too good and too precious to do anything like that, before going to bed.

  
  


Her next email came on Saturday, and Dean would be lying if he said he was not biting his nails with anticipation. He was unfocused to the point of catching his finger under a car’s hood and zoning out during dinner with Bobby and Jody.

Sam noticed it first, of course. He asked Dean about it, but what was he supposed to say? That he misses this girl he’s never met, so much that even Jody’s pie couldn’t comfort him? It was silly, he was a grown man, and grown men didn’t fall in love over the internet like some moody teen…

And yet, seeing the new email notification made his gut burn and his lips turn up in a smile the moment he saw it, before even reading one word.

  
  


_ Hello Dean, _

_ I hope you are well.  _

_ A few days more with no incident, both cousins still alive and annoying. _

_ I apologize for my previous email, I usually do not message under the influence of alcohol. Forgive me, I was distressed. I do not sing. Ever.  _

_ I pity the other patrons in the bar that evening and would compensate them for any permanent damage, but I was unable to track them all down… Luckily, the owners decided not to press charges, but there may be a picture of us in every Nashville karaoke bar from now on, as a warning to ban us on sight.  _

_ Nashville had been very kind to us (well, except the karaoke incident..), but we left early this morning on our way south to Pensacola.  _

_ I decided to have a mellow day and enjoy the road. We stopped to have a brunch picnic at Point Mallard Park in Alabama. We are not in season for the Hot Air Balloon Festival, but it is still a very pleasant and scenic area. _

_ And then we made another stop that made me wish you were here. We visited the Barber Vintage Motorsports Museum in Birmingham, Dean. I would have been perfectly content to simply stay in the motorcycle section, merely gliding my hand over some of them gave me a thrill, but you would have loved some of the classics exhibited there. It would make your fingers itch, I am sure   :) _

_ I must admit, I miss our conversations more than I imagined I would. I suppose I have grown accustomed to telling you everything, and I could use your reassuring words right now, to calm my thirst for my dear cousins’ blood.... _

_ Soon, though… _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean was laughing aloud by the time he finished reading her email. Cas was amazing. She could read him easily, her dark sense of humour was drawing tears from his eyes, and he felt like she knew him. Really knew him. No masks, no pretending, he had always been himself talking to her, she knew every flaw of his, and she still liked him.

He had visited most of the places she mentioned, in this email and the previous, he loved a good roadtrip, he used to take so many with Sammy, and she was spot-on on every place she described for him. 

Dean smiled and typed a reply.

  
  


_ Heya Cas, _

_ Happy to hear everyone’s still alive. Though I would come visit you in jail if I had to  :) _

_ I miss our convos too. During the day I keep thinking there is so much I wanna tell you, and then I read your emails and just… everything slips away.  _

_ I’m reading your messages and I’m grinning like an idiot, alone in my apartment, and everything I wanted to tell you doesn’t matter anymore, because you know what? You’re awesome. _

_ Try to enjoy yourself as much as you can, despite the dickwads… And I AM there with you, Cas, cause you never leave my mind   :) _

_ Soon. _

_ Dean. _

  
  


Sunday was a lazy day for Dean, as always. Charlie wanted to come over to continue watching GoT with him, and then Kevin and Sam decided to join too, and then they thought what the heck and called Jo and Benny to join. It was fun, but it left Dean with a pile of dishes. Not that he minded much, he loved having his friends over, and he loved playing host. Just, maybe next time use disposables?... Meh.

Come evening he had every intention of doing the dishes before he went to bed, but then his computer pinged for an incoming email and the warm, fuzzy feeling in his brain chased away every other thought.

  
  


_ Hello Dean, _

_ First, you can tell me anything. Don’t ever think that your daily occurrences mean any less because they are not out of the ordinary. I will always be happy to hear anything you want to tell me. _

_ Second, I was correct. Reading your email, however short, had the exact calming effect that I was hoping for. The… dickwads… apparently owe you their lives. They still have all their limbs attached, and are breathing regularly (for the time being). _

_ Pensacola is very sunny and relaxing, we spent the day at the beach, admiring the wonderful shade of blue in every direction. _

_ I originally intended to catch a Blue Angels practice flight (the  _ _ Navy's flight demonstration squadron), but upon our arrival we learned that they only fly on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so we had to relinquish our plan. I must say I was really looking forward to it… _

_ We leave for New Orleans tomorrow first thing in the morning, and I am excited. I love that city, I only wish we could visit during the Mardi Gras. _

_ I will hold you to your word, Dean. You are with me, in my mind, always. Please, don’t stray away. _

_ Until we meet. _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean could feel his insides turn at the almost sentiment in Cas’ email. She never gave him any hint that she was interested in being more than friends until now, and it was just an inkling of an undertone in her words, but he gasped at the dull pain getting hold of his chest at… possibilities. Just the option that the feelings were mutual.

  
  


_ Heya Cas, _

_ I’m sure your cousins aren’t that bad, they can’t be complete douchebags. Just suck it up and be brave, for me. You’re visiting all these cool places, just Zen the assholes out and have some fun. Try talking to them, I mean really getting to know them, maybe they’re not so bad. It’s only two weeks, almost half of it gone already, and you’re gonna be just fine, Cas.  _

_ I’m gonna be here at the end of it. _

_ Anyway, New Orleans is awesome. Just the vibe there can get your bells on. And make sure you try one of those French pastries, they’re delicious  :) _

_ See ya, Cas. _

_ Dean _

  
  


Monday night Dean hoped to get a new email. He was not sitting at his desk waiting, but he kept finding himself drifting to it, or staying within earshot, you know, so he could hear if there was any incoming message. Or not. He could read it later. He had stuff to do, anyway. It’s not like he sat by the phone waiting…

He supposed Cas was busy. New Orleans was an amazing city, so much to do, so much to see in such a short time. And she was the sole driver, it seems, so he wouldn’t blame her if she was beat. It’s just one night. She didn’t have to write to him every single day, she was on a trip, she was having fun, he was happy for her. Really. 

 

On Tuesday night Dean found himself pacing back and forth in his room. Still no email received. 

Why wasn’t she writing? She didn’t have wifi? But she had his number, she could text him. Just to let him know she was ok, nothing weird. She could… call… just to say a few words. Though he was glad their first call wasn’t going to be a few rushed words between coming and going.

And he didn’t wanna push it. He himself was nervous about seeing her, or even actually talking to her, so she must be worked up as well, having to pick up the phone herself. He could sympathize. Dean just had to keep busy till he heard from her again. No worries.

 

He tried to distract himself with other things. House chores, then he called Sam and they talked for a while about Sam’s plans, and whether or not Jess is going to be at his graduation ceremony, he even let his brother talk about emotions for a while, but Sam eventually noticed and quit on his own. His brother did know him all too well.

Then he chatted with Charlie a bit, thinking it was two birds with one shot because he was distracted by their chat but still at his computer, just in case.

He never mentioned Cas, not to his brother nor to Charlie. He didn’t need them snooping around and asking questions. He didn’t even tell them that he was going to meet Cas in less than a week, he didn’t want to jinx himself.

 

Less than a week.

Shit.

 

On Wednesday Dean had to work late at the garage. He would have finished the job earlier, but found it very hard to concentrate. Even Bobby saw it. He asked Dean if he was sick, or needed the rest of the day off, but Dean refused.

He welcomed the work, the sound of machinery and the beating heart of the motors. It was his safe place, his refuge, and he found comfort in the familiar motions and smells. 

He got home and took a long, hot shower, and even went to grab a bite to eat before checking his mailbox for new messages.

And there it was, waiting for him. An email from Cas. He couldn’t help the sigh of relief as he sat down to read.

  
  


_ Hello Dean, _

_ I apologize deeply that I was unable to write to you for so long. It feels like centuries. _

_ I started this email several times, and it took me since yesterday to complete it.  _

_ I hope it would please you to know though, that it was due to your advise that I was unable to write to you sooner. I did what you told me. I talked to them. Like strangers would, when getting to know each other. I gave them no favours for being family. I tried being honest, and it worked. Turns out my cousins are actually quite intelligent, when they are not trying to drive me insane. _

_ We saw the Jackson square and had those French pastries you praised (you were right, they are divine), we visited the cathedral and the plantation Anne Rice wrote about, The Mardi Gras World and Museum, and sat at the famous Cafe du Monde. And it was calm and new and exciting. They called it the city’s calming atmosphere, but I know better. _

_ Dean, this is the effect you have on me. Your way of reassuring, saying precisely what I need to hear, always at the right time. I don’t know how you do it, but your words always mean so much more to me than just their content.  _

_ I am sorry, maybe it is this old and heavy feeling the city lays upon me that makes me gush out like a silly girl, but I had to tell you. You have to know.  _

_ You were right. You are always right about me. I found two wonderful people and I owe it all to you. _

_ True, they can still be snotty little shits when they want something their way, but I let go, like you told me to. I agree and oblige, I gave up on butting heads, I drive and enjoy the moment. _

_ We are staying at the House of the Rising Sun B&B (which, by the way, looks nothing like a brothel, to my vast disappointment!) and I got to talking with the owners about the myth. It seems that there is major controversy as to where the actual House of the Rising Sun was, so I decided to abandon the wild-goose chase, and choose my own. I found it in a tiny ally around Royal St., in a small voodoo shop. I must have lingered there for a while, because Mick and Toni actually looked worried when they came back for me.  _

_ And I bought something. It just called at me. I was looking at the various objects in the shop, and I saw it. Weird looking and bright and outstandingly shiny amidst all the dusty junk that sat there. Kind of like you  :) _

_ The shopkeeper called it an angelblade, but I don’t know what it’s really for. I got it nonetheless. Left a pretty dollar for it, too.  _

_ We are about to leave now to go to dinner. _

_ There are so many places I still want to see here, but I guess they will have to wait to next time. Tomorrow we leave early, to Houston. _

_ Dean, I wanted to say thank you. This would have been a completely different experience for me if it wasn’t for your kind words. _

_ Is it odd that I am both enjoying this and at the same time can’t wait for it to be over?... _

_ I will see you at the end of it. _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean was fiddling with the hems of his tee shirt by the time he finished reading, and if his eyes were wet, well, he was tired and he’d been yawning. It had nothing to do with the weight of Cas’ words pressing heavy on his windpipe, blocking his breath and locking it in his chest. 

When it finally got out, it made a sound. He could call it a sob, but he didn’t.

He was so gone for that girl.

He thought he’d be pissed about it, but he wasn’t.

  
  


_ Heya Cas, _

_ I am happy that you’re ok and you’re enjoying yourself, and especially that you smoothed things up with your cousins.  _

_ No more bloodshed, yeah?  ;) _

_ I know what you mean, about the city’s entire history heavy on your shoulders as you walk the streets there, I felt it myself. Makes you feel insignificant, doesn’t it? _

_ I never found my House of the Rising Sun, though. Will you help me find mine? Next time?   :) _

_ And I think it’s only fitting that you’d find an angelblade, being the angel that you are. _

_ But me? I’m just a guy. That’s all. You flatter me, but I don’t deserve it. All I want is to be there for the people I care about.  _

_ That includes you too, Cas.  _

_ See ya. _

_ Dean _

  
  


He hoped to god that he didn’t have to wait three days again for Cas’ next email. He was still affected by Cas’ email the next day. Kevin said he had his usual bounce to his step again, the one that’s been missing for the last week or so.

As it turned out, he did not even have to wait till the evening. He noticed the new message icon when he was done cleaning his work station that afternoon, before he left to go home, and the timestamp on the email showed it had been there for a few hours. 

He pressed the icon and opened the message as he slid into the driver’s seat of his car.

  
  


_ Dean, look! _

_ We were just driving when we spotted the Texas Rangers Hall of Fame sign off the side of the road and Mick decided on the spur of the moment we need to go in.  _

_ And look what we found here: _

_ _

_ Yours. Has your name on it  ;) _

_ We’re still on our way to Houston, but they insisted I stop here. Not a complete waste of time after all.  _

_ By the way, our gracious guide informed us that Winchesters are the most reliable we could find, but they lack a little in style... _

_ Miss you. _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean heaved a small laugh at the picture of the display. He knew, of course, of the guns bearing the same name as his last name, but Cas being excited about it made him chuckle.

Cas’ playful tone was definitely a welcomed change, and her last comment left him clutching the wheel and tensing slightly in his seat. He wanted to write back: me too! Hell, he wanted to go there and tell her himself…

But it was already Thursday. Only five more days… Oh, god...

  
  


_ Heya Cas, _

_ Just don’t try and grab any. Us southern folks are real touchy ‘bout our firearms  :) _

_ And really, Cas? Lack in style?... Just a few days, sweetheart, then I wanna see you try and say that to my face! _

  
  


Cas didn’t write again that night, but Dean knew she’d send him something Friday, because there was no way she would leave him hangin’ again for so long.

He went to the pub with Charlie and Sam, as usual, more for a distraction than anything else, but went straight to his computer the minute he got home.

There was no new email.

 

He checked out some of his usual websites, downloaded some new music, and was about to call it a night.

  
  


_  C: Dean? _

_  C: You here? _

 

Dean grinned as the chat box appeared.

Chatting to Cas was not something unusual, it had become a routine for them. So why was his chest feeling so tight suddenly?

 

_ D: Yea _

_ D: Here _

_ D: Hey _

_  C: How are you, Dean? _

_ D: I’m ok _

_ D: Was hoping to hear from you again. _

_ D: This is better  :) _

_  C: I agree. _

_ D: So how’s Houston? _

_  C: Very nice. _

_  C: I insisted on visiting the Space Center, but that requires time, so we are going tomorrow morning, early _

_  C: That is why we decided to stay in tonight. _

_  C: That, and New Orleans was too much. We tried to bite more than we could chew… _

_ D: Yea, it’s that kinda place.  _

_  C: So we only visited the Beer Can House and Lake Houston today.  _

_  C: Easy day _

_ D: Awesome _

_ D: The Texas Rangers thing looked pretty cool  :) _

_  C: I did not mind it _

_  C: I told you I hate tourist traps, and this one definitely qualifies _

_  C: But I suppose it was… not horrible _

_ D: Come on, Cas, cowboys are awesome! _ _   
_

_ D: Admit it! _ _   
_

_  C: Yes, I know you like anything to do with cowboys… _

_  C: And the place was interesting, really, very well constructed _

_  C: But they had those stands where you could take your photo and make one of these ‘Wanted’ ads with your face on it. _

_  C: And Toni and Mick insisted on having one! _

_ D: So? _

_  C: With me! _

_ D: Lol… _

_ D: Pics or it never happened… _

_  C: Wait, sending. _

 

Dean stilled as he waited for Cas to send him the pic.

Shit, he was actually going to see her. Actually see what she looked like.

He realized he was holding his breath only when his head started spinning. 

He forced himself to exhale and shook himself awake just as the new email notification appeared.

He clicked on it hesitantly.

  
  
  
  


 

Damn, Cas WAS pretty. 

Dean’s mind was getting ahead of itself, seeing lush lips and gentle features. He wondered what it would be like to kiss her, and had to consciously stop this train of thoughts.

She wasn’t smiling much, but he supposed that was because her cousins made her take the photo. 

And good looks seemed to run in the family, he thought as he took notice of the two men at her sides. They didn’t seem like the stuck up spoiled brats she described, especially the one on the right, he didn’t know if that was Mick or Toni, but the guy had a really pleasant and easy smile on him. Handsome dude.

 

_  C: It’s horrible! _

_  C: Especially considering how much we paid to have our faces badly photoshopped into a stupid ‘Wanted’ ad… _

_ D: It’s not that bad… _

_ D: And at least you have a souvenir  :) _

_  C: Excuse me if I don’t share your view of it _

_  C: Since I do not share your enthusiasm for Westerns _

_ D: Quit sulking _

_ D: You were doing so well in New Orleans, once you let go of your inhibitions _

_ D: I want you to be happy, enjoy, even if it means being a little foolish sometimes _

_  C: I am trying, Dean _

_  C: I know you are right _

_  C: But old habits die hard _

_ D: Hey, I LOVED Die Hard! _

_ D:  _ _ Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker! _

_  C: Dean!!  :) _

_ D: There you go  :) _

_  C: Thank you, Dean _

_  C: I’m sorry, I have to go now. _

_ D: Sure, anytime _

_  C: Good night, Dean _

_ D: Night, Cas _

_ D: Have fun tomorrow _

_ D: Talk soon _

 

Dean went to bed with a full heart and a full smile.

Cas was just as beautiful as he imagined, she was everything he thought she would be. And soon... soon he’s be able to tell her that face to face, just before he would place a kiss to her cheek.

  
  


Cas wrote again on Sunday.

Dean was watching TV when he heard the familiar ping of a new message. He didn’t even pause the show. Springing up to his feet, he launched himself to his computer to view the new email. He was reading before he even sat his ass down.

  
  


_ Hello Dean, _

_ Finally have a moment to write to you again, my cousins left for dinner on their own tonight. _

_ They wanted me to join, but I have my priorities well in order, and decided to forgo dinner in favour of writing to you  :) _

_ Houston is very interesting, and I swear I squealed like a five-year-old during the Space Center tour. We also visited the Japanese Gardens, which were lovely. _

_ We are in Dallas now, but we only have a day here because we fell behind on schedule and have to start heading back on Tuesday. _

_ I can’t believe how fast this trip went! It went so much better than I had anticipated, and it is all thanks to you, Dean. I would still be a petulant, stubborn child if you had not shaken me straight. I would not have bothered getting to know my cousins if not for you. I appreciate it. _

_ We saw some of what Dallas has to offer, The Kennedy Memorial, the Reunion Tower, Dallas Heritage Village, but we had to give up other things (we were all reluctant to pass on Ripley’s Believe It Or Not). _

_ We leave tomorrow morning to Oklahoma, and of all the places we intend to visit, I cannot wait to see the Crystal Bridge! We will have to manage our time carefully again, though. _

_ And on Tuesday, around noon, we should start heading back. _

_ That means I will give you a call tomorrow night, to let you know exactly when we will be in Lawrence, and plan accordingly. _

_ I know social conventions demand more reserve, but I cannot help feeling excited. I do hope you find me as pleasing in person as you have online… _

_ Cas. _

  
  


Dean didn’t sleep much that night.

His imagination strayed between gently courting Cas and breathlessly kissing her, choosing the perfect place to take her to dinner and showing her his apartment begging her to feel at home.

He went to work, but functioned on autopilot, and just barely. He felt sick to his stomach and dizzy with panic and euphoria, and his thoughts felt like liquid refusing to flow.

He went through the motions, but eventually asked to be excused around mid day. He was unwilling to do a crappy job and put anyone at risk for this.

 

At Half past eight in the evening, his phone finally woke to chirp happily next to his hand, and his heart sank deep into the sofa for several moments before he could muster the courage to answer.

 

“Hello”, he said hesitantly into his phone.

 

“Hello”, A low, gravelly voice said on the other side.

Dean frowned for a moment. His nerves were too stretched for any marketing calls right now, Cas was about to call him. “Who is this?”

 

“Dean?” The voice shivered a little. “Dean, it’s Cas. I said I’d call...”

 

No, that was not possible, Cas was a girl, it must be one of her cousins pulling his leg…

 

“Is this Toni or Mick? Stop fucking with me, put Cas on the phone.” Dean said before realizing the voice on the phone did not have an accent.

 

“Dean, It’s me, Cas...” the voice said, desperately.

 

No, no… This wasn’t happening! Cas was a girl! She was supposed to be… his…

 

He hung up the call before he know what he was doing.

The device was silent for a moment, then started chirping again, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to answer, and after long minutes of repeated, teasingly cheerful chitter, it stopped.

 

He felt like something hard and blunt just sank heavily into his gut, nauseating and liquefying his brain and his knees. 

 

Cas was a dude?? But they spent so much time talking about the ex-boyfriend…

Realization washed over him like a cold shower. Cas was a... a gay dude??...

 

Ah, CRAP…

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

 

Dean sat on his living room sofa, confused, staring at his now quiet phone for a long time.

He didn’t know what to do. What to think.

He was completely in love with Cas, but HIS Cas was a woman. She was the perfect woman. Only she wasn’t, was she?... 

 

It wasn’t Cas’ fault, but he felt betrayed.

He was led to think that he met his perfect match, how is it that Cas never gave any indication he was a guy?? How come it never came up? They’ve been talking for weeks, all the things Cas shared with him about the ex…

Oh, gross… It was all about two guys, wasn’t it?.. 

Shit…

 

What was he supposed to do now? The woman he was completely in love with - she didn’t exist. It was all a lie. A big, fat, cocksucking lie! He winced at the thought.

 

It was only half past nine in the evening, but he got up and picked a bottle of scotch from his cupboard and headed to bed.

 

He placed his headphones on and pressed Play to… whatever would make enough noise in his head to quiet down his feelings, and took a slow swig directly from the bottle.

The liquid burned his throat, but he welcomed the sensation, helping to slide down the lump that was stuck there since he ended the call. 

Eventually, he fell asleep, and dreams about kisses and lush pink lips on a pretty angel, were mixing with fighting and kicking as unnaturally strong arms gripped tight around him until he couldn’t breath and a deep, gruff voice begged him Please, Dean, It’s me, Cas…

  
  


Dean called in sick the next day. It was so unlike him, he hadn’t missed a day of work in over two years now. But it was just one of those times when he just woke up in the morning and knew he couldn’t face the world right now. This was going to be a day of basking in self-pity and misery, and not seeing anyone.

 

Sam called sometime during the day, once he heard from Bobby that Dean didn’t show up to work.

This almost never happened, so Sam knew something was seriously wrong.

He didn’t answer at first, but at Sam’s fourth attempt it sunk in on him that Sam won’t quit until he answered, so he did.

 

“Can’t a guy even be sick for a day without everyone butting in?..” He groaned into his phone as he accepted the call.

“I’m not everyone, I’m your brother and I’m worried, you dick!” Sam’s voice was stern but warm. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap.” Dean grumbled and pulled the covers over his head. The scotch he downed last night didn’t do well with the headache he already had from brooding.

He heard Sam move on the other side of the line. “What do you have?”

Dean buried his face in the pillow but said nothing. How is he even going to start explaining this to his brother? To anyone?...

“I’m fine, Sammy!” he spoke into the soft linen of his beddings. “Just tired, you know, I get that sometimes. No need to get your panties in a twist…”

“Dean, what happened?” Sam sounded worried. “I’m already on my way over, and - “

“No, don’t, please... “ Dean couldn’t keep the tinge of a whine out of his voice. He just wanted to be left alone to mope! “I need to sleep this off, I’ll figure it out, don’t worry, I’ll be fine and dandy in no time.”

“Dean, are you sick or did something happen?” Dean’s long silence must have told him everything. “What happened?”

Dean didn’t even try to say anything. What was he supposed to say? ‘Oh, I’m ok, Sam, I just found out I was in love with a figment of my imagination!’ Or maybe ‘Jee, Sam, not much, except Cas is a dude and I have no fucking idea how I feel about this’. This was total bullshit…

“Is it Cas?” Sam asked, and Dean regretted ever telling anyone about her. Him. Fuck.

“Dean, come on, talk to me…” Sam sounded hurt. “Listen, I’ll be over in a few minutes, I’m only about a mile out, then we can talk and you can - “

“Dammit, Sam, stop.” Dean pushed the phone away a little, as if the gesture could actually have the same physical effect on his brother, “Don’t you Doctor Phill me, I don’t need that crap, I just wanna - “

_ THUMP! _ “SHIT!!” Dean heard Sam cry, immediately followed by the sound of tyres screeching to a halt. “Dean, Imma have to call you back, sorry…”

“Hey, man, you ok?” Dean forgot what he was saying and perked up in worry.

“Yeah..” Sam breathed, but he didn’t sound so sure, “I think I hit something… Lemme check and I’ll call you back later.”

“Take your time!” Dean realized he was being an asshole and added quickly “And if you need my help with anything gimme a call..”

He heard Sam change gear to reverse and pull up shortly, before they ended the call.

  
  


Dean dug deeper into his blanket and scowled. All he wanted to do was undo the whole thing. He wished he had never responded to Cas’ friendly email. That he’d never gotten to know the person.

But then, he wouldn’t get to have any of their awesome conversations, and he didn’t wanna miss on that… Man or woman, Cas was awesome.

He just wished he hadn’t fallen for a fantasy.

 

He checked his phone for the time. It was past noon and Cas would probably be starting the drive back to Illinois about now.

There were a few missed calls and a dozen texts from Cas, asking what’s wrong and what Cas had done to offend Dean in such a way. He realized he never even let Cas say anything. The guy probably didn’t even know what happened. 

He wondered if Cas would still drive through Kansas or take the route through Missouri.  

He frowned at himself for still thinking about it, and for missing Cas so bad. 

But that… man… he spoke to, he was not his Cas. He couldn’t be the delicate and caring and cool and badass person Dean fell in love with, he sounded so… wrong! He couldn’t even imagine the rough voice over the phone as the beautiful Cas who was writing to him all this time.

He really did want to see Cas. Only he wanted to meet his beautiful angel, not the man who pretended to be her.

He gave a low growl of dissatisfaction and shoved his face into his pillow, before pulling the blanket on and trying to go back to sleep.

Maybe if he slept it off it would be fine. Maybe if he slept for a while, long enough so Cas would be home by the time he wakes, he would stop thinking about it. Maybe if he slept the day away he would wake up to see it was all a dream.

  
  


Sam came by in the early hours of the evening.

He didn’t wake Dean up, just came in, grabbed himself a beer and a book, and sat next to Dean on the floor, leaning back on the closet door, reading.

He looked up at Dean as soon as he woke, and offered him the bottle when Dean sat up.

“You wanna tell me what this is all about?”

Dean must have still been a little drowsy, because he heard himself actually answer. “Cas was supposed to be here right now. we were supposed to meet today…”

“And she didn’t come?” Sam offered an apologetic smile. “Oh, man… I’m so sorry, dude… Did she tell you why?”

Dean shook his head to return some sense into it, and took a long minute to reply. 

“I told him not to…”

“What? Why?..” Sam looked surprised, and Dean waited for the real bombshell to drop. Sam’s face lost all expression for a moment, before his brows shot up.

Dean couldn’t look Sam in the eyes for a while, and studied his knuckles clutching the edge of the bed instead.

“Wait,” Sam started after a few moments, confused, “I thought…”

“Me too.” Dean said sadly, still avoiding Sam’s gaze. “But as it turns out Cas is a guy.” He felt the anger bubbling inside him again, partly at Cas, but mostly at himself. “I’ve been so stupid, man, how did I not see this coming? I mean, she was too good to be true. How did I not suspect anything…”

“Wait, did that asshole do that on purpose?” Sam’s surprise turned into irritation, “Did he pretend to be a girl to lure you or phish you into anything?” Sam looked mad.

“No…” Dean admitted quietly. “He didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Are you sure?” Sam got up and sat down closer to Dean, on the bed.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know I thought he’s a chick. I don’t think he even knows why I haven’t answered his phone calls and all. He probably thinks I’m a total dick…”

“You are,” Sam tried very hard to hide a tiny smile, “But that’s beside the point… Wait, what made you think he was a girl to begin with?”

“Cas is a confusing name!” Dean flinched.”We talked about an ex-boyfriend, and I guess I automatically assumed I was chatting with a female.”

“Wait, so he’s a gay dude?” Sam did smile now, “And he thinks you’re his gay-curious thing?”

“No!!” Dean jumped before he could even think about it. But what if Sam was right?.. “No! He knows I’m a guy, and that I’m straight.” He wished he was as sure as he sounded. “I guess to him we’re just... friends? I dunno...”

“And to you?” Sam’s smile became less amused, more sympathetic now, and his tone softer.

“I dunno, man…” Dean held his head in his hands. “I’m just so confused right now…”

 

Sam sat next to Dean quietly for several moments, waiting for more, but Dean kept quiet.   


"So how did you find out Cas is a guy? What happened?" he asked finally.   


"He called." Dean fidgeted with the hem of his blanket. "Cas is on a road trip with his cousins, they're supposed to be on their way back now, and we talked about them driving through Laurence on their way back, because it wasn't much of a detour, and we really wanted to meet. So Cas was supposed to call last night to give me an update and let me know when they'd be here, and when I heard a man's voice on the phone… I just freaked, man!" Dean huffed as he remembered last night's shock.    
"At first I thought it was one of the cousins pulling a joke on me, maybe they found out and decided to make fun of us. But them he insisted he was Cas, and I… I just couldn't…" Dean let go of the fabric and slumped hopelessly. "I hung up on him. I hung up on Cas. Without saying a word, without letting him explain, after all those weeks talking, all these… feelings I was having… I just… It felt like a kick in the guts…”   


Dean looked up at Sam seeming somewhat despaired. "Am I a horrible person, Sammy? I shouldn't have hung up on him, he must be so confused…" he shook his head and slump even further into his beddings. "It's all my fault. This is on me.  _ I _ misunderstood his gender,  _ I _ came on to him,  _ I  _ was expecting something more from this friendship,  _ I _ am responsible for everything that's happened,  _ I  _ disappointed  _ him _ !"   


"No, Dean, you're not." Sam tried to reassure him. "It was an honest mistake, and you panicked and hung up. It could happen to anyone. Question is what you're gonna do about it now."   


"I dunno, man." Dean twisted uncomfortably. "I wanna talk to him, I owe him that much, but I also don't. Because even if he is Cas, he's not the Cas I fell for. He's not who I thought he was." Dean looked around the room as if the answer would present itself somehow if he stared hard enough. "And what do I even SAY to the guy?? 'Sorry, I thought you were a chick and I fell for you but now that I know you have a dick I don’t wanna do this anymore'??"   


"Don't you?" Sam asked.   


"No, Sam! He's a dude! I'm straight!" Dean called, pissed out of his wits.   


Sam pushed him fondly. "No, I meant the friendship thing." Dean looked confused. "Keep talking like you've been doing so far? Do you still wanna be friends with Cas?"   


Dean's face clouded and he remained silent for a long while.   


"You don't have to decide right now." Sam encouraged him with a nod. "Just think about it. You said Cas was awesome. He can still make a great friend, even if it's not what you'd originally expected."   


Dean seemed to consider it, his face losing the tormented edge he'd been showing for their whole conversation and clearing a bit with every moment passing.   


 

"Hey, what happened earlier?" Dean asked suddenly, a quick change of subject, and Sam knew he was better. "Sounded serious.."   


"Yeah, I uh… I hit a dog…" Sam frowned and turned a shade redder. "I didn't see him coming, and he didn't have a collar, so I ended up taking him to a veterinarian clinic. Fortunately, he's gonna be ok."   


"Sammy, you know I'm proud of you no matter what you do," Dean smiled, "And even more so that you didn't hit and run, even if it's just a stray, but are you seriously gonna pay the medical bills for this dog?"   


"Yeah, Dean," Sam scoffed, "It's the right thing to do."    


"Yeah, Sammy," Dean continued, "Fix the dog only to send him back to the street…"   


"Actually…" Sam started, and Dean perked up in surprise, "I was thinking about adopting him tomorrow, when they release him from the vet. I stayed with him when Dr. Richardson treated him, and he's a smart dog – "   


"When he's not running into a driving car…" Dean muttered and Sam glared at him disapprovingly.    


"He's a smart dog, and the place is empty without Jess, and…"    


"I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean to bring that up…" Dean whispered apologetically.   


"Yeah, I know." Sam smiled warmly. "I'm gonna do it anyway."   


Sam got up and went to grab another beer, and brought one for Dean as well.   


They drank in silence for a while, before Sam finally up and left for the night.   
  
  


 

It didn't take a long time for Charlie to hear about it and come knocking on his door.

The very next evening she strode in carrying a Wendy's plastic bag of cheeseburgers and fries in one hand, and a Trick Or Treat box that smelled suspiciously like Dean's favorite apple pie in the other.   


She made a show of arranging it on Dean's coffee table, in his living room, only slightly out of his reach.    


He knew that he could simply lean a little and grab it, but if she placed it like that then there's an ulterior motive to it. She wanted something in return. Probably to talk. And he really didn't feel like talking about it again. Specifically because whatever she had to say to him – she was probably right, and he just couldn't do logic at the moment.    


 

Being Charlie, it also meant that she was smart about it. She always got what she wanted.   


"I've decided to leave my job." She smiled brightly at him. "I agreed to take another position, at Nanoflaccid.”

“Hey, congrats!” Dean’s smile matched hers. He was more than happy for her, but also that she was not asking about Cas. “But that’s the largest software company in the world. Everything you despise. It also means lots of exactly the type of politics and merciless competition you were trying to avoid, you hate this... You sure that’s what you want?” 

“I’m a hacker, Dean, and I’ll get paid to hack into the most secure software system in the world! I mean, I’ve only been doing this since I was twelve, you know…” She winked at him and pushed the plastic bag a little in his direction, as a permission to dig in. “Plus, it’s a team leader position, so I get to have my own minions and boss them around, AND do actual coding. This is exactly what I wanted!”

Dean pulled the bag and took out the food. “Then I’m happy for ya, Kiddo.” He gave her her food and opened the wrapping paper of his own cheeseburger. “Can I get you a beer with that?” He stood and went to grab two cold ones from the fridge.

 

He opened one and handed it to Charlie. “What about Roman Industries? I doubt they’d let you go that easily. Heard the boss is a Dick…” He snickered to himself.

“Haha…” Charlie grimaced at him, but he could see genuine amusement under her mock. “No, of course they don’t want me to leave, Mr. Roman informed me himself that he does not see well my lack of ambition and does not understand my decision to move to a lesser position. He was angry because he thought he was offering me a dream job, but he doesn’t understand that power and influence are not my dream, they’re his. He thinks everything is about personal advancement, that arrogant prick!” She took an angry bite out of her burger. “But all I wanted was to do something I love. I wanna enjoy my job, for me a job is a means to an end, not a purpose.” 

Dean nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean.”

“I know you do. You have your dream job.” She took a sip of her beer, before she continued with a grimace. “I don’t care about any of the stuff Mr. Roman was offering. Maybe to him it’s a golden opportunity, but to me if feels like a trap…”

They both looked up from their burgers with sly grinns. “It’s a trrRRRAAAAAPPPPPP!” They both did the same Admiral Ackbar impression at the same time, then toppled back laughing.

 

“Do you think they’d let you off easily?” Dean asked when they finally calmed down.

“What CAN he do about it. I didn’t sign any confidentiality or non-compete when I started working there.” She pulled her shoulders matter-of-factly, “And it’s not like they can chain me to my office desk…”

Dean agreed and took a large bite out of his burger. “I hope Nanoflaccid are giving you a huge signing bonus. It’s not every day they get to hire the infamous Charlie Bradbury”.

“Oh, stop…” She smiled and waved her hand, “You always know how to flatter a girl…”

 

They ate in relative silence after that, Dean enjoying his favorite junk food, when Charlie finally asked. “So I heard you were supposed to meet Cas yesterday”.

And there it was. 

Of course she had an agenda, she wasn’t here just to talk about her job. Dean still cringed and dug deeper into the sofa.

“Dammit, Sammy…” He muttered before saying louder, to Charlie, “Look, Kiddo, I really don’t feel like talking about it. Obviously Sam told you, so cut the crap, you already know what happened.”

She bit her lip and if Dean wasn’t sure how much Sam had spilled out, he was now. 

 

“He told me what happened,” she came a little closer, “but I wanna know how you’re doing.”   


“I’m fine.” He hissed through gritted teeth.

“Yeah… I can see that…” She breathed out quietly.

“What’s that supposed to mean??” Dean sat up and frowned. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. The woman I was in love with just turned out to be a guy!”   


Charlie raised an eyebrow and sat back calmly. “So?”   


“So the person I fell in love with isn’t real!” Dean threw his hands up, exasperated.   


“Oh, he is real alright… Just not with the equipment you thought he came with.” She gave a burst of laughter at the tormented face Dean gave her. “So he’s got a plug instead of a port. He’s still the same person.”

“He might be,” Dean felt himself fuming angry, “But so am I. And I am not into that!”

“Just…” She said, “Be open to the idea, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Don't be a hypocrite, Charlie, you wouldn’t go out with a guy even if you loved him.” Dean found himself restless in his seat, anxious to throw something. “I know you’re open and gay, but don’t try and coerce me into being one!”

Charlie gasped at him. “I’m gonna chalk this comment up to you being stressed and not be offended,” the hurt look on her face told differently, though, “but consider this your last warning, Winchester! I want you to be happy, whether you choose to ignore it that’s your own crap to deal with!”

Dean shrugged at her words and turned away from her. “I’m sorry, Kiddo, that was outta line… I didn’t mean it, you know that…” He looked back to study her face, and relaxed a little when her features softened. “It’s just, I’ve always known you to be so open and accepting, but it’s too much for me. I’m not like you, I can’t do that. I like… women. And - “

“So do I!” Charlie jumped in, and Dean had to smile, despite himself. 

She was precious.

“And as much as I respect anyone else whose preferences are different than mine, I still can’t help being straight. I wish to god it didn’t matter, but it does.”

“Look, all I’m saying is, you don’t have to marry the guy, just give him a chance.” Charlie took his hand. “He’s the same person, and even if you don’t find romantic love with him, you might love him another way. Don’t miss out on a really good friend just because you’re too hung on this one mistake.”   


“Yeah, I know. I should do that.” He paused to think for a second. “I wanna do that. I just need a few days to process.“

“That’s reasonable enough.” Charlie agreed. Trust Charlie to make him see reason even now. “And when you become best buds, just remember, NO ONE is as awesome as me, so don’t get any ideas…”   


“Charlie, you’ll always be the most awesome person I know, no one can change that.” He reached across the sofa and pulled her into a hug. “Love you, Kiddo.”   


“I know…” Dean could hear the smug smirk even without looking at her face.   


 

 

Cas tried to call him again that night, but despite already deciding he did want to stay friends with Cas, he could not bring himself to answer the phone. He just needed a little bit more time. 

He knew he was being an asshole, that Cas didn’t even know what was wrong, why Dean was suddenly ignoring him after being so eager to meet, but it was all too much too quickly.

He didn’t know he could feel so many things at once, some of them so contradicting it made his head spin.

There were also the texts from Cas, asking what was wrong, why wouldn’t Dean talk to him.

He felt like he was being too much of a douche, so he sent a short text that everything was fine, he was just going through some personal shit, and he’ll talk to Cas soon, and that was it.

Cas, being the sensitive person he was, seemed to get it. He sent one last text. ‘I am always here for you, if you want to talk’. After that, he just gave Dean his space and stopped texting.

Cas was amazing. Dean never questioned that. He didn’t deserve the way Dean treated him.

But then, Dean felt he didn’t deserve someone like Cas.

  
  


He did join his friends at the bar Friday.

Dean didn’t feel like it, but it’s been a while since he went out with his friends, and he needed to think about something else for a while.

They didn’t occupy their regular booth, since they were too many this time. Jo bringing Benny was normal by now, the two of them practically joint at the hip, and Charlie as usual coming to ogle her Dorothy, Kevin joined this time which was not his usual thing, and Sam was bringing a friend.  They ended up joining two tables right in the middle of the bar.

 

Jo and Benny were giggling quietly among themselves when Sam introduced Amelia. Apparently, when Sam hit the dog Amelia was the vet to treat him, and they really hit it off. She was nice, a petite brunette whose constant frown matched perfectly with Sam’s, but she was smart and lively and she really liked Sam, which in Dean’s book made her even more likable. He was glad to see his brother starting something new instead of dwelling on the lost relationship with Jess. 

 

Sam got first round, and Dean joined him. 

“So Amelia seems pretty great.” Dean smiled at Sam, nudging him a little. “You haven’t said anything when you came over.”

Sam turned to look at him directly. “You just told me about the greatest relationship disappointment I’ve ever heard you talk about, and you wanted me to tell you I met someone new?” he said incredulously.

“Not my greatest…” Dean never blushed much, but he did now. “Hey, I’m a mess when it comes to chicks, I’m like the unluckiest guy ever. Maybe I’ll never get to meet the right girl for me.” He smirked. “But on a happier note, glad you met Amelia. Seems you got a lot in common.”

“Yeah, more than you think.” Sam smiled sheepishly. “I mean, she cares so much! She became a vet to help creatures in need,”

“Like you wanting to be a lawyer.” 

“Exactly!” Sam’s eyes glinted with appreciation, “And she also broke up with her asshole ex not long ago, and we got to talking, and she’s smart, and funny, and sexy…” Sam blushed furiously at that, and Dean gave a full-body, delightful laugh at his brother’s discomfort.

“Chill, man.” Dean said as they carried the beers back to the table, “I’m happy for ya. You’re my baby brother, seeing you happy is my greatest joy.” He flashed Sam with his widest, sassiest smile before placing the beers on the table and spreading them around.

 

Second round was Dean’s.

He went up to the bar, Benny was supposed to come help him carry the beers back, but he said he’d follow shortly, stealing a few more moments with Jo. 

“Hey Dot!” He called at Dorothy, standing a little far down the wooden bar. “Can I get another round?”

“Be with you in a sec, Winchester.” Dorothy called without looking up from the shots she was pouring. 

He looked around while he waited for her, the guy to his right was coming on too hard on the chick he was trying to pick. ‘Strike one’ Dean thought and smirked to himself. 

Then he looked to his left. The woman sitting there was eyeing him shamelessly.

“Heya,” He grinned before thinking, “How’s it goin’?”

She turned her beautiful almond eyes to him, waving long dark hair away and leaning a little closer.

“I’m great, now.” She flirted openly. “And you,” she poked at his chest, “have a wonderful laugh. I saw you before, with your friend. He must have said something very funny.” Her finger was still touching him, almost inconspicuously sliding lower.

“Not really,” He shrugged dismissively, and leaned down as if to tell a secret, “Everybody knows I’m the funny, more attractive brother.”

“Mmm…” She purred into his space. “Cute.”

“I think I’m adorable.” Dean allowed himself to lean a little more into hers.

“I’m Lisa.” She looked up at him, and instantly woke his lower brain.

“Dean.” He whispered back, and Benny chose that moment to join them at the bar.

 

“Hey, brother, help you carry those beers?” Dean startled at Benny’s voice.

He looked at him, then back at the bar. When had Dorothy managed to pour their next round, and how had he not noticed?...

 

“Well… Dean…” Lisa got up from her bar stool and stood closer to him. She lifted herself to her toes to whisper in his ear and her body pressed willingly against his. “You are going to bring those beers back to your table, and then you’ll excuse yourself to the little boys’ room to relieve yourself.” She licked his earlobe before she whispered again, “And relief you shall have…” She gave him a wink and started walking in the direction of the restrooms.

 

“You sly dog!” Benny’s eyes darted between Dean and the woman.

Without taking his eyes off her retreating figure, Dean took out his wallet and lay a few bills on the counter. He grabbed the beers and started hurrying towards their table, not even looking whether Benny had the rest of the glasses.

He placed them on the table, and turned towards the door to the restroom.

“I’ll be right back, gotta take a piss…” He started moving as soon as he uttered the words, and could still hear Jo behind him calling “Nice, Winchester, always so very refined…” and Benny’s reply to her, “Oh, he’s gonna take something, alright, but it ain’t a piss…”

The others were cooing back at him, but Dean couldn’t hear anymore.

 

He went straight to the restrooms and walked in.

The second he closed the door behind him he was pushed back gently, Lisa’s lips latching on his own hungrily. Her lips were soft, and her skin warm and inviting against him.

They wasted no time at all, locking themselves in a toilet booth, undressing each other as they go. 

Once the door was locked Dean pulled at Lisa’s thighs and pushed her against the booth’s wall. They were both kissing open mouth starving kisses all over each other’s face and neck, and the unholy moans coming from Lisa’s mouth made him hard as a rock in seconds.

He secured her on the wall, her legs locking behind his hips, his hands sliding up her thighs, up her dress, exposing her all the way up to her waist. They were both grinding against each other while Dean was devouring her neck and bare shoulders.

He wanted more, but in his eager state had not unzipped before he lifted her, and he could feel the front of his jeans becoming moist with her soaking panties. But this rutting against each other, still clothed, was maddening, and he wanted more of this, he wanted to stretch this pleasure as much as he could.

Apparently Lisa had enough, though, because she unhooked her legs and dropped back to standing, leaned slightly away to open his jeans, unzipped him with care and pushed his jeans and boxers down before she seated him on the lidded toilet seat. 

Dean pulled off both his shirts, and couldn’t help wrapping his hand on his hard cock as he stared at Lisa pulling the top of her dress further down to expose her glorious breasts.

She looked at him of a moment, smiling, and leaned down to kiss him, not sitting yet.

Her hand moved to his pulsing erection, chasing away his hand and wrapping her own instead. She gave a few mind numbing tugs, smearing his precum with her thumb, and produced a condom wrapper, Dean was too lost to care where from.

She tore it open and pulled the rubber down his cock, kissing him all the while and making him moan into her mouth.

Then she came closer, trapping his legs between hers, and guided him to feel the hot wet promise of ecstasy. She kissed him once more, and lowered herself down on him until he was fully buried inside her, and they both groaned in pleasure.

She didn’t start moving immediately, instead taking her time to enjoy this, starting with small rolls of her hips just barely making any friction, and gradually quickened her pace and her motion until he was balls deep in her with each of her thrusts. Dean’s mouth was lavishing on her niples, sucking and kissing to the rhythm of her movements, his hands on her hips, grabbing her hard and assisting the motion, guiding her deep and slamming hard into her from below.

They were moaning and panting with each move, his lips no more able to suck at her nipples, just gasping openly, mirroring hers. Eyes glazed and heart racing, Dean could feel the buildup at his lower belly getting more and more intense as he heard Lisa’s breaths becoming erratic and her muscles clutching around him. Her palms tightened around his shoulders, fingernails digging into his flesh as she seeked to thrust even deeper, and then she became completely quiet for a moment before releasing a howl and a string of high pitched ‘fuck’s and her body lost all its previous rigor. 

Seeing her coming like that drove him right after her, and with a low growl he emptied himself, basking in the afterglow of post orgasmic euphoria.

 

“Well, that was fun..” she smiled while they were still panting, chests heaving together. “Gotta go, though.” She patted his cheek a few times and rose to stand, straightening her clothes. “See you around, Dean.” 

She turned to open the door and left without waiting for him to say anything or even tuck himself back to decency. 

 

Dean tidied his clothes and went back to his friends.

Still a little unsteady from the very recent encounter, he could not see Lisa anywhere. He sat down, his beer already warm and bubbleless. He sipped anyway.

“You sneaky bastard!” Benny grinned at him, and Jo slapped his arm, hard.

“Wait, what about the other girl?” Kevin chimed in, “The one you were so in love with?”

Great! He was able to not think about Cas for one friggin’ moment! 

He didn’t reply immediately, not knowing what to even say to that, but his face must have fallen visibly, because Jo suddenly put a hand on his shoulder and sounded sympathetic, “Aw, Dean, it didn’t work out?” She patted him gently, and when he still said nothing, she continued “I’m sorry, sweetie, don’t worry, we won’t bug you about this…” And she shot a glare at Kevin before he could say anything more.

Sam sent an empathic smile from across the table, and Charlie wasn’t even there.

He looked up and saw her by the bar, huddled closely with Dorothy, almost cheek to cheek.

He rolled his eyes at them, but then saw Dorothy pull away and disappear into the back, and another bartender take her place, an older dude with a beard, and Charlie was gleaming at her phone and heading back in their direction.

 

Charlie stopped by the table, not bothering to sit down, smiling excitedly ear to ear.

“My friends, it seems that persistence pays!” she announced jumpily.

They all looked at her confused, when Dorothy joined at her side and wrapped a hand around her waist. “So? You comin’ or what?”

Charlie practically sparkled with excitement, but still managed to get a chilled “Sure, let me just grab my things.”

“Great, I’ll go bring my bike.” Dorothy leaned and kissed Charlie’s cheek “See you out front, Red.” she said before going towards the back exit, and Charlie nearly burst with satisfaction.

“Well?” She looked at them expectantly.

No one said anything, too surprised to react.

“Finally!!” It was Dean who broke the tension. “You’ve been after her for months!” 

“Yeah, you go get her, Kiddo!” Sam laughed happily.

“Alright Charlie!” Kevin cheered, and Benny and Jo cat-whistled at her.

She heaved a pleased breath and hung her messenger-bag on her shoulders. 

“Arrivederci, bitches!” She threw her hand up after she’d already turned and started walking, making a perfectly awesome exit. “Don’t wait up!!”

  
  


Dean woke up on Saturday with an ache in his chest.

At first he thought he was hungover, but he really didn’t drink all that much last night. Or maybe seeing Charlie finally hooking up with Dorothy did something to him. He wanted that for himself, too, he thought it was with Cas, but…

 

Cas…

 

It’s been four days since the call. Five, from Cas’ last email. Even more since they last had an actual conversation.

He pulled his phone and re-read their old conversations.

He honestly couldn’t care less that Cas was gay.

And right now he couldn’t even bring himself to care that Cas was a guy.

Dean didn’t miss a person, he realized, he missed their talks.

So what if Cas was a dude, they still had all these awesome talks and Dean still felt he could tell Cas anything.

It was weird, feeling so disappointed about losing his fantasy-Cas, and the only person he really wanted to talk to, the only person he was willing to let in and share this with… was Cas. 

 

His phone buzzed with a new text from Sam, asking what time he was coming to Bobby’s tonight.

Dean replied quickly, and then stared for god knows how long at Cas’ contact details.

He could just call him.

Like that.

Talk to him.

He didn’t even have to tell him what happened.

Cas was such an amazing person, Dean thought if he asked Cas not to ask him further, he would simply let it go and they can continue being friends.

He looked at the clock.

Too early, and he still had to run some errands for Jody. She asked him because Bobby was coming down with something and couldn’t go himself.

He’ll call Cas tonight, same time they’d always talked, after he’s back from dinner.

  
  


Dean had just finished up at the hardware store with Rufus when Sam called him.

“Hey, Sammy, just on my way to Bobby’s now, Rufus says Hi.”

Rufus shook his head sideways in dismay and bared his teeth at Dean’s grinning face.

“Are you already driving?” Sam sounded weird.

“No, just getting in the car now, why?” Dean put the heavy bags in his trunk and signaled to Rufus to hold.

“Can you come to Lawrence Memorial Hospital? Call me when you get here, I’ll meet you out front.”

Dean’s knees went so weak he had to sit on the edge of the car. “Sammy?... what happened?” The concern in his voice very evident. 

“Don’t worry, Dean, it’s ok, just get here as soon as you can.” Sam replied.

“Oh, that’s not worrying - AT ALL!” Dean roared into his phone, and he could hear Sam whispering on the other side of the line.

Then Jody took the phone from Sam. “Hey Dean, honey, Bobby wasn’t feeling so well, hadn’t for a few days now, it’s nothing to worry about, but better safe than sorry, so we went to the hospital. He’s fine, grumpy as always,” Dean could hear Bobby grunting in the background, “we haven’t seen a doctor yet, but we’re waiting. There probably won’t be a family dinner tonight, but we’d all be really happy if you’re here with us.”

“Thanks, Jody, I’m on my way.” He hung up and got into the car.

He needed a minute to get a grip and clear his mind enough to drive.

“Rufus, you comin’ or what?”

The older man, still inaudibly complaining, got into the passenger’s side.

  
  


They arrived at the hospital sooner than expected, Dean's foot heavy on the gas.

Sam was waiting for them, and escorted them inside to the ER.   


 

"What'd you bring Rufus in here for, boy?" Bobby barked at him as soon as they were in eyesight, "Are you tryin'a make me worse? Am I not suffering enough?"   


"Good to see ya too, y'old fart…" Rufus said grumpily, with the faintest smile visible only to those who know him very well.   


 

"How ya feelin', Bobby?" Dean asked and grabbed a chair to sit beside the older man. "They treatin' you alright in here?"   


"Yeah, 'xcept I been waiting here for two goddamn hours just to see a doc!" He scoffed. "And I bet my ass all he'll do is take one look at me and tell me to go home."

 

Sam and Jody were talking quietly a few feet away from them, and Jody came closer as Bobby was complaining. "Bobby, dear, Sam and I are just going to check with the nurses when it's our turn to see the doctor." She lay a fond hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently. "Will you be ok here with Dean?"   


"Sure, sweetie, you know why?" Jody knowingly rolled her eyes at him before he continued, "Because I'm fine!!! There ain’t nothing wrong with me, dammit!"   


Jody took a step back and pouted at Dean. "See what I have to deal with?.. I love him, but he's a pain in my royal ass…" It was more for Bobby than for Dean, he knew. "Now Dean, honey, you think you can convince your pigheaded uncle here to PLEASE stay in bed until the doctor comes?" She tilted her head and turned to give a stern look to her husband in the hospital bed. "After he sees you, if he says everything's fine, I promise we'll be outta here before the ink dries on the release papers."   


Bobby was about to protest, but she lifted a finger at him, brows raised and deadly, "Uh-Uh! I don't wanna hear a single word from you about this!" She turned to Sam, and muttered softly under her breath as she walked away "I swear, like raising another kid… He's even worse than Claire…"   


  
"Can I get you anything?" Dean asked Bobby once Jody and Sam were gone. 

"Yea," Bobby smirked, "Coffee, maybe some sandwich and discharge?"   


Dean smiled despite of himself. "No way, Bobby. I ain't getting in trouble with Jody…."   


Bobby nodded innocently. "So What'd you bring Rufus for?"   


"He heard you were in hospital and wouldn't hear no for an answer."   


"I had to make sure." Rufus came closer, sniggering and handing Bobby a newspaper he picked on the way in for him.    


Bobby gave him a stink eye and turned back to Dean. "How'd everything go at the hardware store?   


"As expected." Dean leaned back and smiled. "Garth says Hello."   


“Good kid." Bobby replied, "Odd fella, but I like him."   


"Except when he hugs." All three men hummed in agreement.   


After that Bobby and Rufus sat together to do the newspaper crossword and argues over every single word, and Dean sank in his chair to browse on his phone.   


 

It was already half past three when Sam and Jody came back with a doctor.   


Doctor Gaines was pacing calmly besides them and quietly conversing with Sam, while Jody was two steps ahead of then, leading to where her husband was lying.   
"Good afternoon, Mr. Singer." Doctor Gaines greeted. "How are you feeling today?"   


"I'm fine" Bobby gave him the automatic family reply.   


"Well, then, your lovely family has nothing to worry about." He looked between Sam and Dean. "But why don't you tell me why you're here anyway? Just so we can help them relax."   


Bobby stalled before answering. He looked at Dean with slight worry in his eyes, and spoke. "I had some chest pains this morning. It’s nothin’. Probably has to do with the Chili we had last night. I feel perfectly fine now, no pain or anythin'."    


"I see." The doctor looked at his chart and was silent for a little too long for Dean's comfort. "Mr. Singer, when was the last time you had a cardiac examination?"   


Dean had never seen Bobby look so guilty. "About a year and a half ago, I think." Bobby told the doctor.   


"I'd say it's been at least four years." Doctor Gaines informed him “At your age we recommend a yearly checkup at least”, and both Jody and Dean looked at Bobby accusingly.   


"I was fine, why would I need an examination if everything's ok?.."    


They only stared at him harder for insisting, and he sighed in surrender.   


"What I'd like to do now is run some tests." The doctor finally looked up from his papers. "Just a check up, to rule out coronary thrombosis.”

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and grunted with dissatisfaction, he’d much rather be at home having dinner with his family, but Doctor Gaines was already signaling to a nurse to come over.

 

Doctor Gaines and the nurse stood at a small distance discussing Bobby’s condition quietly, occasionally glancing over. The doctor was giving her instructions, and she was nodding with attention.

Finally the doctor left, and the nurse came over to pull Bobby’s bed away and start rolling him into a corridor. “Come on, Mr. Singer, let’s move you to the cardiology ward.”

 

Rufus saw it as a chance to leave, he called his goodbyes and asked Jody to give him updates as soon as there’s anything new.

Jody, Sam and Dean followed the nurse and Bobby’s bed down the hall.

 

They figured they’d have a couple hours before anyone would come wheel Bobby for the examination, but eventually they only had a few minutes to settle when some other nurses came to pick him up.   


Jody tried to go with him, and Sam and Dean were left to wait in Bobby’s room.

 

They sat in silence for a while.

_            “Ok, picture this,  _

_             You and your friends in a green fo-rest…”  _

Sam’s phone started blasting suddenly.

“Dude, seriously??” Dean laughed as Moose On The Loose by Ozomati kept playing loudly. “I changed your ringtone as a Joke!”

Sam fumbled to answer his phone. He slid a finger to accept the call and smiled shyly at Dean. “I know, but… It Kinda grows on you, doesn’t it?…” He gave Dean a mischievous smile.

 

"Hey hon," Sam whispered into his phone, "Yea, we're still at the hospital with Bobby, he's being checked as we speak. Jody went with him and Dean and I are waiting for him outside." He paused. "No, no.. you don't have to come here, it's fine, enjoy your evening, I know you were looking forward to spending some time with your dad."   
He listened for a while, Apparently Amelia on the other end of the line was talking, then he said "Thanks. Yeah, me too." And he ended the call.

 

Dean gestured towards the phone. "She's worried?"   


"Yea," Sam nodded. "She can't help it, being a doctor and all." He huffed a happy sigh.   


"A Vet." Dean corrected, and Sam gave him an angry bitchface.   


"A person who cares enough to try and save lives."    


Dean grinned at that and held his hands out in defense. "I'm just teasing, man. I'm happy for you, you deserve it."

"Thanks, Dean." Sam smiled at his phone before pocketing it again in his jeans. He seemed thoughtful for a few moments, and then he said, with a frown, "She's so understanding. She's… broken, like I am. She lost someone too, and she knows exactly what I'm going through, you know? I feel like I can really connect with her in this deep level, and she gets me. Every time." He sank into the heavy chair in the corner of the room, and Dean came to lean on the edge of the bed before him. "At first, when we just met, I thought it was just a temporary thing, you know, not to be lonely, after Jess. But then… She's amazing. She's warm, and smart, and… containing…"

"Yeah, I get the containing part alright…" Dean smirked and wiggled his brow at Sam.

"Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again." Sam smirked right back, deviously. "Anyway, I really like her. She's so different from Jess. She's much more down to earth and I can really talk to her about anything, no judgement at all."

"Does she know about the internship?" Dean asked.

"Yeah!" Sam's smile grew wider. "She thinks it's great, that I can give back to society, make this world just a little bit safer."

"Sounds like you've got yourself quite a catch there, Sammy." Dean affectionately punched his shoulder.

"I know." Sam nodded. "I just wish you find someone like that yourself."

_I have…_ Dean thought, but instead brushed it off, “Naa… I’m a free spirit, Sammy.” Keeping his smile neutral and light was a little harder, but he managed. _I miss you,_ _Cas…_

 

Jody came back into the room about an hour later.

Both Sam and Dean stood to take a step closer as she came in.

"Where's Bobby?" Dean asked. "Are the nurses bringing him in?" he looked outside to the empty hall behind Jody.

"No, not yet." She replied quietly, and gestured towards the bed, motioning to them to sit.

"The doctors aren't sure. They wanna do a  angioplasty , just to rule out anything serious." She spoke softly. Dean could feel his blood pumping and his knees weakening. "It's nothing unusual, it's a standard procedure, they say he's gonna be just fine," she assured them, "but they need to take a closer look, they think his arteries might be clogged and they might need to insert a stent."

Dean felt his breath thinning and his guts clutching. Sam's eyes went wide and he asked "Is he going to be alright?"

“Sure," Jody sighed and sat down next to them, "It's not a dangerous procedure, it doesn't even count as an operation…"

"But?.." Dean looked at her sternly.

"There are always risks to any medical procedure, especially an invasive one." She replied, looking more weary than they had seen her in years. "But Doctor Gaines is an expert, and the statistics for this kind of thing are very good, so we gotta keep positive." She smiled at them, hopeful and tired at the same time, and straightened her posture, imitating optimism.

"When?" Sam asked.

"Tomorrow morning." She said, "They don’t know what time yet, they need to check when they can slot him in."

"Ok," Dean's sense of responsibility kicked in immediately. "It's getting late. Jody, I'll stay with him tonight. Sammy, you take Jody home to get some rest and I'll see you here tomorrow." He paused. "And not a minute before noon, so no funny business, got it?"

"But.." Sam and Jody tried to argue, but Dean was already pushing them out the door.

"But nothing. We don't need you before the operation, he needs to rest. Nothing you can do here". He herded them out. "Get some rest yourselves, he's gonna need you top shape tomorrow."

  
  


Dean woke up curled on the padded chair in the corner of Bobby's hospital room.    


Hazily wiping his chin of any drool damping it, he looked up to find Bobby staring at a tray left before him by the nurses.   


"I can't eat this, this isn't breakfast…" Bobby grunted desperately at the food before him. "I need coffee. And bacon. Not this crap."   


"Well, this crap is what you got, and considering your usual breakfast is what got you here, I'd say eat the damn thing and quit whining." Dean swore to himself he was going to start eating healthier and taking better care of himself starting right now, but forgot about it as soon as a nurse came into the room.   


"Ready for your  angio , Mr. Singer?" The nurse asked without much real interest in his eyes, and pulled the rails on both sides of Bobby's bed up to roll him out of the room.    


Dean had never seen Bobby scared of anything, but right now his face was the closest thing to it he could imagine.   


"How long is this supposed to take?" Dean asked the nurse, "Can I go with him?"   


"Shouldn't take more than an hour or so," the man looked up at Dean, trying to be as sympathetic as possible. "And I'm sorry, you can't be there. It's not an operation per se, but we still require a sterile environment."    


"Of course…" Dean replied quietly, noticing the look of horror and distrust in Bobby's eyes as he was following the nurse's motions.   


The man's strong arms pulled the heavy bed easily, and started pushing it out the door.   


Dean patted his pockets for his phone and wallet, and followed Bobby's bed and nurse, walking them to the OR before continuing to get some coffee for himself and call his brother to let him know they started the procedure.   


 

Sam and Jody walked in shortly after he was back with his coffee and some snacks for them all to munch on later.   


"Where's Bobby?" Sam asked as soon as they stepped in. "Is he still in there?"   


"Yeah," Dean gestured towards the paper on the side table. "They said it should take about an hour, so make yourselves comfortable."   


Jody came to sit next to him, asking him about Bobby's mood before he went in, and Dean didn't have the heart to tell her how terrified he really was.   


Sam just pretended to read the paper in silence, not really concentrating on the words before his eyes.   


  
It's been an hour and a half since Bobby was rolled away, and just as they were all becoming skittish, Bobby was pushed back into the room by the same nurse who took  him earlier.   


"Hey, man, how'd it go?" Dean asked the nurse as Jody hurried to Bobby's side to make sure he's ok.   


"We had to put two stents, his doctor will be here shortly to talk to you, but he was chatting the guys up through the whole thing, wanted to know everything we were doing." The man said with a satisfied smile. "Your old man is a tough nut."   


"Tell me about it…" Dean huffed a small laugh and came closer to pat Bobby's shoulder.   


  
Doctor Gaines came in a few minutes later, and the smile Bobby gave him was confusing at best. Like he could not decide if he wanted to thank the doctor for saving him, or be mad at him for what he was about to tell his family.

 

"Good!" Doctor Gaines opened, surveying all of them, "You're all here. First, let me assure you everything went well. We had to insert two stents, because the main arteries were almost clogged, but you'd be happy to know that it’s a good thing you came when you did, and Mr. Singer will be up in no time. We'll be keeping him overnight for observation, but he should be released from the hospital first thing tomorrow morning." He clasped his hands in satisfaction. 

"However," the doctor continued with a more stern face, "Some things will have to change when you get home, Mr. Singer." He spoke to Bobby, but looked at all of them with a note of seriousness. "You are going to have to lay low on the coffee, and greasy food is no longer an option on the menu. You have to take better care of yourself, Bobby, eat healthier, work less… You can't keep up your current lifestyle if you want your sons to enjoy your company for many more years."   


Bobby's face were a mixture of pride that the Doctor referred to Sam and Dean as his sons and disgust at the suggested change of lifestyle.   


Before he could say anything, though, Jody jumped in. “Of course, Doctor Gaines. We’ll do whatever we need to.” She gave them all smiting stares, daring any of them to dispute her.

 

They spent the day with Bobby, talking and reading the newspaper, and then when they read it cover to cover, Sam tried downloading some audiobooks for Bobby to listen to later.

Come evening, Jody wanted to stay with Bobby, but he insisted he was fine to stay the night on his own, and none of them should stay with him and sleep on the uncomfortable chair, when they could be comfortably home. 

 

“Dean,” Bobby called as they were about to leave.

Dean turned to look at him, and Bobby signed for him to come closer.

“Son, you know I need you to take care of the garage when I’m not there.” He said, and Dean nodded. “I guess I’ll have to stay home for a few days, so you know how to run things just the way I like it, right?”

“Sure, Bobby.” Dean assured him, “You know I’m the only one who can make sense of your calculated chaos…” he smirked. 

“I trust you, boy.” Bobby warned him, but Dean read into the affection weaved into it. “Keep everything as usual, if anyone asks you where I am just make an excuse, it ain’t nobody’s business, and make sure Kevin doesn’t mess the invoices again! That kid is a genius, but sometimes it’s like his head is in some other plain completely…”

“Sure, will do.” Dean nodded obediently, then laughed. “Relax, Bobby, it’s only a few days, we’ve done this before, don’t worry.”

“Yeah…” Bobby sighed, and they shared a significant look that, to them, was the equivalent of a warm hug.

 

  
  
Dean spent the next week managing the garage by himself, both working the cars and taking care of office work in Bobby’s absence. It was exhausting, but he still went to visit his uncle every evening, to make sure Bobby and Jody were ok and had everything they needed.

For a few days, he forgot about his decision to call Cas. He was all about taking care of his family.

 

Every day that week, as he woke up, missing something terribly and realizing it was Cas, he made a mental note to call him at some point during the day. 

Every day that week, as he was working on those cars and drowning in motor oil or paperwork, he thought that calling during the day is a bad idea, because they are both very busy people, and he didn’t want to disturb Cas from his work. Besides, this was a call he had to make in the comfort of his home, when they are both entirely in the conversation, and not splitting their attention with other things.

Every day that week, he left work in a hurry to get home and take a shower, so he can get to Bobby’s as early as possible and have some time to get some things on the way so his family had everything they needed, but getting distracted enough not to make the call.

And every night that week, as he got home, he realized it was too late to call, and got into bed with a heavy weight on his chest, that this was one more day wasted. One more day that pushed the chances of Cas ever forgiving him even further away.

 

 

Saturday came again, and Dean was sitting in the living room with Bobby and Sam, after doing all he could to help out Jody in the kitchen. She had just sent him away so she can do the finishing touches on dinner, before they could sit down to eat.

Sam stood from his seat and smiled at them both. “If you’re all done with the cooking, I’m gonna go set the table.”

Bobby nodded at him and he went scurrying into the kitchen to grab some plates.

 

“So Dean, Jody and I were talking the other night…” Bobby started and waited for Dean to turn his full attention to him. 

“Yea? What about?” Dean asked distractedly.

“The garage.” Bobby hesitated. “You.”

That got Dean’s full attention immediately. “Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?” He made sure to keep Bobby fully updated on everything that went on in the garage during the week, and for the most part his uncle seemed satisfied with it.

“No, son. As a matter of fact it’s exactly the opposite.” Bobby smiled at him warmly. “You did very well, boy.”   


“So? What is it?” Dean felt his stomach turn a little. 

“Jody thinks…” He sighed to collect his thoughts, obviously he and Jody did not agree on this, whatever he was about to say. “Doctor Gaines said I should live healthier and work less and all that crap.”

“And so far this week you did exactly as the doctor prescribed.” Dean nodded with his brow raised. 

“Yea, and I been thinking maybe I should spend less time in the garage as well, you know? Work less.” He shook his head. 

Dean hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I was kinda expecting that.”

“Jody thinks I should give up the garage entirely…” Bobby said quickly and quietly, and Dean wasn’t sure he heard it right.

“What?” He asked, bewildered. “Give up the garage? But it’s your entire life’s work!” he huffed. Does Jody not see the enormous importance of the garage to Bobby?? This alone can make him sick, how can she even ask that… “You can’t sell the garage! We’ve worked so hard to build such a good reputation, we’re state of the art when it comes to gear and equipment, we just renovated the whole place, and we’re the top listed auto repairs and custom mods specialists in the region!” Dean moved uncomfortably in his chair. He hadn’t noticed Bobby’s lips widening into a smile, he was too nervous to see. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

“No,” Bobby seemed suddenly peaceful, for some reason. He licked his lips and continued, with a smile. “I see her point now. And I agree.”

Dean’s eyes shot to Bobby, confusion and anger staining his face. 

“I’m not selling the garage…” Bobby said quickly. He waited to see Dean’s reaction before he continued. “Dean, we decided to give it to you. Jody said it’s too stressful to be a business owner in my condition, and that I can still come do some work from time to time, just ‘cause it makes me happy. At first I didn’t agree. You know me, I’m a stubborn sunnofabitch, I like everything done my way, and I thought I couldn’t hand over the place. But seeing your reaction now, I know we’re making the right call.”

Dean shook his head furiously as Bobby spoke. 

“Dean, we wanna put the business under your name. We want you to run it full time.” Bobby said again, as if to clarify for the both of them.

“I can’t…” Dean started, eyes burning with a feeling he hadn’t had in a while. 

“Sure you can!” Bobby nudged him and Dean smiled. “You’re doing great, kid! Better than I did when I was your age.” Then his smile dropped and he came to sit a little closer to Dean on the sofa. “You know I’ve never had any kids of my own. Claire and Alex are great, but they’re Jody’s girls, and you boys… You are the closest things to kids I’ve ever had. I practically raised you since you were snotty little bastards, and I love you as my own. So I’m not giving away my life’s work, I’m keeping it in the family.”

 

The burn in Dean’s eyes went lower into his nose, and a tear was able to push out of his eye despite of his efforts.

“Don’t you go crying on me now, princess!” Bobby was back to his usual grump, feigning indifference.

“How can you even say those things?” Dean ignored the fond insult. “Bobby, it sounds like you’ve given up on your life…”

“I ain’t dyin’, and don’t you be in a hurry to write my eulogy, boy!” Bobby huffed, “And I don’t plan on biting the dust any time soon, either!”

"Well it sure as hell sounds like it!" Dean thundered into the small space between them.

Bobby hung a pair of sad eyes onto Dean, and saw straight through his demonstration of anger. "Dean, don't worry, you'll do great. I couldn't have left the garage in better hands. I know you'll take care of it as good as I would, maybe better. You love the place, you practically grew up there, and I  _ trust _ you." The confidence in his voice did nothing to improve Dean's mood, but he tried.

"What if I can't do it?" He asked quietly. "What if I can't manage the place right? I mean, doing it for a while when you're on holiday, or recovering, it's alright, but dealing with the workload and managing the place for the long run…" He shook his head in despair, "I don't know if I can do it. I'm a good mechanic, the best you'll get, but I'm no businessman. I don’t wanna make a wrong call that might put the place at risk…"

"Dean, the only sure way to never make a mistake is to never do anything at all." Bobby told him firmly. "I want you to take over. And it's  _ because _ the garage is so important to you that I know you'll do great. Come on, Dean," He smacked Dean's shoulder, "I'll still be around to, uh.. ease the transition, and I'll be here if you have questions or need to confide in me. I plan to be here for many more years."

Dean was still feeling like the world weighing on his shoulders, but he smiled at Bobby anyway, so the older man doesn't worry.

They had a pleasant evening after that, but Dean could still feel the dark cloud taking residence in his mind as a preview for the burden he was about to take on unwillingly.

He wished he could freeze time and have his family, as it used to be, forever. He was never really fond of change, but this… this felt monumental.

For the first time in a very long time, Dean was afraid.

He needed to talk to someone.

Sam wouldn't do, it was too close to home. Charlie, maybe? She could always show him reason, set him straight whatever happened.

But his heart was aching, pumping only one name, repeating with every beat.

Cas.

Dammit, he needed Cas…

When Dean got home he didn't even look at the clock.

He logged into his computer, and sent a message to Cas, short and clear _.   'Can we talk?' _

He didn't have to wait long, Cas' reply came moments later.    _ 'Of course, Dean.' _

He didn't bother writing anything else. He picked up his phone and dialed the number he had stored into the phone's memory.

"Dean." The voice on the other side of the line was not asking, not even questioning. It was rough and soft as Dean remembered from the short seconds they spoke when Cas called the first time, and it turned his stomach to think how awful he'd treated Cas.

"Hey Cas…" He said before he had time to panic. "I've been meaning to call sooner, I just…"

"It's ok." Cas didn't sound angry, or upset, but Dean knew he had to start with an apology and an explanation.

"No, it's not." Dean said resolutely. "I owe you an apology."

"Dean…" There was something in the way Cas said his name that turned his insides even more, but he continued anyway.

"Cas, please, let me do this…" He pleaded, but there was a long silence while Dean was thinking how he should say this without sounding a complete idiot.

"Cas, I thought you were a woman…" He just blurted, finally.

The line was quiet for a moment longer, and then Cas said flatly, "You  _ what _ ?..."

Dean's mouth went on before his mind could register he was speaking again. "I'm sorry, Cas, you talked about your boyfriend and I just assumed… I'm so sorry… And I fell so in love with you…" He regretted it the moment he realized he said it, "Well, with the woman I thought I was talking to, and then when you called and I realized you're a guy, I just… I panicked. And I'm sorry." He shut up before he said anything else he might regret.

There was a long pause.

"Cas?" Dean hesitated. "Say something?..."

And suddenly a loud, rolling laughter filled his ear and he could imagine Cas doubling over and holding his belly, unable to stop.

"Yhou…" Cas was trying to catch his breath, helplessly, "You thought…. " More laughter ensued, "And this is why you wouldn't talk to me? I thought I did something to offend you! I was beating myself up this whole time!"

"I'm sorry, Cas…" Dean didn't know if he should feel angry at Cas' amusement of this whole situation, or be happy that he was taking it so good-naturedly. "I really did mean to call you sooner."

"Then why didn't you?"

Dean flustered as he thought about it again. "I was embarrassed?.."

That caused the laugher to renew full force. "I had no idea! You called me dude!"

"I call Charlie 'dude' all the time," He blushed and continued, "It's just a way of speech."

"Why didn't you say something?" The merriment was still obvious in Cas' voice.

"I panicked, man! I didn't know what to do!" Dean admitted. "I needed some time to process this. That this awesome chick I met was a guy. I dunno, man… I guess I was just… overwhelmed."

"Because you fell…" Cas stumbled with a barely noticeable choke, "Because you  _ felt _ … confused? Disappointed?"

"No way, Cas, never disappointed. Not with you." Dean said hurriedly.

The truth of what they both understood, what Cas almost said out loud, hung heavy between them, untouched.

Each with his own reasons not to prod further into it, they cautiously ignored it.

"I thought I lost you…"

"As did I." Cas said, voice dropping to a low hum. "How are you, Dean?"

Dean couldn't help the faint smile creeping onto his lips. "Better now."

"Oh? Dean, is something wrong?" Cas could always read him well.

Dean fiddled a little before he talked. "It's Bobby…"

"Your uncle Bobby?" Cas asked, worry tainting his voice.

"Yeah.." Dean confirmed.

Dean spent the next hour getting Cas up to speed with everything that's been going on with Bobby's health and the garage, Cas asking questions and encouraging Dean not to hold back, reassuring him that he'd be able to do this, that everything was going to be alright, and for some reason when it came from Cas – Dean believed him.

After that, Dean asked Cas how his job hunt was going, and whether he decided what he wanted to do.

"I am afraid my best option is still to relocate within Frank & Youth." Cas said levelly. "A new employer would be reluctant to invest in an employee, as talented as may be, who requires dealing with immigration authorities. It's too much of a headache for most. Completely understandable."

"Immigration?" Dean's brows raised in question.

“Oh,” Cas’ voice sank. “Long story…”

“You wanna tell me about it?” 

“Not right now.” Cas sounded slightly distraught.

“Ok.” Dean nodded, as if Cas could see him. "Whenever you want to. So what's your next move?"

"I uh…" Cas hesitated.

"What?" Dean encouraged him to continue.

"I actually have a meeting soon in Wichita, Kansas. I am considering a position at F&Y's corporate tax department there." Cas waited. "I scheduled the meeting there next Friday morning, so I can stay for a long weekend."

He didn't say anything further, but Dean could feel an air of expectation in his tone. He waited for Cas to say something more, but Cas simply waited for Dean to either suggest what he suspected they both were thinking about, or choose to let it dissipate before it could ever be formed.

But Dean was not about to make the same mistake twice.

"Wichita is only a short drive away from Lawrence." He said, pausing to listen to any giveaway sign from Cas. "I could…" He took in some air before suggesting it, "I could come over, while you're there. Finally have the meeting we were talking about before I acted like a complete douche."

He could hear the smile and relief in Cas' voice. "Of course, Dean. I'd like that very much."

They talked for another half hour before they both felt too exhausted to continue.

They exchanged several last words of friendship and promises to talk soon, and said their goodbyes.

And when Dean went to bed that night, it was the first time in weeks he had felt at peace again, like a missing piece had just clicked back into place.

He dreamed of a dark-winged angel looming over him with protective eyes and a reassuring smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moose on the Loose, by Ozomati.  
> Y'all need to hear this, if you haven't already....  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkO83Qlk2io


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay.  
> Hope you all had a good GISH :)

 

When next they spoke it was already Monday, and they had agreed that Dean should join Cas in Wichita on Friday evening, after Cas was done with his meetings for the day. 

  
Being the only one at the garage, the late Friday meeting meant that he wouldn't have to close early. It also meant only a few short days until they meet, too short for Dean to get cold feet and cancel, though he really didn't think he would be able to do that to Cas again.   


  
They hadn't actually spoken during the week, it was a hectic week for both of them with Dean busy over his head in the garage and with Bobby, and Cas working to tie any loose ends for his work with the quickly upcoming closing of his office.   
  


They texted a lot, though.   


Nothing serious, funny things that happened to them. Short one-liners to describe how they were doing. Easy, shallow messages that did not even begin to convey the true way they felt. But for now, it was ok.    


 

  
Come Thursday, Dean closed the garage and called Cas on his way home, to finalize their plans for the next day.   


They didn't have long to talk, so they had agreed to meet at the lobby of Cas' hotel and just go to the nearest bar for drinks.    


"I hope you don't plan on driving back home after that…" Cas informed him worriedly.   


Dean laughed and took a breath before answering. "I was hoping… If that's ok with you…" He paused to concentrate on the road, and the turn he was taking with limited visibility. And if it gave him a moment more before he had to ask, he ignored the lump suddenly blocking his throat. "I was hoping maybe I could crash at your hotel room after the bar for a while, just until I'm ok to drive again?"   


He could hear the smirk in Cas' voice. "Would you like to stay the night, Dean?"   


"Naaa, man…" Dean swallowed the lump down quickly before it suffocated him. "Just wanna put my head somewhere for a little while so I'm good to go."    


"Of course, Dean." Cas said calmly. Dean assumed Cas caught the awkwardness the innuendo caused him, as he added, after a thought, "I apologize, I was joking, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."   


"No problem, Cas." But it really was weird being flirted with by a dude. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow."   


"Tomorrow." Cas replied and they disconnected the call.   


Tomorrow.   


_ Shit. _   


 

  
Dean knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, so after he took a quick shower he called Charlie on his way to Bobby's.   


"Hey Kiddo, how you doin'?"   


"Hey, Winchester, what's up?" Charlie greeted him cheerfully.   


"I'm fine. Just thought maybe you wanted to do something tonight. Maybe go to the bar?" He tried to still himself. "I can't make it tomorrow, so I thought maybe we can go out tonight instead."   


"Wow, Dean, are you and Sam, like, telepathic or something?" she asked in wonderment.   


Dean frowned for a moment, “Why?”

“Because Sam just called like half hour ago and asked the same thing!” She laughed. “I was gonna call you, but you called first. Told him I’ll meet him at the bar around nine-ish. That work for you?”

“Yeah,” He pulled into a parking spot near Bobby’s and stopped the engine. “Everything ok?”

She hesitated before saying anything, then finally settled on “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He decided not to push this further, if they were going to meet in a couple hours anyway.

“Ok.”

“Ok.”

“See you later, kiddo.”

“See you there.”

 

 

Dean got delayed at Bobby’s, so when he joined Sam and Charlie at the bar, they were already seated, halfway through their first round.

He ached to tell them. He was going to meet Cas for the first time tomorrow. For real this time. It excited him and bothered him all at the same time, probably more than it should, and he needed to tell someone. 

But when he took his seat beside them, holding a beer of his own, Sam was already talking to Charlie, and from what he could pick up joining the conversation in the middle, it had to do with Amelia.

“...over there right now, talking to him. But I don’t get it, Charlie, how can you even forgive something like that?” Sam hung huge hazel eyes at Charlie, who looked at him sympathetically. He looked like a kicked puppy, and Dean tensed into big brother more instantaneously. 

“Sammy, is it Amelia? What happened?” He leaned forward to hear better over the music playing around them. It wasn’t loud, but he wanted Sam to know he was a hundred percent with him.

“Remember I told you she also broke up with an asshole boyfriend not too long ago?” Sam’s grimace twisted his usually very handsome face. “Get this, her ex is back and wants to make amends like nothing even happened. Like he hadn’t just up and left a few months ago without even a word.”

“Sam…” Dean mirrored the pain in Sam’s expression, and placed a hand on his brother’s arm in attempt to comfort. “Amelia is smart, I’m sure she can see straight through his bullshit. She won’t take him back. She’s better than that.” His words were not having the desired effect on Sam. “‘Sides, she’s completely smitten with you, can’t keep her heart-eyes off you…”

“Thanks, Dean.” Sam stared into his beer idly. “But like I told Charlie, she went to see him. She’s over there now, and there’s nothing I can do about it. We haven’t been together that long, and she has a history with him. I don’t wanna lose her, but I’m afraid I will…”

“I’m not so sure,” Charlie chimed in, her brows furrowed in thought. “The fact that she met you, that she has you in her life, that should make it easier for her to give him up. If she’s smart she’s gonna use your relationship as a support and end anything he still thinks she might have with him right now.”

Sam’s smile seemed apologetic, for some reason. “I hope you’re right, but I don’t… I don’t think that is going to happen…”

They stayed quiet for a while, just sipping their beers.

“Hey, my graduation ceremony is Sunday afternoon, you’re both coming, right?” Sam looked up in a sharp change of subject, and if he looked like a kicked puppy earlier, he now looked like an overgrown Golden Retriever someone just waved a tennis ball at.

Charlie’s face cleared immediately, and she happily confirmed she’d be coming.

Dean nodded his agreement, and Sam replied with a nod of himself when Dean said “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

“What about you and Dorothy?” Sam turned to Charlie before Dean could say anything about the rest of his plans for the weekend. “Is she joining us?”

“No..” Charlie scrunched her nose at them, “She has to work tonight…” She tilted her head towards the bar, where Dorothy was mixing drinks next to the older guy Dean got his beer from. 

Handsome dude. Seemed smart, from what Dean managed to get when they chatted while he poured Dean’s beer. Cain, was it?... Nevermind. He had this coolest tattoo on his arm, Dean wanted to ask him about it, but eventually didn’t. Probably a good thing. 

“I might wait up though, after you guys go.” She smirked at them knowingly. “Not like I’m working tomorrow or anything..”

Dean looked up at her, surprised. “That’s it? They let you go?” His eyes lit.

“I have some vacation days that I haven’t used, like, a thousand, so I decided to use some of them now, and being in my position with access to sensitive info, I think they were happy about it too.”

“So when is your official termination of employment?” Sam asked.

“Such a lawyer…” Dean teased quietly into his beer, but it was a proud one.

“End of the month.” Charlie leaned back to make herself comfortable, looking smug with confidence. “And I start at Nanoflaccid on the fifteenth, so I have two whole weeks to Overwatch.” She grinned at them happily.

“Really, Charlie?” Dean grunted at her, “That’s how you’re gonna spend your time off? Playing video games?..” He was slightly jealous, but he knew if it were him he’d be bored out of his senses in two days. “Don’t you wanna go somewhere? I dunno, sip Mai Tais on some beach?”

“Uhh… Have you met me?...” She raised her eyebrow at him. “Dean, I get sunburned from the TV!” 

“Something else, then.” He tried. “Sammy, a little help here?” 

“Oh, she can play as much as she wants, she’s a grown woman and she can decide for herself.” Sam ignored Dean’s pissed huff, and Charlie’s triumphant hum. “Just don’t forget to get some fresh air every now and then. And you remember last time, don’t forget to eat again, either.”

Charlie turned to look over at the bar, eyeing Dorothy with a dark playful glint. “No, I don’t think I’ll forget to eat this time.”

Sam smiled in satisfaction, but Dean twitched and snorted out a laugh, “Eww, kiddo, I don’t wanna know that!” Charlie gave him the most innocent wide eyes and Sam took a moment to catch on, and then she burst into a fit of laughter at both Winchesters’ horrified looks.

 

 

Dean got home a little after midnight.

Despite the hour, he was unable to relax into sleep, tossing and turning in his bed.

He kept playing and replaying in his head possible scenarios for tomorrow’s meeting. Would Cas ask him what happened again? Would he try and dig deeper as to why he hadn’t heard from who he had come to think of as one of his best friends for two weeks? What is he going to say? How would they even know each other when they see each other?

His eyes blinked open with that thought.

Realizing he had no idea what Cas looked like, he got his phone and unlocked the screen. He remembered Cas sent him that stupid poster he and his cousins got when they were in Texas, so he searched his emails for the one with the pic.

Dean stared at it for several minutes, trying to study the two male faces, which was odd.

Now that he knew Cas was a guy, he found himself hoping it was that handsome one with the easy smile. He couldn’t tell why, but he was drawn to it. Maybe it was easier to imagine that low, rumbling voice coming from that guy. Maybe he seemed more friendly, more open, more… naa, attractive had nothing to do with that, other than perhaps the natural inclination to always want to be around aesthetic people. 

Didn’t matter, he decided. Whatever he looked like, Dean didn’t care. He was an awesome dude, and a great friend, and an amazing person whatever his appearance was.

He decidedly put the phone back on his nightstand and turned to face away from it.

He had to get some sleep. 

It was a long drive he had the next day.

 

 

Dean closed the garage just a few minutes earlier the next day.

His duffle bag was already packed since the night before, because even after he so resolutely tried to sleep, it avoided him entirely for a few more long and excruciating hours.

So he got home to take a shower and get dressed, hurl his bag into the back of his Impala and text Cas to let him know he’s on his way.

 

 

Dean arrived at Cas’ hotel about twenty minutes early.

He took out his phone to text Cas he was there, but as he stepped into the hotel lobby, he recognized the man from the Wanted poster Cas sent him, sitting at a soft chair with his head held up, brows frowning, looking out the window.

He smiled and started walking over, and when he was near enough so his voice would be heard, he called. “Cas?” he approached the man hesitantly.

 

The man looked up, and the first thing Dean noticed was a set of huge blue eyes looking up at him, startled. The deepest blue Dean had ever seen, he thought, the sepia filter used for the picture did not do him justice  _ at all _ .

As soon as the eyes landed on him, though, they softened and a shy smile slowly spread on Cas’ face, that immediately made Dean smile as well.

Cas stood up in a heartbeat, but it took him a moment and a sharp breath, before he could utter a word, the only one to untangle Dean’s insides and relax his posture a little. “Dean.”

 

They stood there for a while, just staring, studying each other for the first time in person. 

Dean didn’t know what to do. Should he hug the guy? shake hands with him? 

They did a small awkward dance around each other, reaching uncertainly, wanting to touch to greet each other, but confused as to the manner of doing so.

Finally, they grabbed each other’s forearm, and did a one handed hug that was friendly, but lasted just a millisecond too long. Didn’t matter. They were both here and that was the important thing.

They exchanged niceties and Cas gestured for Dean to sit.

 

It was weird as fuck. Dean KNEW the guy. He knew things about him he was sure Cas hadn’t told anyone. He knew his quirks, his faults, his many many virtues. He knew the man, but it still felt weird as fuck. 

 

“So, how you been, Cas? How did the meetings go?” Dean asked finally.

“It was ok.” Cas replied shyly, and Dean thought his voice was even more gruff in person. “Nothing was decided, we both have a lot to think about.” 

They sat in quiet discomfort for a while.

“How was the drive here? Traffic was fine?” Cas kept his eyes down in his lap, hands fidgeting as he spoke. For the painfully honest, strongly opinionated, sharp minded Cas Dean knew from their conversations, he was pretty shy when he was not hiding behind the comfort of a keyboard and a monitor.

“Yea, it was pretty smooth.” Well, he wasn’t his normal self either, to be honest…

 

After a few more pointless and nervous questions, on both sides, Dean had had it.

“Cas, you wanna hit the bar?” He put on his most charming smile.

Cas’ face split in a bright grin that felt as relieved as Dean had felt. “The hotel bar is actually pretty good.”

“Naa, let’s get out of here.” Dean gestured towards the exit. “This is too fancy for me. Let’s find the crappiest hole in the wall, where we don’t have an act to keep.” And if possible, that made Cas’ grin go even brighter.

 

They found the perfect place not two blocks from the hotel. 

Still a good part of the city, but it was a tiny bar in a small ally known only to its regulars or people who wandered there by mistake. And now Cas and Dean.

 

There were no more than six people there, and they were seated at the bar, so close that their thighs were pressed together, but Dean didn’t mind. He found the heat coming from Cas comforting and reassuring. It felt natural, like they’ve done it a million times. Like old friends who just haven’t had a chance to meet in a long while.

 

They’ve had their first round of shorts and their beers just arrived when Dean asked Cas, “So what kind of a name is Cas? What is it short for?”

“Castiel.” The other man replied as if it was the most obvious thing.

Dean squinted at him, digging in his mind to attach some information to the word, but couldn’t find any. “I’ve never heard that name…”

Cas sighed and said in a flat, rehearsed manner, “I am named after an angel. Castiel, the angel of Thursday.”

Dean felt the smile force itself onto his face, and he brushed Cas’ shoulder with amusement. “So Send Me an Angel makes much more sense now…”

“The song you sent me.” Cas paused, then murmured something into his beer and Dean had to lean closer to hear him. “What was that, Cas?”

It was too dim to see, but Dean thought he blushed a little. “Do you still feel that way?”

”What way?” Dean half turned to look at him.

Cas didn't answer, just moved uneasily in his seat.

“That you’re an angel?” Dean laughed a little at how uncomfortable that made Cas. It should have been the other way around. “Yeah, Cas, I do. Male or female, you’ll always be an angel. I know you. I couldn’t mistake you for anything else.”

They sipped their beer in silence for a few moments, Dean ordering the next round of both beers and shots.

 

“Have you ever read the lyrics, Dean?” Cas asked him suddenly, with something suspicious in his eyes. “I knew the song, but I searched them after you sent me the link.”

“Sure, why?” Dean eyed him sideways. He knew most of the words by heart, and he doubted anything the man might say would really come as a surprise to him, but there was mischief in the Cas’ eyes which made him curious.

“The land of the Morningstar?” Cas’ smile was subtle, almost invisible, “This is a reference to Lucifer.”

“What?” Dean gaped at him, “What are you talking about?”

“Lucifer comes from the Latin translation of the devil’s name, The Morning Star.” Cas played with his beer glass, satisfied at Dean’s reaction.

“I… did not know that.” Dean shook his head and drank the last of his beer just as the new rounds arrived. He frowned in thought, then gave a small laugh. “Kinda fits, though…”

It was Cas’ turn to look surprised. “How?”

“I was on autopilot when we started talking, Cas.” Dean’s face got serious. “Eat, sleep, work, repeat. An occasional fling here and there, but even that was on a routine. Never deviating, never stopping…” He held the shot of whiskey up, examining it before his eyes, “Never thinking.” He tilted it towards Cas, who took his own shot in hand, and they downed it together. “Never  _ feeling _ .”

He felt, rather than saw Cas move next to him. No exactly away, just a slight adjust of his angle on the chair. 

“And now?”

Dean could feel the warmth of alcohol running down his throat, spreading a calmness with every inch of its descend further into his body, his mind lost a little bit of its edge but also its anxiety. And his mouth felt more free.

“Now I feel.” He closed his eyes, partly so he didn’t get distracted while saying what he wanted to say, but partly so as not to see Cas’ reaction. “It’s like you rattled my core. You took everything I knew about myself and threw it away. You woke me.” 

He opened his eyes slowly and turned to look at Cas, who was watching him wide-eyed. Dean’s stare got a little intense, before his lips curled in amusement and he spoke. “Kinda like you gripped me tight and raised me from perdition…”

A cloud passed over Cas’ eyes, suddenly too dark for Dean’s comfort, and he had to drop his own eyes. They landed on Cas’ lips for a moment, just because they were sitting so close and he was finding it hard to look into Cas’ eyes for too long, and then he pulled them away completely, back to his beer.

 

“Is that why you were so…” Cas’ voice was low, and slightly stuck, “Bothered... that I am a guy?” He didn’t look up at Dean when he spoke.

“No!” Dean really wanted to just tell him everything, but wasn’t sure how to describe what he was feeling. “I was just… surprised, I guess?”

“Surprised enough to hang up on me and not talk to me for two weeks?”

Dean was dreading this. He knew it was coming, it was due to come up, but he wasn’t ready. Every excuse he thought of beforehand evaporated in his mind as he saw the hurt in Cas’ eyes. 

“I’m sorry, man…” Was all he was able to say for a while.

Cas didn’t respond, and Dean took a long breath.

This was so wrong. 

This was so not how they had talked to each other so far. They’ve always been so open about everything.

If he wanted that back, he’d have to talk, so here goes. “Cas, I fell in love with you.” He already blurted it out when they talked on the phone, so what difference did it make? Ignoring he said it, ignoring that Cas knew it… It wouldn’t take it back. “You being a man or a woman had nothing to do with it, but me thinking you were a woman did.”

Cas raised an eye at him, questioning.

Dean growled a little in frustration, and tried again. “I know this sounds bad, but I’m straight, you know I am, so whether I’m talking to a guy or a girl, it changes the way I comprehend the social situation. The intimacy of our conversations - “

Cas coughed a little and took a swig of beer to settle his breathing, and Dean looked at him worriedly, but he held his hand to signal he was fine.

“We told each other stuff we’d never tell anyone else.” Dean continued. “That level of honesty, it feels different to share it with a friend or with a…” He stumbled, “An interest?..” He twisted his face to show that he was not satisfied with his choice of words, but it would have to do.

“I get it…” Cas said, but Dean turned towards him completely. 

“No, I’m sorry. I am.” Dean repeated. “This was never about your sexual identity. I don’t mind that either way.” 

“Ok.” Cas’ whole demeanor transformed while Dean was talking, and he now sat upright on his bar stool, inquisitive blue eyes drinking in every microexpression manifesting on Dean’s face, and Dean had no doubt he could read them all. 

“And hey, my best friend is gay..” Dean’s voice was childish with delight.

“Mine is not.” Cas rolled his eyes. Dean knew, of course, Cas told him about Meg.

It took them a few seconds for the double reference of it to sink in, and they earned a disapproving look from the bartender when they both snorted a laugh at the same time.

 

After that, it seemed Cas’ mind was eased about the whole thing. He didn’t ask further about it. He even made a few snarky jokes about Dean thinking he was a girl, and Dean thought that now Cas finally really was the person he spoke to for the last couple of months.

Maybe the alcohol loosened him, or Dean opening up face to face, but he was witty, and funny, and intelligent, and every bit as amazing as Dean found him to be online.

 

They were on their fifth round of beers and shots, and the soft pleasant buzz that Dean was feeling had, a little while ago, turned into more of a haze. He assumed Cas was in the same state, because his speech slurred just as much as Dean’s, and he was leaning a little more on Dean’s side.

This might be a good time to call it a night.

“Come on, Cas,” He took a few bills out of his pocket and placed them on the bar, then looked at the bartender until he nodded in approval. “Let’s get outa here. Let’s get you to bed.”

He pushed the wobbling man gently to his feet, and took one of Cas’ arms over his shoulders to support him on their way back.

Cas was laughing and smiling at Dean as they walked back, happily humming something unrecognizable to Dean. 

 

“What floor, Cas?” Dean asked when they came into the building.

“You’re commmminnng up, riiight?” Cas held the wall beside the elevator for support while Dean pushed the button to call it.

“Yea,” Dean caught him. “Like we talked. Can’t drive home like that. Baby wouldn’t like it..”

Cas frowned for a moment, then remembered who Dean was talking about and beamed with understanding just as the elevator pinged it’s arrival, which made Dean laugh at the comical effect.

“Four.” Cas said as they entered, and Dean pressed it on the lit panel. “Good, so we can talk some more, open a bottle of w- “

“No more drinks for us, Cas…” Dean said before leaning both of them on the elevator wall, “We’ll have a bitch of a hangover in the morning already.”

Cas pouted a little, but didn’t protest.

 

They entered Cas’ hotel room, but despite his best efforts to gently lower Cas into the couch, Dean dropped both of them, tangled haphazardly. It probably had to do with Cas’ death grip on the lapel of Dean’s jacket.

Cas laughed and sat up to take off his trench coat, and Dean got up to bring them both some water.

When he was back, Cas was sitting there without his coat or suit jacket, sleeves rolled up too neat for someone in his state, his tie a little askew, watching intently as Dean moved around the room, and Dean suspected he was not as drunk as he appeared to be.

Dean came to sit beside him, handing him one of the bottles.

“Drink up.” He told Cas. “You need some water if you don’t wanna be completely shitfaced in the morning.” He unscrewed the cap off his own bottle and brought it to his lips.

From the corner of his eye, Dean saw Cas watching the movement of his throat, so with his other hand he nudged him a little to start drinking.

Cas opened his bottle and lifted it to his mouth. When Dean lowered his bottle he watched as Cas slowly emptied his bottle, thin trickles of water sliding down his chin and neck, damping his collar.

 

Dean bent down and caught Cas’ feet, pulling his shoes off.

He was quite drunk himself, going on auto mode due to years of experience, but the position made him dizzy.

He straightened back on the couch near Cas, and took a few shaky breaths until the worst of it was gone.

He leaned into Cas to grip him again.

“Let’s get you to bed, Cas.” He mumbles quietly.

“Yea, let’s…” Cas was pressing closer to help him get them both up.

 

Dean felt soft lips covering his. Cas’ lips, he realized.

His first instinct was to kiss back, but at the first drag of stubble he flinched and pushed away.

“Cas!” he backed away and instinctively moved further back on the couch. “What are you doing, man?! What the fuck?!”

“I apologize, Dean…” Cas turned his head to look at anything but Dean, embarrassment and discomfort sobering him up instantly. “I must have misinterpreted your signals… I am sorry, my uh… people skills are… rusty…”

“But why would you do that?!” It was easier for Dean to act angry than to talk about the flood of feelings that got him in a turmoil. “Cas, I’m not like that. I’m not gay…”

“Neither am I.”

“What?..” Dean spat out, confusion written all over his face, not so much for not understanding the words Cas was saying, more still from the shock of the man’s lips on his own.

Cas merely looked at him shyly and continued. “I’m Bi. I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. I like a person, not a gender.” His eyes left Dean to run off in all directions and he was silent for a moment before he added “And... I like you.”

“I like you too, Cas, don’t get me wrong,” Dean said quickly, “Just not in that way. You’re my best friend, you’ve become more important to me than you can comprehend, I… I  _ need  _ you…” He paused, “Just… I’m not attracted to men.”

“Dean…” Cas hung his big blue eyes on Dean’s and was quiet for a long while. “I must have misread your signs, then… I am sorry.”

“Yeah…” Dean said, but couldn’t find the anger he wanted to add to his words. “Yeah, you couldn’t be more wrong.” But his words lacked the edge they needed to ring true.

They sat there for some time, in silence, each in his own thoughts, both trying to figure out how to recover from the awkwardness that settled between them.

 

Dean was almost dozing off, when suddenly Cas straightened. “So why do you do it?”

“Do what?” Dean lifted his head to look at Cas.

“How was I supposed to interpret the way you act around me?” Cas asked. “Standing too close, invading my personal space, the constant staring... “ He waited for Dean to react, and when he didn’t, Cas looked around helplessly. “Dean, I’ve seen how your eyes flick to my lips every now and then, I’ve noticed how you stare when you think I’m not looking… What is it, then? Just a completely friendly attraction? I may be a little socially awkward, but I am certainly not stupid...”

"I don't…" Dean started, frowning, then trailed off. 

Face softening, he slouched back into the couch with a sigh. "You're not stupid. You're the smartest guy I know. Don't tell Sammy I said that." A hint of a smile ghosted over both their faces for a moment.

"Look, if I did anything to make you think that this" Dean gestured between them "was happening, that I wanna be more than friends, then I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

 

Cas' eyes were cast down to look at his hands, and Dean wished he was still looking at him. "You practically told me you fell in love with me…" Dean didn't think he was meant to hear that. And when Cas looked up again, Dean almost regretted wishing for those soul-penetrating eyes. "How can you stop?" Cas asked him, but it was more curious than pleading. "How do you feel that way towards someone, and then simply  _ decide _ not to?"

"I don't know." Dean whispered back. He didn't know how, he just knew he did. Not like he could fall for a dude, could he?

Cas released a low growl of frustration. "There is  _ no _ off-switch, Dean. I don't know how to stop feeling what I'm feeling…"

"I don't know either, Cas." Dean didn't want Cas to feel rejected, so he collected the other man into a hug. Despite not being in love with Cas, he did care for the guy. A lot. He couldn't bear the thought of Cas getting hurt, not by him and not by anyone.

He let Cas stay snuggled into his chest for a while, until he realized the curled man's breath had become even and he was sound asleep. So he positioned them more comfortably on the couch and finally fell asleep as well. He'll move Cas to the bed after he gets a couple hours of shut-eye, before he goes home.

 

 

Dean woke up to bright rays of sunlight burning though his eyelids, and a low continuous grunt of discontent coming from somewhere around his chest.   


He blinked several times until the world transformed from a hazy blur into a room he was not familiar with, and his senses woke enough to comprehend that the heat against his body was not a blanket but a person.    


Cas.   


"Aw, crap, I gotta go…" Dean tried to untangle himself from Cas' clinging limbs, but the man anchored into him further. He was stronger than he looked.   


"I don't feel too well…" Cas mumbled into Dean's shirt and dug his face deeper into the firm chest.   


Dean rolled them both off the couch trying for a seating position, despite Cas' protests. Normally, he would be able to do it easily, but it seemed he was in no better shape than Cas was.   


"I hear ya. But we gotta get up." Cas was squinting at the sun in his face, trying to fall back into the couch, but Dean held him upright. "Ok. This is what we gotta go. We need breakfast. The greasier the better." He told Cas, who was nodding at him, but Dean would bet he was not entirely aware of the words' meaning. "That'll make us feel better. Then I can go home."    


Cas seemed to be thrown into consciousness at once. Bright eyes caught his own in a plea. "I'm sorry for last night, Dean… I wasn't thinking straight…" Dean sniggered at Cas' unintended pun, but Cas didn't seem to notice it. "I apologize, please, don’t let this decide your opinion of me…”

Dean’s face blanked for a moment. How could he think that?.. “Cas, man! We were both drunk, doesn’t mean anything... ‘Sides, my opinion of you was formed long ago, and you’d have to try a lot harder than that to ruin it, so we’re good.”

Cas seemed to consider this for a moment. “I hope we can still be friends…"

Dean knew there was nothing he could say now to make them feel better, so he simply patted Cas’ shoulder and nodded towards the door. “Come on, Cas. Let’s go get some breakfast and forget all about it.”

 

 

They found a nice Cafe next to the hotel and ordered their food.

Dean asked for some fat dripping eggs and bacon, and Cas ordered the Croque Madame.

They quietly sipped their coffee as they waited for their food, nursing themselves back to normalcy.

Their food arrived rather quickly, and Dean shot an appreciative look at Cas' plate with the first contact his fork had with the food, bursting the exterior of the egg and allowing the seductive egg yolk ooze out over the rest of the Croque.

"So, why Wichita?" Dean asked once his brain regained normal function.

"Actually…" Cas busied himself with his food, "I scheduled the meeting just before I went on the road trip with my cousins."

"Yeah?"

"I don't have anything to tie me down to Illinois anymore." Cas said, as if that explained anything. "I thought…" He looked up at Dean, "I had hoped to have some kind of ties in Kansas."

Oh. OH.

Dean nearly dropped his utensils when it downed on him that Cas meant  _ him. _

Cas probably noticed the little start he gave, because he hurriedly added "As friends, you know… I hadn't met you in person yet, I hadn't had any expectations for anything else." He realized what he just said and tensed up. "I mean I don't! I merely meant as friends, I have no intentions…" He sighed audibly, clearly dissatisfied with his own inability to communicate his feelings, but that was enough for Dean.

"Hey, buddy, relax." Dean scooted closer with a smile, "We  _ are _ friends. Last night ain't gonna change that. Look," Dean moved a hand closer to get Cas' attention, "I'm not offended or suspicious, or like you any less now. It happened, as shit usually does. Let's decide to get past it and just… start fresh, right?"

Cas was back at picking at his food, but he nodded his silent agreement.

Dean was anxious to change the subject. "Oh Hey, you said you were gonna tell me what's up with the immigration thing." He reminded Cas, and was pleased to see an upright shift in his demeanor.

"It is actually the reason my better option is to stay with Frank & Youth." He said. "I have been with the company for years, and it had kept my visa valid during those years, but it seems that if I terminate my employment with the company, it will inevitably end my visa as well. Immigration will not renew my visa without an employer willing to take it upon himself to vouch for me." At Dean's raised eyebrow, he explained. "I was born in Russia, remember? Apparently, living here for most of my life is not enough for the American authorities."

"Is it a complicated procedure?" Dean asked, worried.

"I cannot tell you with certainty." Cas shook his head. "I assume for large corporations it is not that complicated, though why anyone would bother with it when they can simply employ a legal citizen is beyond me…"

"Ah, Cas! That attitude will get you nowhere!" Dean nudged him fondly. He took a large bite of his food and wiped the extra grease. "Cas…" A sly smirk crept onto his lips. "Are you… a legal alien?..."

"Very funny, Dean…" Cas sniggered, but his eyes showed obvious amusement.

"Do you have any plans when you go home today?" Cas asked as they were taking out their wallets to pay for breakfast. 

“Nothing solid, just hang out with Sam, go visit Bobby again…” Dean lingered a little. “Why do you ask?”

“Dean,” Cas almost sang his name, a wide smile lighting up his face as he asked, “Would you like to meet Grace?”

 

Dean’s eyes went wide with confusion. He did not know Cas was here with someone. And in light of the fact that, at Cas’ own admission, he was bisexual, it took his mind a moment to register that his heart actually missed a beat. He hadn’t realized he had to share…

“Grace?...” His mouth spoke before his mind caught on.

But instead of answering, Cas’ smile only became more devious, and he stood up and started towards the exit. “You’ll love her, she’s gorgeous.”

 

When Dean realized they had gone back to the hotel, but instead of the main entrance they arrived through the parking lot, he decided that from now on he will never make any assumptions when it comes to Cas.

 

“Grace is your motorbike, isn’t it?” He felt like a complete fool.

“You are a smart man.” Cas glanced back at him sarcastically.

He stopped near a bike and Dean whistled in approval.

At first it looked completely black, but as Dean looked closer, he saw there was a deep glimmer of a rich blue shade to it, with the Honda winged logo at both sides of the fuel tank. The motor was an impressive and intricate maze of rods and pistons, that made his fingers itch.

Dean was a car person himself, he’d never gotten his hands dirty with a motorcycle before, but he did know to appreciate a thing of beauty when he saw one.

And Cas seemed so proud of his girl, Dean couldn’t help but grin.

“So why Grace?” Dean asked as he rounded it to fully admire the machine.

“Look at her, Dean.” Cas was brushing a loving hand over the shining surface of the fuel tank, “Isn’t she the essence of elegance?”

“She is.” Dean confirmed. 

“And she is so raw and primal, she feels like flying. She heals me.” He smiled shyly as he looked up at Dean again. “Forgive me, I am rambling…”

“No, not at all.” Dean was happy to see Cas so excited about his bike. “I get like that when I talk about Baby, too.” He admitted.

“Where is she?” Cas asked and looked around the parking lot curiously, then his eyes landed on the black shimmering metal of the Impala. “I’d wager that is her.”

“Yep,” Dean’s chest puffed with pride. “That’s my girl.”

Cas turned his head back at Dean. “I like her.” His childish grin made Dean’s heart flutter. 

 

There was a moment’s pause, where each wrapped in his own thoughts, but then Cas said, still with unseeing eyes, “Dean, if you have no specific plans back home, would you care to go for a ride with me?”

Dean had been on a motorbike before, but he never liked it. It was a matter of trust. You had to be in full cooperation with the rider, trust them to handle the bike and be as little a liability as possible. You had to be one with the bike’s motions, let it control your movement, sometimes against your natural instinct. Dean never liked handing out complete control like that. Had never entirely trusted anyone’s driving but his own before. And Sammy’s, occasionally. He would always rather drive himself than be driven, especially on a vulnerable vehicle such as a motorcycle, no metal box surrounding him for protection. For Dean, it was the ultimate relinquish of control. No, he didn’t like it at all.

“Yea, sure, Cas. That’d be awesome.” Well, he trusted Cas.

Cas’ pleased smile was a reward by itself. “Let’s go get the gear from our room.”

 

 

“Normally, I am a real stickler for safety,” Cas said as he handed Dean the other helmet, “But I don’t have all my gear with me, so we’ll just go slow, cruise the side roads, take in the scenery, enjoy the good weather and the open road. Is that ok?”

Dean nodded with relief. “Sure, that’d be great.” He trusted Cas, but slow was always better the first time you let someone else drive. 

He put on his leather jacket. Cas was already on the bike, his hard shell moto jacket zipped all the way up, knee pads and helmet on and he was just wearing his gloves. He looked like a real badass.

Cas had comms installed on both helmets, so they could talk while driving. From inside his helmet, he heard Cas’ voice. “Hop on.”

Dean swung his leg over the bike and sat down behind Cas, his front tightly pressed to Cas’ back. 

This was awkward as fuck, but before he could say anything, Cas gave a short boost of gas and they were off.

 

It was an odd sensation, but Cas was a good rider. He gave Dean several pointers as to how to situate himself on the bike to get more comfortable, how to move when turning with the curve of the road, and constantly asking Dean how he was. It felt… good. Free.

 

Soon enough, on a stretch of straight road, Dean felt brave enough to unhook his arms from around Cas. He spread them out and felt the wind resist his motion, and the brush of the helmet’s mic on his lips as he smiled. It felt liberating. Just as Cas said. It felt like flying.

 

“I’m glad you like it.” Cas was lightly touching his thigh in affirmation.

“I do!” Dean laughed heartily. “Thank you, Cas.”

“Any time.” He could hear Cas’ smile through his tone. “Would you like some music?”

“We can do that?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Of course, Dean.” Cas slowed considerably to tap on his phone secured tightly by its holder. “What would you like to listen to?”

“Surprise me.” 

With the first sound of a crowd cheering and guitar strings he recognized Alice in Chains’ Nutshell, and the unplugged album, and said so to Cas.

“Yes,” Cas was gradually increasing speed, to go back to their cruising speed. “It’s my favorite driving album.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean snaked his arms back around Cas’ body, “Can we go any faster than that?”

He heard Cas laugh delightfully on the comm, immediately leaning slightly more forward over the fuel tank, Dean following the motion, and the bike gave a hungry howl and leaped forward happily.

 

 

Cas turned into a dirt road about an hour later, and a couple of minutes further down their view opened to a lake shore as Cas slowed the bike to a halt under a tree.

They got off and took off their gear.

It wasn’t anything special, but it was so still and quiet that they felt afraid to disturb the peace of nature.

They both needed to stretch their legs, so they left their boots along with their jackets in the bike in favour of a walk along the water. 

With their feet occasionally dipping in the water, they laughed and playfully shoved each other with friendly banter. Dean felt free, and happy, truly happy, for the first time in years. 

He was so comfortable around Cas, so effortlessly himself, not needing to pull a strong act or be the responsible adult for anyone. Cas seemed to free something inside Dean, something buried under years of having to tough it up for others. 

 

 

Eventually, they got back to the bike and started their way back. The sun was already half way through it’s descend to the west, and they were starting to feel hungry again.

They stopped for a late lunch at some roadside steakhouse, which turned out to be one of the best steaks Dean had ever had, but that might have had to do with his general mood, more than the actual quality of the meat.

They got back to the hotel and showered after being out in the sun for the entire day, and lay down each on one of the single beds in the room, facing each other.

Dean fell asleep immediately, but Cas stayed watching him for a short while before he, too, fell asleep.

When Dean woke, Cas was still asleep, and Dean had the opportunity to study the man’s face. He looked so peaceful, so innocent compared to the badass on a motorcycle Dean saw earlier, and Dean had an urge to touch his face. He almost did, when Cas lazily opened his eyes and smiled as soon as he saw Dean’s gaze on him.

“Hello, Dean.” His voice was even raspier when he woke.

“Heya, Cas.” Dean replied softly, and they both lay quietly, staring at each other for a long moment.

 

“Cas, I’ve been thinking…” Dean started, not really knowing why, or how to communicate what he was feeling. “I…” He hesitated, not sure how to proceed, so he decided honesty was the best way. “I really like spending time with you.”

“As do I.” Cas nodded, still a little hazy from sleep, but smiling widely all the same.

“So... “ What did Dean want? What was he about to suggest? He wasn’t sure himself, until he actually said the words. “I don’t really have to be back until tomorrow noon, so I was wondering… maybe I could stay tonight too?” Dean blushed furiously, and hoped the dim light of the hotel room was enough to hide it. “I mean, if that’s ok with you…”

“Of course, Dean.” The dark did nothing to obscure the pleased grin on Cas’ face. “I would like that very much.”

They both grinned like dorks for a while, the silence stretching but not heavy.

It was broken when Cas finally asked “What time is it?”

Dean checked his phone and gasped. “Dammit, it’s after eight already… We overslept.”

He swung his legs to sit up, and Cas followed his example.

“So what do you wanna do tonight, Brain?” Cas’ sly smirk caught Dean’s attention and forced a silly one onto his own.

 

 

“Come on, Cas!” Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him along.

“But where are we going??...” Cas insisted, but followed Dean nonetheless.

“Just hurry up!” Dean rushes him, “I wanna register early so we’ll actually have a shot at this.”

They entered the bar and Dean pulled Cas directly to the small table set right at the corner of the stage. He grabbed the pen hanging there by a string and scribbled down both their names. 

“Ok, Cas, whaddya wanna sing?”

Cas looked at him wide eyed and gaping. “Karaoke??” He grumbled at Dean resentfully, “Seriously?...”

“Yeah!” Dean gave him his most winning smile. “You had a bad experience with your cousins, I wanna rectify it.” he pulled his shoulders and held the pen out to Cas. “Come on, man, we’re gonna do this, one way or the other. Might as well pick the song…”

Cas only stared at him disbelieving.

“Don’t worry, buddy, it’s gonna be fun, I promise.” He reached further, waving the pen at Cas. “If you don’t pick one I’m gonna choose for you. And I really like Jolene…”

Cas’ eyes narrowed dangerously, lips pursing, and he snatched the pen out of Dean’s hand. He wrote the name of the song and all but threw the pen back at Dean.

Dean just gave him a satisfied smirk, and wrote his name again, solo this time.

Cas blatantly turned his back at Dean and strode off to a table.

 

Two rounds of beer, four shots and an alarming number of horrible singers later, it was their turn to go on stage.

Cas’ face scrunched as the host called their names, and he slammed his beer glass on the table and gave Dean an angry huff. He was too buzzed to care too much, so it only took Dean’s encouraging smile and prodding tap on his arm to get him to stand up and reluctantly step up on the stage.

The first notes of Eye Of The Tiger came on, and everyone in the crowd was clapping as Dean grabbed a mic and sang in the first few lines with exaggerated dance moves. As soon as he started, Cas forgot all about his anxiety laughing so hard he was unable to join in the singing. It took him a few moments to get himself together, but he soon joined Dean with the singing, clumsily imitating Dean’s overly dramatic dance moves. 

Dean was right. Once he let go of his inhibitions and his attempt to actually sing well, instead focusing on the fun side of it, he was ok. He didn’t care that his voice wasn’t the best, that his dance wasn’t perfect, or that he wasn’t doing it right, because not doing it right WAS the right way to do it.

They were laughing and hugging by the time the song ended, and he whispered a small “Thank you” into Dean’s ear before he went off the stage. Dean’s beaming smile and the mischievous glint in his wonderful green eyes made his heart skip and his stride lighter, and he sank happily back into his chair at their table.

 

Dean remained on stage for his next song, and Cas cheered with everyone else as the opening notes of Sweet Home Alabama began and Dean’s face took on a more solemn expression.

This time, when Dean sang, he didn’t dance as much. His one hand gripped the mic close to his mouth, and his other flew next to his body, complimenting his singing. The crowd quieted down soon enough and his voice carried, heavy with longing and painfully sincere, and Cas could imagine everyone else feeling the same lingering effect of suddenly being homesick to the core. His eyes were glued to Dean with open wonderment and admiration.

Dean looked down at the people watching him sing, and his eyes were drawn to Cas. There was a mixture of emotions he could see on Cas’ face, and an honest-to-god pride. But towards the end of the song, as Dean let the last of the words drift away and his hand slide off the mic, he saw something dark and insatiable cross Cas’ eyes, so fast that he may have imagined it, before affection came back to reclaim them.

 

Dean got off the stage and went back to Cas.

“Did you enjoy it?” He asked Cas as he sat down.

“Yes.” Cas swallowed. “You sing beautifully.”

Dean threw his head back with a laugh. “No, man, I mean karaoke, you singing, was it fun?”

Cas swallowed again, embarrassed by his former reaction. “I must admit I did. Thank you.”

“No need.” Dean held his beer out for Cas, and Cas clincked his bottle against Dean’s. “Cheers, Cas. For all the fun stuff we did today, and the many more things I wanna show you.” Dean winked at him cheekily. “I’m gonna  _ ruin  _ you…”

“I know…” Cas muttered to himself quietly, and the music made sure Dean wouldn’t be able to hear him.

 

Another round of beer and what seemed like a bachelorette party gang taking over the bar eventually drove them away and back to their hotel room.

Cas was quiet the entire walk back, and he seemed more restrained somehow. He thanked Dean several times for the corrective experience, but otherwise refrained from real conversation and avoided his eyes.

And it only got worse when they reached their room.

 

Cigarette smoke clung to their clothes and made it impossible to go to bed without another shower, and Cas insisted that Dean should go first.

When he came out, wrapped in a towel, Cas only grabbed his pajamas and all but ran into the bathroom. 

Dean was tired, and slightly buzzed, but decided to wait for Cas anyway. He wanted to know if he made the man uncomfortable in any way.

And so when Cas finally emerged from the shower, wearing his pajama pants and a white tee, his hair still wet and tousled, he stopped dead when he realized Dean was still sitting with his back to the headboard, waiting.

“Dean.”

 

“Cas, is everything ok?” He pleaded, “Is it something I did?”

Cas turned away and sat on his bed. “No.”

Dean got up and went to sit beside Cas, grimacing when Cas flinched away. “Cas, what’s going on? Please tell me.”

“Nothing,” Cas said softly, and tried to turn away again, but Dean caught his face and turned it so Cas had to look at him. Eyes darting around, Cas admitted, “You.”

“Me?..” Dean looked at him confused. “Cas, if I had done anything wrong, please tell me. I can’t lose you. I won’t. Whatever it is, I’ll make it right. Just tell me what I did…”

“You didn’t.” Cas pulled his face away from Dean’s grip. “That’s exactly it, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He sighed at Dean’s confusion. “You are a remarkable man, Dean. You are funny, and smart, and loyal, and devilishly handsome. I just… I need…” But he trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

“Please, Cas, you can tell me anything. You know I won’t judge you, that was always our deal.” 

“I know”, Cas deflated a little with the words, “But I’m not interested in a rerun of last night.”

Dean looked baffled. “What are you talking about?” He leaned back a little. “Is that why you won’t look at me?”

“Dean, I am willing to honor your wishes. I want to give you what you want. I want us to be friends, and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never have more.” He shook his head sadly. “It is the fair thing to do, I accept it. But sometimes… you make it really hard…”

Dean’s head shot up with the filthiest smirk. “Yeah, I bet…”

Cas couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him. “Are you always such an asshole when someone else is trying to be serious?”

“I do my best.”

Cas leaned closer, way into Dean’s personal space, and whispered against his cheek. “Well I do enjoy a tight, puckered hole every now and then…”

Dean’s face turned beet red, and he leaned away slightly, eyes flicking momentarily to Cas’ lips, then back to his eyes, embarrassment tainting his smile.

Cas burst into another hearty laugh and Dean quickly buried his eyes in his lap. “I think I get the nickname now…” At Cas’ puzzled expression he elaborated. “Sassy Cassie?..”

 

Cas frowned, but then his eyes softened. “I did have a really great time today, Dean.”

“Me too.” Dean nodded his agreement. “I hope you get the Wichita position, so we get to do this a lot.”

Cas smiled fondly, and Dean thought it was the warmest, most sincere smile he had ever seen. “So do I. Now go to sleep. We both have a long drive tomorrow.”

 

Dean nodded, but hadn’t moved for several seconds. He only had tonight to enjoy being around Cas, and he was savoring every moment of proximity.

“Dean?”

“Yeah,” He woke from his thoughts at Cas’ voice next to him. “Do you think, maybe.. We could just.. I dunno, watch some TV together for a while? I’m not really feeling tired yet.”

“Of course, Dean.” Cas moved to one side of his bed so Dean could sit back next to him, and turned the television on. 

He gave the remote to Dean, and watched as the light from the device flickered on Dean’s face as he browsed through the channels.

As they sat, shoulder to shoulder, backs to the headboard, relishing each other’s warmth and company, it wasn’t long before they were both asleep, crowding close together.

 

 

In the morning, neither said a word about sleeping so close together again. Nor did any of them mention their tangled limbs when they woke, or their decidedly slow process of actually getting up, both unwilling to move away from the other.

But because they lingered in bed so much, Dean did not have much time before he had to leave and go home if he wanted to make it for Sam’s graduation.

They grabbed a hasty breakfast and packed their things.

 

At the hotel parking lot, they said their goodbyes and exchanged promises to talk soon.

“I want to know how the graduation ceremony was.” Cas told Dean as they hugged, his hand sliding to hold Dean’s hand in his, and Dean didn’t object.

“I promise to call you tomorrow and tell you every tiny boring bit.” Dean smiled.

They stood for a long moment, just staring, uncertain of what to do next, delaying the moment they actually have to separate.

 

“You know, “ Cas said, just as they were lifting their bags to go, catching Dean’s eye, “I don’t think you understand just how extraordinary you are, Dean Winchester.” He paused and trailed warm fingers down Dean’s cheek, “I am usually very good with words. But you…” His eyes on Dean so piercing Dean shuddered, “ _ You leave me none _ …”

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

  
  


The ceremony was boring, as expected, aside for the occasional snarky remark from Charlie.   


Bobby and Jody came, too, and Kevin, and Sam seemed very content, though Jess' presence there with Brady, especially after things didn't work out with Amelia as well, was clearly affecting his mood.   


 

Oh, yeah, Amelia decided to get back with her ex, that two-timing minx…   


Sam told him just before the ceremony. He hated that his brother had to go through that again so soon. And alone, again, because Dean was too occupied with Cas in Wichita. 

Well, he was here now.   


 

They all went to dinner at the Roadhouse after, to celebrate. Joined by Jo and Ellen, they were quite a bunch.   


After congratulating Sam, and asking Bobby how he was doing, Jo started pouring out the beers and Ellen started bringing out the food, and conversation steered easily to Sam's plans and his internship about to start.   


 

Dean caught Jo when she brought him a beer. "Hey, where's your better half?"   


"Working.." Jo grimaced at him pointedly. "He committed to make this really elaborate rapier. Beautiful thing. But he is so wrapped in his work, I haven't seen him in days!" She grunted the last part.   


"I can tell by your face you're talking about him again…" Ellen rounded her and positioned herself next to Dean. She lay a hand on Dean's shoulder. "I don't know whether to thank you for introducing that man to my daughter, or to hate you because I don’t get to see my baby girl anymore."    


"Mom!" Jo exasperated, "I'm not twelve, you know!"    


"Not to me!" Ellen retaliated, but she was obviously amused. "You'll always be twelve to me." She enjoyed Jo's annoyed huff and eye roll.   


She tapped Dean's shoulder fondly. "Now eat up, I put aside a big box o’Chili for you to take home."    


"Yes, Ma'am!" Dean smiled happily and shoved a large piece of steak into his mouth.

 

After they ate, Sam and Charlie tried to corner Dean quietly. Apparently, Sam told Charlie where he'd been the entire weekend, and they were both thirsty for details.

"It was ok," Dean started, "It was good." He awkwardly brushed a hand through his hair. "I already knew Cas is a great guy. We hung out together, it was fun. He's an awesome dude, and a good friend. That's it." They both hung their eyes on him expectantly, waiting for more, but he ignored it.

Sam seemed satisfied to leave it at that, but Charlie spun her hand in a small enthusiastic turbulence, encouraging him to continue.

"What??" He huffed out, annoyed. "We went for drinks, went for a drive, talked a lot, not much to tell." But the twitch of his eye must have given away his nervousness to Charlie, because she took a step closer. "Winchester, if you are holding back any vital information, I swear..."

 

"Dean!"

Dean looked over her shoulder at Ellen, calling his name. "Honey, why don’t you come help me get the pie?"

Dean smiled at Sam and Charlie with an exaggerated apologetic smirk and pushed past them towards Ellen and the kitchen.

 

"What was that all about?" Ellen asked absentmindedly as she arranged the pies to be brought to the table.

"Nothing…" Dean mumbles under his breath. "Thanks for the save.”

Ellen waved at him dismissively. Then she stopped fussing over the pies and straightened to look at him seriously. "Dean, how long have you known Benny?" She caught him by surprise.

"Dunno…" He replied thoughtfully, calculating in his head. "Several years now. Ever since dad…" He trailed off. "A few years. Why?"

She gave him a fond and sympathetic smile before she continued. "Jo is… She really likes him."

"I can see, they're practically inseparable…" He nodded, satisfied.

"Don't you think it's all going… a little too fast?" Ellen looked worried. "Don't get me wrong, I like him. He seems like a good man. And he does a good job at taming Jo down, which is a damn big deal, I have never seen anyone get to her like that…" She hesitates. "But they are fire and water, these kids. He calms her down, grounds her, but I’m afraid he might extinguish her, or more likely she might burn him down. I don't wanna see either of them get hurt."

Dean raised his head to look at her sharply. "Wait, you're worried  _ Jo _ might hurt  _ Benny _ ??"

He'd never seen Ellen blush. Ever.

"Ellen, Benny's been through a lot in his life." He considered for a second before he continued talking. "Usually, I leave it for him to tell, if he wants to. And if you ever tell anyone I told you, I don't care how good your burgers are, I'm never telling you a goddamn thing again…" He warned. She nodded, and he went on. "Benny… He was married once. When he was very young."

Ellen's gape was very subtle, but Dean caught it anyway.

"I met him a couple years after Andrea passed away. He doesn't like to talk about it, and I never pushed him too hard on this. Always figured if he wanted to talk he'd know where to find me. All I know is, she was his first love, she died in a car crash when a friend of theirs was driving and Benny blames himself." He sought Ellen's eyes and saw the deep sadness in them.

"And I also know I've never seen him smile as much as he does these days. He's happy with Jo, Ellen. She brought him back to life." Dean felt a pang of jealousy at how good Jo and Benny were together, but buried it immediately. "Yea, he's calm alright. He's a rock she can shatter on if she needs to, and he'll be able to take it and always be there for her, because she's just the spark he needed to remind him he can feel again."

Ellen smiled widely as he spoke. "You seem to give him a lot of credit."

Dean shrugged his shoulders and said simply, "He's a good friend. One of the few people I know I can always count on if I need him. He's proven that over and over again in the few years we've known each other."

"Good." Ellen concluded. "And you don't think she's going too fast with it?"

"Hey, when you know you know, right?" He chuckled at his own embarrassment. "Or so I've heard."

"I wish it were that simple…" She said softly, pushing two trays of pie towards him. "I thought I knew when I met your father, and look how that turned out." She gave him a crooked smile and he gulped.

"Ok!" He picked the trays up, "I'm just gonna take these out to the table now!..." He heard her laugh as he rushed back out to the rest of their family.

 

 

Dean arrived home that night way past midnight.

He stripped quickly to go to bed, since he had to be up for work in only a few hours.

Automatically, on the way, he stopped to check his computer.

There, blinking, was a message from Cas. A single line sent two hours prior.

_  C: Damn, I missed you… _

Still standing, Dean typed his short reply.

_ D: I missed you too, buddy  :) _

He sent his computer to sleep mode and dove into his blanket, asleep before he could even register it.

 

 

Dean didn't go to see Bobby the next day. He wanted to, but Bobby insisted that he didn't have to. That he trusted Dean with the garage enough that he didn't need Dean to report to him daily, and that he was feeling well enough and those daily visits were really unnecessary and Jody was doing a very good job at copping him around, he didn't need anyone else constantly asking him if he was alright and bossing him to eat healthy and rest.

Dean just laughed and agreed to only come to family dinner on Saturdays, as usual, and to watch the game on Wednesdays.

He had some errands to run and chores planned for the weekend but neglected since he chose to stay with Cas in Wichita.

Finally, he sat down at his computer to pay some bills, when he saw Cas was online.

 

_ D: Heya Cas! _

 

The response came almost immediately.

 

_  C: Hello Dean _

_  C: I saw your message only this morning. _

_  C: I thought you had already gone to sleep when I messaged you last night _

 

Dean stretched in the chair and pulled the keyboard closer.

 

_ D: No, I came home late _

_ D: We all went to dinner after the ceremony _

_ D: But I appreciate the sentiment, you missing me already  ;) _

_  C: I meant I was online and you weren’t here… _

_ D: Oh… _

_ D: Awkward… _

_  C: I did miss you, though  :) _

 

Dean smiled at Cas' attempt at belated flattery, but he still felt a little awkward.

 

_  C: How did the ceremony go? _

 

Dean was glad for the change of subject.

 

_ D: Boring, a lot of talking, nothing unexpected _

_ D: Thank god for Charlie, to throw a joke every now and then _

_ D: And Sammy was happy, even though his ex was there with her new boy toy _

_  C: I can imagine how he must have felt _

_ D: Actually Sam took it pretty well _

_ D: Wasn't too sad about it or anything _

_  C: No, I meant the boy toy. _

_  C: Living off leftovers, knowing you're merely a substitute, good only to flaunt with… _

_  C: Especially when the adversary is a Winchester  _

_  C:  ;) _

 

Dean burst out a short laugh. Flirty Cas was funny. He found that he liked it very much.

 

_ D:  :) _

_ D: How did you get back yesterday? Everything cool? _

_  C: Yes _

_  C: It was a long drive, but Grace and I made good time _

_ D: Did you go to work today? _

_  C: I did. _

_  C: Much to do before our branch closes _

_  C: Which is going to be sooner than expected, according to most recent announcement. _

_ D: Shit… _

_ D: When? _

_  C: A week _

_ D: So you have a week to come up with a plan? _

_ D: Sounds easy  :-/ _

_  C: Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do with the rest of my 6 days and 23 hours! _

_ D:  :) _

_  C: Meg said she might have an offer for me, so I am meeting her tomorrow for drinks _

_ D: Is she an accountant too? _

_  C: No, she's an executive at Alistair Pharm Corp _

_  C: She's in charge of mergers and acquisitions _

_ D: What position? _

_  C: I don't know yet, that is the purpose of our meeting tomorrow _

_  C: Though I assume they might need an accountant for project profitability analysis or due diligence checks _

_ D: Will you be cool with working under your best friend? _

_  C: I would rather that, over leaving entirely _

_  C: My options are running thin… _

_ D: You don't sound very happy about it _

_ D: Dude! She's your best friend! _

_  C: I supposed it depends on who said best friend is _

_ D:  :) _

_ D: I guess so… _

 

Dean sniggered to himself before he continued.

He just wanted to make Cas smile.

 

_ D: Maybe you'd prefer to work with a friend who's really good lookin' _

_ D: And really awesome _

_ D: Maybe someone with similar interest in hot wheels _

_ D: Someone who can get your motor runnin'? _

 

The chat was quiet for a few seconds.

 

_  C: Are you sure you want to go there with me, Dean? _

 

Dean's playful smirk broadened even more.

 

_  C: Because it's been a while since anyone checked my engine up close _

_  C: And there's a lot I can do  _ under  _ someone like that… _

 

Before he could think it through, Dean was typing back.

 

_ D: And you know I got no problem with getting my hands dirty  :) _

_   C: What position are you offering?  ;) _

 

He looked at their latest exchange and swallowed. Hard.

How did he and Cas fall into this flirty exchange?

Cas allowed himself a few naughty comebacks in Wichita, but they have established that Dean is straight and not interested. But that wasn’t to say that this was not interes _ ting _ ...

With anyone else, this would set Dean’s cheeks on fire and send him packing. But with Cas it was just so… casual… comfortable, even. It came easily, just harmless teasing, because they both knew where they stood with each other, there were no expectations that this would actually lead to anything more.

Right?

 

_ D: Dunno, but whatever you decide to do, I’m 100% behind you  :-p _

_  C: Don’t tempt me… _

_  C: And not a single task shall be completed, for not one functioning brain cell remained… _

_ D:  :) _

_ D: Alright, just call me after you see her to tell me everything _

_  C: Of course, Dean. _

_  C: Good night _

_ D: Night, Cas _

 

For some reason, he felt lightheaded. Felt like things were looking up for Cas, and it made him elated. Cas was great, he deserved every good thing that was coming his way, and that’s all Dean wanted, really. For Cas to be happy.

 

 

Dean whistled his way into the garage in the morning, stricken with surprise when he realized someone was already there.

He thought Bobby came to see how everything was going and supervise, but it was Kevin, waiting for him in the small office.

“Morning, Kev, not used to seeing you here so early.” He threw his keys carelessly on the table and took off his jacket. “Whatcha up to?”

“Hey, um...” Kevin squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. “Got a minute to talk?”

“Sure, kid. What’s on your mind?” He slumped into the chair and started going over the orderly chaos of paperwork in front of him.

“So…” Kevin started, “You know how I’m about to finish my undergrad degree next semester?”

Dean looked up at him from the paper he was holding. “Yea. I’d tell you we’re proud of you, but we kinda expected that from a smart kid like you.”

Kevin smiled awkwardly. “And you know how after you graduate you wanna get a good internship to start off your career?”

“Suuure,” Dean pulled the word, interest peaked. “Sam is doing just that now. I bet they’d be fighting over you...”

“Well… They were… And... I sorta…” Kevin shrunk himself on the seat, as if trying to disappear while speaking.

“Speak up, Kev, just say what ya have to.”

“I sorta kinda found one already and I’m starting next month…” Kevin blurted out, eyes dropping to his lap nervously.

“While still on your last semester??” Dean perked up. “That’s…” he trailed off thoughtfully, Kevin was digging himself even more into the chair at Dean’s reaction. “Amazing! You must be so excited!”

Kevin jerked up to stare at Dean. “Yes, it is.” He squinted his eyes suspiciously. “But… that means I can’t work here part time anymore.”

Dean sighed and sat back with a groan. “Figures…” He would have to find someone else to help out. He thought about getting another mechanic to work with him in the garage, so he’d be more free to manage the place properly. He just needed to find someone quicker, he already knew how to do everything Kevin does, Kevin was just better at this. “No worries, Kev, you go do your thing and be great at it, and I’ll take care of everything. And kid…” Kevin’s bright smile was so relieved, “I’m damn proud of you, you know that?”

“Thanks, Dean!” Kevin jumped up and rounded the table to shake his hand. Dean took his hand, but pulled him into a big brother hug as soon as Kevin relaxed.

 

Oh, man… He’s gonna have to find someone quickly if he wanted the place to go on smoothly. He wouldn’t only be disappointing himself, but Bobby as well. And his family.

No pressure.

No pressure at all…

 

 

Sam called him around lunch to check if he had plans that night. He wanted to go for a drink, just the two of them. 

Dean was surprised, normally when advise was required, Charlie was the most sensible one to have around, but Sam insisted.

They met at the bar after work, and took a table at the farthest corner, allowing them the most privacy they could get at the bar.

“We could have just met at my place, or yours…” Dean offered, as Sam handed him a beer.

“I know, but I needed to be out. See people around me.” Sam moved to look around them. 

“Everything ok?” Dean asked him hesitantly.

“Yeah, yeah..” Sam huffed. “I just.. I needed to talk.” He studied his bottle intently. “Actually, I needed someone to listen.”

“About Amelia?” 

“And Jess.” Sam added after a thought. “I dunno, man… I had this whole idea of how my life was going to be after I graduate, and it wasn’t this. I always saw Jess in it, too. I thought I’d marry her, get a career going, have a bunch of babies…”

“You can still do that.” Dean offered sympathetically, “Just not with Jess.”

“I already had the ring, you know…” Sam gave him the saddest eyes he’d ever seen on his brother, and Dean’s heart shrunk with pain.

“I’m so sorry, Sammy…” He put his hand over his brother’s shoulder, comforting. “And if she couldn’t appreciate what she had with you, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

Sam smiled at him with no real mirth. “I know you mean well, Dean, but I just keep thinking, am I cursed or something? Every woman I’ve ever felt anything for chose someone else over me.”

“Come on, Sammy!” Dean pushed him fondly. “You can’t really think that. Just because Jess did it, and Amelia got back with her ex, that doesn’t mean you’re cursed!”

“Well, what about Amy Pond, back in high school?” Sam reminded.

“Really, Sammy?? High school??” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Ok..” Sam straightened fiercely. “What about Rubi? Madison?” He paused, “Sarah Blake?”

“Fine." Dean scoffed. "If you wanna do this... Rubi was a slut. She was cheating on you all through your relationship, and you knew it was doomed from the start. She couldn’t be more wrong for you.” Dean lost his temper a bit. “Madison did not leave you for someone else, she just moved. And Sarah...” He breathed before the next sentence. “She did break your heart really bad, didn’t she?..”

Sam leaned his head on his hand. “She went off with someone else, too…”

“Yea,” Dean’s tone was gruff again, “Right after  _ you  _ broke up with  _ her _ !”

“Right…” Sam sank into his chair. “Right..”

“Dude, you’ve hit a rough patch, that’s all. We all have.” Dean spread his arms to indicate himself. “Hell, I’ve never had a smooth road in my life!”

“Dean, you consciously choose to only have one night stands.” Sam scoffed. “You’re the poster boy for commitment issues.”

Dean pouted, but his brows raised in agreement. “Point is,” he started again, “Shit happens. And you’re a very empathic person, so you feel it more keenly.”

“Unlike you? Who’s so afraid to feel anything he won’t open up to anyone?” Sam said flatly.

“Exactly!” Dean chose to ignore the insult and gave him a toothy shit-eating grin. “Besides, that’s not true. I do talk. To you and Charlie. To Cas.” He tried to keep the mild blush out of his face.

“Yea, where there’s no risk of you actually getting romantically attached…” Sam frowned, but before Dean could protest, he asked “How is everything with him, by the way?”

“Ok, I guess.” Dean shrugged his shoulders absently. “He told me last night he got another job offer, from his best friend. Hope it works out. Otherwise he’s out of the country before there’s anything he can do about it…”

“Oh, I’m sorry, man…”

“It’s fine, Imma go get the next round, ok?” Dean stood and started towards the bar.

 

“Hey Dottie!” Dean gave the bartender his best smile.

“Winchester!” She beamed at him and her eyes started searching the bar. “Red’s not with you tonight?”

“Naa.. giving her a night off.” He winked at her. 

“Damn, that means she’s been cooped up at home with her video games… I better go check on her soon.” Dorothy winked back at him knowingly, and he laughed heartily.

“Can I have two more beers, please, before you go ruin my friend’s virtue?” He nodded towards his and Sam’s table.

“‘Course!” She took out two bottles and came his way, taking out her opener. “And I hate to break it to ya, that girl may look innocent, but man, the things she can - “

“Stop!” He cut her off, “She’s like the sister I never wanted, I don’t need to know and I don’t wanna know!” He held his hand out in protest. “Unless I parttake.” He grinned. 

“Not in a million years…” She pushed the two bottles at him and turned to another man who was calling her from the other side of the bar.

 

Dean turned to get back to the table and found himself face to face with tan skin, beautiful almond eyes, and a lush smile.

“Lisa…” He breathed in surprise as he held up the bottles from spilling.

“Dean.” She acknowledged and leaned in invitingly. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“Hey, how’ve you been doing?” He felt hot, not knowing if it was coming from him or from her.

“Good.” She tapped a delicate finger over his torso, lingering. “Been thinking about you, actually. I was hoping to run into you at some point, thought maybe we can do that again?”

Dean’s breath caught, and he tried his best to sound casual when he replied. “Sure, yeah.”

She turned her head to look at the door to the restrooms, and Dean caught the motion. “But, maybe, somewhere more private, this time? I’m much better when I’m not taking times.” 

Her smile widened. “Ok. You wanna get out of here? Maybe go to your place?”

Dean took both bottles in one hand and caught her wandering hand. “I’m with my brother here.” He gestured towards Sam, then leaned into her, dropping his voice suggestively. “How ‘bout you text me and I’ll give you a call tomorrow? That way you won’t have to stalk me in bars next time…”

“In your dreams…” She rebuked, but was already taking her phone out and typing his number as he said it.

 

Dean went back to the table and the conversation went on, Sam sharing his romantic frustrations and Dean encouraging him while subtly avoiding talking further about Cas.

Before they parted for the night, Dean asked Sam again about the internship.

“So you still have a few days now before you start there?”

“Yea.” Sam confirmed.

“Got any plans on how to spend your time until then?” Dean asked before he was sure of what was forming in his head.

“Probably study a little, just to be prepared to jump in real life water.” Sam said absently. “Why?”

“Well if you’re gonna nerd out anyway, you think maybe I could ask you for a favour?” 

“Sure, Dean.” Sam nodded. “Whaddya need?”

“Sammy, what do you know about immigration laws?...”

 

 

The next evening Dean came home after visiting Bobby somewhat depressed.

He had to tell Bobby Kevin was leaving too, and though Bobby agreed with him that this was expected and he should hire another mechanic, Dean still felt uncomfortable about the whole situation.

He shot Cas a text, asking if he was free to chat, and about fifteen minutes later Cas texted back that he was online now.

 

Dean grabbed a beer and settled to his computer.

 

_ D: Hey Cas, how’s it goin’? _

_  C: Good _

_  C: Did you go see your uncle this evening? _

_ D: Yea, we watched the game, and talked _

_ D: Kevin is leaving the garage _

_ D: And I’m kinda lost here _

_  C: How so? _

_ D: Dunno _

_ D: First Bobby, now Kevin… _

_  C: Feels like everyone is leaving you? _

_ D: Yea, I guess _

_ D: And all at the same time _

_  C: I’m sorry to hear that _

_  C: But I have complete faith in you _

_ D: Faith has nothing to do with it _

_ D: I’m only one person _

_ D: To do 3 men’s jobs _

_ D: I gotta find another mechanic, soon _

_ D: Or I’m gonna lose it… _

_  C: Well if anyone can do it it’s you, Dean _

_ D: What makes you so sure? _

_ D: I feel like I’m failing everyone _

_  C: You are not failing anyone _

_  C: You are a smart man in a tight situation _

_  C: And I am positive you can handle it _

_ D: Doesn’t feel that way _

_ D: Feels like everyone’s counting on me _

_ D: And I don’t know if I can do it, man.. _

_  C: Why? _

_ D: Because I’m just one man _

_  C: So? _

_ D: So I can’t be in three places at once _

_  C: Is there anything that Bobby or Kevin do that you don’t know how to do yourself? _

_ D: No, of course not _

_ D: It’s a small family business _

_ D: I have to know everything _

_  C: Then, for a short while, until you find another mechanic, you should be able to do everything _

_ D: Knowing how to doesn’t mean I’ll have time to do everything _

_  C: This is only a matter of time-management, Dean _

_ D: Cas, I’ll have to practically live at the garage for god knows how long till I find a new mechanic _

_ D: Which will not be as easy as you think _

_ D: We have a name to keep _

_  C: And yet _

_  C: I trust you can do it _

_  C: And more importantly, so does your uncle _

_ D: How can you have so much faith in me? _

_  C: I’ve met you _

_  C: I know you _

_  C: And you would rather sacrifice everything you have and not let anyone down _

_  C: You are the most selfless person I know _

_ D: And you’re the kindest _

_ D: I still think you misplace your faith _

_  C: Shut up, Dean _

_ D:  :) _

 

Dean stared at his screen in awe of Cas for a while.

 

_ D: Btw, How did it go with Meg? _

_  C: Fine _

 

Dean waited for Cas to elaborate. And waited.

 

_ D: Well? _

_ D: What position did she offer you? _

_  C: I’m still considering, I haven’t said yes yet. _

_  C: Maybe as a last resort _

_  C: But I am reluctant to agree _

 

Dean frowned.

 

_ D: What is it? _

_ D: Not senior enough? _

_ D: Not enough money? _

_ D: Too boring? _

_  C: Dean… _

_ D: Come on, Cas _

_ D: Can’t be that bad… _

 

Dean saw Cas type and re-type several times, stop entirely for moments, then typing again.

 

_  C: She asked me to marry her _

 

Dean’s heart sank and he felt nauseous.

Would Cas really be entering a loveless marriage just to stay in the country?? That was so unlike him…

Dean knew that people tended to think of Cas as calculated and rational, but the Cas he knew was sensitive and passionate, and caring. He could never do that!

 

_ C: I haven’t said anything yet _

_  C: We know each other for years, she’s my best friend _

_  C: Everyone would very well accept this marriage _

_  C: And we have been.. intimate… once… _

 

Dean couldn’t look away from Cas typing, his mouth hanging open and his insides knotting in a painful twist. Was Cas…

 

_ D: Wait, you’re actually considering this??? _

_  C: Dean, I don’t have that many options! _

_ D: Sure you do! _

_  C: Like what? _

_  C: What do YOU think I should do? _

 

Dean raked his head trying to think of something to say, but came up empty.

 

_ D: I don’t know, but we’ll think of something _

_  C: There is no other way… _

_ D: Please, Cas, don’t do that _

_ D: Don’t marry for a green card _

_  C: Why, Dean? _

_  C: Why do you care so much if I do? _

 

Dean stumped over Cas’ question.

He didn’t know why.

He wanted Cas to be happy, for one, but that wasn’t the whole of it.

He didn’t want Cas to be deported, he wanted Cas to be able to stay, he wanted to be able to see Cas, even if it wasn’t every day, and he knew the deadline was coming too quickly for anything else. It was his only option, or it very soon would be.

But something about it was nagging Dean. Did not sit right with him.

Cas wasn’t like that. He didn’t want to see his friend’s wings cut off like that.

 

When he saw Cas typing again, he realized he’d been silent for too long.

 

_  C: Let’s talk tomorrow _

_  C: I know you want what’s best for me _

_  C: But maybe if you take some time to think it through you’ll see I have no other way _

 

Cas logged off without waiting for Dean’s reply, and a stone the size of Texas took root in Dean’s stomach before he finally got up and went to bed.

 

 

Lisa texted Dean in the morning to ask what time they were meeting that night.

He thought about cancelling, but he could really use the distraction, after last night’s conversation with Cas.

They agreed on 19:00 pm at Dean’s place, and he decided to cook instead of just order in.

 

At 19:10 pm a knock on the door pulled him out of the kitchen, still wiping his hands on a towel, and he opened the door with a smile.

Lisa was dressed casually, wearing less makeup than she had at the bar, and somehow looking even more beautiful.

She strode in holding a bottle of wine, and Dean greeted her with a kiss to her cheek.

She clung onto him, getting handsy and pulling him for a kiss, and then she abruptly pulled away and looked up to him suspiciously when she smelled the food.

“You… cooked dinner?” she raised a dubious brow.

“Yea,” Dean led her to the small dining table. “Hope you like roasted chicken and potatoes.”

“You cooked dinner…” She repeated, taking in the table set for two, and turned towards him, “For a booty call…”

Dean blinked at her. “I thought we might, you know, get to know each other first.” He smiled awkwardly. “‘Sides, you should eat. You’ll need your strength later.” He smirked. She gave him a playful smile and a tug at his shirt and went to take a seat.

 

They ate dinner and talked, and it turned out Lisa was pretty cool.

She said she works as a yoga instructor, and she likes the same music and the same movies as him, not that they’re gonna watch anything other than Dean’s bedroom or anything…

But she laughed at his jokes, and she made him smile and it felt natural to talk to her.

So much so, that she suddenly looked up and gave a choked gasp at the time, and they realized it was past eleven o’clock and they were still talking.

“Shit!” She jumped to her feet, “I gotta go!”

“What?” Dean jumped after her, confused. “So early? We haven’t even.. I mean… Not that… You know…” 

“So much for a booty call…” She sighed, laughing, and Dean relaxed.

She came closer to him and snuck her hands behind him to pull them tight, and he leaned down to kiss her softly.

“I had a great time, Dean Winchester.” She whispered into his ear, her breath tingling his skin.

“Me too, Miss Lisa Braeden.” He let his lips brush her hair as he spoke.

They held onto each other for a while longer, exchanging body heat as a preview for next time, before Lisa detached and he walked her to the door.

“Next time?” She asked.

“Next time.” He smiled.

  
  


“Hey Winchester!” Charlie’s cheerful voice jolted Dean out of his thoughts and the paper he was holding when he accepted the call. “Are we gonna see you tonight? You’re coming, right?”

“Yeah, sure, kiddo.” He replied, his mind still with the document in his hand. “As usual.”

“Dean…” She hesitated, which got his attention immediately.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I think. Nothing.” She paused. “Do you think maybe you could come a little early? I already asked Sam. I might… need your help with something…”

“What is it?” Dean pressed, but Charlie gave a nervous chuckle.

“Probably nothing. See you later, Jerk!” 

“Hey, Sam’s the only - “ But she hung up before he managed to say it.

 

Dean met Sam at the door and they entered the bar together. Charlie came in a few minutes later, going straight to the bar to smooch one on Dorothy before coming to sit in front of them at the table.

“Ok, first, you guys are awesome and I love you.” Sam and Dean exchanged baffled looks. “Second, thank you so much for coming, and please please don’t say ‘I told you so’…” She blinked as if she expected them to shout at her.

“Charlie, why… What happened?” Sam looked worried, and Dean frowned. “Just tell us, you’re making me nervous…” 

“Ok, remember you asked me how Dick Roman was gonna let me go so easily, and I said they have no choice, ‘cause I didn’t sign a non-compete agreement?” She was eyeing Dean warily, “Well it turns out I did…”

“What? How?” Dean asked incredulous, same time as Sam asked “How did you not remember signing this?”

“Well, I signed it when I was working on a specific project. It was over four years ago. I didn’t think it applied to my entire work, they told me it was just for this one thing, because it was a cooperation with another company.” Her voice raised to a panic as she continued talking. “What do I do now?”

“What do they want?” Sam asked.

“I got this letter, that either I pay according to the agreement I signed, or they’re gonna sue me.” She thunked her head on the table. “There is NO WAY Nanoflaccid are gonna let me work there with that kind of lawsuit… I’d be surprised if I can get ANY job until this whole thing is over…”

“Do you still have a copy of the agreement?” Dean contributed before Sam could.

“Of course, what kinda information freak do you think I am?..” A small smirk momentarily appeared on her lips and disappeared just as fast.

“Come over tomorrow morning.” Sam used his down to business voice, “Bring everything you got, every document you’ve ever signed for Roman Industries.” His eyes softened and he added, “And don’t worry, we’ll fight this. You’ll be fine, I promise.” 

A relieved grin bloomed on her face, just as Jo and Benny appeared behind her, greeting them hello.

 

 

Dean didn’t join Sam and Charlie the next day, he had some errands to run for Bobby.

He finished his short list of tasks and decided to drop in early to help Jody with dinner.

He let himself in, listening to their voices carrying softly from the kitchen.

“...love both those boys more than anything, Jody, I understand what you’re saying, but Sam’s heart is not in it as Dean’s. Dean will pour his soul into this place, he doesn’t need to share.”

“Bobby, they’re brothers. You can’t give to one and not the other. I still think they should share it. They share everything else…”

Dean stopped dead in his place and listened. They must not have heard him come in. And they were talking about giving the garage to Sam and him.

“Exactly. They’ve shared enough. It’s time Dean had something of his own. He’d spent his entire childhood taking care of his brother, I want him to have this. Just him. He deserves this. We’ll find some other way to help out Sam.”

“Like what?”

“Well his tuition wasn’t cheap either, you know…”

Dean blushed at the realization of how much Bobby and Jody had given Sam and him over the years, and a warmth filled his heart at how lucky he and his brother were to have them.

He decided he had eavesdropped enough and carefully stomped his feet as if he just walked in, to let them know he was there.

 

“Dean? Is that you, son?” Bobby called from the kitchen.

“Yeah, Bobby, it’s me.” He walked into the kitchen, stopping to kiss Jody’s cheek affectionately and went to lay the plastic bags he was holding on the counter. Bobby was peeling potatoes for dinner, and Dean grabbed a knife and a potato and started peeling as well.

“We were just talking about the garage.” Bobby volunteered after a moment. “My lawyer dropped the legal documents last night, I thought we’d sign them later.”

Dean coughed uneasily, and nearly peeled a part of his thumb with discomfort. “Shouldn’t we wait for Sammy for that?” He asked quietly.

“Why would we do that?” Bobby’s brows furrowed. “He’s not a lawyer yet, so he can’t really certify them, and Jody can be our witness, it doesn’t have to be a lawyer.” He paused in thought. ”I trust my lawyer, Dean, but if you want someone else to review it, that’s fine, I can email you a copy.”

“No, that’s not what I meant…” Dean huffed and continued peeling, quietly. “It’s ok, that won’t be necessary. But we don’t need to rush, right? I mean, what’s the hurry?..” He feigned a chuckle and it came out odd.

“No rush, sweetie.” Jody said with her back to them, still stirring the food.

“No reason to put it off either.” Bobby pushed another potato his way.

 

He asked Bobby if he was sure one last time before they signed everything.

By the time Sam got there and they were sitting down for dinner, it was official.

Bobby brought out a bottle of Blue Label to celebrate, and it seemed the only one not happy about it was Dean. 

Nope. No pressure at all.

 

 

He got home around 22:00 pm and parked his car, but remained seated for a while, thinking.

Minutes passed, and he really hadn’t noticed it when it happened.

He heard, rather than saw, the motorcycle coming from his rear view, and the sound allowed memories of Cas’ back hot against his chest resurface and claim his vision. A flash of Cas’ flushed face smiling at him shyly after a few hours in the sun. The memories flared his lower belly with a sudden pleasant tingle. A low hiss of surprise tumbled out of his lips. He wasn’t prepared for his body’s reaction and it was both nice and annoying at the same time, an abrupt reminder of his friend. 

It woke him up from his thoughts, though, and he quickly opened his car door and stepped out to go inside.

 

 

Dean and Lisa made plans to meet around 18:00 pm the next day. But for something that started off as a booty call, they sure treated it like an actual date.

Dean was fine with it, he actually liked Lisa. She had a wicked sense of humor, a very healthy attitude to life, and she was just a really good person. The fact was, he enjoyed talking to her just as much as he enjoyed the physical aspect of their interaction.

 

He picked her up, and they drove to a quiet little place he knew to have dinner together. They had some wine, and spoke about movies and art, and Dean's brain was startled by how textbook their date was.

He didn't care, though. There was no pressure, no stress. They had already had sex, so there was no need to play games or pretend to comply with what was considered the acceptable dating conduct.

They finished their dinner and strolled along the dimly lit streets, arms around each other, talking softly. It felt like the old movies, and in a spur of the moment, Dean took Lisa's hand, and in a dance-like move pushed her gently away only to pull at her stretched arm and swirl her closer, into a lazy kiss. They melted into each other, and smiled into each other's lips.

Soon, they were turning to walk back to the Impala, to head home.

 

Trapping Lisa between himself and the passenger’s door, he leaned closer and let his lips brush one side of her neck softly, while his hand slid up the other side to tangle in her beautiful chocolate hair.

He pressed himself against her, breathing her scent, his lips hovering over her skin separated by a thin buffer of hot air. He brought his lips closer to her ear, so she was not sure if what she was feeling were his lips brushing or only the warmth they generated at this proximity. “Your place or mine?” He practically purred into her hair and her previously pliant body stiffened with self-awareness.

“Yours.” She pressed forward against Dean in return, the defiant move also allowing her to slide her fingers into the door handle as she opened the door.

Dean smiled and kissed her again before pushing away a little to separate and allow her to get in the car.

He looked down at her as he broke their kiss, and her beautiful blue eyes looked up at him admiringly. He could stare into those oceans forever… He leaned again and pecked her lips one last time before he moved away completely, and was baffled a little when he looked at her again, because her eyes were brown. The most beautiful almond shape and rich dark color. 

Weird. He was sure a moment ago they were blue. Huh…

 

They arrived to his apartment and hadn’t bothered playing host and guest, hands unwrapping each other as soon as they were inside the door. Gently guiding her in the direction of his bedroom, they were both in various stages of naked by the time they reached the bed.

Dean lowered her onto the softness of his matress carefully, and crawled over her laying kisses as he advanced.

Her breathy moans became louder as he came nearer her breasts, and he flicked his tongue on her nipples lightly before continuing on to her neck.

It was a slow rut of their bodies, building a need with both, so much different than the first time. Dean wanted to take his time now, really put on the moves, make Lisa feel special. 

Soon they were both naked, hands busy grabbing every inch of bare skin, moving together, pressing and pulling, grinding…

“Dean…” a faint whisper escaped Lisa’s mouth between nipping at his skin. “I want…” She breathed and gasped, “You…” she pushed up against him. “Inside me…”

Without pausing their motion, he lifted his upper body to look at her for a few moments before moving to open his nightstand and pull out a pack of condoms.

Quickly working the wrapping open, he pulled one on and was back to kissing her in no time. He lowered himself on top of her and started the slow steady rolling motions again, rubbing against the heat between her legs. When they couldn’t take it anymore, he gently pushed inside with the same slow rhythm, not breaking the movement. They both moaned simultaneously at the spring of pleasure erupting in them, and tightened their grip on the other’s body.

Passionately, patiently, pacingly, their bodies moved together as their hands slid over sweat stricken skin, building up pressure at the constant friction, the heat generated by lust and exertion only kindling their already burning need, soaring towards release.

Dean tried to hold off until Lisa’s breaths became sharp and erratic, her body’s responses to his constant thrusting became quicker and edgier, the low steady whine of arousal became a pitched shrill that may resemble his name, and then just at her peak he gave in to the pleasure, trapping streaks of hot cum in the elastic confinement.

 

They stayed like that for a while, kissing and enjoying the last of the dying sensations, before finally Dean rolled off to lay on his side by her, trailing aimless shapes on her stomach.

“That was…” Lisa started, with a little half-smile, “Not what I expected…”

“Oh?” Dean looked at her, surprised, “What were you expecting?”

She look his hand to wrap it around her waist at she turned towards him on the bed. “Well… I did  _ not _ expect it to be so gentle…”

He pulled on a smirk. “I can play rough if you like…”

“No!” She said, quickly. “No, I… I like it…” She brought her hand to his hair, and played with the tousled strands. “It’s just… been a while since I did something like that…”

Dean pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her in a warm hug. “I have no objections to doing this on a regular basis.” He smiled.

“The slow sex?” Lisa laughed and looked up at him.

“That too.” He kissed her forehead, “But I meant the whole of it. The date part, too. I had a good time.”

“Me too, Dean.” She nuzzled closer into him, but just as he felt her body relax and drift off, she startled and pushed away. “What time is it?” She looked past him to the clock on his nightstand, “Dammit, I gotta go…”

Before he could even protest, Lisa was already almost completely dressed and hopping to put on her shoes in the direction of his door.

Dean got up after her. He didn’t feel like dressing, so he followed her naked. 

She paused before unlocking the door to leave, giving him a quick once-over and licking her lips, looking between himself and the door with a raised brow. Message clear, he grabbed the throw blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around his hips as he came to kiss her goodbye.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” She asked as she placed another light kiss on his lips, and he nodded. 

He closed the door behind her and went directly to bed, too tired for anything else.

 

 

The next couple of days were uneventful.

Other than occasionally texting with Cas and with Lisa, the garage took most of his time. When he wasn’t working on the cars, he was doing his paperwork, and when he was not doing that, he was looking for potential candidates in search of help.

It was discouraging at best and downright depressing at worst.

He didn’t like any of the mechanics that showed up.

He checked through friends in the trade, but to no avail. They were either already employed or not good enough, or did not have a chemistry with him that he thought he could work with that could allow the garage to keep its good name. And he knew for a fact that none of them would be able to do the job as good as he did. It was goddamn frustrating…

Cas encouraged him that it is only a temporary situation, and Dean promised he’d call him in the evening.

 

He was completely drained when he got home that night.

He looked at his phone, at Lisa’s number, then settling inside his blankets, he called Cas.

 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas’ raspy voice scraped his ear as the other man answered the phone.

“Hey, Cas, how you been doin’?” He asked with a sigh.

“I’m well, considering.” Cas paused, “How are you, Dean? How are you holding?”

Dean smiled at how well Cas could guess him by now. “Tough, but I’ll manage.” He rasped out. “Kills me that I can’t find anyone competent enough to hire.”

“Don’t fret over it, just give it some time. You’ll find the right person, eventually.” Cas said. “Rome wasn’t built in one day, and finding good employees takes time. But I’m sure you’ll find someone perfect.”

“I really hope so... “ Dean replied solemnly, “You have more confidence in me than I do. But I admire your conviction.” He wiped a hand over his face and gave a small laugh. “I’m starting to sound like you, aren’t I?”

Cas laughed softly on the other side of the line, and they sank into silence for a few moments.

“Dean,” Cas calculated carefully, “You could do it the other way around” He suggested.

“What do you mean?”

“Would you consider maybe hiring an administrative assistant, instead of a mechanic?” Cas sounded unsure of himself, but Dean was listening. “Maybe you should find someone to manage the garage, so you are free to work on the cars?”

Dean thought about Cas’ offer for a few moments.

“Dean?..”

“’m here..” He mumbled, processing. “Wouldn’t that be defeating the object entirely?” He sank deeper into his blankets and pondered aloud. “I mean, Bobby wanted me to take over and manage the garage. If someone else ends up doing that, what difference does it make from selling it to a stranger?” 

“Dean, what is the best part of your job?” Cas asked him gently. 

“Working on the cars, of course.” Dean could feel a smile creeping just by thinking about his awesome work. “Especially custom parts and paint jobs. I love making something unique.” He took real pride of his work.

“Does paperwork hold  _ any  _ attraction for you?” 

“Not really…” Dean sighed, “But it’s something that has to be done. It won’t do itself…”

“What if you had someone to do your paperwork?” 

Dean waited for Cas to continue.

“You don’t have to replace either Bobby or yourself. Just have an assistant to administer things on a day to day basis. All managerial rights would remain with you. Same as what Kevin does now, only with slightly more responsibility.”

Dean thought about the idea. “Do I still get to boss them around?”

The smile in Cas’ voice was obvious. “Of course, Dean.”

“I’ll give it a thought…”

 

“What about you?” Dean asked in a change of subject. “Have you found anything? Any progress on the new employer front?”

The line was quiet for a few moments, the uncomfortable kind of quiet for once.

“Dean, my chances of finding anything before my deadline are slim to none, and getting worse.” Frustration and irritation were infiltrating Cas’ voice. “I have not made my choice yet, but it might end up be made for me, if I linger too long.”

“Cas…”

“Dean!”

“I mean well…” Dean said softly, “I just don’t want you to do anything you might regret later.”

“I know.” Dean could hear the defeat in Cas’ words. 

“Man, you’ve become one of my best friends.” He bit his lips before admitting, “Being in a different country completely is nothing like being two states over. I… I don’t want you to leave…” 

“I don’t want that either…” Cas sounded soft and frail, in a way Dean had never heard him before. “That’s why I’d do anything I can to - “

“Just try, ok?” Dean cut him off.

They did not say anything for a few minutes after that.

 

They spoke some more, about mundane stuff, Dean telling him about Charlie’s nasty business with Roman Industries, when he casually dropped Lisa’s name.

“Lisa?..” Cas asked him mid-sentence, confused.

It felt awkward, and slightly… wrong… to tell Cas about Lisa, but they were best friends, and if this thing with Lisa was going somewhere, he is bound to hear about her sometime. Now would be as good a time as any.

“Yeah,” Dean rolled his head to rest on the upright pillow. “I met her at the bar, a few weeks ago. We went on a few dates now, she’s cool.”

Dean proceeded to tell Cas about their first meeting, and how it was supposed to be a casual thing, but turned out into actual dating, because Lisa was awesome like that, and sweet, and smart, and hot.

Cas didn’t say much as Dean was telling him about her, but when he was done, Cas stated simply, “It sound like you really like that woman.” His voice was low, cracked with resolve, like it took effort to keep it neutral.

“I do.” He confirmed. “It’s the first time ever that I can actually see myself entering a real long-term relationship with anyone.”

Dean though he heard Cas’ voice hitch a little before he replied. “I’m happy for you, Dean, you deserve it.” And again, the barely noticed waver in Cas’ voice sent Dean’s mind spiraling, thoughts running in his head more quickly than he could follow them.

“I’m tired,” Cas shook his galloping mind to a halt before he could say anything further. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, Dean.”

He couldn’t think of anything to say to keep Cas on the line, to see if he could figure out what it was he heard in Cas’ voice. “Night, Cas.”

Dammit!

 

The whirlpool of thoughts came back with a vengeance.

Cas tried to kiss him in Wichita. The memory of warm soft lips decorated with day-old stubble was too vivid on his mind and caused a dull ache in his stomach. But Cas knew he was straight. Knew he wasn’t interested. They were friends. Best friends. He must know there cannot be more than that, right?

Maybe that was why he was so uncaring about this marriage thing? Because he wanted someone who couldn’t want him back?... 

No, that can’t be it. Lovers come and go. He’d only met Dean once. They were friends. Even if he did have feelings for Dean, they would pass, and he’d be free to find love with someone who can actually reciprocate it.

He’d have to be gentle with Cas next time they talk, if he wanted to get to the bottom of this.

But what could he do? If it turned out that Cas did have feelings for him? Dean would not even consider not being friends with Cas anymore. So what could he possibly do?

Sleep claimed him eventually, but he stirred and battled with unrestful dreams.

  
  


Friday night Dean met with the gang at the bar. It was their usual gathering, full of drinks and laughs. Lisa was supposed to join them later, and he was excited to introduce her to the guys officially for the first time.

His chest swelled as he got up to greet Lisa with a chaste kiss to her cheek and introduce her to everyone. His friends were very welcoming, chatting her up and laughing at her jokes. 

They sat close, their hands touching at all times, it was really a sickeningly sweet display of affection, Dean could see Sam and Charlie’s faces wondering what was going on with him. But he didn’t care. He’d never felt like that towards anyone.

Well, except Cas, back when he thought he was a ‘she’...

It was a great night out, and he was happy that both Lisa and his friends approved of each other. She fitted in smoothly.

 

“Stay the night?” Dean whispered to Lisa’s ear as they were discussing ending the evening and going home. 

“I’m sorry, Dean, I can’t.” She said apologetically, and hung her beautiful almond eyes at him with regret.

“Why not?”

She fiddled with her empty glass for a moment. “Why don’t you come over for breakfast tomorrow, and we’ll talk about it?” He frowned at her enigmatic response. “Nothing like that, Dean!” She laughed. “I promise, no disappearing acts! You’re too hot to dump…” She pinched his ass and winked as he yelped.

 

They got up to leave, hugging everyone and saying good night.

Dean’s nose recognized something even before his mind registered what he was smelling as he was hugging Benny and Jo, but the familiarity of it struck him dumb.

A dull warm sensation bloomed in his lower belly, so damn dangerously close to his groin his brain could not dismiss it as anything other than arousal, even when it came to male odours. It took him a heartbeat to pinpoint why it was so familiar, and when he did his mouth dried and his body froze. 

 

It was the same cologne Cas used when they met.

 

He wondered how many times he had smelled that cologne on Benny before, and why it was having this effect on him now.

Probably because of his phone call with Cas last night, and the ideas that followed, of Cas being still attracted to him. Despite being uninterested in pursuing a romantic relationship with the man, he could not deny that the idea that Cas was attracted to him excited him. Their constant teasing was because of that, too. He enjoyed that kind of attention, when it was coming from Cas. He liked knowing that Cas wanted him.

But what kind of a horrible friend was he if he was willing to let Cas suffer for it?

 

“Dean?..” Benny pushed him away a little.

Dean let go immediately, gave a shy nod and continued as if nothing happened.

 

“Come on, let me take you home.” He held the car door open for Lisa, and she slid in.

They drove quietly for a while, with only the radio a hushed soundtrack for the road.

“Dean, is everything ok?” Lisa lay a hand on his thigh, too close to where his body flared earlier when he smelled what he would forever associate now as Cas’ scent.

“Yea,” He shook his head, “Just a little preoccupied, nothing to write home about..”

She moved her hand up a little. “I can help with that…”

His eyes darkened as he looked up at her. They were almost at her house, and she took her keys and clicked the garage door open.

Without talking, Dean drove the Impala into the parking space next to Lisa’s car and the garage door closed. He got out of the car, and Lisa followed, but when he reached for the handle on the door to the house, she grabbed his hand and pulled him away. “No, here..”

He looked at her, confused, but she pulled him by the hand back to the Impala, opened the door to the back seat and slid inside, bringing her foot up between his legs to brush his already forming erection and coerce him to follow.

He smiled and dove in after her.

 

As they were making out in the back seat of his car like horny teenagers, Lisa straddled him and pulled up her dress, and lifted to unzip his jeans. She sank down on his still covered cock, rutting and grinding against him. His hands were sliding against her back, their mouths traveling each other’s skin and heaving soft bursts of satisfied, eager breaths. 

Dean moved his hands to caress her thighs, and when it became too much he pushed her up to free himself, pull on a condom and move her panties out of the way as he slid inside her.

They were too far gone already, he knew it would not take long for either of them to come, and he was trying to hold off for as long as he could.

 

It still hit him, though.

That scent.

It wasn’t really there, he knew it, his mind conjured it from memory, but he could smell it nonetheless, and it was...

Fuck!

 

His orgasm rushed over him like a freaking tidal wave, and he threw his head back and gasped. It felt like he’d been shaken by it for days before it started to subside.

He knew Lisa wasn’t there yet, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

She was still moving, but he was becoming over sensitive and had to stop her. 

“I’m so sorry, Lis, I didn’t mean…”

“That’s ok,” She looked down on him with a smile, “It happens…” She hugged him and rubbed her cheek on his forehead fondly, then leaned back sharply, pointing a finger at him. “But you owe me, mister!” She faked an angry glare, then laughed.

They cleaned themselves up, and got out of the car.

 

“I’d really like to stay with you tonight” He grabbed her hand as she was turning to go in.

“No,” She looked worriedly at the door, “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Why not?” He hugged her. “I hate owing people. I could even the score, if you like.” He grinned playfully at her.

“No, that…” She smirked right back, “..would wake up Ben”.

“Ben?..” His eyebrows raised in surprise, “Wait, are you married?”

“No!” Her laughter rang joyfully. “Dean, I have a son.”

For a moment neither spoke. Dean letting the new information sink in, and Lisa studying his face to detect a reaction.

“This is why you never want to stay with me, why you never spend the night…” He said in realization.

“Yeah…” She turned shyly, “Time to run to the hills?...” 

“Of course not! Why would I…” Dean trailed off. She looked like this had happened to her before. “Oh…” He took a moment to collect his thoughts, then pressed his lips to her temple. “I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast.” 

He could feel her relaxing in his arms, and he held her hand a moment longer before letting go and going back to his car.

 

 

Dean got home twenty minutes later, still shivering every time he thought of that shattering orgasm. 

Damn, could a smell really trigger that?...

And just because another man was attracted to him??...

No, not just another man. Cas. Like that somehow made a difference.

It nagged the back of his mind for some time before he could fall asleep.

 

 

Breakfast at Lisa’s was fun. Her kid, Ben, was really awesome. He liked cars, and girls, and rock music, and they hit it off great. He practically beamed when Dean took him out to check out Baby. Not to mention Lisa’s shining smile when they became instant buddies.

He’d never seen her so happy.

Dating a chick with a kid could be a tricky one, he knew that, and maybe if he’d had more time to think about it he would rather break it off. But after meeting Ben, he had to admit, he was pretty happy about it, too.

So he came home elated after that. 

 

He called Charlie to tell her about it, when he saw the new email notification on his computer.

It was from Cas, so even though he was talking, he clicked the email to read it.

What was Cas doing emailing him again all of a sudden? Why didn’t he just call or text?...

He stopped talking as soon as his eyes lay on the few short sentences.

 

 

_ Hello Dean, _ _   
_

_ I have decided to accept Meg’s offer and marry her. _

_ I hope you can understand. _

_ Please do not try and change my mind. _

_ Cas. _

 

 

“Kiddo, Imma have to call you back…”

He dropped the phone and could still hear Charlie calling “Dean? Are you alright?...” before he disconnected the call.

He stared at the words on screen for several long minutes, giving in to the throbbing pain in his chest. He felt like the weight of the world was crushing his shoulders down and his vision blurred under the crippling feeling of suffocating.

It was some time before he managed to move again.

No, this was not just feeling worried for a friend, even a good one. This was more. What, though? He couldn’t tell.

 

His fingers dialed on their own, and he was actually startled a little to hear Cas’ familiar “Hello, Dean.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say anything yet, so it was finally Cas who spoke again.

“I take it that you have seen my email…”

“Cas…”

“Dean, don’t.” Cas stopped him.

“Cas, why do you insist on getting yourself into a loveless marriage?”  

“Why do you assume it is loveless?” Cas’ question pierced his chest in a kind of pain he never knew before, his eyes burning.

“Is it not?” This time it was Cas’ turn to remain quiet. “Tell me you love her, Cas. Tell me, and I’ll leave you alone. I won’t say another word. But tell me it’s so…”

“Why?” Cas’ voice raised with anger. “You’ll get what you want! I’ll get to stay. We’ll get to be friends. Why are you so fixated as to how I do it?” He shouted.

“You’re my friend!” Dean’s voice raised to match. “I don’t want you to get hurt, or do something you might regret!”

“You’ve voiced those concerns before, Dean, and I have considered them.” Cas’ voice was tight, “And yet I still decided to proceed with what currently seems like my best option. So unless you come up with a better option, I would suggest you leave it be.”

“Dammit, man!” Dean couldn’t control his voice anymore, “All I want is that when you do get married, for real, it would be with someone you love, and who loves you back just as much!” He took a dizzying breath to settle himself before he added, “I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who loves and adores you, and wants to be with you for those reasons, and those reasons alone! Not a fucking green card…”

Something slammed, or broke, on the other side of the line, and Dean stopped talking.

“You’re right.” Cas hissed the words out. “But since clearly you are  _ not _ this person, Please let me deal with my own shit as I see fit.”

Dean held his breath for what those words might hold. “Cas, are you..?” He stumbled, “Do you still…?” His head was pounding and he could feel his pulse all over.

He heard Cas take a deep breath. “Please don’t make it more complicated than it is, Dean.” he sighed heavily. “Talk soon.” He disconnected before Dean could respond.

 

He hated arguing with Cas, but no fight ever made him feel this bad. 

The crushing feeling he had before the call only got worse, and he could not clear his head enough to even think straight.

He felt numb. And angry. And hurt. So hurt.

He hadn’t realized his phone was ringing again in his hands until he accepted the call and heard Charlie’s voice.

“Winchester, are you ok??” She sounded panicked. “Dean, Are you there? Please talk to me…”

“I’m here, I’m fine.” He said automatically. Then he slumped in the chair and re-thought it. “No, actually I’m not. I’m not fine at all…”

“What’s the matter? what happened?” She hesitated, “Should I come over?”

“No, Charlie, no need for that…” He hoped he sounded like he meant it.

“Uh-Oh… No ‘Kiddo’... This is serious… What happened?” She pushed. “Maybe I should come over anyway?”

“Cas.” He said, ignoring her suggestion. “He’s… he’s getting married…”

“Wow, that was quick!” She laughed. “So?”

“For a god damn green card!!” Dean didn’t mean to yell at her, but his frustration blurred his senses still.

“But it allows him to stay. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? For him to stay so you could be friends and see each other on a regular basis?” The similarity between Charlie’s words and Cas’ stung, but he swallowed it for a chance to maybe explain himself better.

“I do, but…”

“But what, Dean?” She lead him. “What is it that you really want?”

She was so good at seeing past his bullshit it was scary.

“I don’t know.” He said quietly. “I thought I wanted to be his best friend. But… There’s something… I dunno… I’m worried about him. I want him to be happy, I don’t want him to make a mistake.” He repeated what he’d been telling Cas, what he’d been telling himself over and over again every time the thoughts about Cas became too frightening for him to face.

“ _ Is _ it a mistake?” She kept pushing him. “If you both get what you want?”

“But we don’t!” He snapped, falling straight into her trap. “He doesn’t love Meg, how can he? He wouldn’t even say it! And  _ I _ sure as hell…” He stopped himself, abruptly.

“Sure as hell what?” She laughed, “Because it sounds to me like you’re not getting what you want either, are you?…”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Dean barked at her angrily.

But Charlie wasn’t affected by the heat in his voice. “Sounds to me like you have feelings for Cas.”

“What??? No!!!” He denied way too loud and quick for the right impact. “Charlie, he’s a dude! I don’t like dudes!” He huffed audibly and hissed, “We’ve had that talk before..”

“Look, you fell in love with him when you thought he was a girl.” She said, “And now you know, but you can’t take back the way you feel, or retract your love, because you fell for a person, and that person is still there, whether it’s a male or a female.”

“That doesn’t mean anything! I fell in love with my Pam Anderson poster when I was a kid, too, does that mean I’d still wanna date her if I met her??” Dean scoffed.

“Not the same thing.” Charlie said calmly. “Falling for a personality is not like falling for looks. It’s like when you like someone and suddenly they look more attractive to you.”

“No,” Dean was pacing back and forth on edge now, “It’s exactly the same thing. Not who I thought it was. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, Charlie… Cas is awesome and a great friend, but I’m just NOT in love with him! Besides,” Dean blushed despite being on the phone, “He’s got a…” He paused, then continued, not realizing he was mumbling aloud. “He’s got a dick... How do you even…”

“Is that your only objection?” Charlie giggled, which annoyed him terribly.

“No!” He retorted. “But I don’t even… I’m not… What do you do with…”

“Eww!!!!” Charlie gave a clearly exaggerated cry. “Dude! That’s why I only do women!!”

“My point exactly!” He managed a small laugh, but Dean knew she succeeded. She planted the seed in his mind, and now he  _ will  _ eventually think about it. But as much as he needed to be, surprisingly, he wasn’t grossed out by it. Not at all.

“Kiddo, I gotta get ready to go visit Bobby.” The load on his chest was slightly lighter than when they started.

“We’re back to ‘Kiddo’. Good.” She sounded smug. “Ok. Laters, Jerk!”

“No, Charlie, that’s - “ He managed before the line went silent.

 

He released a long breath and caught his head in his hands.

That couldn’t be right, could it?...

A memory of Cas’ lips on his surfaced again and stirred his groin in a very familiar and unequivocal way, sending shudders of heat and fear through his body, and he shook his head desperately. 

What are you gonna do with  _ that _ , huh, Winchester?

No, no way in hell…

God-fucking-dammit!

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

 

Dean hadn’t spoken to Cas in four days.

The way their previous call ended, Dean thought Cas would be mad at him. He'd been an asshole, disrespectful to Cas' wishes, and a shitty friend.

So he was very surprised when he received a text from him.

 

 _Hello, Dean. I know you do not approve of my decision, but I consider you a good friend and hope you would still attend._ _I have sent you the wedding invitation via email._

 

Dean stared down at his phone, then opened the email app, to see a new message from Cas with a Jpeg of a stylish and elegant invitation.

It was a Sunday noon event, about a week and a half away, and his mouth felt bitter with disappointment.

He would attend, of course he would. He would be there for his friend, but he doesn’t have to be happy about it.

He typed a text back.

 

_Yea, man. Of course I'll be there._

 

Then, after another thought, he sent another text. Even if he didn't approve, he was going to support his friend no matter what.

 

_What are we doing for your bachelor party?  :)_

 

His phone rang a moment later, and he expected to hear the familiar 'Hello Dean', but Cas' voice just sounded exhausted.

"Are we… I hadn't even thought to have a bachelor party at all…"

"Of course you're having one!" Dean made himself sound more cheerful than he really felt. He'd do anything, if it made Cas happy. "We don't have to do anything fancy. We could just hit a strip joint and get hammered. Who do you wanna invite?"

"I…" Cas hesitated, "No one."

"Cas, come on…" Dean laughed, "Gather your nerdy friends and let's have a good time."

"Dean, I don't have that many friends…" Cas admitted quietly.

"I don't believe you…" Dean retorted with doubt, "A bundle of joy like you?"

"Unfortunately." Cas sighed and dragged a sigh before he continued. "My ex kept telling me how I was so much better than all my friends, but in the process I was also cut off from most of them. It is mostly you and Meg now."

“Your brother?” Dean remembered Cas was in good relationship with one of them.

“Gabe?” Cas laughed shortly, “Not if I want to make it to the altar…”

"Well," Dean was not going to let that slide, "I guess it would have to be just you and me, then." He said resolutely.

He wasn't sure what he heard in Cas' voice, but he thought it sounded like relief. "I'd like that."

"Link me to a hotel in the area. I'll be there Friday night, so you'll have the whole of Saturday to be shitfaced in peace and we'll get you back in top shape for the wedding on Sunday." He said, and Cas agreed before ending the call.

 

Minutes later he had already had his hotel booked, and he was checking out bars in Illinois.

Despite what he told Cas, going to a strip club just didn’t seem right to him, now that it was only Cas and him. But simply going to a bar wouldn't really cut it, and he wanted to give Cas a night to remember.

It occupied his mind most of the afternoon and when he met Lisa that evening, Dean raised an eyebrow when she suggested they go Mini-golfing.

"How is that supposed to be a night to remember for my best budd? That's so lame!"

Lisa laughed and nudged him knowingly. "Yea, but have you ever tried doing that while completely under the influence?..."

He wasn't sure he was going to go with that, but the idea of doing something really silly and stupidly fun was very appealing.

They talked about the wedding itself, too.

Dean wasn't sure if he should ask Lisa to join, but since he didn’t know anyone there, he thought it might be nice of her to come, if she could find a sitter for Ben.

She said Ben would love to stay with her mom, and she would join him on Saturday evening, just for the wedding, to allow him to spend some time with Cas.

 

It was odd, but he felt relieved at that. His logic provided that his relationship with Lisa was quickly becoming a serious attachment, so it made sense that she would join and he could introduce her to his friend. Especially when he was attending said friend’s wedding and meeting his soon-to-be-wife.

But something was bothering him about it, gnawing at his conscience, something that he couldn’t quite place, like his best friend and his girlfriend should not mix. It puzzled him, because she’d met all his other friends already, and they all liked her.

But Cas… With him it was different. Maybe because attraction always complicated things, and after Cas kissed him, he didn’t want to offend his friend by bringing his date. But he was bringing her to Cas’ _wedding_ . To _another woman._ After Dean specifically expressed his objections. So Cas had _no right_ to complain. Then why was Dean still bothered by it?...

Whatever...

Dean and Cas had texted regularly during the next week, though Dean was careful to leave their plans for Friday night seem like a casual thing.

He did change his booking for the first night to a small motel in Bloomington, and made sure to get a twin room, so both he and Cas could crash there and not have to drive back to Pontiac, even if it was only 45 minutes…

He didn’t plan to be in any condition to drive, after what he’d had in mind.

 

Dean took the day off on Friday, so he could hit the road first thing in the morning.

He warned Cas he was coming to pick him up, and it was almost seven hours drive.

He made a stop at the motel in Bloomington to drop his bags and get about two hours of shut-eye before he went out again to pick up Cas.

 

He arrived at Cas’ place around 18:00 pm, and his hands felt sweaty when he knocked on the door. He told himself it was because he’d never been to his friend’s house, but he was also kinda excited to see him…

Cas opened the door in some old jeans and a band tee, barefoot and obviously just out of the shower, but Dean still thought he looked delightfully casual.

Dean’s eyes were drawn to the wet strands of hair going in any direction on top of Cas’ head, looking like he just had a ton of fun. He wanted to reach out and slide his fingers through that mess, to tuck those disobedient hairs back into order, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so. Plus, it was a good look on Cas, the effortless unpresumptuous look.

 

Cas stepped back into the house and Dean followed him into the living area.

He pointed at the fridge and distractedly invited Dean to feel free to whatever he desired. He missed the kinky little smile Dean put on, though. Joke forever lost, Dean thought.

 

Cas was ready to leave in no more than ten minutes, and Dean held the car door for him when he got in. “Ah, whoever said chivalry is dead?..” Cas hummed in satisfaction turned into a soft laughter a moment later.

“Not dead,” Dean commented nonchalantly as he took the driver’s seat, “You’re just picking up the wrong guys.” He winked at Cas and gave him his most dazzling smile.

Cas’ face whipped up to stare at him in bewilderment for a fraction of a second, before it dissolves into a heartwarming grin.

 

They spent the drive catching up and chatting happily, until Cas noticed they were going out of town.

“Where are we going, Dean?” Cas asked suspiciously, “Because there are bars in Pontiac, you know...”

“Bloomington,” Dean replied, and before Cas could protest, he added “Trust me, Cas, this is one night I won’t let you forget..”

Dean thought of a few possible innuendos Cas could retort with, but Cas’ eyes only filled with gratitude. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

Dean had chosen the motel carefully, so they would not have to walk more than a few minutes for each stop during their night. He had also brought a toothbrush and some extra clothes for Cas to use afterwards, when they stayed the night. They were roughly the same size, and he didn’t mind Cas wearing his clothes, not at all…

 

They parked at the motel parking lot and got out, and Dean led him to the bar across the street.

It was nothing special, and Cas made a point to say so.

“I know.” Dean agreed, “But as a means to an end, it would do just fine.”

“Mr. Winchester,” Dean’s stomach did a double flip at the sound of his name coming out of Cas’ lips so dominantly, his raised eyebrow not helping the situation, “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“I am.” Dean replied, crowding Cas’ personal space with a playful banter, “But I doubt that you wouldn’t like it…”

The condescending expression on Cas’ face made Dean’s insides stir. He turned to the bartender to hide his turmoil and ordered six shots and two beers.

Cas gave him a dubious look but played along, and they both downed the drinks quickly enough.

“Are we in a hurry?” Cas asked him after drowning the final shot with some beer.

“Eager to get to the main event.” Dean wiped his mouth and took another sip.

“Sounds like every date I’ve had in the past few months…” Cas said gloomily, then realized what he had said and looked up at Dean in horror.

Dean coughed his drink out laughing and held his palm up defensively. “You might put out easily, Mister, but I expect to be treated like a lady!” He said in fake self-importance. “You’d need to work harder than that to get into my panties!”

Cas visibly relaxed, before adding “Not from what I hear…”

Dean shoved him fondly and ordered the next round.

 

Cas seemed distantly thoughtful as they drank, and Dean looked at him worriedly. “Cas?..”

Cas turned towards him, a sudden glint in his eyes, and a mischievous up-to-no-good smirk spread onto his face. “I’m fine, but it is an image that would be quite difficult to discard…” He laughed at Dean’s furrowed brows. “You in a pair of pink frilly panties…”

Dean’s face turned beet-red with embarrassment. “They weren’t frilly…” he muttered almost inaudibly.

Cas’ drink sprayed out on the bar and he choked on his words. “I’m sorry, it sounded like you said they weren’t frilly!” He wiped his chin of whiskey drops still drizzling down his skin, and Dean turned his face away as much as he could to avoid eye contact. “Dean, is there something you would like to share with me? Do you wear women’s undergarments?...” Cas didn’t even bother concealing his amusement. And something more, maybe?..

“No!” Dean exclaimed sharply, “Just… this one time, years ago, I dated this girl, Rhonda, and she made me…”

“Did you like it?” Cas asked in glee laced with interest, and when Dean didn’t answer and chose to bury his face in his beer instead, Cas nudged him playfully. “You did, didn’t you?”

“Shut up, Cas!” Cas laughed delightfully, and Dean couldn’t help but smile a little through his harsh expression. “And if you ever tell _anyone_ about this, you’re _dead,_ got it??”

Cas dropped his head on Dean’s shoulder for a moment. “Of course, Dean.”

They drank their beers quietly for a few more moments before Cas smirked again. “But it IS an image that would forever be seared into my brain…”

Dean huffed in annoyance.

“Were they at least pink?” Cas asked with a low voice and a wicked smile, and the elbow Dean shot into his side only made him laugh harder.

 

They had a couple more rounds before Cas turned to Dean and informed him, “Well, I am now happily buzzed. So whatever you have planned next, we better get on with it before I am unable to take part.”

Dean paid the bill and threw a hand over Cas as they left the bar, laughing and leaning into each other.

 

They did not have to go far, and Cas’ eyes widened in surprise when he saw the sign above the entrance.

“Have you ever played lazer-tag?” Dean asked as Cas planted himself to stare at the sign.

“I… yes.” Cas replied, “Just never while intoxicated…”

Dean pulled him inside and approached the guy in the ticket booth.

He came back a moment later with the guy, who was carrying their gear and giving them safety instructions.

Dean paid for the whole place to be closed only for them, so there were no other participants and they were playing against each other. And a little extra to make sure the guy didn’t mind they were undeniably drunk.

 

They suited up and went into the dark compound, the alcohol mixing the lights and signs into a comforting blur.

They separated, and immediately started searching for good strategic points, though the haze of the booze was not helping them act very stealthy.

Sneaking up behind walls for cover and shooting each other with the lazer-guns, laughing joyfully like children with every hit and not bothering keeping quiet or keeping score, because neither of them fucking cared.

Running and veering through corridors and corners, they came face to face in the structured maze more than once, cheering and shooting at each other happily.

 

Dean managed to find a spot slightly elevated, where he could see the top of Cas’ messy hair advancing in his direction over the maze wall, and planned his attack on the other.

As he was preparing to leap behind the corner at Cas, a heavy weight crashed straight against him, hurling him back at the wall, and he found himself nose to nose with blue eyes big enough to see his soul, staring into his own.

The smile on Cas’ face widened and Dean could read exactly what was coming. At the same time, at point blank, both shot each other directly in the ribs and burst into laughter.

As their laughter died out and they were still catching their breath, Dean realized Cas was still leaning on him completely.

Automatically, he raised his arm and hugged Cas around his neck like the most natural gesture ever, and Cas leaned further into him.

They stood like that for some time, and Dean could smell Cas’ hair against his cheek. It felt good, but the awkwardness and the duration of their proximity was starting to agitate him, so he patted Cas’ back hesitantly.

Cas took the hint and separated their torsos, leaving their lower bodies still against each other, meeting his eyes. Dean was overwhelmed with the amount of need and pain he saw in them.

He wanted to tell Cas again that he was always there for him. That Cas should not marry Meg. That this isn’t right, this is not what they wanted, neither of them.

But he knew he could not offer Cas any alternative, so he bit his tongue and kept staring into those blue orbs and hoped Cas could find everything he needed in his own green ones. That he would understand, without words, everything Dean needed him to know.

Cas studied his face carefully, as if memorizing every detail, and finally brought his head closer again, brushing the side of his face against Dean’s in a familiar and intimate gesture that was too much and yet at the same time not enough. When he detached completely, all Dean could do was miss his touch.

Cas was smiling, but it had a sour taste to it now, and before Dean could do anything, he let his gun hang loose and averted his face. “This was a lot of fun, thank you, Dean. But I think I am tired now, I would like to go home.”

 

Dean followed him back inside the maze, towards the exit.

They strolled back to the motel wordlessly. Walking close, Dean could feel Cas’ hand brushing against his own occasionally. He wanted to take that hand so badly, but he resisted the urge. He contented himself with extending his arm a little, though, so the accidental touches would be as frequent as possible.

 

Eventually they arrived and Cas asked Dean if he was ok to drive.

“I won’t have to.” He said, and Cas tilted his head when he headed towards the motel’s entrance instead of the parking lot.

“But Dean, I haven’t brought anything with me.” Cas complained as Dean headed for their room.

“That’s ok, I got you covered.” Dean smiled and unlocked the door.

Cas surveyed the room, considering, before walking in. He turned back to say something to Dean just as Dean closed the door behind them, and they found themselves mere inches apart again. Dean took in a breath and saw Cas’ eyes drop to his mouth. Unconsciously, he licked his lips and Cas’ eyes followed the motion.

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that...I got laid.” He joked, and Cas’ eyes shot up to his, still soul-bearing and intense.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, and moved away towards his bags. “So I brought you a toothbrush, and you can use my toothpaste and anything else you need. And I got you a change of clothes, if you wanna take a shower.” He handed the clothes and the toothbrush to cas, who took them without breaking his gaze.

“Are these yours?” Cas asked, and Dean nodded. Cas hooked a finger through the fabric and lifted open the pair of boxer briefs that were folded at the top of the pile of clothes. “I guess I _will_ be getting in your underwear tonight…” his lips curled up to one side teasingly, and Dean’s huff of laughter was unable to mask the tingling in his belly at that thought.

 

He let Cas take the first shower and sat on the edge of his bed to text Kevin and ask how things went at the garage today, and Charlie to tell her how the evening went.

Cas was probably a little drunker than he let on, because he took his time, but when he came out Dean’s clothes fitted him perfectly. For some reason, it made Dean very pleased to see Cas in his clothes.

 

Dean got in the shower, aiming for a quick one, before Cas falls asleep. He stood under the stream for a moment, just letting the water fall onto him and relaxing.

He reached for the travel-size bottle of shampoo he brought, poured a small amount onto his palm and was just placing it back at the edge of the tub when his eyes landed on the small smear just above it and a wave of heat rippled through his body.

Shit.

He looked at the amber liquid in his hand, a different colour than the pearly white drip on the tile, and felt his knees go weak.

Crap.

The water felt alien and irritating on his skin, and he turned them cold and closed his eyes.

The angle and location of the smudge left no doubt in his mind what it was.

Fuck.

The need to touch his own dick was overpowering, especially knowing that Cas had just done so only moments before, in the exact same spot he was now occupying.

Damn.

He forced his hands all the way up to dig into his hair, stubbornly insisting to continue his shower normally, as if nothing happened. But he knew he was not fooling himself, thinking it hadn’t affected him.

Christ.

He couldn’t think of anything else now, except Cas, staining the tiles as he came, washing it off but missing a spot. He wondered whose name Cas whispered as he emptied himself, and got mad at himself for hoping it was his.

Hell.

He felt debauched and ashamed when his fingers finally wrapped around his already hard cock, and the pleasure of the touch was not enough to drown the self-loathing that came with it. He stroked himself slowly at first, holding himself with his other hand on the shower tiles for support.

His imagination gladly provided images of Cas standing in this same shower, the water washing over his flushed skin, steam curling around him, his hand jerking his achingly full cock, his lips forming shapeless moans, his head falling forward just as he’s coming to watch his ejaculation hit the tiles with satisfaction.

Dean’s hand tightened on his own erection as images of wrecked, saturated Cas floated behind his closed eyelids, his thumb smearing the precome at the head of his cock and a soft breath left his lips at the fire in his groin.

Cas was jerking off after they’d been teasing each other the whole night. He said the image of Dean in panties would be stuck in his mind forever. And Dean didn’t make it any easier on him with the insinuations he kept throwing after.

Oh, god… Did _he_ get Cas so worked up?...

He felt guilty and so freaking aroused at the same time, his hand working his own dick at a vicious pace now, too far gone to feel any of the shame or regret he will no doubt feel later, or anything but the hungry chase of his own release, really.

It was no more than a minute or two before he came, satisfied to see that he stained the tiles in the exact same place as Cas and guilt-eaten at the very same.

He washed all evidence, his along with Cas’, and finished his shower quickly, humiliated with his own desire, mind refusing to acknowledge that he just jerked to thoughts of his best friend.

 

He came out of the bathroom with his head lowered and his eyes darting everywhere except where Cas was tucked into his own bed.

“Dean?” His name was short, but somehow the faint, unsure voice that came out of Cas managed to make it sound even shorter.

“Hey, I thought you were asleep…” Dean whispered, still avoiding looking at Cas.

“Dean, about earlier…” Cas started, “I want you to know...“ He took in a breath, and Dean felt like he was stalling.

“Yea?”

Cas calculated his words some more. “I wanted to tell you that I made plans with Meg for brunch. I would like the two of you to meet before the wedding. I meant to tell you earlier, but it somehow escaped my mind.”

“Sure.” Dean agreed, a strong sense of disappointment nesting in his chest. “What time do we need to be back?”

“Around eleven. I set the alarm, I hope that is ok with you.” Cas replied, his breath still short and tight, and Dean got the feeling that there was more that Cas wanted to say.

“Yeah, sure.” Dean replied shortly. He battled with himself whether he should ask Cas what he really wanted to say, and decided against. Cas would tell him when he’s ready.

He got into his bed and pulled the sheets over himself. “Night, Cas.”

Cas did not respond immediately. He turned in his bed several times, drawing a breath as if preparing to say something more, then changing his mind, several times.

He lifted himself on an elbow. “Dean?” He said finally.

“Yea, Cas?”

Cas sighed again before he lay back down and said “Good night, Dean.”

 

 

There was no coffee in the motel room they stayed in, and they didn’t have time to visit the diner attached to the motel, so they settled for some stale gas-station coffee for the road.

Dean was surprised that Cas set his alarm so late, but he figured it was the day before the guy's wedding. Maybe he miscalculated, though knowing Cas it was unlikely. Maybe he didn't want to wake up very early, or was still a little fuzzy when he set it.

"Do you want to make a stop at your place before we go to meet Meg?" Dean asked as he shifted Baby's gear to drive. "If you do, you should probably call her and let her know we'll be running a little late."

"No." Cas replied, looking out the passenger window. "I'd rather go directly. Would it be ok if I stayed in your clothes?"

Dean's skin prickled a little knowing Cas liked wearing his clothes just as much as he did. "Sure, Cas, no problem." His palms became sweaty on the steering wheel and he moved uneasily in his seat. "Where are we meeting her, anyway?"

"The Trick Or Treat, it is a bakery located a very short distance from my place."

"Oh!" Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "I know that place! It's my favorite bakery! I didn't realize it's a chain."

"It is. And they do make a mean pie." Cas smirked and turned to look at Dean. "They will also be providing all the deserts tomorrow."

Dean nearly jumped in his seat. "You got Trick Or Treat to cater your wedding??"

Cas' smile dimmed a little, but it was still a bright one when he replied "Yes."

“How??” Dean’s goggly eyes shone with delight.

Cas gave a sneaky little smile.

"Dude, you're awesome…" Dean shook his head and hummed with the music happily.

He was still humming and tapping the wheel when he noticed Cas idly caressing the leather seats of the car.

"She's pretty somethin', huh?" He smiled appreciatively.

"Yes," Cas slid his hand over the dashboard and looked admiringly at the rest of the car. His eyes squinted a little, and by the direction of his gaze Dean could guess he was probably looking at his and Sammy’s initials carved into the metal body.

“Sammy and I practically lived in this car when we were growing up.” He volunteered. “My dad gave it to me when I was sixteen, and she’s been my best girl since.” He took a deep breath as he reminisced about all the times his Baby was his home and sanctuary. “Man, the memories I have in this car… The things my Baby had seen…” He smiled fondly.

Cas perked up in his seat. “Really?” His voice stayed casual, but his eyes roamed Dean’s profile and glided easily to the back seat. “Like what?”

Dean felt his face turn hot. “Cas, come on…” He tried to concentrate on the road ahead. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“A shame…” Cas laughed. “So I take it you have been… busy… in your car before?” Cas asked with undisguised interest.

Dean smiled but said nothing.

“I did say she looks like a great car to make out in.” Cas tried to coerce a response.

Dean huffed a short laugh. “Have you been busy on Grace?” He tried to deflect, but the wicked, knowing smile Cas gave him sent a shiver down his spine and made his face grow even hotter. “Cas, really??” He hollered, feeling the tips of his ears burn.

“It is not as spacious as a car,” Cas shrugged his shoulder, “But Grace has her advantages…”

“God, Cas, tell me you weren’t driving…” Dean shook his head, but his brain kept providing very graphic images of Cas in possible positions, rushing his blood and making it difficult to sit still.

“No, of course not.” Cas seemed satisfied with Dean’s discomfort. “But a powerful engine vibrating under you when things get hot and heavy…”

“Shit, Cas! That’s…” He shut up before he could say anything he might regret.

Cas smiled calmly and turned his gaze back to the passenger window.

 

 

They got to the Trick Or Treat cafe only a few minutes late.

Cas didn’t even have to search when he walked in, he found the petite brunette immediately, and Dean thought they must spend a lot of time there. Cas must like the place too.

Cas introduced Meg, and she gave Dean a long appraising look. “Nice.” She said, but it seemed to be more to Cas than to him.

Dean wondered if her perpetual smirk was condescending, or just annoying. There was something mean about her. No, Dean didn’t like her one bit.

They sat down and ordered coffee and Dean asked for a piece of pie. Cas gave their waitress a familiar smile and exchanged a few kind words, and she left to bring their order.

 

Minutes later a short, light-haired man with a wide genuine smile approached their table.

“Brother!”

“Gabe,” Cas greeted him, “What a pleasant surprise! I did not expect to see you here.” Cas’ smile was sincerely happy.

“Hey Megs,” Gabe waved at Meg, “And this gorgeous Adonis, I assume, is Dean?” He gave Dean the same long appraising look he received from Meg earlier and tapped Cas’ arm. “Nice.”

The waitress came with their coffees and placed the mugs on the table. “Mr. Novak! We thought you weren’t coming in today! We assumed you’d be busy with the wedding tomorrow.”

Dean was surprised to learn she was talking to Gabe, not Cas.

“Yeah…” Gabe dismissed with a flick of his hand, “I came to work here, since my own kitchen isn’t properly stocked. Anymore.” He turned to Cas apologetically, with a mischievous smile and eyes cast down. “I may have… eaten… some of the decorations, myself…”

Cas rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

“Wait, you work here?” Dean asked Gabe in astonishment, but Cas was the one to answer.

“No.” Cas gestured towards his brother. “Gabe actually owns Trick Or Treat.”

“The whole chain?” Dean’s mouth was gaping.

“Yep!” Gabe plopped in the spare chair beside them. “And I am catering my baby brother’s wedding tomorrow. ‘Cause I’m just great like that.” His grin was contradictingly arrogant.

 

Gabe talked to Cas some more about wedding related arrangements, when Meg turned to interrogate Dean.

"So you're the guy my Clarence never shuts up about?" Her voice was measured as she spoke.

"Clarence?.." Dean frowned.

"Oh, it's just a nickname." She waved her hand in dismissal. "Because he's such an angel."

"That, he is." Dean agreed with a smile, and Cas chose that exact moment to look at them both curiously. "It's A Wonderful Life?"

"Good catch, pet." She smiled viciously. "I wonder what you did to earn his affection. He is so kind and trusting, my unicorn…" She leaned in closer, placed her hand on Dean's thigh and smiled sweetly, "Of course, if you hurt him, I will rip your guts out with my teeth and leave you to dry."

Dean moved uncomfortably in his chair. "Uh… He's marrying you. Shouldn’t this conversation go the other way around?.." He mumbles, baffled.

Meg brought her mug to her lips and took a delicate sip. "Oh, yeah. We're _immensely_ in love." Sarcasm practically spilled from her lips.

That made Dean even more averse than before. _Was_ the marriage thing just a sham? Why did she offer it to Cas in the first place, then? What was Cas getting himself into? He knew Meg was Cas' best friend, but she was so different from him! Could he really _love_ that woman? _Marry_ her?...

 

Cas’ gravelly voice woke him up from his thoughts. “I’m going with Gabe for a few minutes, he wants to show me something. Will you two be alright here?”

“Sure.” Dean said quickly.

“You kids have fun.” Meg said. “I’ll watch over your pet while you’re away, Clarence.”

Cas gave her a stern look and she blew him a kiss in return, and then he turned and joined Gabe into the kitchen.

 

He talked to Meg some more, mostly out of politeness, because her uninterested vibe and her stuck-up attitude were wearing him down.

“So what are your plans after the wedding? Going somewhere interesting?”

“New York.” She splayed comfortably in her chair. “I was offered a relocation there, hopefully we’ll be moving within the next two weeks.”

Cold sweat broke onto Dean’s skin. Cas was moving even further away?.. “What does Cas think about it? Does he even like New York?”

“Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first”. She gave him a vague reply that left him even more confused. He was never… “I’ll just be glad to have my bestie with me when I move.”

So _that’s_ what Meg was getting out of it! Cas would get his green card, but he’d have to move with her to keep appearances. So she was practically forcing him to come with her, instead of having to start a new life in the big city completely alone.

He bit his tongue not to say anything about it, though, out of respect to Cas’ decision.

“Yea, I guess.” He said instead. “But then, why bother with a big wedding? Why not simply get married at city hall?”

Meg’s lips pressed tighter in irritation, no doubt over the slip of her tongue. “I am marrying the love of my life. Clarence is my lover and my best friend.” She said flatly, as if to amend her previous statement. “Isn’t it every little girl’s dream to have a big white wedding?..”

It was Dean’s turn to bite his lip not to burst in anger. “I hope, for your sake, you’re doing it for his own good.” He couldn’t help but hiss out. “He’s a good man. The best I’ve ever met. He deserves to be happy. Can _you_ make him happy?”

“Listen, _PET!”_ Meg spat at him angrily, eyes almost black with rage. “You’ve known him for how long? A few _months_ ? I’ve known him for _years_ ! Castiel is a gem. A unique, one of a kind, and the most gentle soul you’ll ever meet! You will _never_ know him the way I do! So spare me the lecture, Dean, I know exactly how precious he is, and how fortunate I am to have him!”

Dean was taken aback by Meg’s response, but before he could say anything, Cas was coming back to the table, and Meg was getting up to meet him.

“I’m gonna go home now, Clarence.” She hung on Cas’ shoulder calmly, as if nothing happened. “It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding…”

Cad hugged her and said his goodbye, and she left without another glance at Dean.

 

Dean gave Cas a considering look as Cas sat back down in his chair.

"Is everything alright, Dean?"

"Yes." Dean replied without thinking. Then, after internally debating on how to approach the subject, as asked carefully, "Cas, do you love Meg?"

"Of course." Cas was confused about the question. "She's my best friend. Naturally, I love her."

"No, I mean…" Dean changed his position on the chair to sit closer. "I know you're bi, that you swing both ways. I know that you like women too…"

"Oh…" Understanding manifested on Cas' face. "You mean if I am interested in her romantically."

Dean blushed furiously. "You're just so different, you know? You're so… good…" He cleared his throat as if that would clear his embarrassment, too. "And she's all sharp edges and thorns."

"I agree." Can nodded with not even a bat of an eyelash. "We are very different. But that is why we are such good friends. We balance each other. I keep her focused and stop her from being reckless on occasion, and she helped me open up and live a little, and take more risks."

"I get that." Dean sighs, "But do you love her enough to go through with this? Will she make you happy in the long run?" He flinched, thinking Cas would be upset with him for bringing it up again.

Instead, Cas' lips widened in an amused smile. "I did not take you for the romantic type, Dean…"

"I'm not!" Dean barked defensively.

Cas' face became somberer, and he reached out to Dean's hand but changed his mind halfway and pulled it back into his lap. "What other option do I have?" He studied his laced fingers with grave intent. "Please, Dean, let this go. I am happy with my decision. Would you be happy for me?"

"Always." Dean gave him his most reassuring smile.

They talked some more until they ran out of coffee, but Cas' spirit was still a bit down.

"I know what would cheer you up." Dean grinned as he took his wallet out to pay. Cas looked up at him questioning. "Let's go get Grace."

 

Cas drove them through the area, showing Dean his favorite spots.

The wind in his face and leaning into Cas' back made them both feel better.

Dean was much more relaxed as a passenger on Cas' motorcycle now than he was back in Wichita, and Cas made a comment about it.

It was the first time Dean felt at ease on a vehicle other than his own Baby, and he trusted Cas' driving blindly.

He spread his arms and let the wind surround him. At that moment he understood Cas completely. It felt like flying. It felt like freedom.

Cas noticed his spread arms and laughed, and even that laughter felt somehow lighter than usual, and carefree.

Neither of them felt like that in a long while, and Dean's heart soured to think this was the last time they _will_ feel like that for a very long time.

He almost regretted when he received the text message from Lisa that she would be arriving shortly.

"Come on, Cas," He tapped Cas' shoulder and instinctively leaned to the other man's ear, despite actually talking on helmet comm, "Let's head back, I need to go pick Lisa from the train station."

 

Dean took Lisa to unpack and rest in their hotel room, and went to take a shower while she settled.

Shortly after he started washing, he felt Lisa’s warm body pressing in behind him, and turned around to share a heated kiss and the warm spray of water.

They laughed and made out under the stream lazily. Finally, Dean picked her up and held her against the tiles. Lips parted and arousal growing, he brushed the tip of his cock against her entrance and she gasped excitedly. He pushed further inside her slowly, and pleasure rolled onto him in uncontainable waves. He kept thrusting and building a rhythm, Lisa’s moans and cries guiding him, his name tumbling out from her lips continuously. He held himself not to come, to make sure Lisa came first, his motions sensual and gentle.

Only when he heard the familiar whimper that always foretold she was about to blow with an orgasm did he let the raging blaze growing between his legs take over and burst into a mind-numbing climax.

Maybe it was because they were in the shower, or maybe because everything about this weekend was Cas, but right before his release claimed him, a certain pearly spot on a white shower tile came into his mind. And then a brush of stubble on his cheek from hugging just shy of too long. And a pinning pair of blue eyes. And he was lost.

 

Later, Lisa asked him if he wanted to ask Cas to join them for dinner, but he diligently maneuvered the conversation away, telling her that he had spent the previous evening with Dean, and his family probably wanted to spend some time with him as well.

He did not want to see Cas right then.

He was ashamed and confused over his own thoughts earlier in the shower, and he felt like he wanted to minimize the amount of time he would have to spend with Lisa and Cas together. The wedding tomorrow should be enough. Cas probably wouldn’t be able to spend more than a few minutes with them anyway.

 

The morning of the wedding Dean woke with a stomach ache and a headache.

He felt nauseous and shaky, like a fever was coming. He spent the morning in the bathroom, feeling hot and cold in intervals, Lisa nursing him and watering him.

She checked his temperature, but he was fine. He took an Aspirin, but that didn’t help either.

But he couldn’t miss Cas’ wedding, so he made himself stand up, drink some more water, and get dressed.

Cas texted him, asking if he could come a little earlier. Gabe was his only family attending, and he was busy with the catering, and Cas asked if Dean could come over in his stead. Of course, Dean would not deny him. He would not deny Cas of anything.

 

He entered Cas’ room to see him just finishing buttoning his neatly pressed white snug-fitting shirt. Cas turned to look at him, and he had to stop in his step. Cas looked amazing.

“Damn, you really clean up nice…” Dean said with a smirk.

“Thanks.” Cas responded shyly. A few moments later, though, just to calm them both with a joke, he added smugly “But you haven’t seen me when I really get dirty yet...”

Dean chuckled, but there, along with the already existing images of this man in his spank-bank, another one was added. _What is going on with you, Winchester??_

Dean quickly turned to look at the clothes arranged on Cas’ bed, and bent to pick up the tie.

 

“Do you know how to tie one?” He asked Cas absentmindedly.

“Of course, Dean.” Cas reached to take it from Dean’s hand, but then let his arm drop back to his side. “On second thought, I think I might be too nervous. Do you think you could tie it for me?”

“Sure.”

 

Dean stepped closer to wrap the silky blue tie around Cas’ neck, almost brushing cheeks, and brought the two ends of it together over Cas’ chest.

Cas was breathing a little heavier than usual, but he must have just been excited over the ceremony about to start. His own slightly elevated heartbeat did not register in his mind.

Dean’s fingers twined expertly, twisting the two ends of the smooth fabric to form an elegant Windsor knot. His tongue slipped out in concentration, so much so that he hadn’t heard Cas’ breath hitch at the sight, or his almost undetectable tremble as Dean’s fingers glided over his skin.

He pulled the end to tighten the tie around Cas’ neck and fixed it to look right. He let his hands linger just a moment longer and slowly unwrapped them to slide away over Cas’ torso to take in his good work.

Cas let a nervous hum escape through his lips and Dean’s eyes flicked down to his mouth.

He hadn’t noticed Cas watching the movement of his dilated pupils, or the breath trapped between Cas’ ribs with the meaning of Dean’s action.

He was oblivious to the odd mixture of satisfaction and remorse showing on Cas’ face at finally receiving that look from Dean, but only now, when it is utterly too late.

Dean hadn’t seen the need and the care fogging Cas’ eyes when he looked at him.

He almost hadn’t felt Cas’ hands hesitantly coming to rest on him, one palm on his left arm and the other on his right hip.

Almost.

The jolt that Cas’ touch sent into him woke him to realize, even late, how close they were standing. His brain finally caught up with the way Cas was looking at him. With the way his own features betrayed him to show Cas exactly what effect he had on Dean. How intimately they were holding each other. If someone was to walk into the room right now, this would seem a thousand kinds of wrong. It almost looked like they were about to…

 

Dean took a step back, Cas’ hands immediately falling away.

“Dress up, Cas. You have to go get married, and I…” He stumbled in his speech, “I have to get back to my date.”

He left before Cas could say anything.

 

The ceremony was short and leisurely, but Dean's leg kept bouncing and his lips were pursed during the entire time, and then everyone poured out for the reception.

The food was great, Gabe really outdid himself, but Dean could barely taste anything.

The feverish feeling returned, and his stomach couldn’t digest a single thing.

Lisa was eyeing him worriedly, but he planted himself stubbornly at the edge of the bar and kept nursing his beer meticulously.

He spotted Cas standing with Gabriel and some other guests at the edge of the dancefloor with his back to him. Meg was draped on Cas' shoulder like she belonged there, and his arm was loosely wrapped around her waist, the poster image of newlyweds. She was a beautiful bride, but it only served to annoy Dean further. Why bother, if it was only for show? Or maybe… Maybe it wasn't? They were best friends for years, was it not possible that they actually loved each other?

He took a large gulp of beer in frustration.

"Dean?"

Oh, right, Lisa.

He almost forgot she was there.

Determined not to be bothered by those thoughts any further, he took Lisa's hand and pulled her to the dancefloor. There was a slow song playing, and he hugged her close and lay her head over his chest in the perfect picture of a loving couple, swaying to the soft sounds.

He tried his damned best not to sneak peeks to where Cas stood smiling at Meg, but it seemed like merely seconds later Cas was dancing next to him with Meg in his arms.

Dean swallowed the boulder that was clogging his throat, and in a grand attempt to seem unaffected, he lifted Lisa’s face closer and kissed her long and soft.

When the song ended and a new, louder one started, he took her arm and led her to their table.

Cas and Meg were walking around between tables, and he noticed Meg pull away just as they were approaching his and Lisa’s table. The dislike was mutual, he assumed.

Cas came by on his own, then, and asked everyone how they were doing, and whether everything was fine. One of the other guests at the table, a balding guy he didn’t know, shook Cas’ hand and asked him about his and Meg’s plans after the wedding.

“Well, I’m thinking about maybe starting my own enterprise, I am still considering my options,” Cas said shyly, “But nothing is set in stone.” He bit his lip, unsure. “For now I am just pleased I can stay around the people who matter the most to me.” A soft pink shade decorated his cheeks as he sent a quick glimpse to see if Dean was listening.

“Oh, Yeah,” Dean interfered, his face on the point of grimacing, but not quite. “And there is no one quite like Meg, isn’t it right, Cas?” He bit his cheek to stop himself from snarling. “Anyway, for a place to start a new life together, I hear _New York_ ” He emphasized “Is a great place to be…”

Cas frowned at him with hurt and disbelief, but said nothing.

Lisa’s hand grabbed Dean’s under the table for reassurance, but it did nothing to calm him. He got up from his chair. “Does anyone want some pie? They’re excellent. Imma go get me some pie…”

He heard Cas asking to be excused as he walked towards the buffet, and he didn’t have to look to know that Cas was following him.

“Dean, is everything ok?”

“Peachy!” Dean sent an awkward fake grin at Cas as he loaded his plate with dessert. “My best friend is getting married, what could possibly be wrong?” He said sarcastically.

“Then why are you being an asshole?”

Dean gave him a level look. “Because that’s what I am! A fucking asshole! Don’t you know that by now?”

Cas took a step back at Dean’s outburst. “Have I done something to offend you? If I have, I apologize, it was not my intention. But I would like to know what I did.”

Dean’s head dropped, and his whole facade sagged. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. You’re only doing what’s best for you, I get that. And I do wish you and Meg all the best.”

“But?”

“But what?”

“Dean, I thought you knew better than to be anything but honest with me. I have never judged you, and I never will. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing. I’m happy for you. Really.” Dean sighed. “I am!” He attempted with a smile at Cas’ raised eyebrow.

Cas seemed to realize that was all he was going to get, because his face went back to fondness and he hugged Dean tight. “You know I was referring to _you_ earlier, by the table.” He said into Dean’s ear, and Dean’s hands flew up to hug him back equally tight.

Dean’s chest contracted with the warmth in Cas’ voice, and the cold of his own fears. He did not want Cas to move even further away. He did not want to lose Cas to the distance and his new found relationship. And if he was willing to move further away, all the way to New York for Meg, then their relationship must be genuine. He must really love her, and it was time for him to take a step back.

His muscles felt weak again, and he found himself leaning on Cas. And he wanted nothing more than for this to last forever, and to go back to his seat as soon as possible.

Too soon, though, Cas had to let go and resume his rounds of Hellos.

Dean went back to sit with Lisa, his piece of pie forgotten on the table.

 

It was only hours later, after Lisa and Dean had said their goodbyes and he hugged Cas long and hard again, not knowing when would be the next time they meet, after they were already seated in the car and well on their way home, that Lisa finally spoke.

“Dean, what’s the matter? You’ve been quiet ever since we left the wedding.”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” He gave her his usual one line reply.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” She lay a fond hand on his thigh, to emphasize her honesty, but it did nothing to reassure Dean. How the hell was he supposed to tell his girlfriend that he’d been thinking about his best friend? In _that_ way??

He caught his thoughts just as they rushed through his mind and heard Lisa give a tight jump as the car swiveled slightly with his agitation.

“I said I’m fine!” He scolded at her angrily.

“Yeah, I can see…” She twitched her nose in response. “Dean, I know you’re not big on caring and sharing, but babe - talk to me. Maybe I’d be able to help.”

She let a few minutes pass, to see if he would decide to talk on his own, but when he didn’t she pressed on. “It’s Cas, isn’t it?”

“What about him?” He growled.

“You know, you’ve always talked about him like he hung the fucking moon or something - “

“He may as well have,” Dean cut her off, “He is so much better than anyone I’ve ever known in my life.”

“ - But it was only when I saw you guys together that I saw it.” She continued like he hadn’t interrupted her, “You guys mean more to each other than just friends.”

Dean swallowed and kept his mouth shut. He and Cas were friends. That’s all they could ever be.

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, he’s my best friend!” Dean’s voice was picking up an annoyed edge.

“No,” Lisa’s voice softened, “I mean there’s more to it than that…”

“No, there’s not!”    
_There can’t be…_

“It’s ok, you know.”

“Why wouldn't it be? We’re friends!”    
_And no, it really isn’t!_

“Is it because he’s a man?”

“No, of course not!”    
_Well, Duh!!_

“Do you think your friends, or your family, will think any less of you if they found out about it?”

“About what?? Will you stop with these bullshit questions?”  
_Of course not, my friends are nothing like that, they’ll stand by me no matter what!_

“Then what is it? What prevents you from admitting how you feel?”

 _Because it brutally shatters everything I thought I knew about myself!  
_ _Because I have never felt like that for a man! Or for anyone, for that matter!  
_ _Because it scares the hell outta me that I can even feel that way!  
_ _Because if it doesn’t work out I lose everything!  
_ _Because he just got married to a woman! That he loves!  
_ _Because I’m a chicken shit asshole and I just lost the most amazing person I have ever met, and I prefer it like that because that way I can spare myself the disappointment when he realizes I am not good enough for him!  
_ _Because I don’t know how to do this and I know I’m gonna mess it up some way or another!_  
 _Because I can’t even admit all that to myself, how the fuck am I supposed to admit it to anyone else?..._

Dean’s brain ranted on, but his lips remained sealed.

“Lis,” He whispered finally, “There is nothing going on there, Cas and I are just friends. I’m with you, babe, and there is nobody else.” He lied. “Now can we please stop talking about this? I’m tried, and we still have a long drive ahead.”

She gave him one final sympathetic look, but she dropped the subject, and they drove on in relative silence.

 

Later, though, when Dean lay comfortably in his bed, by himself, Lisa’s words kept tormenting him. He refused to accept it, but he could not deny it anymore. He had feelings for Cas. Feelings beyond friendship. He didn’t just care for his friend, and he wasn’t just drunk and horny when he had his… thoughts…

He’d been sulking like a jealous girlfriend all weekend, and it wasn’t because he was worried about Cas. Well, not only.

No, he was jealous. Undeniably, honest to god, jealous.

He didn’t want Cas to change his mind about marrying Meg because it was a bad idea. He wanted Cas to change his mind because he wanted Cas for _himself_ , and that scared him even more.

He was never a one-girl-kinda-guy. But for a man…

He turned in his bed again and again.

He got up for a glass of water, then sank back and tried to read some to distract himself. But his own conclusions kept resonating in his head.

 

He was so, so fucked…

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

It’s been two weeks since the wedding, and Cas hadn’t called, or replied to any of Dean’s messages.

He’d had a hard time texting Cas himself, still desperately battling his own emotions towards the guy. 

Knowing he had feelings for Cas was not the same as acknowledging them or admitting he wanted to act on them in any way.

They were still an anomaly to Dean. He didn’t know how it happened, but he had no intention of making them public. To Cas or to anyone. He had Lisa, she was awesome, that should be enough for him.

Hell, it was already more than he’d ever thought he’d have.

He got along great with Ben, he spent a lot of time with both of them, he never thought he’d find himself in such a suburban utopia. Even Sam was impressed with him.

But he missed Cas like he couldn’t breath. Why would Cas refuse to talk to him? He’d been an asshole at the wedding, but he thought Cas forgave him for that. Had he done anything since? How, Cas hadn’t even texted him back, he hadn’t even had the chance to fuck up again… 

He tried calling again, but his call went unanswered.

 

 

Charlie called him, excited, on a Thursday afternoon.

“Sammy and I are coming over. We’re bringing pizza.” Her cheerful voice made Dean abandon his melancholy mood, for a while at least.

 

His doorbell rang no more than thirty minutes later, followed by a perky Charlie and a very happy Sam holding a deliciously smelling pizza.

"So get this," Sam said and plopped on the sofa, opening the box of delicious food. "I was reviewing Charlie's case – "

"I was reviewing Charlie's case…" Dean mimicked him, flamboyantly flapping a hand through imaginary hair. Sam gave him a bitchface to freeze all hell, and Dean chuckled lightly and grinned sheepishly.

"I'm joking, Sammy. It just seems like only yesterday you were the snotty little kid I drove to the hospital on my bike after he tried to jump off a roof, and now you're all grown up and serious, and 'reviewing Charlie's case'…" He patted Sam's shoulder. "I'm real proud of you, Sammy. I want you to know that."

Sam's bitchface melted into a fond smirk, but he repeated sternly anyway. "So I was reviewing Charlie's case, and I think we can go around the non-compete annex you signed." He turned to Charlie, and a happy grin bloomed over her face. "If I can prove that Roman Industries and Nanoflaccid are not competitors, and their products do not compete in any way, we can bend Dick to waiver the annex."

"Can you prove it?" Charlie chimed in excitedly.

"I think so." Sam nodded. "But we need to dig a little deeper into the projects you've been working on. That is actually why we're here." Sam turned to look at Dean. "Think you can lend a hand? You up to doing some research?"

"Uhh…" Dean rubbed his neck nervously, "I'm not the brainy one here… You and Charlie are much better at this stuff than me. I don't think I can be of much help to you."

"There's power in numbers, Winchester." Charlie encouraged him. "We could use any help we can get. And you give yourself far less credit than you deserve, Dean." She came to sit next to him. "You're a very smart man."

Dean smiled at her thankfully, but hesitated. Her kind eyes and Sam's puppy ones finally broke him and he got up to bring his laptop to join their think tank.

 

After two hours of huddling over their computers, Dean straightened to stretch himself and sigh desperately.

"Sammy, we've been over this back and forth for hours!" He complained, "My brain is completely fried!"

"Come on, Dean…" Charlie hung huge, pleading eyes at him, even though she was just as exhausted as he was. "Help a sister out here…"

"Charlie, explain again what you were working on at Roman Industries?" Sam lifted his groggy eyes up from his laptop and stared at her helplessly.

"Data security." She replied, equally tired. "I was working for a sub-company of Roman Industries called Roman Enterprises, which holds all of Roman Industries business intelligence and databases on cloud, and makes sure everything is well protected and can't be hacked or leaked out. Mr. Roman is so paranoid he started his own mini-start-up data security company just for this…" She snorted mockingly. "Anyway, our job was to make sure all the information is secure, and no one could hack or download it, neither from outside the company nor any of the employees. Sort of a hybrid solution between DRM and DLP?.."

Both brothers looked at her blankly.

"It's… A really cool product. Super safe. Can't top that,"

"Jees… It's just a food corporation… What would they even need to hide?..." Dean wondered aloud, and Charlie shot him a glare.

"And now? At Nanoflaccid?" Sam pushed on, ignoring Dean’s comments.

"I dunno, sort of the same?" Charlie slumped and shut her laptop with a sigh. "I mean, it's not for cloud, more like for embedded devices, but sort of the same?”

Sam sagged further and rubbed his eyes, only half paying attention after hearing the same repeatedly for the last couple of hours.

“So is it the same or is it not?” Dean threw his hands up, exasperated. “Is it the same tech? When you go to work every morning, do you do the same thing? When you test the system’s security, do you use the same code? The same tools? Or whatever it is you do there?...” He rained down questions over his friend, “Is it even the same… I don’t know, LCD and DLP combo shit you were - “

“ _ DRM _ and DLP!” Charlie corrected him angrily. “And of course not! Each and every solution I work on is unique! I DO NOT copy/paste, Dean! I am actually very good at what I do, you know!” Her tone went up a notch, which, in turn, made Dean’s voice go up even more.

“I wouldn’t know! Because we’ve spent the last few hours  _ trying _ to understand what you do, but even  _ you _ can’t explain it!” He was shouting now. “How on earth is anyone else supposed to understand it??”

“If you were a programmer you might get it!”

“Well, explain it to me like an idiot!”

“You ARE an idiot!”

“Kids, kids!” Sam thundered over their raised voices. “Stop shouting!”

They both turned to glare daggers at him, and he smiled widely, all fatigue leaving him at once. “I got it. I figured it out. Dean, you’re a genius!”

Question marks appeared on both their faces, but Sam just stood to collect his things and rush out.

“Sammy, where are you going?” Dean called after him.

“To the library. I need to study everything I can about these technologies.” He said without turning.

“It’s past nine in the evening!” Dean got up to go after him.

“Exactly.” Sam opened the door without ceremony. “I don’t have long before it closes. Charlie,” He turned to call her as he fiddled with his keys, “How soon can you schedule an appointment with Mr Roman and his lawyers?”

“I’m on it.” She stretched and reopened her laptop with purpose.

Sam left quickly and Dean turned to Charlie. “What… just happened here?”

Charlie shrugged her shoulders I-don’t-know and closed her computer. “Game of Thrones?”

Dean nodded absently and joined her back on the couch.

 

 

Dean was balancing pans over the stove at Lisa’s house, and Ben was running around the kitchen distracting him while Lisa was unpacking grocery bags, when his phone finally rang.

He didn’t notice it at first, between Ben’s excited cries and the food sizzling, but Lisa did.

“Babe, I think your phone is ringing. Did you change your ringtone?” She asked with a frown.

“No,” Dean replied as he wiped his hands over the kitchen towel, “That’s Cas’ ringt -...” He suddenly realized who was calling and hung wide questioning eyes at her.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need.” She waved him off. “Just let me know when I should - “ She called after him, but he was already running to his phone, too distracted to hear her.

 

“Cas!” He breathed happily into the phone, partly from running and partly from excitement. “How are you? is everything ok? We haven’t talked in so long!”

“Dean.” Came Cas’ soft voice from the other side of the line, not as gravelly as it normally was, and slightly shakier.

“Cas? What’s wrong?” Dean turned his back towards the kitchen, as if to protect their conversation. “Talk to me, buddy…”

“You are not home.” Cas must have heard the sounds of other people around him, but he said it like a statement, sure of his information.

“No, I’m not.” Dean confirmed. “I’m at Lisa’s, but I can talk.” He assured Cas.

“I am here, but you are not home.” _Wait, what?_

“Cas, did you just say you are here, as in, in Lawrence?” Dean was already getting his wallet and shoving it in his back pocket, and looking for his car keys. He forgot all about dinner, and the cooking food.

“I am at your front door.” Cas said quietly, and there was a small thud, Dean imagined him hitting his back on the corridor wall and sliding down to sit, like a child.

“I’m on my way, be there in ten.” He told Cas, ready to barge out.

“I’ll just wait here th - “

He ended the call and pocketed his phone as well, and his urgency must have shown on his face, because he got one look from Lisa before she told him to go and he was all but running to his car.

 

 

He arrived to his building eight minutes later, and found Cas seated on the floor, anxiously tugging at the hem of his tan trench coat.

He helped him up and wrapped him in a hug for several seconds before he could even think about letting him go.

Dean unlocked the door and allowed Cas inside.

He was so distressed by Cas’ sorry state and so glad see him again, that he completely forgot this was the first time Cas would see his place.

Cas took in the sight of Dean’s small, but neatly organized flat, and Dean allowed him the time to recollect and organize his thoughts before he’d start pestering him with questions.

He went to the kitchen to heat some water for coffee, and then it occurred to him that he didn’t have anything for dinner. His plans were to cook at Lisa’s, and he didn’t grocery shop for himself.

“Are we good with pizza for dinner?” He asked, and shook his head thoughtfully. “I hadn’t prepared to entertain tonight, so - “

“I didn’t know about New York.” Cas blurted out of the blue.

Dean straightened and took a step closer to peek around his kitchen pillar. “What?”

“Meg.” Cas sighed, like getting that first sentence out was the hardest part. “She didn’t tell me about her plans for New York.” He just stood there, in the middle of Dean’s living room, like a fish out of water.

Dean left the water to boil and came out of the kitchen to guide Cas to the couch and sit him down. He went back to the kitchen and came back with two beers in hand, handing one to Cas.

“I didn’t want to talk to you.” Cas said, and Dean frowned.

“Cas - “

“At first, it was because I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. I thought you offered New York because it was farther away, and you were so pissed at me, at the whole… situation… that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Dean shrunk in his seat guiltily. He had been an asshole. “But why? I did try to call and text you…”

“But then Meg informed me we were moving to New York, and I understood why you said what you said, and  _ why _ you had been so pissed at me at the wedding, and I didn’t want to talk to you.” He played with the beer bottle, but hadn’t had a sip of it yet. “I was embarrassed. That you were right, with everything you said. That this was a mistake, that I should not have entered this marriage so quickly.”

Dean’s guts were twisting with every word. Mostly in pain, for Cas’ admission, but if he was honest there was also a shred of hope there. 

“And then we were busy. Fighting over new York,” He lowered his voice, afraid of Dean’s reaction, “Preparing to move…”

The words felt like a hard blow to Dean’s chest, and he struggled for air.

“So you worked things out?” Dean asked, barely voicing it, “It’s final? You’re moving?”

“As soon as I’m back.” Cas confirmed, and Dean’s lungs felt like they were crushed under his grief. “But I couldn’t go without seeing you again. Telling you in person. You’re my best friend, Dean,” Cas hung huge blue eyes full of regret on Dean, “I had to see you.”

“I thought Meg was your best friend..” He mumbled quietly, not even sure why he said it.

Cas looked away immediately in agony. “Meg is my wife.”

And that hurt Dean more than anything ever had in his life. The words took hold and mocked and taunted his very soul, shocked every nerve end to cause actual physical pain shooting through Dean’s body, and he flinched visibly further away on the couch.

He didn’t know if Cas noticed, for a few long moments neither of them said a thing.

“How long are you here for?” Dean asked eventually.

“As long as you’d allow me.” Cas replied.

But the instant  _ ‘for good’  _ remained in Dean’s head, pushed away harshly. Instead, he said “Ok, Cas. But the day after tomorrow is Kevin’s last day at the garage, so I need to go to work.” And Cas nodded obediently.

 

 

In the morning, Dean meant to let Cas sleep in, and leave him a set of keys to lock after himself with a note where everything was and a list of places Cas could visit in the area, if he felt like sightseeing.

But while he was brushing his teeth, still half asleep, he could hear Cas moving around the apartment.

He came out of the bathroom to find two cups of coffee on the counter, and Cas sitting patiently for Dean to join him.

“I thought you’d wanna sleep in today” Dean said, voice gruffer than usual, still heavy with morning disuse.

“I did.” Cas took one cup and blew over it, to cool it. “But I woke, and I couldn’t fall back to sleep.”

“Oh, sorry, did I wake you?” Dean came to stand next to him, taking the other cup and gesturing towards Cas. “Thanks.”

“No,” Cas smiled up at him, “I just woke. I didn’t sleep too well…”

“I could swing by Sam’s after work and get you a better mattress.”

Cas laughed. “There was nothing wrong with the bed. Or the room.” His smile vanished. “I am just a little… troubled. My thoughts kept racing, and eventually sleep eluded me.”

"Uh… I was gonna leave a list of places you could visit while I'm at the garage, but if you wanna stay and hang here, rest some more, that's no problem." Dean offered.

"No, I think this might be worse." Cas shook his head. "Having more time to think may have the opposite effect."

"Ok," Dean went to take the extra set of keys hanging by the door and came back to sit down beside him, slowly sipping on his still steaming coffee. He handed the keys to Cas without looking up. "I have to go now, but feel free to hang here or go out, I'll call you when I'm off work and come pick you up, wherever you'd be, and we can go grab some dinner and talk." He was still struggling with Cas' words from the night before, but if his friend needed him, he would be there for him. He might have an agenda of his own, but he tried to convince himself he would not let that be factored into the conversation.

Cas nodded his agreement, and they sat silently for a few more minutes before Dean got up, wiped his hands over his jeans nervously and mumbled a quick goodbye.

Lisa Called him later, to ask if everything was alright. She was slightly irritated at first, since Dean hurriedly left as soon as Cas called, but Dean told her that Cas was in Lawrence and generally how the evening went, if not the content of their conversation.

She asked if he wanted to invite Cas over for dinner, together with her and Ben, but Dean's stomach churned with the notion, and he blurted some excuse about not washing Cas' dirty linen in public. He gave her a half-apology about being busy with work and ended the call, but his mind was thousands of miles away after that.

Cas texted him with his location in the early afternoon, and when Dean finally wrapped things up at the garage, he called Cas to see where he should pick him up from.

He drove to where Cas instructed him, and found him seated on a bench on the west side of South Park, watching the playground intently.

"This was one of my favorite spots in town when I was growing up." Cas looked up at Dean, unseeing. "May I join you?"

Dean waited for Cas to nod, then approached and sat next to him on the bench.

"I know you only want what's best for me," Cas started after a moment, "And I apologize for not listening to you sooner." His gaze was stuck somewhere at the horizon. "Dean, I have questions. I-I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. But I am at peace with my decision. I do not regret it. I thought I was doing the right thing, even if it came with a price."

"Is it worth it?" Dean asked without turning to look at him.

"Moving to New York, as opposed to leaving the country entirely?" Cas pondered, "Yes. I believe it is. It is still within a short flight distance."

"From me?"

Cas turned in surprise, probably just realizing what he'd said, then his face broke into a smile. "Yes. From you, Dean."

Dean smiled back and felt a warmth fill his chest. He was important enough to Cas to be calculated into his decisions. And this was the solution to keep Cas as close to him as he could. Was it not?... If there was something else to be done, he would do it. No doubt.

"Yeah, you ain't getting rid of me that easily, buddy…" Dean laughed and smacked Cas' shoulder fondly.

"I would never dream to." Cas replied calmly. "And you better be true to your word, Dean Winchester, or I  _ will _ have your ass…"

"Promises, promises…" Dean winked at Cas playfully and Cas laughed aloud, their words spoken lightly but the pink in their cheeks saying volumes.

“Come on.” Dean stood and reached a hand to Cas to encourage him to join, “Let me introduce you the the Roadhouse.”

 

 

The next day Dean expected to leave for work and let Cas sleep. They had a great night at the Roadhouse, Jo wasn't there to bug them with too many questions and Ellen took an instant liking to Cas, probably due to his no-bullshit attitude, and spoiled him rotten with drinks and her specials. He thought Cas would be exhausted, especially since he hadn't slept much the night before.

However, same as the day before, when he got out of the bathroom he found Cas waiting for him in the kitchen with two cups of deliciously smelling coffee.

"I don't know how you do it, mine never smells that good." Cas slightly started with the sound of Dean's voice, but was grinning at him a second later. "Why are you up so early?"

Cas took one cup and brought it to Dean, holding it out for him. "I thought we could drink our coffee together before you go to work and I go for my run."

Dean contorted his face in disgust. "Right… Morning person… I forgot…" Cas laughed and stretched a little before taking his own cup and bringing it close to his lips for a whiff. "So what are your plans for the day?"

"I don't know yet." Cas replied solemnly.

Dean waited for him to continue, but when he didn't, Dean said "I might be back late. It's Kevin's last day today, so we need to make sure everything is in order and the transition is a smooth sail. Will you be alright by yourself?" Cas nodded. "If you're bored or anything, I could call Sam. You haven't met him yet, but he's real smart, you guys would probably find lots to talk about."

"That won't be necessary." Cas plugged his earphones to his phone and stuck it in his arm case, looping the chords to sit around his neck. "Thank you, Dean."

They finished their coffees and left the apartment, going in their separate ways as they exited the building.

Cas turned and started his jog, Dean's eyes lingering on his diverging figure for a moment longer, before he got into the Impala and drove off.

  
  


Dean was huddled over the open hood of the car he was working on, reaching deep to wipe out excess oil, acting on muscle memory alone while listening to Kevin explaining some tax issues oddly over enthusiastically and frowning when Dean asked a question he deemed obvious.

He heard footsteps, but thought it was too early for the client to come pick up her car. He hadn't even called her yet.

Kevin stopped talking for a few seconds to stare, and Dean finally thought maybe it was someone else.

"Can I help you?" Kevin asked warily, "Are you looking for someone?'

"Yes." The familiar gravelly voice sent a chill up Dean's spine and he almost hit his head on the hood as he snapped up to stand straight. "I am looking for – "

"Cas!" He wiped his hands on the rag that hung from his belt, grinning. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought you lunch." Cas gestured to the plastic box in his hands. "Figured you might be too busy to go out to eat."

"..Wait,  _ that's _ Cas?..  _ THE _  Cas?..."

They both ignored Kevin, never breaking their stare at each other.

"Thanks." Dean took a step closer.

"Didn't you say Cas was a gi- "

"Kevin, now would be a good time to take a lunch break," Dean cut him off without turning, "Don't you think?"

Kevin grunted, annoyed at being ignored, and stalked away.

"Do you have anywhere we can eat? A kitchenette of sort?" Cas asked and held out the box.

"Yeah," Dean replied, but made no sign of moving, "But it's a nice day, why don't we go outside?"

He went into his office and came back with two plates and some utensils, and lead Cas out the back.

 

The Impala was parked right outside, glistening in the mid-day sun, spotless and perfect.

Dean sat himself on the hood and reached out his arm for Cas to join him. He sat and opened the container.

"Doesn't look like anything from any place around here," Dean eyed the steaming meat and vegetables, "Where did you buy this from?"

Cas poured some onto each of the plates and handed one to Dean. "I didn't?.." He smiled sheepishly.

Dean looked up in surprise. "Did you make this?" Cas nodded "Cas, did you cook for me?"

Dean's eyes went wide with wonder as Cas nodded again shyly.

"Too bad you're already married…" Dean sniggered, and Cas visibly shrugged. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Dean sighed and said heartily, "Thank you."

 

They finished their lunch quickly and went back in after that.

Kevin was already there, back to work on some last minute issues and leaving Dean detailed instructions.

Dean mouthed another quiet thank you and went to sit next to Kevin, listening to his explanations.

He imagined Cas would go exploring the area, or sit somewhere and read until Dean was done for the day, but instead he came to stand behind them and listen in.

Cas' frown deepened as Kevin kept talking, but he said nothing.

Eventually, though, Dean had to go to continue working on the cars. Some clients should be coming to pick their vehicles soon, and he needed to get the work done before they do.

"Kevin," Dean saw Cas take his seat as he walked to the main area of the garage, "You know the software you are using has many more options that you are not currently taking advantage of. Why don't you – " He was pointing at something on the screen, but Dean could no longer hear what they were talking about.

After his clients all picked up their cars, Dean was free again to resume his final review with Kevin over their financials.

But as soon as he took his seat again, Kevin nearly jumped at him with excitement. "Dean! Look!" He bounced in his chair and enthusiastically waved a finger at the screen, "Did you know the software can automatically calculate your VAT returns and your entire liabilities per period? I didn’t know that! That could make our quarterly and annual forecasts so much easier! Cas just showed me that!"

"I did not know that." Dean turned an affectionate smile at Cas. "But I can't say I'm surprised, Cas is the smartest guy I know. And the kindest." Cas returned the same affectionate smile at him.

"That is not true," Cas turned to hide the red tint in his face. "I am merely trying to assist. Since you will be the only one to operate the garage for the near future, I would like to help you reduce your workload by making it as efficient as possible." He turned back to Dean. "There are a few more tricks I can show you, if you'd let me."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Ok!" Kevin announced as he stood up from his chair. "I guess that's my cue to go…"

Dean stood up to give him a firm hug and wish him luck with his internship, and Kevin turned to Cas. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Cas, I hope you can join us at the bar on Friday, you have to meet everyone.”

Cas blushed and turned to Dean, searching his eyes for approval. “Yeah,” It was Dean to answer Kevin, “I think that could work out fine.”

 

Dean and Cas ended up staying late at the garage, and it was more than Cas’ tips and improvements that had Dean giddy and pleased. 

Cas’ proximity made his skin prickly and warm, he AC was working but he was still sweating volumes, even more so than when his work was physical.

And Cas ended up spending the next couple days in the garage with Dean as well. He said it was because he was bored, and he wanted to help Dean in any way he could with the business, what with the garage personnel temporarily reduced from three people to one. But Dean couldn’t help feeling awe and respect towards his friend. 

And.. other things. 

Things he could not point out or explain. Not until Friday noon, when he was coming in to ask Cas if he wanted to go for lunch.

Cas was standing over Dean’s desk, leaning down to look at something on the screen. His brows were furrowed together and his head tilted like it usually would be when he was concentrating, his sleeves were rolled up and his tie askew. Dean stood just outside the door to his office and simply watched the man. 

His arms were moving, to type or move some papers on the desk, his shirt straining over tight muscle, and Dean’s guts flared. 

Last time he had felt that spark he ended up jerking himself and blaming that fucking smudge for his sudden desire.

Bus Cas was fully dressed now, not a single hint of anything but professionalism, and still Dean found this extremely erotic, his treacherous mind instantly providing an image of Cas bent over his desk, pants pushed down past his thighs, waiting and willing. With the first stir in his pants, he shook his head and pushed the image away before it was too late.

He grunted angrily and made himself put on a grin before he entered his office. “Hey, Cas, you hungry? Wanna go grab some lunch?”

 

Lunch felt weird. So did going back to work after, and the view of Cas’ strong body against Dean’s desk kept the images popping in his head, more and more daring with each one his brain could conjure.

He had to will his blood pressure down, will it to flow to his upper brain instead of south. 

And Cas’ little shy smiles were not the least helping.

 

Lisa texted him what time they were meeting at the bar tonight and his blood suddenly felt cold.

At the wedding he attributed his skittish behaviour to his concern for his friends, but now… Now it felt like he was bringing his mistress… 

Maybe all of his friends being there would ease the edge.

  
  


Cas and Dean arrived at the bar that night, Jo and Benny already seated close together, Kevin talking excitedly about something and Lisa waving and standing to meet them as soon as she spotted them.

Immediately Dean’s demeanor changed, and he put a little distance between him and Cas. It wasn’t much, just a few inches between their shoulders where there were none initially, but he could no longer feel the heat radiating from Cas and he could feel his mood change accordingly.

He walked to Lisa first, snaked his hand around her waist and kissed her with more passion than normally, compensating for what he didn’t actually feel.

She clung to him a few seconds more and then reached to shake Cas’ hand with a warm smile.

She sat back down and patted the seat next to her. 

Dean eyed Benny and Jo’s beers. “I’m gonna go get some more beers on the table, since our fabled friends here did not get any for us. Babe,” He turned to Lisa, “The usual?”

“Yes.” She smiled, pleased. 

“Kevin?”

“Yup!” The kid put his thumb up.

“Let me help.” Cas said on his other side, pushing his chair back to stand up.

But before he could, Lisa was already up and hugging Dean’s arm. “Why don’t I go?” She smiled sweetly at Cas. “You stay and get to know the guys. And I’ve missed some time alone with my boyfriend.”

Dean felt his face heat up. Lisa labeling him as her boyfriend sounded… odd… And he couldn’t imagine how it made Cas feel.

Well, he could, actually, if the painful blow to his guts when Cas called Meg ‘his wife’ was any indication…

He gave Cas a miserable look he hoped no one else saw, and followed Lisa to the bar.

 

“So Dean,” Lisa started as they were waiting for the drinks. “How are things going with Cas? He seems much better than he sounded on the phone.”

“Yeah,” He watched Dottie’s movements as she poured their drinks, wishing she could move faster. “Yeah, he actually kinda feels better about New York now that we talked. He still doesn’t like it, but he’s ok with it.”

“And you?” Lisa pulled away the arm she had around his hips, “‘Cause you seem to be taking it a lot worse than he does.”

He looked at her, baffled.

“Dean, you haven’t called me once since he arrived here. He calls, and you drop everything and run. Ben was asking me about you, because that’s the longest we haven’t seen you since he first met you. I don’t know what it is between you guys, but obviously none of us, neither Ben and I nor your friends and family, are part of this.”

“That’s not true, we’ve talked - “

“We have. That’s not what I said. I said you haven’t called me.”

Dean tried to recall their phone calls since Cas came. It wasn't difficult, there really hadn’t been that many… She was right. She called him every single time.

“I’m sorry, Lis,” He took her hand in his and rubbed it softly, “I don’t… I should have called… But what do you mean by that other stuff? There’s nothing between Cas and me, and of course you’re all part of everything!”

“Dean, you didn’t even have to ask him his drink.” She said flatly, as if that was some sign for anything. “You’ve been refusing to meet with anyone.” She sighed, “You’ve declined meeting me and Ben, even your brother!”

“Lis…” Dean tried, “It’s not like we can get together every day… And he’ll be moving to New York soon, so we’ll get to see each other even less…”

“You could still hang out with us more. With him too.”

“We’re here, aren’t we??..”

“It feels more like you’ve been keeping him to yourself…”

Dean was losing his cool, Lisa hitting a little too close to home.

Lisa held the hand he was rubbing and turned his face to look at her. “If you’re only friends, then that shouldn’t come between you and your other friends. Or me.”

Dean considered for a few moments before answering. He  _ was _ avoiding other people. He  _ did _ want to keep Cas to himself. And what if his friends wouldn’t like Cas? What if they wouldn’t get his dry humour and his ruthless sarcasm? What if they wouldn’t think he’s good enough?

What if they did?...

What if they actually do like him? What if they  _ do _ want to hang out with him? Think he’s as awesome as Dean thinks he is? What if he has to share? To spend any time he has with Cas with the rest of his friends? Their jokes, the constant teasing… His friends might not understand… might get the wrong idea… 

Might get the  _ right _ idea…

“You’re right, babe.” He pulled her into a hug, resting his face on her temple, so she wouldn’t see his grimace. “You should come first. My girl should always come first.” And if his chest ached with each word he said, he would never let her see it.

 

They came back to the table handing out beers all around, smiling easily as if nothing happened, but Dean still caught Cas’ questioning eyes. He knew something was up. Dean sent him a cheerful grin and hoped it would be enough.

 

Not ten minutes past and Charlie hopped gleefully into the bar, Sam’s measured steps behind her telling Dean he was reigning in the same glee as Charlie.

She went to the bar first to kiss Dorothy thoroughly before joining them at the table.

“I take that the meeting with Dick’s lawyers went well?” Dean asked Sam, and Jo couldn’t help asking “What meeting?”

“Oh, it was a massacre!!” Charlie’s voice came behind him, Sam’s satisfied smile splitting wider with her words. “Sam  _ killed _ them! He was so awesome!!!”

“Yeah?” Dean laughed, “Come on, man, tell us!”

“Oh, you’d be so proud, Winchester!” She cried, “He - “

“Would you please let my brother talk?..” Dean cut her off, laughing even harder. “Sammy?”

Sam looked down shyly before he started spilling. “We figured out that the techs Charlie was using to get the same job done was different. But also, we argued that since the product was for internal use and the companies were not in the same market nor the same commodity, it is plausible that there is no case for the non-compete claim.“

“Oh, I love it when you talk nerdy, Sammy..” Dean choked out, and the table roared with laughter. 

“Jerk..” Sam hissed out, without real heat in his voice.

“Bitch..” Dean replied without thinking. “Judging by your shit-eating grin, it worked.”

“Not quite…” The bar was dark, but from what Dean could see his brother was slightly blushing.

“No…” Came Charlie’s voice from the other side of the table. “Dick’s lawyers were pretty intimidating… We couldn’t get to an understanding for two hours! But just when we were getting up, before we left, Sammy here turns to them and says, with the most casual voice ever, ‘well, gentlemen, I was hoping to resolve this a lot quicker, because frankly, whether Miss Bradburry’s signed non-compete is in effect or not, what she definitely  _ did not _ sign, is a patent waiver and release agreement’. You should have seen their faces! I have never seen anyone turn this white so quickly! They checked their paperwork, mumbling and squirming. We were out of there in five minutes, all lawsuits settled, and Mr. Roman looking like he wanted to swallow someone alive! It was a-mazing!!”

They all turned to look at Sam admiringly. He combed his fingers through his hair with shy embarrassment, and held out a hand when the guys started asking questions. “Actually, I had some help. I didn’t do it all by myself…”

Dean wanted to ask questions too, but Sam was overwhelmed by the others, and he sent Dean a look that said they’d have to talk about it later, so he chose to remain silent for now, just passively listening to them talk, everyone congratulating Sam on his good work and Charlie for getting out of Dick’s grip.

He was bursting with pride of his brother. He leaned back with an arm slung over Lisa’s shoulder and Cas on his other side, watching his brother and friends’ lively conversation, a perfect moment captured forever in his mind of what happiness feels like.

“Wait, doesn’t it mean that if you decide not to waiver your patents, you’ll be filthy rich?” Kevin’s voice brought back Dean’s drifting mind.

“Maybe…” Charlie sighed into her beer, but waved her hand carelessly, “But that would take  _ ages _ in court, and splitting with Roman industries, ‘cause I’m not the only author, and I don’t need that kinda headache. I’m just happy to be out.”

 

They sat at the bar for the rest of the evening, even Cas buying a round to everyone’s cheers, and only called it a night once everyone was yawning and Dorothy was finally off the clock.

Dean kissed Lisa softly goodbye, hugging her next to her car as they parted, before he and Cas were leaving too.

 

 

Dean had some errands to run for Bobby before they had to meet Sam for brunch, so Cas was out for his run and Dean to his duties after only a quick coffee.

Dean came back to pick Cas up, finding him fresh out of the shower.

He was completely dressed, ready to leave, but his moist hair going wild in every direction and the smell of soap and shampoo still clinging to his shower-soft skin made Dean put as much distance between them as possible, to stop his mind and his heart from racing.

The car, however, was a confining space, and since he was unable to avoid the physical distance between them, Dean spent the entire drive occupying his mind with trying to remember the lyrics of all the songs on his tape and rambling on about his morning.

Cas merely eyed him with a raised brow, but did not say anything about Dean’s weird behaviour.

 

Sam was already waiting for them at the Trick Or Treat, and Cas laughed heartily when he saw where they were pulling over.

They walked in to find Sam seated next to a pretty woman Dean didn’t know. They seemed to be talking quietly, because their eyes weren’t leaving the other’s face.

Sam finally noticed Dean waving at him and got up, the woman next to him turning as well and smiling widely.

Dean reached a hand to shake the woman’s hand first. “Hi, I’m Dean, Sammy’s older brother,” He gestured towards Cas, “And this is Cas, he’s visiting from Illinois.” Cas shook her hand as well.

“Hi, my name is Eileen, I’m a paralegal at Sam’s new firm.” Her speech sounded funny, and Dean shot a quick glance at Sam.

“Hello, Eileen, a pleasure to meet you.” Cas was speaking to her in his normal voice, not even slowing, but making sure his face was turned to her at all times. He moved his hands quickly, and Eileen smiled

“No, that’s ok, I read lips. But thank you.” She signed anyway as she spoke.

Both Sam and Dean looked to him with surprise.

“Shall we sit?” Eileen sat gracefully back in her chair.

 

The conversation flew easily after that. Sam told them how he and Eileen met when he was researching Charlie’s case, how she had helped him and how great she was, and Dean couldn’t help notice their hands were kept hidden under the table. 

Eileen shared some parts of the story, giving Sam more credit to the outcome than he took himself, and making him blush contently.

When their food arrived she asked Cas and Dean how the two of them met.

“Dean hit on me, I couldn’t shake him off.” Cas replied with a blank face, giving nothing away of the amusement Dean knew he must be feeling, and for a moment, Dean shared the joke with him. “Of course, that was when he thought I was a female…” Cas continued as if that explained anything, and Dean could see Eileen’s eyes widen.

He saw the tiny smirk on Cas’ face and knew the asshole had decided not to say anything further, so he jumped in himself. “We met online. We had a long email correspondence before we even became friends, and… well… Cas can be a confusing name, gender-wise…”

Eileen’s eyes darted between the two of them. “So how long have you two been together?”

Dean and Sam both choked their coffees out, Sam laughing and Dean furiously shaking his head.

With the calm of a predator, Cas actually leaned in and smirked secretively. “Shh.. Don’t tell anyone, I’m married.”

Dean clutched his hand forcefully, as Sam nearly toppled out of his chair laughing and Eileen barely knew what to make of it.

“He’s joking,” Dean explained hurriedly, before Cas could make him hyperventilate even worse, “We’re just friends, he’s newly wed, to a woman, and I am dating a wonderful woman myself.”

“Aww, Dean…” Cas slid his palm over Dean’s arm teasingly, “And yet last night _I’m_ the one you took home with you…”

Dean’s flush was reaching his neck now, no doubt. He tried to look angry, glaring at Cas to death, but all he could feel was the burn of what he now learned to recognize as arousal. Images of Cas sprawled over his bed, bent over his couch, kneeling with his lips slightly parted, ready to take…

NO! He pushed the images away and tried to compose himself back to normal, as Sam was explaining to Eileen that Cas was staying with Dean during his visit between bursts of laughter.

He thought about retaliating, as he would normally do, but that would only cause their teasing to prolong, and he did not think he could handle any more of that right now.

He settled for smiling sheepishly and redirecting the conversation to safety.

“So you seem like a nice girl,” He turned to Eileen, “What are you doing with this Moose of a man?”

Cas gave him an odd look, like he was expecting Dean to tease back, but went along with the change of topic, thankfully.

“Moose?” She turned to Sam like she thought she misread Dean’s lips.

“That huge man-puppy you’re sitting next to?”

She smiled with delighted playfulness. “Well, Dean, he’s a bright lawyer and I admire his enthusiasm and out-of-the-box approach.” She moved so their linked hands under the table were visible for a moment, and her gaze darkened a bit, “And, you know, size has its advantages, especially when proportions are so well endowed.” Her eyes flicked down to Sam’s lap, and Dean immediately jerked back as if bitten.

“Ahhh! TMI!!” He covered his frown with his palm, “That’s my  _ brother _ you’re talking about!”

She just shrugged a shoulder and took a sip of her Ice Coffee, Sam looking at her adoringly despite the pink in his cheeks.

 

They parted about an hour later, Eileen going to her own car and Sam going with Dean and Cas to the Impala, to go visit Bobby and Jody for their weekly family dinner.

“I like her.” Dean told Sam once they sat inside, before shifting gears.

 

 

As soon as they arrived to Bobby and Jody’s, Dean went into help mode and gone straight to the kitchen to help Jody.

Occasionally he would look up from his work and the conversation with Jody and stare at his family in the living room. He knew only Sam was blood related, but they all felt like family, and he couldn’t help the sense of ‘home’, when he saw how well Cas fit the scene.

He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but Sam and Cas were seemingly in deep discussion, and Bobby who would normally stare at some game on TV was watching them intently and even contributing to the conversation here and there.

It all felt… Right. He felt happy.

 

Dinner was no different, and the lighthearted banter between them was as natural and comfortable as ever, even with Cas.

 

They finished eating and Sam offered to help with the dishes.

He and Dean cleared the table and carried everything to the sink.

Sam was washing and Dean was standing next to him, drying everything and putting it back in its place.

“At the risk of sounding insensitive,” Dean started, “Was Eileen born deaf, or did she become deaf later in life?”

“I know she wasn’t born deaf,” Sam replied, slowing his movements with the dishes, “It happened in an accident when she was just a baby, but we haven’t really talked about it much.” He shrugged.

“And are you…” Dean stalled, not quite sure how to ask what he wanted to know, but he figured Sam would never judge him for asking. “Are you ok with it? I mean, how are you handling dating a deaf woman?”

Sam looked at him, smiling.

“What?”

“You must really like her,” He sniggered, “You didn’t call her a ‘chick’...”

Dean smiled back. “I guess I do.”

After a moment’s pause, Sam’s face turned stern. “I know she’s not what someone might call ‘perfect’. I guess no one is. But it’s a flaw I’ll be happy to live with. She’s amazing in every other way. I’m trying to learn a bit of sign language for her, and I need to keep remembering to turn towards her when I speak, and I can’t really call her… But other than that it doesn’t feel like a disability anymore.”

“I’m happy for you, Sammy.” Dean turned hopeful eyes towards Sam. He huffed a small laugh. “You’ve always liked the broken ones, Sammy. I guess this time the imperfection is just physical.”

Sam bitchfaced him before his lips turned up a little. “You should be one to talk…”

“Whaddyou mean?” 

“Dean, you’re a caretaker by nature.” Sam turned the water off and lay the plate he was holding back into the sink, to turn to Dean completely. “You’re always taking care of someone. You took care of me when we were kids, you’re taking care of Bobby and Jody now. And what about Charlie? You remember how you became friends?”

“So?” Dean gave the towel to Sam to dry his hands.

“So this is seeping into your relationships as well.” Sam continued. “Think of all of your exes. Isn’t the damsel in distress a recurring theme for you? Even now, with Lisa - “

“I thought you liked Lisa!”

“I do.” Sam nodded. “But you’re trying to take care of her and her son, be a father figure to Ben, be the good guy.” He stopped to think. “Dean, do you love her?”

“I don’t know... “ Dean muttered in confusion, “Too soon to...” 

“No, you’d know by now.” Sam studied him with calm resolution. “I’ve known Eileen for just a few weeks now, and even though I can’t say yet that I love her, I know that I will. She feels right. She feels like home.”

“You said that about Jess as well.” Dean reminded him quietly.

“I know.” Sam’s eyes were soft but steady on him, “I can’t explain it. With Eileen… It’s different. Like everything just clicked into place. Like it doesn’t even matter what she looks like, or what everyone else thinks, she’s it. Like someone took that goddamn list I had in my head of what I was looking for in a woman and tore it in front of my face, just so I could see what I actually  _ need _ .”

Dean turned shy of Sam’s eyes, but it brought him to look at Cas, sitting with Bobby in the living room, still passionately discussing books and dead languages, because apparently Cas was into that, too… And everything Sam just said hit him back with a vengeance when he looked at the man.

“We don’t always find love where we expect it, Dean.” Sam was talking again, “And it’s not always with the person we imagined. The only thing that matters is that it makes us happy.”

Sam was talking about Eileen, but Dean felt like every word he was saying was directly intended for Cas and him. 

“Does Eileen make you happy?” Dean fought for his voice not to shake.

“It’s more than that,” Sam said. “She doesn’t only makes things better, but she also makes me want to be better. Not for her, for me. She makes me want to be all that I  _ can  _ be. She makes me love not only her, but myself as well. And I can only hope that you find someone who makes you feel as happy and whole, even if she’s not your definition of perfect.”

The words hit hard and punctured a hole in the walls he’d been keeping, the truth of it ringing louder than anything else and filling his ears, reverberating in his chest till it hurt.

_ I already know someone who makes me feel like that. _

“Yeah, me too…” He turned back to Sam, swallowing the chunks of crumbling wall stuck in his throat, fiercely battling to hold off any emotion from showing on his face and just barely managing.

Luckily, Sam seemingly decided that the talk was over and resumed rinsing the dishes. Dean quickly buried his eyes in the kitchen towel back in his hands, concentrating on drying those damn dishes way too hard for their own good.

 

 

They dropped Sam at home after dinner, and even Cas noticed that Dean was more quiet than usual.

“Did something happen between you and Sam earlier?” Cas asked him gently.

“No, why do you ask?” Dean huffed without turning. He really didn’t want Cas prodding and asking him questions about it.

“I don’t know.” He could see Cas stirring next to him from the corner of his eye, probably turning to study Dean’s reactions. “You went to the kitchen together to wash the dishes, and when you came back you seemed… Annoyed, or perplexed in some way.”

“‘M not.” 

“Was it something I did?” Cas pushed further, and now he  _ was _ annoyed.

“No. ‘M fine.”

“Dean - “

“Cas, drop it.” Dean felt like shouting, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault but his.

To his surprise, Cas did.

They continued their drive home silently, Dean intent on the road ahead and Cas staring out the passenger window.

 

 

“I’ll let you figure things out on your own, you seem to need your solitude for now.” Cas said as soon as they entered the apartment, walking straight to the guest room even as he was talking.

Dean remained standing, stumped, in the middle of his entry hall.

No, that’s not how he meant things to happen, not at all! He wasn’t trying to shut Cas off!

He had just been preoccupied with his conversation with Sam, repeatedly rerunning it in his head, over and over again. What was he going to do with that information now? Knowing how he felt, finally coming to terms with it. 

He’d never considered himself anything but heterosexual, but Cas had done things to him that no one else could before. Man or woman. 

He tried to have that with Lisa, he really did, but now he realized the only times he felt the way Sam described were with Cas.

Cas could make him feel things. Cared for, valued, accepted, appreciated, protected, understood, nurtured and encouraged. Better.

These were not remnants of the crush he had when he thought Cas was a girl. Not anymore.

Maybe Sam’s right. But even if this was lo-… He took a deep breath. Not there yet. Definitely not there yet.

 

He walked to the guest room where Cas had the door shut and knocked once. “Cas? Can I come in?”

He waited for Cas to give his permission, but instead the door opened and Cas stood there, eyes cast down and hurt.

Dean wanted to hug him so bad, simply to hold him, but Cas moved away and into the room silently, before Dean could do any of that.

His feelings lay heavy on him as he came into the room, following Cas to sit on the bed.

“Cas, I’m sorry.” He wanted to touch that face, to make sure they’re good. He didn’t care if his feelings weren’t reciprocated, ever, he just wanted Cas in his life for good. “This isn’t your fault. Or Sam’s. It’s just something that’s been bugging me with myself, and Sammy put a mirror in front of me. It’s not even a bad thing, just… not what I expected.” He pulled Cas closer into a hug, and it felt so peaceful.

Cas moved between his arms to adjust his position, to be wrapped more comfortably by Dean’s entire body, and there really was comfort in the movement. He lifted his blue eyes to stare at Dean, and it was heavenly.

Those eyes, almost glowing with the shine of care. Those eyes, that could be so mischievous at times, so penetrating and smiting in others, so soul bearing and powerful, so kind and so dangerous. They were hanging on him now, trusting, hopeful, waiting.

 

"Are you angry with me?" Cas asked him sadly.

"No! Of course not!" Dean held him back to look at his face. "I'm just troubled by a lot of things. My own issues. And I… I don't wanna talk about it, not right now…"

"You mean, not to me…" Cas pulled away from Dean's arms, disappointed, and he shuddered.

"No, Cas, that's not what I…" Dean sank desperately.

"You talked to Sam." Cas stated more than asked. He closed his eyes in thought for a few moments. "Or was it  _ about _ me?"

Dean's silence was a dead giveaway, enough confirmation for Cas to continue. "Dean, how am I to know what I did wrong if you don't tell me?"

"You did nothing wrong!" He said hurriedly, "There are just some things I don't know yet how to… And you're moving to New York now…" It was all getting too much, and Dean wasn't ready to do this yet. "Look, just drop it! I said I don't wanna talk about it, so I don't wanna talk about it! When I do, I'll let you know!"

Cas looked at him wide eyed and gaping. "What – "

"I said  _ enough! _ " Dean hissed, "Let me deal with my own shit, the way I always have. I never needed anyone's help and I don't need it now! Think you're gonna change me? Huh?..."

But Cas  _ had _ changed him. He did more than that. He took everything Dean had ever thought about himself and rattled it to its core. He had stripped Dean down to his very soul, left him bare and burning, only to build him up again, from scratch. Without any of his past scars, a better, purer version of himself, imprinted with Cas' own kindness and marked as his, forever.

And he liked it.

Dean released a long, tired breath, letting go of all his anger. Cas' pained stare was still on him, and he retracted completely.

"I'm sorry, I should not have taken my frustrations out on you…" Dean inhaled and exhaled slowly to regain control, and Cas relaxed under his apparent effort, but he was still staring at him warily.

“Can we just forget about it and do something else? I don’t feel like going to sleep just yet.” Dean couldn’t bear those eyes on him any longer, afraid of what he might find there, of what he might do if he did let them stay. “You wanna watch a movie or something? Maybe just TV for a while?”

Cas nodded and moved away, going for the remote on the nightstand.

 

They had been watching for a while, lying next to each other on Cas’ bed.

Dean felt tired, and the shallow breathing next to him told him Cas was already asleep.

He turned gently, not to wake Cas up, and covered the sleeping body with the blanket they pushed to the feet of the bed. 

He couldn’t help but look at his friend a little bit longer. 

Cas was beautiful.

Not just attractive, but truly beautiful, and Dean’s heart was pulled to him beyond control.

He leaned back with one knee on the bed, he couldn’t help it, and placed a small kiss to Cas’ forehead.  

“Man, I’m so confused… I don’t know how to do this… And I’m sorry this is the only way I  _ can _ say this, but… Cas, if Meg loves you even  _ half _ as much as I do - then you’re a very lucky man. I know I’m too late, but… I don’t even care anymore that you’re a guy, Cas, I just… I wanted to tell you that I… I...”

Dean released a long, liberating breath and placed another kiss, longer, inhaling Cas’ scent. Then he stood and walked out of the guest room.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Dean expected to wake up to the wonderful smell of coffee that he so easily got used to since Cas was staying with him, and was surprised that Cas wasn’t there when he came out of the bathroom. 

It was later than Dean’s usual wake up time, since it was a Sunday, so he assumed maybe Cas had already went out for his morning run.

 

He noticed the shut door of the guest room, just as he had left it last night.

He knocked on the door and waited, but there was no reply.

He gently pushed the door open and peeked inside. Cas’ sleeping form was still perched on the bed, unmoving. 

He tried to be as quiet as he could and close the door so as not to disturb Cas, but just as he was about to close it completely he heard the man’s hushed words from inside.

“I know, Gabe, and she has every right to be.” He spoke in a low voice, almost unheard. He sighed before he spoke again. “Gabriel, please…” Another sigh. “Of course. Yes. I will.” Pause. “I  _ will  _ call her, it’s just… What if…” He trailed off, apparently his brother was talking fervently on the other side of the line. “I don’t know! Last night he had a talk with his brother - “ He listened, “ - yes, Gabe,  _ Sam _ … He had a talk with  _ Sam _ and after that… I told you. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what to think anymore. How can I even be friends with him after that?... This is torture…” 

Torture? Dean didn’t want to hear anymore. He quickly closed the door before Cas would notice him there. 

No, no… 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to go…

He just figured out his feelings for Cas and now the guy doesn’t even want to be friends anymore? No, he can’t lose Cas… Not now… 

 

 

Dean was still standing in the kitchen over a cold empty pan, trying to put his thoughts in order, when Cas finally came out of his room.

As soon as Dean saw him, he put on his most cheerful smile.

“Morning, Cas! Told you I can’t make it as good as yours, but I made some coffee, if you like. And I was thinking pancakes for breakfast. You like pancakes, right? I mean, who doesn’t loves pancakes?.. I got some fruit, and chocolate chips, and I think I even have some maple syrup here somewhere…” He babbled as he dug into his cupboards, searching.

“Dean, I need to go home.”

Dean froze at Cas’ words. He didn’t know what to do. 

“Eventually?..”

“Today.” Cas was confident. None of the hesitation of the phone call earlier.

Dean stood there, completely still despite the emotional storm raging inside him, looking for a clue as to why Cas would have this change of heart, why now.

Was it because he thought Dean was angry with him last night? Because he wouldn’t tell him what was wrong? But how could he?...

He wanted to fight, to convince Cas to stay. To yell, to hold him if he had to. But all he managed was a faint “Ok..”, and he hated himself for it.

 

Cas came to sit, and poured himself a cup of coffee. “I’m sorry.” He said, avoiding Dean’s eyes.

“When?” Dean asked, dreading the answer like a falling ax, hoping for whatever time he could still have with his friend.

“It’s a long bus ride, I thought I’d leave around noon.”

“Ok,” They still had a couple of hours left. “What do you wanna do until then?” 

“Pack?” Cas fiddled with the cup’s handle.

“And the remaining hour and fifty five minutes?” Dean smiled feebly, and Cas mirrored his smile, but didn’t say anything further.

“Can I at least make you breakfast?”

Cas nodded, and Dean got to work.

 

 

Cas came out of his room quarter of an hour later, and put his bag by the apartment door.

He was holding something to his chest. As he came closer, Dean noticed it was the clothes he let Cas borrow during his visit to Illinois. 

“I brought back your clothes.” Cas extended them towards him. “I washed them and brought them to give them back to you, but I forgot, I’m sorry.”

“You look good in them.”  _ You look good in anything.  _ “You should keep them.”

“Dean..”

“No, I mean it.” Dean pushed Cas’ hands holding the clothes back to Cas’ chest. “They look better on you anyway. I’d really like you to keep them.”  _ I’d really like to know you keep something of mine so close to you. _

Cas was standing close now, his hands holding the clothes tightly against his heart, Dean’s hands still clasped around them, and they were both staring into each other’s eyes, a daring contest of who should blink first. Challenging each other to hold on to a few clothing items that meant much more than the fabric they were made of. A challenge of facing their truths, a challenge of intimacy.

Cas’ eyes were hopeful and doubtful at the same time, like he was expecting something from Dean, and Dean understood the torture he spoke of with Gabe earlier. 

When apparently he did not get what he wanted from Dean, his eyes turned off, drained of any optimism that was there a moment ago, and Dean’s heart sank.

The smell of almost burnt pancakes provided him with an excuse to turn away from these eyes. “Sit down, Cas. Food will be ready in a moment.”

 

 

They finished eating and as Dean took the dishes and started on the cleaning, Cas moved to the living room and poked around.

"I have been here for a over a week now, I cannot believe I had not yet gone over your record collection!" Dean heard Cas open and close CD boxes, rummaging through his stuff.

Next thing he knew, the first notes of 'Sex Hat Keine Macht' were blasting through his speakers, way too loud. "Really, Dean?" Cas laughed, "’Oomph!’?.."

"Sorry! Sorry!" Dean came rushing from the kitchen to change the music. "Let me switch to another USB, I can find us something a little more relaxed to listen to." He reached to take the remote from Cas, but Cas kept it away with an amused grin.

"No, Leave it." He took the remote with him when we went to sit on the couch. "I like it. I just didn't peg you as an Oomph! kinda guy…"

Dean came to sit next to him, and his sheepish, embarrassed smile took a naughty little upturn. "What, have you never used that song to set a certain atmosphere?..."

"Oh, is that why you have this song on your playlist?" Cas' gaze turned heavier, pinning Dean on the spot, and it drove him mad. "Though I suppose I can appreciate the irony of a song called Sex Has No Power being used to seduce anyone for sex…" And if Dean hadn't known any better, he would think Cas was doing just that. Which didn't stop the surge of excitement he felt by one bit. Fuck.

"Not that Lisa needs any convincing…" And just like that it was all gone. The hungry look in Cas' eyes, the burning urgency in the air around them, the hypnotizing quality in Cas' motions. It was a relief and a disappointment at the same time, and they stayed like that for a few short moments, until the song was almost over and Dean took the remote to change the music completely.

 

“Dean,” Cas started after what seemed like forever, “Do you recall our apocalypse conversation? Where we described how we would wreak havoc and inflict our wrath upon the earth?..”

“Yeah, sure.” Dean’s lips curled in delight. “The weird ones have always been my favorite talks.”

“Well, if you knew the end was nigh, and you only had a couple of hours before you died, how would you choose to spend them?”

“Where is this coming from?” Dean heaved with surprise, “Have I managed to bore you that much?”

Cas threw his head back laughing, but did not relent his question. “Obviously, I’d call anyone I love and tell them that I loved them.”

“Obviously…” Dean repeated. Cas seemed to wait for something more. Maybe Dean’s take on the question, describing his own thoughts of what he’d do. “And sex. I’d go out and find someone and get laid. If I gotta go, I wanna die in a post orgasmic bliss!”

Cas snorted loudly and looked up to him. “That answer is SO you, Dean, I don’t even know why I bothered to ask you…”

“How ‘bout you then?” Dean retorted teasingly, “How would you wish to spend your last hours on earth?”

Cas’ smile softened. “Honestly?” He leaned further back to look Dean straight in the eyes, “Like this.”

“Whaddya mean?” Dean couldn’t pull his eyes away from the blue orbs hanging onto his.

“This.” Cas gestured between them, “Just be with someone I care about, spending my last hours laughing, in good company. I think…” He paused and frowned, “..With you.”

Dean’s breath caught, a pleased heat blossoming in his chest. Cas still cared. Even though he thought Dean was mad at him. Even though he was going home, to Meg, to their plans for New York, to everything else. Cas cared. 

Dean wanted to say something. That he cared back. His mouth was working before words could be formed, so nothing quite came out just yet. He’d never been good at this touchy-feely crap, he didn’t know how to say anything of what had been rushing through his mind.

“Cas, come on, no chick-flick moments…” He eventually said, embarrassed, “This isn’t one of your fanfiction stories…”

Despite the obvious anticipation in his face, Cas’ expression immediately turned into one of innocence. “I don’t know what you mean,” his incredulous look turned into a little naughty smirk, “Mine are mostly porn…”

Dean snorted with surprise, which shortly turned into a roaring laugh. When he was finally able to catch his breath he lay a hand on Cas’ shoulder and gave him a fond smile. “Don’t ever change…”

 

They ended up talking, shoulder to shoulder on the couch, until it was time for Cas to go.

Dean didn’t much ask, but rather announced, that he was driving Cas to the bus station and would wait with him for the bus.

Cas grabbed his bag and Dean grabbed his keys, and they exited the apartment wordlessly.

 

 

Dean parked the Impala with Cas’ bus stop in their direct line of sight, so they could wait in the car and would see when Cas’ bus arrived.

They hadn’t spoken much during the short drive, letting the music from the radio fill out the silence between them, but now it was gradually becoming uncomfortable.

“About last night…” Cas started, and Dean startled. He really didn’t want to have that talk again now. Not with how Cas felt just this morning.

“Cas, I told you. I’m not mad at you.” Dean turned to face Cas on his car seat, hands locked under his thigh. “This is just something I have to deal with myself.” Just the thought of telling Cas how he felt threw him off a little. “I promise, once I figure it out for myself, you’ll be the first to know.”

Cas sighed deeply.

“I just want you to know, Dean,” And there was the expectant look in Cas’ eyes again, “Whatever it is, whether bad…” Cas swallowed hard, and Dean couldn’t help but track the motion of his Adam’s apple, “...or good,” He paused to take a breath, “You can tell me anything. I will never judge you.”

“I know.”

“That was always the deal.” Cas’ palm rose to rest on the side of Dean’s head, and he leaned into the touch, turning his head slightly towards it, so his mouth was on the the heel of Cas’ hand. He didn’t have to kiss it, just the feel of Cas’ skin on his lips was enough to daze him.

“I know.” Cas stared at him, all raw nerves and waiting for something more, though he wasn’t sure what. He’d told him he’d talk when he was ready, and Cas was smart enough to know he would not be able to coerce Dean into talking. Not right now. Not like that. Not when Cas was leaving. When his bus would be here any minute.

“Dean…” Cas leaned towards him, adding his other palm and holding Dean’s face between them with care. He came closer, his face nearly touching Dean’s now, close enough so Dean could feel the hover of Cas’ lips. All he’d have to do is close the distance, a fraction of an inch closer, to kiss Cas. But he felt petrified, immobilized by sudden fear, paralyzed by ‘What If’s and ‘How’s and ‘Cannot’s… And before he could find it in him to react, Cas touched their foreheads together and spoke. “No matter what happens, you will always be dear to me, and I’ll always be there for you.”

Dean melted into the heat of Cas’ hands on his face and his forehead on his own. He closed his eyes and immersed himself in the feeling, trying to memorize every sensation, every bit of Cas’ scent, until they meet again. “Are we… still friends?”

Cas jerked back to stare at him, baffled. “Of course we are, Dean!” He frowned, “Why would you ever think otherwise?”

This was weird, and so at odds with what Dean had heard him say just this morning. Didn’t Cas say he didn’t want to be friends anymore? Those words had been tormenting Dean ever since he heard them. He was relieved to know that he still had Cas as a friend, but then… what was that all about on the phone? And why was he leaving so abruptly?

His ears felt cold, and he realized Cas had taken his hands away.

“My bus is here.” Cas turned back towards him, somewhat apologetically, pulling his bag to get out of the car. He stopped before opening the door and looked sadly at Dean. He leaned in, close enough to brush his cheek over Dean’s, and turned his face to touch his lips to Dean’s cheek. Dean turned towards him without thinking, but their mouths missed each other by a fraction, and it ended before it could even be registered, a couple of shy barely there kisses on each other’s cheeks for farewell.

“Goodbye, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

Cas murmured something as he left the car. Dean couldn’t quite make out what he said, but what it sounded like got Dean’s head spinning and his skin buzzing. It took him several long minutes before he could move, and by that time Cas’ bus had been long gone.

 

 

Lisa called Dean a little later and invited him over, and so he spent the evening at her house, cooking dinner, playing with Ben, doing everything they would normally do, but it all felt so out of place, as if this was someone else’s happy domestic life and he was only watching it happen like he would watch a movie.

Lisa tried her best to console him, but it only emphasized how empty it felt. How empty  _ he _ felt. The only person who could make it better was the cause of his current distress.

 

Lisa insisted he stay over, she said if he felt down then he shouldn’t be by himself.

She hugged him when they got into bed, and kissed his neck and his chest so thoroughly it would make him gasp on any other night, but right then he just wished she would stop.

Dean turned away, and she held him close from behind. He knew it was meant for comfort, and he didn’t have the heart to ask her for space.

Her hands caressed the plains of his stomach gently, her lips trailing soft kisses on his shoulder blades. It was already very late, so it helped lull him enough to think he might actually be able to sleep tonight.

His eyes shot open again as her hand slipped inside his boxers and she ran her fingers over his soft length. “Lis…”

“Don’t worry, babe…” She whispered as she wrapped around him more closely, “This’ll make you relax.” She licked his earlobe and he sighed, “I know how to make you feel better…”

The words tugged something in his brain and he tensed under her touch.

“What’s the matter, baby? Don’t you like it?”

Dean removed her hand and sat up at the edge of the bed. Sex with Lisa was always amazing. She had always been able to take his mind off of anything that might have troubled him. But all he could think about was Cas.

He was willing to kiss him today. He almost did. 

What if he  _ had? _

Had they not missed each other’s lips, would anything be different? 

Cas was still married to Meg and moving to New York with her. Dean was still dating Lisa.

So why did it feel so much like cheating?

Lisa Sat up behind him and hugged him.

“Dean, you don’t have to talk to me, but you need to know that whatever you need, I’m here for you. And… I understand. You two have something that you don’t have with anyone else. Not with me, not even with your brother.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean turned to look at her, and she sat crossed legs beside him.

“Cas.” She said simply. 

There was no point in denying it, he could only stare at the sheets as she spoke.

“I can see how devastated you are that he had to go. I can see how much you care about him. And you need to tell him how you feel.”

“And what do I say?” He was aiming for angry, but his voice came out pleading. “What does a straight guy say to a  _ man _ he’s in love with??”

He didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. 

He could see the ripple of shock on Lisa’s face for a brief moment, before it morphed into realization and then acceptance in a matter of seconds.

“Is that how you feel?” She asked quietly. “Do you… wanna be with him?”

It was the first time he thought about what he actually wanted, but it never occurred to him to answer any differently. “Yes..”

“Then that’s what you have to tell him.”

She took his hand in hers.

“You know everyone will support you. Sam, Bobby, your friends. Me.” She rubbed the back of his hand. “We don’t care who you’re with, we only care that you’re happy.”

“Thanks.”

Dean lay back on the bed and sighed, and Lisa leaned next to him and kissed him. “What?...” She smirked at his raised brow, “Until you go get your prince charming, we can still play for fun…”

He grabbed her and rolled them over until he was on top of her, teasing, but then turned them back on their side and spooned her to sleep.

 

 

Cas texted Dean when he arrived back in Illinois to let him know he arrived safely, and they called each other almost every night, but their calls were full of tension now, and Dean felt like he was somehow losing Cas.

He hadn’t said anything to Cas yet, didn’t know how.

And their conversations seemed so… shallow. Like they had to make an effort to find things to talk about. None of the banter, none of the teasing that used to crack them up laughing. It was never like that before, and Dean didn’t like it.

 

 

He was utterly surprised to walk into the Trick Or Treat a week later to see Gabriel talking to the branch manager over a pile of papers scattered across the table in front of them.

“Gabe!” He called. He didn’t want to disturb them, but he was too excited to think about it. Maybe Gabe could tell him something about Cas. “What are you doing here?”

Gabe looked up at from the page he was holdings, and his face lit up. “Dean!” He engulfed Dean in a strong embrace, “Just the man I wanted to see! Are you sitting, or taking away?”

“Sitting.” Dean smiled warmly. “I’m meeting my brother here for breakfast.”

“Ah, the famous Sam…” There was a naughty twinkle in his eyes. “I gotta finish here first, but… do you mind if I join you in a bit?”

“No, of course not.” Dean gestured to their usual spot, where he guessed his brother was already sitting. “We’d love that.”

“Great!” Gabe turned back to his papers, and Dean walked over to their table.

 

 

“Morning, Dean.” Eileen’s voice greeted Dean as he came closer to the table, Sam and Eileen both standing up to hug him.

“Hey, Eileen, didn’t see you there…” Dean smiled at her.

“Well, I didn’t hear you come in, so we’re even.” She winked at him playfully and he snorted at the joke.

“You guys have the worst sense of humour  _ in the world _ …” Sam mocked as he sat back in his chair, “I can see why you get along so great.”

 

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but I just ran into Cas’ brother, Gabe, in the foyer, and I invited him to join us for a while.” Dean pointed a thumb at the entrance.

“Gabe?” Sam’s eyebrows climbed high into his forehead, “As in the brother who owns the Trick Or Treat?”

“Yea,” Dean laughed, “Is that ok?”

“Sure!” Sam nodded gleefully, “We’d be happy to meet anyone who makes such great cakes - “

“Pies!” Dean corrected him, and Sam gave him a glaring bitchface.

“ - Pies, what’s the difference…” It was Dean’s turn to glare, “And of course, anyone related to Cas.”

 

“Dean-o!” Gabe’s voice called from behind him, and Dean stood. “And the illustrious Sam…” He shook Sam’s hand, giving him a quick once over and turned to Eileen. “And who might this astounding beauty be?” He took her hand and kissed it lightly.

“Eileen, Sam’s girlfriend,” She replied sweetly, “And the one who’s gonna punch that smirk off if you don’t let go of him.”

Gabe’s dirty smirk only got wider as he let go of Sam’s hand, and Dean noticed the obvious pink tint in his brother’s cheeks as he smiled sheepishly at Gabe.

 

“So what brings you to Lawrence?” Sam asked as they settled.

“My Branch here needs a little facelift, so I thought I’d come here to oversee it myself.” Gabe gestured towards the cafe. “Plus I had another agenda to come in person,” He eyed Sam carefully, “But that’s not something for this forum.”

Dean snorted. “What the hell has Cas been tellin’ you about us?!”

“Only the good stuff…” Gabe winked at them, “And my intrigue was piqued by you, actually.” He pointed at Dean, “You spoke so highly of your family at the wedding, I felt that I  _ had  _ to meet them in person.”

Eileen eyed Gabe sideways, and Sam just buried his face in his mug to hide his embarrassment. 

“Can’t say I’m disappointed so far…” 

“Well, allow me.” Dean sent a fake glare at Sam, “Sammy here doesn’t know the difference between a cake and a pie, would you - ”

The sudden intake of air stopped Dean short, Gabe’s arm flying to grab at his heart and the astonished, deeply hurt look on his face almost comical. His eyes darted between Dean and Sam, too dumbstruck to speak. “ _ How… _ ” 

Sam frowned and huffed in annoyance. “What’s the big deal? They are both desserts…”

“What’s the - “ Gabe’s mouth was repeating in shock, “My dear boy! You have so much to learn! First of which, is never to disrespects sweets like that again in my presence…” He turned to Dean, “Are you sure you are even related?” 

Not waiting for a response, Gabe immediately began a long and through explanation about the history of candy, which was actually very educating and quite interesting, especially with his ostentatious way of speaking.

They talked some more about the renovation plans, and how long Gabe would be staying, and Sam ended up inviting both Gabe and Dean for dinner that night.

 

 

At seven in the evening, as agreed, Dean knocked on Sam’s door.

Eileen opened the door with the widest grin Dean had ever seen on her, and he followed her to the kitchen, where apparently Gabe was already feeling at home and helping with the cooking.

They looked funny, standing shoulder to… elbow… shoving each other playfully and joking around. They looked like they’ve known each other forever.

Dean caught Eileen’s eyes and mouthed at her what’s going on, but she winked at him and dismissed it, and her smile grew even bigger if that was even possible.

He soon found out what it was about, though.

It seemed that Gabe and Eileen started their own competition of who can make Sam blush harder, and they were both  _ very _ good…

All Dean had to do was kick back and enjoy. And maybe learn something new.

 

“Here, Sam, you do it. Your hands are so much bigger than mine…” Gabe wiggled his eyebrows at Sam, “Oh, Sam, you’re so big…”

“That’s what I said!” Eileen laughed, and Dean found himself flinching. “Do you know what Sam’s sign language symbol is?” Gabe shook his head, and Eileen held her palms close against each other, then gradually started pulling them apart as if measuring something, and Gabe doubled over laughing.

“Guys… come on....” Sam was blushing furiously, not even bothering to hide it anymore. 

He mouthed something at Eileen, and she sniggered suggestively “Oooh, promise?..”

Sam threw his hand up desperately and came to sit next to Dean. “I can’t deal with these two… I swear, he brings the worst out of her….”

Gabe followed him and ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. “Don’t worry, big guy, you can always come to me if she gets too much for you, I’ll never let anything happen to you… unless you want it to.” Gabe’s hand grew tighter in Sam’s hair and Sam yelped in horror.

“Ok!!” Both Sam and Dean jumped up and ran out of the kitchen, “Just call us when it’s ready…”

 

The teasing didn’t stop during dinner, but it was a lot more subtle.

When they were done, Sam and Eileen cleared the dishes and went to the kitchen to make coffee and slice the pie Gabe brought.

“I get where Cas gets his sass now…” Dean turned to Gabe with a grin.

“Oh, don’t you start with that name too, Dean, he  _ hates _ it!” Gabe rolled his eyes, vexed. But then his mouth stretched into a smile “At least he  _ says  _ he does…”

Dean returned the smile.

“I did not actually come here for the renovation, you know.” Dean looked at Gabe’s face as he spoke. Of course he didn’t… But Gabe’s face was, for once, serious. 

“Yeah, what’s up with you and - “

“I came here to talk to you.” Gabe cut him off and turned his hazel eyes to stare pointedly at him. “Cassie… He likes you. A lot. He’s changed since he met you. He used to be such a shy, closed-up guy, and now… He goes out, he has fun. He meets people! Dean, he actually goes out with friends and opens up to people!” Gabe was smiling, but it wasn’t his normal happy smile. “He’s so much… better, now that he has you.”

“It’s the same for me, honestly,” Dean placed a hand over his chest to emphasize his sincerity. “He made me a better person. I owe him so much.”

Gabe sighed. “But for Cas… It’s more than that.”

Dean remained silent for a while, contemplating. “What do you mean?”

“Dean, he  _ likes _ you!” Dean’s breath caught, “We can pretend all we want, but you’re smarter than that. The whole thing with Meg, we both know it’s not what he wants. He thinks he  _ can’t have _ what he wants.” Gabe paused and Dean wondered if those words meant what he thought they meant. “And now the move to New York… And it’s killing him! He doesn’t want to go, all he wanted was to be near - “ Gabe cut himself off and looked away.

“Me?”

“You.”

Dean couldn’t breath. 

“I love my brother more than anything.” Gabe chuckled, “Hell, more than he thinks… I hate to see him like that. Now, I don’t know how you feel, but I get that you… care about him. I've seen you two together. I hope it’s enough.” 

“I didn’t know…” 

“Well, now you do.” Gabe straightened in his seat. “He’s crazy about you. He won’t stop talking about ‘Dean this’ and ‘Dean that’... When he found out about Meg’s plans he went off on his motorcycle and we didn’t see him for two days. I don’t know what you’re gonna do about it, but I thought you should know.”

“Is that why he left so suddenly?” Dean asked quietly, “Because he thought I didn’t feel the same?”

Gabe leaned back again, but remained silent for a while.

“Just talk to him, Dean. Please?” He said as Sam and Eileen came back from the kitchen, carrying a tray full of mugs and plates.

 

 

Dean couldn’t sleep that night.

He tossed and turned, thoughts racing in his head one after the other. 

How would his family and friends react if they found out? How bizarre would it be to have a… not a ‘boyfriend’, what are we, fifteen?? What would people think?

He caught himself, and mentally scolded himself for those thoughts. _W_ __r_ ong questions, Winchester! _

People didn’t matter. His family and friends would love him anyway, and if anyone else had something to say about it, well - they should go stick it!

_ What do  _ you  _ want? Think!  _

All he knew was, he wanted Cas. Nothing else mattered. He didn’t care anymore, about labels, about definitions, none of it held any real bite anymore. None could determine the manner in which either he or Cas would be happy.

_ That’s all I want. To be happy with Cas, and to make him happy. _

 

 

Dean called Cas in the morning.

He was still in Illinois, their move was scheduled for three days’ time, their stuff had already been shipped over.

Dean wanted to tell him everything. How he felt, what he wanted, but Cas was distracted and not entirely there, and it ended up as all of their other recent calls, dry and superficial.

He ended the call and remained seated on the couch for some time.

Then, he got up, grabbed his keys and went to his car.

As Baby’s engine roared into life, he called Sam.

 

 

It was early evening when he finally knocked on Cas’ door.

Meg opened after a few seconds and looked him over. “Haven’t you had enough of each other back in Kansas?... Ugh....” She turned and went inside, leaving the door open. “He’s in his bedroom.”

Dean closed the door behind him and went directly to Cas’ bedroom. He was seated on his knees with his back to the door, hunched over a box of books, trying to arrange them adequately. 

“Who was at the door?” He asked without looking up. “I hope you didn’t tip those fuckers, we ordered over an hour ago!”

“God, I love it when you swear…” Dean laughed.

Cas shot up straight, his eyes widening as he stood up and took a step back in awe. “Dean!”

Dean came closer and collected a still stunned Cas into a hug, which he returned immediately.

“What are you doing here?” Cas clung to him, still a little shaken.

“I missed you.” Dean said casually, then added in a shy tone, “And Gabe came to see me…”

“I am going to  _ kill _ that meddling assbutt!” Cas scowled trying to wiggle out of Dean’s arms, but Dean held him too tight to allow it..

“You really shouldn’t.” Dean let go and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Cas to sit next to him. “He really loves you, more than you know.” He fiddled with the covers absently as he carefully considered his next words. “He told me you have… feeling for me…”

Cas jumped up from the bed and started pacing across the room restlessly, arms crossed over his chest, mumbling angry words at his brother.

“Cas, I need you to tell me the truth.” Dean followed him pleadingly. “Please, for once, tell it to me straight, so I don’t have to guess where we stand.” He grabbed Cas’ biceps and turned him so they faced each other. “Tell me, so I know we’re on the same page.”

“And what page would that be?” Cas’ struggle was evident in his eyes, “The one where you tell me how not-gay you are? We’ve been there already, remember?” His words punched a hole in Dean’s heart. “Sorry, Dean, I’m ok with things as they are.”

“I don’t want you to be ‘ok’, Cas, I want you to be happy.” Dean came closer and attempted to take his hand, but Cas moved away. “I’ll do anything for that.”

Cas watched him in disbelief for several moments. “Fine,” he sighed and went to sit on the bed again. “But you should know something, first.”

 

“The night before I came home from Lawrence, when we fell asleep in front of the TV…” Cas started, “You thought I was asleep, but I heard you.” 

Dean’s heart was pounding hard in his ears. 

“You said that if Meg loved me half as much as you did…” He swallowed, “Then I am lucky.” He paused to compose himself. “I don’t know if Meg loves me like that or not, but I do feel lucky, and it has nothing to do with her. You probably didn’t mean it the way I wanted it to mean…”

“How did you want it to mean?” Dean gently coerced.

“I wanted you to say… that you…” Cas looked up at him, blue eyes as big as the oceans, “Do you?”

“Cas…”

“Dean, I’m so in love with you…” He shook his head and turned his gaze away. “I have been since before I even laid eyes on you, and I didn’t act on it because you so unequivocally told me you are straight, that you weren’t interested. But after last time we met, I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I am so confused, I don’t know what to think anymore. So please, Dean, if you didn’t mean it, just leave it alone. I’d rather have you as a friend than not at all. But if you do… then… I need to hear you say it. That you are as in love with me as I am with you…”

 

Dean saw the hope in Cas eyes. He finally recognized the emotion. The same hope he saw in them back in Lawrence, right before Cas went home. 

“I’m sorry, Cas, I’m not in love with you…”

Cas’ eyes shut down immediately, disappointment written across his face, and Dean’s heart clenched.

“I’m not some groggy eyed teenager with butterflies in my belly and clouds in my head.”

He caught Cas’ cheek and brought his face up until he was looking back at Dean.

“No, Cas,  _ I love you _ . Everything about you, the whole nine yards. In the most serious, painfully real way I have ever loved anyone in my life. And nothing else matters. Not your passport, not your marital status… Not your gender…”

And as if someone turned on the sun, Cas’ eyes lit with happiness and surprise, his mouth gaping, speechless.

“But... then… why didn’t you....” Cas was mumbling, “Why didn’t you say anything? Tell me not to leave?...” He frowned, “Why did you go straight back to ‘evasive maneuvers’ mode the next morning?”

“I guess we both heard things that were not meant for us…” Dean fiddled with his hands aimlessly. “I, uh.. heard part of your phone call with Gabe. You said you didn’t know if you could stay friends with me, and I thought you were still mad at me. It felt wrong to ask you to stay when you were pissed at me.” He wiped a hand over his reddening cheeks. “And I wasn’t really ready to face how I feel…”

“That was not why I…” Cas stopped mid sentence, probably processing the whole scene for the first time, mouth opening and closing, wanting to say something and regretting.

Dean felt the blush creeping onto him, and his palms were sweating. He wiped his hands on his jeans and averted his eyes while he waited for Cas to respond, but Cas remained staring at him for an awkward long time.

 

Finally, Dean crooked his lips in an embarrassed lopsided smile, “Come on, Cas, don’t leave my hangin’... Are you gonna kiss me now, or what?...”

 

Cas’ lips were on his before he could even think.

Soft, plush lips. And hands. Hands running all over him, pulling him close, tugging at his hair. A tongue. Pushing against his own. A taste, so distinctively Cas, overwhelming his senses, then gone.

Cas looked at him, worried. It took him a moment to realize why, before he plunged back to devour Cas’ lips in response. Cas relaxed into his arms immediately, giving in to finally being able to touch Dean.

“He’s still my husband, you know…” Meg’s amused voice came from the door.

“Fuck off, Meg!” Cas shot without separating their lips, and Dean pulled him closer yet.

She closed the bedroom door, and Cas pulled Dean’s overshirt off, but Dean caught his hand.

“You remember I’ve never been with a dude before, right?” He reminded Cas shyly. “So you gotta be patient with me, ok, man?”

Cas smiled at him with such great care. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. We can take it slow. But, for the record...” He reached behind Dean, though, and squeezed his ass tight. “Told you I’ll have your ass…” He laughed.

 

They lay on Cas’ bed, kissing languidly, reveling in each other’s taste and warmth.

Cas’ hand came to wander at the thin gap between the hems of Dean’s jeans and his tee shirt, marveling at the hot strap of skin he found, and Dean’s kisses became more needy and urgent.

“Dean…” Cas hummed into their joint mouths, “You said you wanted to take things slow....”

“I do…” Dean grabbed Cas’ hips and pulled him closer, “But it feels so good to finally touch you. To be able to finally be with you like that…”

Cas moved his head to the side so Dean could ravish his neck. “Finally?..”

“Oh, Hot Stuff…” Cas hissed as Dean nipped the skin of his neck unexpectedly, “My lower brain caught up with my heart  _ WAY   _ faster than my upper brain…”

Cas pushed up to look at Dean curiously. “Really?...”

“Like you wouldn’t  _ believe… _ ” Dean pulled him down, but Cas resisted.

“Like what?” Cas eyed him wickedly.

“Like your constant eye-fucking,” Dean licked along Cas’ collarbone, “Like how freaking delicious you look wearing  _ my clothes _ ,” He sucked under Cas’ jaw, “Like that  _ fucking  _ smudge of your  _ cum  _ in the shower after we had your little bachelor party…  _ Fuck _ !”

“What smudge of my cum?...” Cas looked down at him, horrified. “I...I didn’t mean…”

Dean laughed and pressed their bodies together. “I figured… But tell that to my dick…”

Cas’ eyes darkened at once. “What did you do?”

Dean grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to a kiss, but Cas pushed up again and straddled Dean’s hips. “I asked…” He punctuated each word with a roll of his pelvis, “What… did… you… do?”

Dean groaned and grabbed his waist. “Ugh! I jerked off!”

Another roll. “And?”

“And it felt so good just thinking about you coming in the same spot just minutes before…”

Cas hummed in satisfaction and rolled his pelvis over Dean’s again, Dean could feel him hard against his own erection, and it drove him mad with lust but also spurred a wave of panic, and he stilled Cas’ motion at once.

“Cas…” Cas looked down at him, the definition of sex, and Dean toyed with the idea of throwing caution in the wind and just fuck themselves senseless, until the feeling of Cas’ cock poked his daydream and his panic returned to burst his bubble. “Cas, stop. There’s nothing I want more, but… Jees, I’ve never done this before… I mean, with a man… I mean, what do I even do?”

“Just don’t think about it.” Cas relaxed, but remained seated on Dean’s hips. “Do whatever you feel like, same as with a woman. What we do is not important, what’s important is that we are both comfortable with each other.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean panted, but it was anxiety rather than excitement, “I don’t… How do I even…”

Cas raised an eyebrow questioning,  _ like, seriously?... _

“Wait, don’t answer that…” Dean grimaced, “I mean,  _ I know how,  _ I just…  _ In practice…  _ Ugh! Stupid question… But… How do we decide who… bones… who?...” His breaths came irregularly, “And - ”

“Dean, relax…” Cas cupped Dean’s face to calm him, but he seemed more amused than anything else. “We don’t have to go there just yet. For now, let’s just focus on what you  _ are _ comfortable with, ok?”

Dean nodded.

“Good.” Cas straightened to sit upright. “Now, are you ok with taking our shirts off?”

“Yeah.”

Cas pulled his shirt over his head and threw it aside. It wasn’t the first time Dean saw him shirtless, he’d seen him in far less, but the fact that he was still sitting on Dean’s hips, their cocks still aligned together, and Cas was towering over him with the agility of a lavish cat, made Dean squirm and his blood to boil.

“Fuck, Cas…” He pushed himself to sit and Cas pulled at the back of Dean’s shirt to take that off as well. “So beautiful…” He slid his hands over Cas’ exposed back, enjoying the smooth hot skin, and Cas’ arm wrapped around him tightly, his lips finding Dean’s immediately.

They swayed their bodies together, rutting against each other lazily, until the fabric of their jeans made their sensitive erections uncomfortable.

“I think I’m ok with our jeans off, too…” Dean sounded more desperate than he’d hoped.

“Want me to take them off?” Cas slid off the bed and made a show of slowly unbuttoning his jeans. The muscles of his toned abs were a sight for sore eyes, and Dean found himself mesmerised as Cas’ skin rippled when he bent to push his pants down.

He crawled back onto the bed and Dean lay himself back to allow Cas to take the damn thing off. But Cas came all the way up to his face and kissed him deeply before he let his lips wander down to Dean’s jaw, his neck, his collarbones.

His tongue left a wet trail around Dean’s nipple and he teased it a bit before he sucked it in, and Dean’s breath hitched. He was already a writhing mess, he would  _ not _ survive until Cas reached his destination…

Cas kissed down to his belly, down to his hip bones, teasing at the hem of his jeans, hungrily mouthing at his tender skin, and Dean moaned and bucked his hips into it. He could feel Cas’ smile against his skin before the man continued to lick and suck and grab his behind.

Cas unbuttoned him and pulled the zipper, and Dean’s excitement soared as hot breath ghosted over his twitching cock. Cas pulled his jeans off, and as soon as he did he settled himself back between Dean’s legs.

His lips hovered over the front of Dean’s briefs. “May I?”

“No, not yet.” Dean pulled him until Cas came face to face with him again. “For now, I want  _ you _ more than I want… the other stuff.”

“Of course, Dean.”

 

They made out for a long hour, simply sensing each other with hands and mouths and tongues, before the endless grinding made it impossible to keep up their sluggish pace.

Dean knew that Cas wouldn’t push him into doing anything he didn’t want to, so it was entirely up to him if he wanted to take this further, and it made him feel safe.

It also made him crazy hot, and despite Cas’ careful conduct to avoid his groin area, Dean’s hands were roaming Cas quite freely. He pushed his fingers under Cas’ waistband to grope at his ass, and Cas groaned and pushed into it, and Dean thought if he would have to stay like that for one more minute he’d burst. 

“Get those damn things off…” He growled in Cas’ ears, and could feel the shudder through Cas’ back, and the eager push into Dean’s crotch.

Cas was in no hurry to comply, though. He held back stoically as he sat up, “Are you sure?”

Dean licked his lips at the lovely tent in Cas’ boxers. “ _ Now.”   _ He commanded, and Cas rolled aside immediately and pushed off his underwear. 

Without waiting, Dean pushed away his own briefs and threw them away.

Cas rolled back to straddle Dean again before he realized Dean was naked as well, and drew a hard breath at the first touch of their bare cocks. 

He started kissing Dean’s chest, Dean writhing under him moaning and hissing, demanding more of Dean’s body under his lips, until his breath was warm on the flushed skin of Dean’s erection. He did not say anything, but waited a few seconds to allow Dean to protest if this was something he was not comfortable with, and then brushed his lips slowly over his entire length.

“Cas…” Dean whimpered at the sensation. He ached for more, but not like this. “Cas, c’mere…” 

Cas slid up to slot himself next to Dean. He kissed Dean deeply, as if waiting for Dean to somehow let him know what he wanted.

“I’d like to touch you…” Cas hummed into Dean’s mouth, “May I?”

“Yeah” Dean breathed out, and Cas’ hand wrapped around both their cocks. He started jerking them in slow, long motions, when Dean’s hand wrapped around Cas’ and encouraged then into a more rapid, urgent pace. 

Soon, they were both panting into each other’s mouths, basking in the pleasure of both their hands jerking them together, feeling their members pulse in the same throbbing excitement, both so close now to their peak that their minds were blank except for the bliss of the other man’s skin.

Rubbing at a heady pace now, letting the preceding tingles spread through their bodies, their closeness was not just a physical trait anymore. 

Tugging at his nerve-ends, Dean swallowed Cas’ name as his orgasm tore through him violently, his release trapped between their still entwined bodies, numb with euphoria but mindful enough to keep his hand working until Cas reached his climax too.

They took a few moments to calm theirselves down, heards bowed together, before Cas rolled off, and they lay next to each other.

Cas wiped them clean with something, Dean was too hazy to care, the long drive and the cathartic events finally taking their toll, and they sank into a comfortable silence, tangled and sated. 

 

 

“Come home with me, Cas…” Dean breathed into the air between them, some time later, “Where you belong.” It was already quite late, and the room was drenched in darkness.

“And then what?” Cas snuggled closer, “Meg’s right, you know.”

“About what?”

“I’m still married to her.” He clarified. “And I still wanna stay in the country.”

Dean shuffled slightly and kissed Cas’ temple. “Yeah, about that…” 

Cas turned to look at him in the moonlight seeping through the open shutters, his frame even more smooth and graceful in this dim illumination.

“I uh…” Dean stumbled, “I spoke to Sam. Back when you first told me about your, uh.. situation. Asked him to check into immigration laws. And then… now, when I was on my way here to talk to you… I knew I couldn’t offer you an alternative to the marriage solution…”

“I thought same sex marriage was legal in Kansas…” Dean didn’t have to see Cas’ face to know he was slightly frowning, but smiling all the same.

“I’m not marrying you, Cas!” He snapped, with no real heat in it.

“Oh, so I’m good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to marry?...” Cas whined in fake indignation, and Dean laughed.

“Cool it, man, I just admitted my… fluid… preferences….” He smiled, “Let me knock everyone out with that first, before I completely blow them with a fiance…”

“Dean, I hope you know,” Cas came closer to his ear before he practically purred it, “The only one you’ll be blowing now is me…”

Dean elbowed him away, but burst out laughing nonetheless. He was happy that the darkness did not allow Cas see the furious blush he had on.

 

“So anyway,” He ignored Cas’ teasing, “Sammy checked, and it’s gonna be quite a tedious  bureaucracy, but he can do it.”

“Dean, what are you talking about?” Cas sat up straight, his playfulness gone.

Dean cleared his throat while he thought about the proposition he wanted to give Cas. “Well, it was your idea that maybe I should hire someone to manage the garage while I keep working the cars, so ... ” If anything, his blush was growing deeper now. “How would you like to be that person?”

Dean waited for Cas to respond, but Cas said nothing.

“I know it’s like a step down for you, and I’m sorry I can’t offer you more at the moment…” He apologized, “But you’ve done so much for me in the few days you were there, and I really enjoyed having you work side by side with me, and I don’t  like the amounts we’re paying for external accounting services anyway, so I thought maybe we can tackle this in-house, too, ” He tried to convince Cas, but the longer Cas remained silent, Dean’s panic was rising. “And I thought maybe we could expand to motorcycles too, if you like, so you can have your own projects, or we could - “

He was cut off by Cas’ lips on his own, kissing him with intention. “I’d love that.”

“Yeah?” Dean smiled against Cas’ cheek.

“Yes.” Cas nodded, still without detaching their faces.

“Come home with me, then?”

“Yes,” Cas chuckled, “Yes.” 

Dean bear-hugged him and rolled them together until he was on top, then took Cas’ lips again.

 

 

Dean woke with Cas' lips pressed to the back of his neck, and his fingers tracing aimless shapes over Dean's arm.

"Morning, Sunshine."

"Oh, I apologize, did I wake you?" Cas startled, "I didn't mean to. I just… can't believe that I actually get to touch you now…"

Dean turned to lie on his back and lifted his arm to rub his eyes tiredly, before stretching it further past Cas' head to pull him into a hug.

"If you're gonna use your mouth, use it right." He nuzzled his face into Cas' cheek before he kissed him closed lipped and lazy.

Cas curled into him happily, his arm wrapping around Dean's waist and his fingers gently dragging along Dean's back, sending shivers rippling through his skin.

"Mmmm…" Dean hummed, satisfied, "This feels nice…" He kissed Cas again. "I could get used to this…"

They hadn't bothered to put any of their clothes back on last night, so they were snuggled together naked and comfortable.

They heard a rustle from outside the bedroom, and Dean perked his head to stare at the shut door. "Do you think she stayed over?"

"Probably…" Cas scoffed, "If not to continue packing, then just out of curiosity to see what happens with us." His face gloomed with realization. "What am I going to tell her? About not moving to New York with her?" He sighed and practically flung himself to lie on his back. "Most of our possessions are already en route there by now…"

"Well,  _ we… _ " Dean emphasized, "Are going to tell her that we appreciate her offer, but if a change of residence is due then you currently prefer Lawrence, since I finally got my head outa my ass enough to give us a shot."

"You are even starting to sound like me!" Cas joked.

"What, no comment about my ass being free for other stuff now?..." Dean nudged him, and looked almost petulant, "Dude, I totally teed this up for you!"

Cas gave a carefree laugh and eased himself more conveniently into Dean's side. "Careful, don’t start anything you’re not willing to follow through…"

Dean brought his hand to cup Cas' cheek and dove in for a kiss, which Cas eagerly returned. 

 

As their kiss grew deeper, a slow waltz of lips and tongues, Dean's hand slid down over Cas' body, caressing warm flesh, and coming to rest on Cas' lower abdomen. He resumed his hand's enticing motions a moment later, brushing around Cas' hip bones and inner thighs, maddeningly light around Cas' morning wood, each brush pulling such beautiful moans into their kiss.

Cas' hand eventually came to grab Dean's after one dangerously close graze of his fingers, stopping the teasing motions altogether. Hands clasped still for a moment, and Dean freed his hand from Cas' and brought it down over Cas' half-hard member. Cas gasped into Dean's mouth, and Dean started moving his hand, feeling Cas fill out nicely under his touch.

Soon, though, it wasn't enough, and Cas pulled Dean and rolled him on top of himself.

Their kisses became more urgent, purposeful, and their bodies began a slow motion together, their already naked cocks slotted together and exhilaratingly rubbing.

Cas detached his lips from Dean and pulled at the hair in the back of his head, forcing Dean to look at him. "Fuck, Dean… So perfect…"

"I want you so bad…" Dean's voice broke, and Cas could not stop the quiver of excitement that ran through him with the words.

Cas’ breaths became thicker, and he pulled Dean to his lips again, and growled into his ear. "I want to fuck you until you cannot remember  _ ever  _ wanting  _ anything  _ but my dick inside you…"

Dean tensed immediately at the words, and Cas stopped and bit his lip in regret when he realized what he said.

“Dean, no… I’m sorry…” He struggled to reconcile Dean with shaky hands and mumbled apologies, “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna pressure you, we’ll take it as slow as you like, we don’t have to - “

“Ok.” Dean’s voice came quiet but hoarse, “What do I need to do?”

 

Cas stared at him disbelieving, jaw dropped and speechless. 

“Dean, you don’t have to, we don’t need to rush.”

“I want to.” Dean’s face was a mask of resolute, and he leaned in to kiss Cas again, but Cas held him off with a hand to his chest.

“Dean, don’t do this for me…”

“I’m not!” Dean replied defensively. “I guess I thought I’d be more nervous about it, but after last night… And, Cas, you know me,” Dean gave him a shy sideways smile, “I’ve always been… adventurous…” He rubbed a hand over his neck and smirked, “Hell, I been with some kinky chicks over the years. The things I let some o’ them do…” He huffed, reminiscing fond memories, “Some of it might turn even  _ your _ ears red…” Cas narrowed his eyes dubiously and Dean chuckled. “Trust me, I ain’t no stranger to a little anal probing…”

Cas cocked a condescending brow at him. He took Dean’s hand and wrapped it around his still hard dick. "Anything this big?"

Dean barked a short laugh. "No, but I'm…  _ open _ to new experiences… As long as you’re as easy on me as you were last night. I thought I’d be weirded out, but I wasn’t." They both grinned like idiots, and Cas pulled Dean for another kiss. When they broke apart again Dean watched him seriously, "I trust you."

Cas turned them over, Dean laying on his back and Cas settled above him, between his legs. He reached to his nightstand and took out his bottle of lube and three silver wrappers.

Dean's eyes followed his actions. "That's… optimistic…"

"Unrealistic, even." Cas corrected, "But you make me feel… insatiable." He winked at Dean with a smirk, and Dean's skin prickled at the compliment.

"Shut your hole!" He grinned and dug into the sheets with his fists, trying to hide in them, "And open mine." He blushed furiously.

 

Cas wasted no time, coating his fingers generously with the gel, rubbing and warming it before bringing it to Dean’s rim, gently massaging the tight muscle and easing Dean into the sensation. 

As Dean’s soft moans became throatier, Cas’ finger became bolder, putting more pressure and slowly breaching into Dean.

When his finger was finally in, Dean did not flinch or bulk, just gasped quietly what sounded like Cas’ name and gripped Cas’ arms in utter abandon.

Cas continued rubbing his finger in and out of Dean’s heat, his ultimate consent, easing in another finger to entice even louder moans from the beautiful man splayed in front of him, dissolving any muscle resistance until his fingers could slide in and out easily enough, then introducing a third finger.

 

Dean groaned at the stretch and the burn at his rim.

He hadn't let many chicks push a finger up his ass, but the couple of times he did, it had been much more gentle, and well… It had only been the one finger…

And he may have presented it to Cas more lightheartedly than it actually was, because… It was Cas, and if that's what he wanted then Dean was willing to give it a try. He knew he could always say 'stop', and Cas would. He did not mean it lightheartedly when he said he trusted Cas.

But this couldn't be it, could it?

It felt good, the pressure of being full like that, the intimacy of the act both calming him that this thing with Cas was  _ right _ , and also sending his mind spiraling with lust. But it wasn't the kind of earth shattering frenzy that would rock his world and send him blasting… It was nice, but –

 

" _ FUCK!!" _   Cas' fingers brushed something inside him that made him jerk upright and see stars. Oh, ok… Cas did it again, and… OH!  

" _ Cas!" _

Cas looked at him, worried. "Should I stop?"

_ " Don't you goddamn dare!!" _   Cas watched as Dean experimentally bucked his hips in different directions to learn which way would prompt more of that amazing…  _ more! _

Cas bent his fingers a little, and now that pleasure was sending him on a new high, as if every nerve in his body just started firing. Without thinking, he tried to grab his leaking cock to ease the overwhelming sensation and erupt, but Cas pushed his hand off. “Not yet, Dean…”

“Cas…” He grunted, “I gotta…” His voice was strained and on edge. “You gotta do it now, man, I’m so close…”

“Not yet, it’s your first time, I don’t want to hurt you.” Cas put a calming hand on Dean’s lower abdomen, which only got him even more worked up, if possible. “Be patient, it would be much better soon…” But there was  _ no way _ that was even possible…

When Cas finally took his fingers out, Dean was thrashing and tearing and chasing the motion. Cas grabbed him by the hips and pushed him a little, encouraging him to turn.

“It would be easier for you from behind, for your first time.” He whispered into Dean’s barely hearing ear. 

Dean complied, but mumbled through it “No… I wanna see you…”

 

Cas’ hands were moving in soothing circles around his back, he did not know when Cas even had the chance to put on a condom and lube himself, but suddenly the pressure of the head of his cock was pushing against his ass, and he thought he would faint, either the anticipation or the anxiety would kill him first.

Cas was slow about it, attentive to Dean’s reactions with the utmost regard, every hitch of a breath, every tense of a muscle, altering accordingly between gently pushing in and halting for a few seconds to allow Dean to relax. 

When he was finally in, covering Dean’s back entirely in a tender, comforting way, he brushed small kisses over Dean’s skin and lulled him with sweet hushes. His hips were still rolling in small, slow circles to accommodate Dean to the feeling, which grew as Dean’s breaths were evening out.

Dean was beginning to push backwards onto Cas’ cock for more, and Cas tried to keep his motions moderate and unurgent, but it was harder to keep a steady pace when both men’s moans were becoming louder and needier.

Dean sent a hand behind himself to grab Cas wherever he could. “Cas… Babe, please… I wanna  _ see  _ you…”

 

Cas slowly pulled out and moved his left leg over Dean’s left one, so he was straddling only Dean’s left thigh, and pulled up Dean’s right one. Dean could turn up, but only half way. 

He kept his lower half on the side, tangled in Cas’, and turned his upper body as much as he could to look up at Cas.

This time when Cas pushed inside him it was much easier, the blissful burst shooting through him immediately, blinding. Cas was grabbing his waist, pinning him, deeming him immobilized, dominant with the pace and force of his thrusting. When Dean’s eyes were finally able to open again, the expression on Cas’ beautifully contorted face made a chill run through him and his cock leak more. 

“Oh, babe…” Dean moaned, helpless, “Fuck, Cas, so good…” His arm stretched out towards Cas and he placed his palm over the drumming beat of Cas’ heart. It was fast now, the pounding in Cas’ chest and the pounding of his hips nearly matching. They were unable to to kiss, but their eyes kept locked together, making the burning feeling in his stomach grow even more.

Not taking his eyes away, Cas removed his right hand from Dean’s hip and wrapped it around Dean’s now throbbing cock, eliciting a low howl and a sharp jerk, and Dean could not remember his own name if his life depended on it. There was nothing anymore. Nothing but Cas’ careful and unwavering eyes on him, and the sheer pleasure, the volcanic ecstasy waiting to unleash, pushing its way through his body.

He realized he was mumbling, a chaotic mixture of Cas’ name and other encouragements, he was barely aware of Cas’ erratic movements and the heat of something happening inside him, and then he was riding wave after wave of his mindless orgasm, giving into it entirely.

He could feel Cas’ movements ceasing a few moments later, him slumping down behind him, hugging him and whispering in his ear, but none of it really made any sense in his numb-fucked brain.

 

Cas waited for him to come down. “Was that… ok?”

Dean turned his head to meet Cas’ lips half way. “Ok?” He laughed breathlessly, “I think I need to buy Gabe the biggest bouquet of candy I can find…”

Cas chuckled, and the sound warmed Dean’s heart. “I suppose we do.”

“Hey, what’s it like?” Dean asked suddenly, curious.

“What is what like?” Cas echoed his question.

“I dunno..” Dean hesitated, suddenly unsure how to proceed, “Being two, uh..” He looked for the right word, “LGBT siblings… I suppose that’s why Gabe’s the only brother you are in touch with?”

Cas shuffled closer behind him, slightly slipping back into sleep. “I don’t know what you mean. Gabriel is completely straight.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

“DEEEAN!” Sam’s voice echoed from the hall, right outside the door.

A soft moan slipped out of Dean’s mouth and Cas quickly covered it with his hand to shut him up.

They both stilled mid-motion, mouths turned in a funny angle towards each other, hands gripping tight on slippery sweaty skin.

“Dean! It’s walking-down-the-aisle-time! You agreed to this! You can’t go hiding now, everyone’s waiting!”

Cas pressed even harder against Dean and continued the motion he started before they were interrupted, sliding his palm over Dean’s hard length as he pushed deeper inside him. Dean couldn’t hold in the desperate groan as pleasure surged from the simple movement. He had been so close before Sam came looking for them, and the pause only intensified the sensation when it was renewed.

They heard Sam come closer yet. “Dean?.. Are you guys in there?...”

Cas gave another stroke and Dean jerked and moaned into it.

“OH GOD!!!” Sam sounded horrified with realization. “Guys, seriously?!... NOW?!...”

“Be out in ten!” Dean struggled to keep a level voice. Cas gave another thrust and Dean’s voice hitched. “Five!” He grunted, “Now go before you hear or see something to scar you for life…”

There were a few seconds of quiet, and then they heard a female voice giggling. Sam must have signed to explain to Eileen where they were.

“Nice job, Cassie!” Gabe’s voice carried, and Dean would swear he could  _ hear _ Cas’ eyes rolling behind him.

“Wait, why would you think Dean’s the bottom, there is no way he’d - “ Sam’s voice was fading as footsteps were moving away from the door.

 

“Cas…” Dean pulled him deeper by his ass.

“Of course, Dean..” And he started moving again, setting a merciless pace.

Dean pushed Cas’ hand away from his cock as he whimpered, so close to his peak. “No…” His words came out rough and uneven, “I wanna... come on… on your dick…”

Cas let him go and grabbed Dean’s hips instead, all diligence and efficiency, working as if his sole intention was to wreck Dean entirely, hitting Dean’s prostate hard with every buck of his hips.

Dean’s abused gland was already overwhelmed. No more in control of his shaking legs or the howls leaving his mouth, muffled only by his own fist shoved crudely between his teeth, he relinquished all semblance of control as he came marvelously, sending streak after streak of hot cum over the storage racks he’d been leaning on.

He could feel Cas’ erratic thrusts and knew he was coming too.

They stood for a moment, Cas hugging him from behind, panting over his neck, calming down after their climaxes. 

 

They cleaned up, tidied back their tuxes, and inspected each other for any disclosing evidence of their recent activity, before they left the small storage room, still a little flushed.

Dean took Cas’ hand as they walked together down the hall towards where the ceremony was about to start, only to find his brother, Eileen and Gabe waiting for them behind the corner.

“ - last time I’m catering anything like that!” Gabe was mid sentence as they stopped next to the others, and Sam gave them each a glass of Champagne, just as he himself and Eileen and Gabe were holding. “But I do love a good wedding. Maybe we’ll manage to get Cassie  _ really _ drunk this time and tell us how he got Dean-o to bottom.” He smirked and winked at both of them, and Dean’s already crimson face became a much deeper shade.

“Gabe, you’re a dick.” He filtered through gritted teeth.

“I set two pies aside for you to take home, a cherry and an apple.” 

“But there’s a special place in heaven for dicks like you…” Dean grinned, forgetting all about being embarrassed.

 

They walked hand in hand towards the chapel to take their places for the ceremony, Cas by the altar and Dean at the far end of the aisle, and pecked a small kiss on each other’s lips before their temporary separation.

 

“Hey Cas!” Dean called after him as he took a few steps, and Cas turned back to him. “When are  _ you  _ gonna make an honest man outa me?”

Cas grunted, but gave him a cheeky smile. “Uggh… Do we have to?... My first marriage didn’t go too well…”

Dean winked at his retreating figure as Jo took his arm in hers. “Thanks again for doing this, you’re the closest thing to a brother that I have.”

“Jo, it’s an honor.” He smiled as he lifted his eyes to gaze at Cas taking his place next to Benny. “Shall we?”

 

Of course, once the ceremony was over and the reception started, there were more than a few hints and comments thrown about the next couple to tie the knot, and Dean was only happy that Sam and Eileen and Charlie and Dorothy shared the attention with them. 

 

The only one not giving them any shit was Bobby.

Coming out to Bobby was the hardest. All he said was that if Cas made him happy then he doesn’t need to know what was going on in their bedroom. 

He never said it, but Dean could tell he loved having Cas over for dinners as part of the family. And he especially appreciated all the hard work Cas was putting into the garage. The place was thriving, and so was Dean.

 

Other than that nobody seemed to make any issue about Dean bringing home a dude, and Dean found it very heartwarming to know how supportive his family and friends were towards it. They all seemed to take an instant liking to Cas.

And so was the other way around.

Cas had been staying with him, and what started out as a temporary thing, just until Cas found his own place, at least at the beginning of the relationship, soon became a permanent habit, as they were both reluctant to give up the arrangement. Nor did they ever use the guest room converted into Cas’ room. Sleeping together in Dean’s bed was just much more convenient.

 

Even Gabriel was spending more of his time in Lawrence now. It started out as simply overseeing the renovations of the Trick Or Treat there, but he was extending his visits consistently, until finally he decided to give up entirely his luxurious apartment back in Illinois and move after Cas to Kansas as well.

It soon became clear, though, that beside his close relationship with his brother, he had also developed an attachment to the younger Winchester. And Eileen, of course. They were still constantly competing who could make Sam blush harder.

Gabriel was winning.

 

Still, there was no one happier for them than Charlie. Dean knew she will remind him forever how she knew from the start they would end up together, and quite frankly, he didn’t mind one bit. She was right. As she always was. 

She and Cas became the best of friends, to the point where it actually got Dean a little bit jealous… But they always brushed it off with a smile, and they still had their long talks over everything and nothing. The most important conversations in the world.

 

And Cas…

Dean had never felt that deeply towards anyone. They fought, of course, and they argued, but they made it their vow never to go to sleep angry. It never made any difference that Cas was a man, Dean loved him for all the right reasons. Cas made him happy. Cas made him better. Complete. He started wanting things he had never wanted before.

Heh… Dean Winchester… In a long term relationship… Who’d have thought?...

 

 

A finger tapped his shoulder and woke him from his thoughts.

Dean turned to find Cas smiling at him. “It’s the first slow dance for Jo and Benny.” Dean glanced at the dancefloor to see Benny hugging Jo and leading her in a shy sway. “Will you dance with me, Dean?”

Cas held out his hand, and Dean took it without hesitation, letting himself be led by Cas.

They wrapped in each other and blurred into their own bubble. 

Cas lay his head on Dean’s shoulder and placed a kiss just above his collar. “Can you picture us as an old married couple?”

“I can.” Dean leaned into him a little bit more, pressing his lips to Cas’ temple. “But hey, we’re only just starting...”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was very loosely based on my own true experience, and most of the bizzare and awesome coversations Dean and Cas have had over this fic are actual transcripts of real conversations.
> 
> The "if she loves you even half as much as I do" line was the basis for this fic, and is an actual line whispered to my guy right before his wedding.  
> Of course, my guy and I knew each other's gender from the start, and my story didn't end as happily as this one. He ended up choosing a European passport.  
> No worries, I ended up marrying my own real life angel, I regret nothing!
> 
> Thank you you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed.
> 
>  
> 
> ...And of course, I live for your comments!


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